by Ariel Bonin
"That was really sweet of you…"
Hannah shrugged off the compliment. "It's no trouble. I get to hang out with my favorite teacher instead of cleaning."
"I'm sorry we can't hang out under better circumstances," Lindsey said with a wry grin.
"I'm serious about that VIP punch card. Do you know how much free JELL-O you'd have by now?"
Lindsey laughed, the action sending a sharp ache through her abdomen. She winced and eased out a careful breath.
"Sorry, I shouldn't make you laugh," Hannah said with a guilty expression. "To make up for it, this one's on the house."
The redhead leaned over, selected a small plastic container and spoon from her cart, and handed them to Lindsey.
"Blue, right?"
A slow smile graced Lindsey's face as she looked at the brightly colored JELL-O cup, then Hannah. "You remembered…"
"Of course I did. Whether or not you want to eat it is your call. I couldn't find an expiration date."
Lindsey suppressed another giggle and peeled off the foil top. "I'll take my chances."
Chapter 23
Winter ended, bringing with it a hot spring and even hotter summer. At only seven months pregnant, Lindsey wondered how she would last through the final months in stifling heat. Nonetheless, she was fully healed from her surgery and in the last trimester. She felt good—better than she had in a long time.
On a gorgeous, sunny day in late June, both Andrew and Lindsey took the morning off to attend her twenty-eight week appointment. Since Zoey was already at school, the couple took their time getting to the clinic with Jacob walking between them. The child was still unsteady on his feet, but could be known to take off on a whim and find himself doing a face-plant. After shedding a few tears, he'd get up, lose his memory of the incident and wind up doing it all over again.
Such is the life of a toddler.
Andrew admired the bright greenery and drew in the sweet scent of blooming gardenias as they ambled down the wide dirt path. He glanced at the little boy next to him. Jacob was growing like a weed. Andrew wondered how time had gone so quickly. He moved his gaze to Lindsey and her large belly—the only part of her that seemed to be growing. However, it wasn't like they had a supply of ice cream in the freezer—or a freezer for that matter. She more or less looked like she was smuggling a basketball under her tank top. She wasn't waddling yet, but her feet had begun to swell from the unrelenting heat. He wished there was something he could do to help her with that, but, unfortunately, it was just part of being pregnant.
They arrived at the clinic and Andrew scooped up Jacob—it would be like him to run off and startle one of the elderly residents while they tried to rest. Dr. Anderson met them there and guided the tiny family down the hallway. They passed Caren in the corridor and Andrew had to hide a smirk, as she was clearly at the waddling stage. They said a quick hello and moved on.
Upon entering the exam room, Andrew sat Jacob down next to a bin of toys and let him go to town. At that point Lindsey had reclined back on the table and lifted the bottom portion of her tank top. A straight scar marked the side of her stomach from the appendectomy but was hardly noticeable now. She was also beginning to get a small stretchmark right above her popping belly button, which she'd grumbled about, but he loved her just the same.
"As you know," Dr. Anderson began, "we don't have an ultrasound machine. What we do have is a handheld fetal Doppler. When I place this wand-like sensor against your abdomen, we'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat," she explained, showing them the device.
"That would be amazing," Lindsey said, her eyes aglow with excitement.
As the doctor squeezed cold gel onto the sensor, she asked, "How've you been feeling?"
"Good," Lindsey said on a contented sigh. "Could stand for some cooler weather, but if that's all I have to complain about, then I'll be fine."
She and Andrew exchanged a smile. He knew exactly what she was trying to say. The island wasn't foolproof, but it was enough of a safe haven for them to feel optimistic about their baby's upcoming arrival. Ever since Lindsey's health scare, there'd been no other glaring problems or events to speak of—it was almost too perfect. There had been a few more supply runs to the mainland, but Andrew was banned from going. For that reason, of course, the runs had gone without incident.
