“You think I don’t?” Sean’s eyes narrowed. “What makes you think that?”
“The fact you’ve been locking yourself up in your study with work and barely uttering a peep at the dining table. You barely say a word to Sascha.”
“She wants to be left alone. I’m letting her deal with this her own way. What she went through is something we can never understand—I’m giving her time.”
Sawyer wanted to argue with that but knew he couldn’t. He gritted his teeth. “All right, but locking yourself up with work isn’t going to do you any good.”
“There’s still a sick bastard out there stealing kids from their homes, Sawyer. You want me to just forget about that? I have other responsibilities,” he snapped.
Considering Sean hadn’t mentioned the child-killer case since that night before Sascha’s miscarriage, Sawyer had to wince as yet more guilt cascaded over him. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low.
Sean nodded. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. You’re right. We all need time to deal with this.”
“We do. But you’re not wrong where Devon’s concerned.” Sean pursed his lips. “Something’s definitely going on with him.”
“I’ll try to follow him the next time he goes out,” Sawyer replied, but Sean shook his head.
“No. He’s not doing anything wrong. Going outside is healthy for him. I thought he’d be holed up in his study like me, but he’s getting out and getting some fresh air. He’s moving himself out of his comfort zone. I like to see that. It’s not unhealthy.”
Sawyer frowned. “It’s unlike anything he’s ever done before. You and I both know he shuts down. He doesn’t get angry. I don’t like to see him that way.”
“You think I do?” Sean shrugged. “Not much we can do save for riding it out.”
Sean made to step away, but Sawyer grabbed his arm. “How are you doing, Sean? Really? Are you angry? At us? For not being there for Sascha?”
A scowl creased Sean’s forehead. “Why would I be? I was there too. Sleeping off my damn drunk. No one’s to blame. Not me for sleeping or you for working or Sascha for slipping. Life happens, Sawyer. We just have to roll with it. Even if it fucking stinks.”
“What about this case?”
“It’s giving me nightmares,” Sean admitted. “But when don’t they? I’ll be all right.”
“If you need to speak, I’m here, mon.”
Sean blinked. “I know. I appreciate that, mate.”
“You were pretty messed up that night,” Sawyer said slowly as they started down the hall for Sean’s study. “What happened?”
“Too much to talk about now,” Sean replied, his tone darkening. “Plus, Sascha’s in the lounge. I wouldn’t want her to overhear.”
That was the third time Sawyer had been lied to in the past ten minutes.
Did he have ‘gullible’ written across his forehead?
Striding into the study, Sawyer inwardly grumbled as he poured the three of them a whisky from the decanter Sean used for the gifts his dad sent every Christmas. He didn’t usually let Devon drink it, but maybe the alcohol would calm him down, because even as he saw his friend was comfortable in his usual armchair, there was a storm brewing in his eyes.
The moment he saw it and processed it, he had to hide more of his unease. Devon panicked. He shut down. He didn’t brood. The way he was looking reminded Sawyer of when they were stuck on a particularly difficult math problem.
Trouble was, that similarity didn’t ease his concern.
Devon, with the bit between his teeth, was worse than a stag in rut. Combine it with grief that he didn’t know how to process—Sheila’s death all those years ago had proven that Dev had zero idea of what to do when someone died—and the anger and guilt that was twisting him up over Sascha’s fall and the subsequent loss of their child…?
No, Sawyer had to amend his earlier thought. There wasn’t a storm brewing in Devon’s eyes, but a fucking tornado.
“What are you doing?”
At Sawyer’s words, Sascha jolted, and he tilted his head to the side, staring at her as she stared at the doorway to Tin’s bedroom.
It hadn’t escaped his notice that in the days since she’d been home, she hadn’t put Tin to sleep once.
Their normal routine consisted of Andrei giving Tin a bath—mostly because he sang to their kid in Russian as he cleaned up the crap that Tin had managed to cover himself with over the length of the day.
It was the only time that they exposed Tin to another language, and they did so in as relaxed a way as possible.
When he was a little older, maybe five, they’d introduce him to German, but as that was far simpler than Russian, that would be easy for their smart kid.
So, Andrei managed bath time— no matter how busy his schedule was, no matter what kind of shit he had going down with the various power plays he was controlling at any given time, he made it back for that half-hour appointment he had with their son. Afterward, one of them tucked Tin in with Sascha at their side.
