by Andrews, Amy
“I think you need to get some good advice by the right people who can help you manage that message – I know some great publicity people that would more than willingly help you with it.”
Edwina felt absurdly like crying. She’d been carrying this worry around inside her for so long now; it was a relief to not only get it out, but to have Justin so soundly in her corner.
“Yes,” she said. “I think that would be a good idea. After the rally.”
“After the rally,” he said in agreement. “But I swear to god, if that little weasel leaks this beforehand, I will make him wish he was never born.”
Edwina laughed, but she was perilously close to crying.
“Hey,” he said obviously spotting her suspiciously bright eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m being a Neanderthal.” He held out his arms to her and it was only natural that she walked into them.
Natural, yes. But still wrong and dangerous. But damn, if it didn’t feel right, if she didn’t need it as well.
He stroked her hair and she whispered, “Thank you,” into his chest and then, no matter how badly she wanted to nuzzle, she pulled herself away. Edwina was serious about waiting until after the rally and they were away from a publicity charged event, in the full glare of the media.
It seemed everything in their life was on hold for this week and they just had to get through it as best they could.
“Good night,” she said stepping out of his arms and clamping her arms to her sides so she wouldn’t reach for him again.
He grinned. “I forgot what willpower you have.”
“We both have it. Remember?”
How many times had they resisted the insistent tug by their libidos to act on the highly charged atmosphere between the two of them?
He took a tiny step towards her and every single cell in her body felt the impact of that step like it had been a giant freaking leap. “Not anymore, Ed,” he said and it was barely a whisper. “I’m all out.”
It took all her willpower to take another step back. “Looks like I’ll have to have enough for both of us, then.”
A continuous force field crackled around them in that moment, until he finally chuckled and fell back again. “Okay, fine,” he said and Edwina almost slumped to the floor. “But just so you know, Ed,” his gaze zeroed in on hers, “I am going to be hard and deep inside you tonight even if it’s only in my dreams. Like I am every night. And you’re going to be begging me for more.”
Edwina was still standing on the spot, mouth agape, when the hotel room door clicked shut behind him seconds later.
She had absolutely no doubt she begged him for more in his dreams. ’Cause she sure as hell begged him for more in hers.
Day Two
‡
As if by tacit agreement, neither of them spoke about the previous night as they set out on the road to Dubbo the next morning. Edwina figured Justin knew as well as she did that it was a conversation that just went round and round, so what was the point?
With no stops, the journey would take about five hours. But, of course, they’d be stopping frequently, and the organisers had set them a challenge of posting and tweeting a selfie of themselves in front of the iconic satellite dish at Parkes.
Edwina was quiet as she contemplated the conversation she’d had with Aiden over breakfast about trying to entice Justin back on to the show. He’d been nagging her to ask him for the better part of the last two weeks now, and she knew she was either going to have to tell Aiden to stick it or just suck it up and do it already.
Edwina didn’t like telling people to stick it. Certainly not people with power and long memories she’d rather have on her side.
And Aiden was right. Ratings hadn’t been the same since Justin had left Gift of Life. Two years down the track and they still hadn’t managed to find Dr. Grace Harper a replacement love interest that had been fully embraced by the fans. But she didn’t want to trade on their relationship either. She was sure he had plenty of people doing that already, now he’d found international stardom.
After a brief conversation about the route, and a whole lot of silence, it was Justin who took broke it half an hour later.
“I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours but it’s loud,” he mused. “Are you still worried about Jenny?”
Edwina dragged her brain away from the vexing issue of Aiden’s request. “No. Well… yes, but that’s not what I’m thinking about.”
“Okay?”
“It’s nothing,” she dismissed.
“Come on, Ed. I know when you’ve got something on your mind, remember?”
Sure he did. She’d had their attraction on her mind for two years and it had constantly worried the crap out of her so he definitely knew what that looked like. She sighed, running her hands along her tartan Capris.
Just say it.
“Okay… I’m just going to come right out and say this, and you can tell me to go to hell, and I’ll tell Aiden no and then we’ll drop it.”
“Let me guess. Aiden wants you to persuade me to come back to the show?”
Edwina glanced at him, startled. His eyes were firmly fixed on the road ahead but there was a slight smile playing on his lovely lips. “No. Well… yes but he was thinking more along the lines of a couple of guest slots. I’m sorry. I told him you have an insane schedule and that you’ve moved on from television. That you do movies now and that your career doesn’t need you to take a backwards move. But he won’t—”
“It’s not backwards.”
His quick, sharp interruption surprised Edwina and the brief look he gave her left her in no doubt that he’d been insulted by her supposition. “Well… of course not. But you know what I mean.”
“Gift of Life is a quality show, and television is an important and exciting medium. It’s not backwards, it’s just different.”
Edwina blinked. “Ah, yeah… I think you’re preaching to the converted there.”
“Sorry,” he muttered shooting her an apologetic grimace. “I get jacked off with the snobbery about TV out there in the industry, like film is the only medium worth sinking money into.”