Anderson touched a few buttons on the machine in her hand and pressed the short wand against Lindsey's belly, eventually filling the small room with a familiar sound. It brought Andrew back to when Kelly had been pregnant with Zoey. The quick "woosh-woosh" of their baby's heartbeat had to be the best thing he'd heard in a really long time. The rhythm was strong, which told him the baby was strong—a comforting sign.
Immediately, Lindsey's face lit up, her smile bringing out the little wrinkles next to her eyes. She laughed softly and reached for Andrew. "Give me your hand," she said, and he did so. She placed it on her stomach as close as she could to the sensor without getting any goop on him. Something smooth pushed up against his fingertips and he grinned.
"I can feel him moving," Andrew whispered in awe.
"Still stuck on a boy?" Lindsey asked in a playful tone.
"I wouldn't mind a girl at all. I'd just rather call the baby something other than 'it.'"
She continued to smile. "I understand."
Suddenly, a knock interrupted the intimate moment. Dr. Anderson got up from her stool and opened the door a crack. "What is it, Hannah?" she asked in a low voice.
"It's Caren. She's having contractions. I think the baby's coming."
"All right, get her set up in recovery room C. I'll be there in a minute." Anderson turned back to the couple, grabbing a towel from a nearby drawer for Lindsey to use on her stomach.
"Anything we can do to help?" Andrew asked as he watched his wife wipe away any remaining gel.
"Actually, yes. Could you find Robert and bring him back? I know Caren will want him here."
"Sure thing."
Andrew helped Lindsey down from the table as Dr. Anderson said, "I'm sorry to cut this short. Everything sounds good, but if you have anything else you'd like to talk about, please feel free to come by my office later this week."
"Thanks, Doc," Lindsey said, and walked across the room to help Jacob pick up the scattered toys. "If you want, Andrew, I'll take Jake and stay with Caren until you and Robert get back. That way she won't be alone…"
"Okay," he replied, giving her a quick kiss. "I'll see you in a few."
_____
Lindsey held Jacob's hand as they slowly walked down the hall to recovery room C. After knocking twice, Hannah allowed them inside. Caren rested on her side, a grimace plastered on her pale face. She opened her eyes and her mouth twitched into a smile.
"Hey." Her voice was tense.
"Hey, how're you doing?" Lindsey asked as she occupied the empty chair next to Caren's bed. She lifted Jacob and secured him on her lap.
"I'm makin' it." The woman's breath caught and she released a stifled moan of pain. Lindsey presumed she was having a contraction and reached for her hand.
"Try taking a deep breath through your nose and then let it out through your mouth." Caren did as she instructed and Lindsey paralleled the action. "That's it…slowly release it. Don't think about the pain. Just clear your head and try to relax."
The contraction passed and Caren dropped her shoulders. "That actually helped. Where'd you learn that?"
"My mom taught me the Lamaze breathing when I was little. It helped calm me down when I was feeling sick or anxious about something. Obviously it comes in pretty handy now..."
"Yeah, it's gonna be your turn soon," Caren said with a lazy smirk.
Lindsey laughed quietly. "Don't remind me."
When another contraction began, Lindsey continued to do the controlled breathing with Caren. As she held the woman's hand, she glanced down and saw her old wedding ring. It'd been months since she'd seen it up close and the sight brought on a sudden hazy recollection.
I love you, Lindsey.
Jared's voice and vivid green eyes swirled in her mind like a distant memory just outside of her reach. She stared at the ring, straining to catch the elusive thought. She saw Jared—he was on the island. He was upset with her about something—her and Andrew and the baby—that was it. Andrew had a gun and then Jared had one, too.
The gunshot.
That was what she'd dreamed about before waking in extreme agony a few months back. It had evaded her since then, sending hints at the most random moments, but she'd been unable to grasp anything beyond that.
So the inexplicable unease in her gut was that Jared was mad at her and didn't approve of what she'd done with her life. Was that possible? Was he trying to communicate with her from beyond the veil or was her subconscious just messing with her? It pained her to think of him having those strong feelings toward her when all she'd done was get on with her life. She and Andrew were meant to be together—she truly believed that—but was something trying to tell her otherwise, something she couldn't explain?
