In the couple of hours since Ally had left, he’d tried countless times to push away the memory of her shocked expression, her angry words, her tear-filled eyes. He had failed every attempt.
He’d had no better luck trying to forget his own guilt.
At the time she had left, knowing he needed to give her some space, he had taken Sean with him to the barn. But even from that distance he had heard the back door slam, her car door slam, the car’s engine race as she drove away from the house.
He hoped she had slowed down once she reached the main road.
“You and I,” he informed his son, “are going to be bachelors until you’re forty.”
His cell phone rang, and for a moment he froze. But if it had been Ally calling, even the ring would have sounded angry.
He couldn’t blame her for that.
He couldn’t keep beating himself up. Just as with his dad, he’d had the best intentions. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her with the truth.
The phone continued to ring. Reluctantly, he answered it.
“Hey, Reagan. Cole here. A few of the boys and I are headed in for a night on the town. We want you to come along. It’s Ladies’ Night at the Cantina, and the guys sure don’t like to miss one of those.”
He didn’t care to accept the invitation, but Cole’s statement was enough to surprise a response out of him. “Why are you going? I thought you were a happily married man.”
“I am. Nobody’s happier than I am, believe me. But the boys twisted my arm.” Cole laughed. “They need someone to keep them in line. We’re planning to have supper there and a few beers. So, how about it? And I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“Thanks, but I’ve got plenty of work to do around here.”
“Work can always wait. It’s not going anywhere, and neither are you, at least for a while, are you? Every man needs a night off.”
Wasn’t that the same thing he’d said to his dad over and over again?
Not that emptying closets and packing up boxes could equate to the long, hot, backbreaking work of running a ranch, but the principle was the same.
He sure as hell could use some time away from the house. The walls were closing in on him in a way they never had when he was a kid...when his parents were around. Sean could probably use the break, too. His daddy had been running off at the mouth to him way too often lately.
But he wasn’t in a partying mood. “I doubt I could get Mrs. B to watch Sean at this late notice.”
We’ll probably need to get another babysitter.
He gripped the phone and swore silently.
“Didn’t I say?” Cole asked. “Tina wants you to bring the baby over here. She thinks it’s high time Emilia and Sean made friends. After all, if you change your mind and decide to stick around, the two of them will be school buddies from day one.”
He hadn’t thought about that. As a newborn, Cole and Tina’s daughter was only a month or so younger than Sean. He thought of what Ally had told him about having good friends in Cowboy Creek. Sean couldn’t get much closer to a friend than one a few weeks apart in age.
And he couldn’t get much closer to an old school buddy and teammate than to have kids in the same class.
“So what do you say?” Cole prompted. “Are you in?”
The man’s conversation would distract him. The night out would give him something to do besides spend hours thinking of Ally.
“I’m in,” he said.
He hung up the phone and went to pack the baby’s bag.
Again, he couldn’t help remembering what Ally had said about folks in Cowboy Creek.
As far as he’d seen from the first day he’d dropped Sean off at Mrs. B’s, his son had gotten along with his elderly caretaker. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have left the baby there. And every morning he’d dropped Sean off at her house, he’d seen how much she had begun spoiling the baby.
Like the grandmother Sean would never have. He liked that idea.
Yet when Ally favored him...well, that was a different story.
He didn’t want to think about why that was true.
He didn’t want to think about Ally, period. But all day long, he hadn’t been able to keep his thoughts from going back to what had happened between them this afternoon.
He’d made the right choice. Done the right thing. Been the right guy to be with her for her first time. Some cowboy she might know, some stranger she might meet—they wouldn’t care enough about her to be careful with her.
But he...he cared about her. He cared enough to keep her from giving herself to just anyone and getting hurt.
He cared about her more than he should.
* * *
A COUPLE OF hours after she had arrived home, Ally eyed her reflection in her bathroom mirror. She had managed to fight off her tears but couldn’t escape the heartache that had caused them.
She heard footsteps in the hallway and braced herself. Over her shoulder in the mirror, she saw a figure appear in the doorway.
“You’re sure you don’t want supper tonight, querida?”
“I’m sure, Mama. I’m going out with the girls.”
“Is that a good idea? You don’t seem yourself tonight. And you look feverish.”
She shot another glance into the mirror. Her eyes and cheeks were still bright from anger and hurt and humiliation. She wouldn’t need blush tonight but would darn well wear it, anyway.
“I’m fine,” she lied, forcing a smile.
Mama nodded and walked away—exactly the way Reagan had done at his house.
All this time later, just recalling what he had said left her as devastated as when she had first heard the words. When she couldn’t wait to leave the ranch. He’d at least had the decency to stay out of her way. As she rushed through the living room and kitchen, he and Sean were nowhere in sight.
Reagan had wanted to be her first, as if it would earn him a trophy.
He’d wanted to help her move on, as if she were just one in a long line of women waiting for a turn to sleep with him.
Eyeing herself in the mirror, she ran her hand through her curls, scrunching and fluffing and making them look wilder than they ever had before.