“Sounds like you’ve come across that a bit.”
“Yeah. A bit.”
“Anyway…” Edwina continued. “Like I said, I’ll just tell Aiden no.”
“You don’t think I want to come back and do a couple of guest appearances?”
Edwina frowned, her heart picking up a little at the thought of it. They’d written him out of the show with the door firmly open, should he want to return but she’d never thought for a moment that he would.
“Well… no, to be perfectly frank. I know they’ve asked you several times already and you’ve said no.”
He shrugged. “My schedule’s been hellish. It hasn’t really allowed anything like that.”
“And it does now?”
“Yeah,” he said, looking at her briefly before looking back at the road. “Maybe.”
Maybe.
One little word with a lot of promise. It made her giddy at the thought of it.
“It would depend on the script. I could be very tempted if it involved some sexy-time reunion action between Grace and Owen.”
Edwina’s face warmed up, despite the cold blast of air-con trying to keep the thirty-three degree heat at bay. Imagine that. Doing another one of those scenes with Justin and no wedding ring between them.
Of course, there’d still be a handful of people watching them, but apart from that, there wouldn’t be any requirement to keep the control they’d exercised so well in check. They could certainly lend a real authenticity to the scene if they let that beast loose.
He chuckled at her continuing silence. “Oh, come on,” he murmured. “Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy those scenes as much as I did.”
“I didn’t,” she said, shaking her head. “They were awkward and it was difficult… I was always so nervous I’d get myself lost in it and forget we were on set. I was worried that it’d look…
real.”
“Yeah,” he grimaced. “I know the feeling.”
Of course he did. Because there had been the odd time when they had gotten themselves lost in it and it was only the director calling out cut that had dragged them back from the edge.
“Still,” he said. “It doesn’t matter how real it is anymore, does it?”
Edwina wasn’t so sure about that. She agreed it was time they did something about their insane sexual attraction, but she still didn’t want to share that with a dozen people on set, and millions out there in TV land.
“But don’t you have other movies lined up?” she asked, desperate to divert them back to safe topics.
He shook his head. “I’ve got several scripts, but lately… I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about writing and directing a lot. Maybe I should be switching hats?”
Edwina shouldn’t have been surprised at his statement, given Justin had directed several episodes of Gift of Life when he’d been on the show. And had been really freaking good at it. But that was before he’d found fame and fortune in Hollywood.
He was where so many of her peers would trade their souls to be.
“You’re a good director,” she said tentatively.
Neither of them had really ever given each other advice. They’d talked. A lot. Listened to each other, been sounding boards, but he’d never, ever said to her, you should leave that douchebag husband even though she could see it on his face.
And she’d never given him career advice.
Maybe they’d been too scared to open up Pandora’s Box, to go down that route when they’d been trying to keep a certain distance.
And maybe it was because deep down she hadn’t wanted him to leave Gift of Life. Hadn’t wanted him to leave her. And she hadn’t wanted to expose herself too much. “Are you happy doing what you’re doing?”
“Acting? Sure. But it’s not like how I feel when I’m directing. I’ve directed a couple of low budget short films in LA for creative arts students and I just… I feel so much more comfortable on the other side of the camera, you know? I don’t know if it’s a hangover from my advertising days but it feels like that’s where I belong.”
Edwina nodded. He often talked about teaching, too.
“Doesn’t sound like the money will be as good.”
He laughed. “I think I have enough tucked away for a few rainy days.”
Considering the gossip suggested he’d been paid several million dollars for the military movie he’d just wrapped, Edwina was sure he had.
“I’m also really keen to write suddenly. There’s this story running around in my head that I think will make a good script. The idea of developing a project from scratch, writing, producing, and directing, it gives me much more of a jones then kicking ass in the next blockbuster.”
“Oh, poor baby.” Edwina pouted, her voice light and teasy. “The life of a big time movie star lost all of its shine?”
He laughed. “It’s been fun, but… it has its down sides.”
Yep. It did. She knew that better than most. But from what she could see in the gossip mags, it had its up sides as well. “You mean like not being able to see half a dozen women at once without the paparazzi dobbing on you?” she enquired sweetly.
Edwina made it a policy to avoid gossip magazines and celebrity news on the tele, but it was hard to avoid when it was everywhere. When it was staring her right in the face at the checkout queue. Try as she might, Edwina hadn’t been able to stop the green-eyed monster rearing his ugly head.
“You think I should have been some monk while I waited in the vain hope that you were going to ditch your asshole husband?”
Edwina blinked, rocking back in her seat as if he’d slapped her. What the fuck? Where had that come from? They were having a light conversation and suddenly he’d gotten all heavy and serious.
“Oh… shit. Sorry.” He slowed the car down then pulled it over, the tyres bouncing over the rocky surface of the shoulder.
“God. I’m so sorry,” he said again as the car came to a halt. He left the engine running, the V8 engine growling low into the outside heat. He turned on his side in the seat so he was facing her. “Ignore me. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
“No.” Edwina shook her head as she came out of the shock of it. “I deserved that.”