_____
Andrew hurried down the dusty trail that led to their field of growing vegetables. He spotted Robert hoeing a section toward the back with Ana and a few others. They'd been short-handed in the past week—injuries and whatnot—so Robert had filled in at the last minute. While jogging over, Andrew considered the weight of what he was about to tell the young man. Robert's life was going to be changed forever after this day.
"Hey, Andy, what's up?" Robert asked as he adjusted the brim of his dirty baseball hat. Sweat rolled down from his temples and he wiped it away with the back of his work glove.
"It's time," Andrew said, smiling. "Caren's having the baby."
Robert's expression changed in an instant to a combination of excitement and fear. He didn't seem to know what to do. Ana must have seen it because she reached out and removed the hoe from his restless hands. Absentmindedly, he tugged off his gloves and she took those as well. Andrew angled his head toward the trail and Robert got his feet moving.
"You okay?" Andrew asked when they were halfway there. The young man would not stop fidgeting. He ripped off his hat and raked a lean hand through his wavy auburn hair.
"Not really. I don't how to do this. Jacob is the only baby I've ever been around for an extended period of time. I've never changed a diaper. What am I supposed to do when it starts crying? Or how do I know when it's hungry? Seriously, Andrew, I'm completely in over my head. What the hell were we thinking?"
Andrew stopped, halting the other man. He placed a hand on Robert's shoulder and leveled their gazes. "It's absolutely normal for you to feel this way. I remember being in your shoes when Kelly had Zoey. I was terrified. I didn't admit it to her, but I was. I'm here to tell you—it gets easier. It's not as scary as you imagine it to be. I'm not saying that being a parent is without its scary moments, but the good outweighs the bad. Creating that little person is going to be the best thing you ever did and will do. Don't forget, Caren is new at this, too. It's a journey you get to take together, and, while it's hard to get past the sleepless nights and dirty diapers, you just need to relax and enjoy the ride. Okay?"
Robert blew out a breath and Andrew saw the change in his demeanor as he nodded with newfound enthusiasm. The former captain clapped him on the back and they started walking once again.
When they reached the clinic, Robert went straight to his wife's side and thanked Lindsey for staying. She and Andrew left to give the couple some space. Jacob nuzzled into his daddy's neck and promptly fell asleep, as it was past his naptime. Andrew grazed his fingers over the boy's back in fluid strokes and pressed a kiss against his hair.
Lindsey was abnormally quiet. He glanced over and saw a troubled look in her dark eyes as she glowered at the ground.
"Something wrong?"
She rolled her shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. "It's nothing…"
Oh, it was definitely something.
He tried to meet her gaze as he asked, "Are you nervous about the birth?"
"A little, but that's not it…"
They reached their bungalow, and after placing Jacob into his crib, Andrew met Lindsey on the porch. She was sitting on the warped steps and looking up at the blue sky. He sat down next to her and she shifted to lean back, presumably to take some of the pressure off her lower extremities. After rubbing a hand over her curved belly, she sighed.
"I saw Jared."
He wasn't sure he heard her right, but didn't know what else she could have said. Opting for patience, he waited for her to continue.
"He was right here…at the end of our walkway." She shot him a gloomy look. "It was a dream of course, but God…it felt so real."
"Did you talk to him?" Andrew finally asked.
"Yeah…he said—" She pressed her lips together and diverted her gaze. "He said he loved me and that we were still married. That I was supposed to have a baby with him…and not you."
The misery in her voice was palpable as the last words hitched in her throat. She swallowed hard and he smoothed his hand over her rigid shoulders.
"It's not fair, Andrew. I know it wasn't real, but how dare he say that and make me feel guilty for living my life. On our wedding day," she said, motioning between them, "I asked him to forgive me. I made peace with it. And now…well, I don't know what to think now."
Andrew fingered a stray lock of Lindsey's hair that blocked his view of her face and tucked it behind her ear.