The last few days hadn’t been like that. Well, not until last night.
Andrei had taken to bringing Tin to Sascha, where she’d kiss him good night and then they’d head off for bath time.
It didn’t take a miracle worker to figure out why.
She didn’t want to see the nursery.
But she hadn’t said that. Hadn’t even mentioned it. Hell, she hadn’t even spoken that much since she’d come home.
Maybe that made sense, though. They were all quieter. The mood in the house somber and heavy with mourning.
“I-I need to clear the nursery. Tin needs his room back.” The ache in her voice nearly broke him. God, what this woman could do to him.
He’d never thought a woman could bring him to his knees, but Sascha did. She had such power over him, but she never, ever took advantage of it.
She was his soulmate, and he’d made it so that she’d felt she had to hide her cravings from him. So much so, she’d been stupid, gone out in icy weather, and had fallen without him at her side.
Sawyer wasn’t sure what that was, but he figured clusterfuck about summed it up.
Was he such a food Nazi that she hadn’t felt like she could eat what she craved?
He knew how cravings worked. They usually represented some kind of lack in the mother’s diet. But still, what diet required all the saturated fats in a Big Mac?
Hating himself for even asking the question, and knowing he needed to watch his words in the future when he talked to her about food, he murmured, “It’s empty, babe.”
She jolted again, and he frowned at her, wondering if she was truly as okay as she insisted she was. “It is?”
“We dismantled it a few days after we got home. When you took Tin to playgroup.” There hadn’t been that much to sort out. Just enough to break both his and Sean’s fucking hearts as they packed away clothes they’d never use and gadgets that would never hold their baby.
It had been hard on him, so he was glad he and Sean had been the ones to handle that, not Sascha.
She seemed to sag, and he saw the relief on her face and he felt it in his heart.
Her pain reached out to him with tendrils that seemed to wrap around him. He could no more stop himself from moving closer than he could stop himself from taking his next breath.
He pulled her into his arms and murmured, “I’m sorry.”
She tensed. “What for?”
“For making you feel like you had to hide your cravings from me.”
She sighed, then let out a little chuckle that nearly broke his fucking heart. “Oh sweetheart, it was just a stupid thing. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m the one who put our baby in danger. I’m lucky you’re still talking to me. That all of you can forgive me.”
Horrified that she could even think that, he blurted out, “You weren’t reckless, Sascha. You didn’t know you were going to slip. And I know you. You don’t see the world like the rest of us do, lass.
”
She leaned away from him at that. She didn’t move out of his arms, though, just looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
His lips curved. “Haven’t you realized it?”
She tilted her head to the side. “Realized what?”
“You’re like a warrior.”
“Huh?” Her brow puckered as she tried to figure out what he meant.
“Nothing gets in your way, Sascha. You take things full tilt. I love that about you, lass. You’re strong and sure of yourself. You know what you want and aren’t afraid to go after it; whether it’s learning to dance, stripping this damn staircase, or deciding you need a burger. Just this time, we all flew a little close to the sun and we were burned for it.”
She pressed back into his embrace and fell silent for a second. He didn’t complain. It felt good to just hold her.
She’d been quiet— distant since they’d arrived home. She was recuperating and she needed the time and space to heal. He hadn’t avoided her, made sure that he came and sat with her, ate whatever Kurt cooked for the family, and played with Tin while she watched on, but he’d stayed apart from her. Distant. Why?
Because he was second guessing himself.
Only once he’d put away the nursery furniture did he realize what he’d been doing. He’d recognized that his mother was right and he needed to rectify that.
He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “How are you doing, lass? Really doing?”
She was quiet, then in the smallest of voices, murmured, “Not good.”
He squeezed her. “Are you going to contact the center?”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t want to.”
The hospital had given her information about support groups who could help her, them, deal with what had happened.
That she didn’t want to go made him frown. “Is that wise?”
“I don’t want to… I just want to be at home.”
“And you can do that, you can be here twenty-three hours a day if you want. But that one hour might be wisely spent with people trained to help.”
She huffed. “You think I want to go to one of those meetings by myself?”
“I never imagined ye’d be going by yourself, lass. Whisht. Have yer lost yer head?”
She blinked. “Wow. That was pure Jacinta.”
He just rolled his eyes. “Well, have you? You didn’t honestly think we’d let you attend a meeting like that without one of us there?”