If she was to be totally honest with herself, she had wanted it both ways when they were on the show together. To be with Justin, spend long hours in his orbit, as if they really were together in all the ways that counted, soaking up the dizzying attraction that constantly tugged at her, but, on the other hand, not rock the boat at home. And when he’d left, there was some tiny part of her that had thought – had hoped – he’d be pining away on the opposite side of the world.
“No.” He shook his head and reached across the space between them, his palm sliding onto the side of her face, their gazes locking. “You didn’t. You’re right, I did have a good time over there, trying to forget you ever existed but…” his thumb stroked along her cheekbone and Edwina felt it deep inside her pelvis, as if he’d reached inside and stroked all the good muscles, “…it didn’t work. It never worked. It was still you I dreamed about at night.”
Edwina shut her eyes against the lazy caress and the tightening of things deep and low. She slid her hand on top of his. “I thought you might…” Her eyes fluttered open and she fell into the warm tropical blue of his. “…come home after the divorce.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t want to be the rebound guy, Ed. I didn’t want to be the guy you reached for to obliterate Dale. Have you had him?”
Ed nodded. After the trauma of the divorce, of Dale’s threats and anger, she’d needed a man to take her somewhere else for a while, and Justin had been on the other side of the world. It had been brief and wonderful. Mutually satisfying, mutually ended. Two people who knew they were never going to be more than a few weeks of fun.
“Good.”
“So what are you saying? That this… us… it’s not just about slaking a thirst?”
Edwina had figured that was exactly what it was. That it was what Justin had meant about going someplace and not letting her out of bed for a long time. They’d burn up their insane chemistry then he’d go back to the States and she’d stay here and they could get on with their lives, finally unburdened from the what-ifs.
His gaze dropped to her lips and it took all Edwina’s willpower not to lick them in response. “Nope. Not for me.” His head moved slowly towards hers as his grasp firmed on her jaw. “I want more than that.”
Jesus. More? A kaleidoscope of oestrogen-fuelled stars danced in front of her eyes as her world narrowed down to just his mouth looming closer.
“Is that okay?” he murmured, still zeroing in.
Okay? Hell yeah. She had no idea how that was going to work, but to explore the possibilities – after the rally – beyond the physical with Justin was more than she’d ever let herself hope.
“Yes,” she whispered as his warm breath wafted across her mouth, making her head spin.
Dear god. Saliva flooded her mouth as his thumb continued its lazy pattern. She could smell his morning coffee on his breath. Hell, she could almost taste it. She knew what he tasted like, had committed it to memory.
Her heartbeat was like a drum in her ears, her breath sat like bricks in her chest.
And then a car whooshed past them rocking the Monaro to the tyres, the horn blaring multiple times, loud enough to wake the long dead custodial ancestors of the dry, stark land surrounding them. The car was going too fast to identify the occupants but there was most definitely a media symbol of some description on the side.
“Jesus Christ,” Justin swore as he reared back, his hand dropping from her cheek to rake through his hair.
Edwina dragged in a viscous breath, past the bricks, as her brain took long moments to switch track. From almost kissing Justin to almost being sprung kissing Justin.
Two totally different thing
s altogether.
God. What had happened to after the rally?
“I told you I wasn’t going to last,” he murmured, staring straight ahead out the windscreen.
He wasn’t going to last? “I think it’s going to be a challenge for both of us.”
He nodded. “Roll on Byron.”
Then he checked over his shoulder and pulled out onto the highway again.
*
The morning continued in pretty much the same way the day before had. Stopping periodically to chat to well-wishers, sign things, pose for photos, and collect some money. And it was a relief to have that to break up the day and take their minds off what had almost happened.
What would have happened had a media vehicle not interrupted them?
Would it have stopped at a kiss?
Edwina sincerely doubted it. She figured the first time they kissed – for real and in private – it would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. One thing was for sure, whoever had been in that speeding media vehicle would have been treated to a much more interesting sight if they’d come along a couple of minutes later.
Probably her legs all up in the air in the back seat, her palm flattened against the window a-la Kate Winslet in the Titanic sex scene. Of course, it was too freaking hot outside for any condensation but she had no doubt it would have been plenty hot inside as well!
Justin turned the radio on and they essentially let it fill up the silence between them as the Monaro ate up the miles.
The heat outside continued to build until the thermometer on the dashboard told them it was thirty-eight degrees. A distant haze shimmered over the black strip of bitumen that cut a swathe through countryside, very different to what they’d traversed the day before.
No rugged mountains or steep gorges. This was brown, flat territory. Gum trees and tinder-dry scrub for as far as the eye could see.
Dirt ranging from red to rocky and all things in between.
The landscape parched and suffering under the harsh assault of high octane sunshine. Fences marking properties that covered tens of thousands of acres, keeping in scraggy looking sheep eking out an existence on stubbly grasses.