The wildness made her think of what she and Reagan had done and how he had made her feel.
Her fingers trembled.
She reached for her makeup. Blush first. Mascara later. Much later.
Every time she thought of Reagan she trembled again, sometimes from remembered desire, sometimes from fresh pain. He had ruined what should have been the most special moment of her life to date. She had given him her virginity—had given herself to the man she loved—and he couldn’t even admit he cared for her.
She needed to forget him.
In her bedroom again, she ran through all the clothes in her closet, looking for the brightest, tightest, flashiest outfit she owned.
In these past few days, she had quickly learned so much about herself. There were times she wanted to be the quiet part of her personality and times she’d rather let the fun, flirty part take center stage. Tonight definitely called for the fun, flirty Ally.
Fully dressed, she took a last look in her mirror. She nodded in approval at her reflection before leaving the room. But after taking a few steps into the hallway, she paused, hesitated, then went back to open her jewelry box and grab the silver tassel necklace.
If she was going out to forget about Reagan, she was going all the way.
* * *
WHEN REAGAN ARRIVED at the Hitching Post, he saw Tina and Jed seated on the front porch swing. He parked in the lot for guests and carried Sean to the front of the hotel. He hoped he’d been right about this night out distracting him from thinking of Ally.
So far, it hadn’t helped at all.
“Howdy,” Jed greeted him. “I hear you’re joining the boys tonight. That baby of yours might be a little young for the Cantina, though.”
Reagan forced a laugh. “You know darned well I’m not taking him to the Cantina.”
“Here, have a seat.” Tina rose. “And hand over that little one,” she added eagerly, reaching for Sean’s carrier. “Robbie’s all excited about having two babies to read to tonight.”
“He reads to your daughter? At her age? I hadn’t considered doing that with Sean.” If he’d been around Tina and the rest of the Garlands more often, maybe he would have. “I’ll give it a try. Over at the house, I just saw a box with all my old Louis L’Amours.”
“Good choice,” Jed said approvingly. “Start that boy off right with some Westerns.”
“That’s what I was thinking.” Sean would enjoy hearing his daddy read aloud from those books. Judging by the way his son turned his head toward Ally when she sang to something on the radio, he liked being entertained. Or maybe he just liked Ally.
And how could Reagan fault Sean for that, when he felt the same?
“Well,” Tina said, “Robbie’s still learning to read, so most of the time he makes up stories from his picture books. But you know, that’s a great way for him to use his imagination, too.”
“Sure is,” Jed agreed.
Tina took the baby into the hotel, and Reagan settled on the swing beside Jed.
“That girl’s too modest about her accomplishments,” Jed said. “Always has been. She’s been reading to that boy almost since before he was born. She’s not one to talk a lot about her offspring, either, but Robbie’s smart as a whip, and that little girl of hers will be, too, if I say that about both of them myself. Which I have license to say because, of course, I’ve got granddaddy—and great-granddaddy—bragging rights.”
Reagan laughed, then sobered quickly as he thought about Sean growing up without grandparents at all. That’s what Ally had meant. His son could have those relationships right here. Jed and Sugar and Mrs. B and so many others in town had been his own surrogate grandparents, and they’d all be more than pleased, he knew, to stand in for Sean’s, too.
Ally had also hit it right when she said it would be good for him to be around friends. He would learn things he’d never think of on his own. Things that would benefit the baby, like reading to him.
He wanted to do everything that was best for his son. As a single dad, he needed to make doubly sure he followed through on that.
As if Jed had read his mind, he said, “I’m sure you’re a proud daddy when it comes to your son, too. You’re to be commended for taking on the job of raising that baby on your own.”
“Not much choice in that matter.” He hesitated, not sure what else he wanted to say. But maybe because it seemed easier now he’d explained to Ally, or maybe because he felt his parents would have shared the truth with their old friend, he felt ready to talk. He told Jed about what had happened with Elaine, her refusal to raise the baby, the arrangements he’d made for her to give birth and grant him full custody.
When he finally fell silent, Jed said nothing for a long time. Then he clapped Reagan’s shoulder lightly and said in a low voice, “You did the right thing, son. I’m proud of you, and I sure know your folks would agree and be proud of you, too.”
Reagan squinted and looked out over the porch railing. In the fading light, he could barely see a thing beyond that point. “Thanks.”
“It was a treat for all of us to get to see Sean the other day. He’s a smart little boy, too.”
“Yeah.” Reagan cleared his throat, then said again. “Yeah. He is. Smart, and a happy baby.”
“That means he’s getting good care. From you, I know. And I’m sure from Ally, as well. Seems to me she’s gotten all wrapped up in your son. And as far as I can see, the two of you have been building a solid relationship over these past weeks, too.”
“She’s Sean’s babysitter, that’s all,” he replied, glad to hear he’d said the words evenly.
“She’s more than that.”
He stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“Well, right now, she’s like me with my granddaddy bragging rights, isn’t she? With all the time she spends with Sean and all the loving she’s giving him, I’d say she’s earned her mama’s bragging rights, wouldn’t you?”