She looked at him then, her eyes swimming in unshed tears. "I'm sorry. You probably don't want to hear this. My heart is with you, baby. Please don't ever doubt that—"
"Linds, stop. You don't need to explain yourself to me. I know exactly how you feel. I struggle with the same feelings every damn day." He touched her thigh and she covered his hand with her own. "You had a life before me—a husband you loved, a future planned. Kelly and I thought we'd grow old together—all'a that. We've been dealt a different hand. I know I'm not the only man in your heart—and that's okay, Lindsey. To be honest, I'd be a little concerned if a part of you didn't still love him. I don't want you to think that since we're together you can't talk about him, like it's some taboo subject. Kelly and Jared are a part of us and we can't ignore it forever."
Lindsey blinked, dropping large tears onto her cheeks, and yet, a smile appeared. "Thank you…"
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, inhaling the flowery scent of her long hair. "And to answer your other question—it was like you said…just a dream. You two were together for a long time. All you have to do is look into your heart and you'll know his true feelings about us."
She sniffled, whispering, "You're right. I do know."
_____
Robert and Caren's son, Eric, came into the world at 7:32 that evening with a full head of dark hair and his dad's long eyelashes. The birth was slow and tiresome, but Caren got through it with the help of her doting husband—and Dr. Anderson's team, of course. There were no complications and that knowledge alone made Lindsey and Andrew feel just that much better about what was to come.
The following day, Andrew made his way to the fields where he would be helping out for the next couple of weeks. He found Ana already hard at work, but the woman took a few minutes to show him where they were at in terms of planting and weeding.
Later that afternoon, after Tyler had come down to discuss a new energy saving project with Andrew, Ana spoke up.
"You're working too hard."
"Excuse me?" Andrew asked, pausing as he replaced his gloves.
She shrugged. "You work too hard."
"I'm just doin' my job," he retorted and rolled his tongue inside his cheek.
"I know," she said, "but you're about to have three kids in that tiny house. How much time have you spent with Lindsey lately?"
Andrew laughed but there was an edge to it. "What are you getting at?"
"You should have a date night."
"Yeah, right. I don't think there are any local restaurant
s taking reservations. Besides, who would watch Jake?"
Ana pursed her lips, dark eyes sparkling under the intense sun. "Charlie and I will."
"Well, I appreciate that, but it still doesn't solve what we're supposed to do."
"Just think about it. Get creative, Andrew… I think Lindsey deserves it."
The man blew out an exasperated breath. He never liked it when someone told him what to do, but Ana was right—his wife deserved a nice evening. He would have to dig deep, and it might take a little time, but he would come up with something. It was the least he owed Lindsey.
_____
The following Friday, after Zoey had left for Tommy's house, Charlie and Ana came by Andrew and Lindsey's to watch Jacob. Without delay, Charlie took the boy into his arms, a rare smile softening the hard features of his face.
"What do ya say, lil' man? Wanna learn how to shoot a rifle?" He'd found a replacement on the last run and was eager to use it whenever the opportunity presented itself.
"Um," Lindsey said, "I was thinking that reading a story and putting him to bed would be a little more appropriate."
Looking at Jacob, Charlie shook his head and said, "Mama's spoken—sorry if I got your hopes up. Y'all don't know how to have any fun..."
"Speaking of fun," Ana interrupted. "Don't you have somewhere else you should be?"
Andrew picked up a folded blanket from the chair in the living room and tucked it under his arm. Taking Lindsey's hand, he guided her toward the door. Before they took off, he turned back. "You're sure this is all right?"
Ana ushered them outside. "Wouldn't have offered if it wasn't. Now go!"
Lindsey giggled, admiring her husband's handsome face as he raised his brows and smiled. They descended their front steps and began the slow stroll down to the beach. She exhaled a deep breath and felt the stress of her daily life melting away with every step.
"I needed this," she whispered, lifting their hands to kiss the back of his. "We needed this…"