She wriggled her shoulders. “I wasn’t sure. You’re not exactly the counseling type. Any of you. And Sean’s a trained therapist!”
He snorted out a laugh at her umbrage, but he leaned down to buss her lips. “Well, get that out yer head. If you want to go, one of us will go with you.” He shrugged. “Hell, all five of us can go, but it might raise eyebrows.”
She sighed and started to say, “Frigging eyebrows…”
But the sound of the door slamming below had them both jerking in surprise. None of them were exactly the ‘door slamming’ types.
“Sawyer?”
It was Sean.
Scowling, Sawyer carefully untangled himself from Sascha’s arms as he bent over the banister to holler, “What the hell’s wrong with ye? Hollerin’ like that, yer fool. It’s a good bluidy job Tin’s in playgroup or you’d have scared the shite out of him.”
The angles of the staircases and the landings made it so that he had a clear view straight down to the ground floor. Sean, peering up at him, looked red-faced with… Sawyer’s brow puckered. Anger? No, he knew Sean well enough to recognize sadness, and this was definitely anger.
“You need to come with me.”
“Where?” he demanded, perplexed by the urgency in his tone.
“To the police station.” Sean’s nostrils flared as he firmed his jaw. For a second, Sawyer wasn’t sure he was going to continue, then he did the equivalent of throwing freezing water over Sawyer’s head by gritting out, “It’s Devon. He’s just been arrested for assault.”
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
Yes. There are going to be more sequels to the Quintessence story! I’m sure you figured that out already, but I just wanted to confirm it. Every month, you can stay tuned for another dive into the household’s life. I wish it was weekly like before but I’m releasing my paranormal series side by side with Quintessence. Book two is close to completion, though, and will be toddling off for the first phases of editing very soon. (If you didn’t know about my brand new paranormal series, you can start it here: www.books2read.com/Trinity)
This story has been incredibly difficult for me to write, but I did it with the help of some awesome midwives who helped shape Sascha’s hospital care.
I just wanted to say, if you’ve been in Sascha’s shoes, from the depths of my very being, I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you, and I feel your pain. That might not seem like much, but truly, I do. This story was an agony to write, so I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels to live it.
I hope I handled this delicately enough to honor the pain Sascha and her family are going through.
And, if you’re curious what a Russian bath time song sounds like, check out the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=758pdwbA3Ho
As always, feel free to email me on [email protected]. Whether it’s to bitch at me, or to tell me you love the series or (hopefully not) loathe it. Please, get in touch. You’ve no idea how much inspiration and energy it gives me when you guys do. Also, if you love the book, please leave a review. I’d really appreciate it. <3
If you’re not a part of my Diva’s reader group, the link is here: www.facebook.com/groups/SerenaAkeroydsDivas. I’m holding a special Quintessence giveaway in there and also revealing the next cover in the series; as well as who the hero will be!
I know some of you might not want to be in there, but I hold a lot of giveaways, and also, you get updates on the books I’m writing. More so than you would with my newsletter, which I only use to promote releases. (You can sign up for that here: www.serenaakeroyd.com/Newsletter)
Love
Serena <3
TRINITY
Three mates.
Two prophecies.
One kick ass Lyken with a destiny to manhandle.
BOOK FOUR IN THE SERIES COMING NOVEMBER 2018
AMAZON: www.books2read.com/Trinity
Other titles by Serena Akeroyd:
Kingdom of Veronia
Perry & Her Princes
Her Highness, Princess Perry
Long Live Queen Perry
QUINTESSENCE
Charmed by Them
Healed by Them
Worshipped by Them
Protected by Them
Loved by Them
Anchor Pride Series
Claimed by Caden
McKinnon’s Mate
The Sanguenna Chronicles
Christmas: Dragon Style
Valentine’s: Dragon Style
The Corsakis
Three’s Never A Crowd
Old Enough to Know Better
The Federation
A Menage Made on Madison
Jayce Ventura – Ghost Detective Series
Ghost Whisperer
Ghost Avenger
Ghost Hunter
La Belle sans La Bete Series
Menage Material
A Thoroughly Modern Menage
The Luck of Love Series
The Luck of Love
The Power of Love
The Strength of Love
The Depth of Love
The Triskele Prophecy
Trinity
Triskele
Triad
Triumph (Coming November 2018)
Touched
The Raw Touch
Sawyer: Quintessence: The Sequel Page 12