“She’s not Sean’s mom.”
Jed nodded. “I do know that. I’m using a figure of speech. And it’s true in many ways. I saw her with your boy when you were all out here the other day. Believe me, she’s gotten as close to him as a mama could have.”
Closer than the baby’s own mother had ever wanted to become. But even that was troublesome. “She shouldn’t have gotten close—to Sean. He and I will be leaving soon.”
“I know that, and she knows it, too. But I reckon it’s too late.” Jed eyed him. “You know, son, giving your heart to someone is always a risk. But as my three girls all have proven, the rewards reaped can be well worth taking the chance.”
He’d taken that chance once already and, except for his son, he’d gotten little reward. He wasn’t about to try it again.
Before Reagan could respond, Cole coasted his pickup truck to a stop beside the hotel.
Reagan jumped on board to join the other wranglers for their night on the town.
The ride to the Cantina was a loud one, filled with nonstop talk punctuated by laughter. Either Jed’s men were a rowdy bunch to begin with, or they were all fired up about Ladies’ Night. He felt sure it was the latter reason, judging by their good-natured competition over who was going to get lucky first.
That day Ally had held out her hand to him, he could have gotten lucky. He’d turned her down.
This afternoon, he’d had a special kind of luck. But for now, for Sean’s sake at least, it wasn’t the kind that should be on his mind or in his plans.
He thought about what Jed had told him about taking chances and reaping rewards. What would he have said to the man if Cole and the boys hadn’t come along and interrupted?
By the time they arrived at the Cantina, he still didn’t know how he’d have handled his answer.
And when he walked into the bar with the other wranglers, he saw something else he couldn’t handle.
Chapter Seventeen
The Cantina was packed to its wooden rafters, the noise level cranked up to ten times what it had been inside the pickup truck. Everybody was looking forward to getting lucky.
Yet as Reagan started across the crowded room toward the bar, he spotted the woman in the middle of the dance floor. Ally. She was laughing, being fun and flirty, wearing her bright clothes and makeup, her hair loose and wild.
His entire body jolted. It took a minute to realize he’d collided with someone whose bulk the football team would have appreciated on their line years ago. He and the other man nodded apologies at each other.
Reagan followed Cole and the rest of the wranglers up to the bar to get a drink. But, ignoring the possibility of another collision, he kept his gaze on Ally.
As she danced, he caught the glint of the shimmering necklace dangling above her low-cut dress. The front of his jeans tightened at the same rate his throat constricted.
He took a deep breath and let it out again, easing the muscles that were threatening to choke him.
There was nothing he could do about the jeans except hope no one else noticed. What the hell. He’d bet three-quarters of the men here were on the prowl and in the same state.
The music ended. Some of the couples drifted to the edges of the small dance floor. Ally and the man she was with moved toward the bar.
Her companion was the same wrangler he’d seen talking to her out at Garland Ranch. This close, Reagan recognized him as Wes Daniels’s brother, Garrett. The other man hadn’t ridden along
with them to the Cantina. No wonder. He’d gotten here early to give his luck a jump start. Maybe he’d made arrangements to meet Ally here.
Maybe she’d already had her plans set with Garrett before she’d gone to bed with him.
And what if she had? He reminded himself he had no claims on her. She had no obligations to him.
But he also couldn’t keep from kicking himself again for what he’d done. If he hadn’t screwed things up so badly, he could’ve been the cowboy with her out there on the dance floor.
He felt something cold touch his shoulder. He turned to find Cole had reached back in the crush of people to tap him with a beer bottle. Reagan nodded his thanks and took the bottle. His gaze went right back to where it had been.
Ally and Garrett hadn’t gotten far. Maybe deciding to wait until the mob at the bar died down, they had stepped over to one side of the room. Ally rested against the wall. Garrett had leaned his forearm on it a few inches over her head. Laughing and flirting, she lapped up the attention.
The fingers gripping his beer went numb, and he knew it wasn’t from the ice-cold bottle.
He liked that laughing, flirty Ally. He liked the quiet Ally, too—the one who wore simple yet sexy blouses and braided hair restrained by a pale ribbon. He especially liked that she’d worn that braid for days, undoing it only to make love with him.
But then he’d made his mistake and told her the simple truth.
For the hundredth time, he assured himself his intentions had been good. He’d wanted to protect her from getting hurt.
Instead, he’d been the one to hurt her. And now he didn’t know if he could ever make things right.
* * *
ALLY SMILED UP at the wrangler leaning too close to her, boxing her in. But that was silly. She knew the feeling came from her skewed perception. She always enjoyed chatting with Garrett out at Garland Ranch, and she’d hung out with him often enough here at the Cantina. It was only since Reagan had returned that her feelings about her sometimes dance partner...about any partner...had changed.
She had lost interest in every man in the place. Not that she’d ever had designs on any of them romantically. But tonight she couldn’t even seem to enjoy herself on the dance floor the way she usually did.
The Rancher's Baby Proposal Page 16