by Nina Milne
‘So,’ continued the Duchess. ‘We will arrange a dinner, ask the Prince and his two brothers—and others, of course.’
‘I’d be happy to attend a dinner but...’ Kaitlin hauled in breath. ‘But I am not interested in a renewal of Prince Frederick’s offer.’
‘Excuse me?’
For the first time in Kaitlin’s memory the Duchess looked shocked, her mouth agape, her usual calm and serene beauty marred by the twist of her lips.
‘I don’t want to marry Prince Frederick or any other prince.’ More to the point, she couldn’t. Because it wouldn’t be fair to anyone—least of all herself—not when she loved Daniel.
It was a love that had endured her most persistent attempts to remodel it, purge it, suppress it. Instead his image permeated her being, her dreams. The idea of an alliance with anyone else curdled her soul.
‘You will do as we say, Kaitlin.’
‘No, Mother. I won’t. I am sorry to let you down but I cannot marry the Prince—though I am happy to see him and explain the situation to him.’
The Duchess pursed her lips, clearly for once without words.
‘Now...’ Kaitlin glanced at her watch. ‘I need to go. I’m meeting Cora.’
It was time to share some things with her sister, lay some ghosts to rest before she embarked on the next phase of her plan.
* * *
Daniel stared down at the two items on his desk—each one a sucker-punch to the gut.
Item one—a newspaper article that featured a picture of Lady Kaitlin Derwent and Prince Frederick in close conversation under the caption: ‘On Again?’
The Duke and Duchess of Derwent entertained in lavish style and their guests included the Lycander brothers—including, of course, Lycander’s ruler, Prince Frederick, who was seen in deep conversation with Lady Kaitlin, prompting speculation that the couple might seek to rekindle their romance.
Since the split Prince Frederick has kept a low profile, and not so much as one woman has been seen on the former playboy’s arm.
Daniel stared down at the photo, scrutinised Kaitlin’s expression for the umpteenth time and still derived nothing from it.
So on to item two—a note on delicate blue paper that he could swear bore a touch of her rose scent. Fanciful idiocy of a type that occurred with depressing regularity—wherever he went there seemed to be echoes of his time with Kaitlin.
He read the note. Again.
Dear Daniel
Forgive the short notice, but I wonder if you could meet me in Barcelona this Saturday?
Given the lack of notice, if you can’t make it I will, of course, understand. I will be at the hotel where we met at six p.m.
Best wishes
Kaitlin
Best wishes—what the hell did that mean? Why did she want to meet? To tell him of her new alliance with the Prince? Why Barcelona?
The only way to find out was to go.
* * *
Lady Kaitlin Derwent, poster girl for the aristocracy, daughter of the Duke and Duchess of Fairfax, stared at her reflection and wondered if...no, knew that she had run mad. There could be no other explanation for the fact that she was standing here, in this glitzy Barcelona hotel room, about to act in a way so wildly out of character that she could barely believe her presence here.
Yet it felt so right—more than that, it felt in character, like the real Kaitlin. But that didn’t prevent the rush of nerves, the pounding of her heart as she looked at the wall-mounted clock and saw that it was six o’clock. One last glance at the simple jeans and T-shirt ensemble she’d picked, after choosing and discarding countless other outfits, and then she turned, exited the room and headed down the stairs.
Entered the lobby and stopped.
There he was, and it took all her will-power not to run across the marble floor and launch herself into his arms. That wasn’t how this was going to play out—Daniel wasn’t that sort of a man.
‘Daniel.’
‘Kaitlin.’
For a timeless moment they stood and stared at each other, and a sense of imminent sadness touched her. Daniel looked wary, aloof, and not at all like a man who was happy to see her.
For a second she was tempted to abandon the plan, recalling all the reasons why it truly sucked, but then she gritted her teeth. If she didn’t do this she would regret it for the rest of her life. Or so Cora had assured her, anyway.
‘Shall we?’ he asked as he gestured to the bar.
‘Yes. Actually, no. Let’s walk. So, how have you been?’
The banality of her question was almost unbearable, but she wanted some time to absorb his presence, to look at him, to revel in his nearness even if her feelings clearly weren’t reciprocated.
‘Fine. You? You look well.’
‘I am well. That was part of what I wanted to tell you. I took your advice. I went and found myself a therapist—one recommended by the Cavershams, in fact. She has been fantastic—and apparently I’m not a lost cause.’
It had been balm for her soul to realise exactly how far she had come by herself, and to see how much further she could now go.
‘I’m pleased, Kaitlin. That took courage. But I never doubted you had that.’
‘Thank you.’
‘You said that’s partly why you wanted to meet me. What was the other reason?’
Hurt touched her—clearly Daniel wanted to cut to the chase and close this down as soon as possible. Yet there was a tension in him, as if he were reining himself in, exerting every ounce of his iron will. There was a rigidity to his shoulders, a tension to his jaw that she couldn’t read. Doubts jostled and hustled her brain.
‘Could we stop somewhere?’ Glancing round, she realised they had wandered to the Magic Fountain of Montjuïc—one of Barcelona’s top attractions. ‘We could watch the show whilst we talk.’
Perhaps the beauty of the spectacle would give her courage or bring her luck.
Daniel nodded and led the way to the steps opposite the fountain, where they seated themselves in the anonymity of the throng of tourists.
‘Go ahead.’
For a moment she inhaled the spicy scents of the food being sold by the numerous vendors who hawked their wares. She watched the acrobatics of the street entertainers, sought and found the courage of her conviction that she needed to be honest with this man.
‘I wanted to tell you that Frederick and I—’
‘Don’t do it.’
The urgency in his voice effectively rendered her speechless for a moment, until understanding dawned.
‘I know you don’t think I should make an alliance, enter a gilded cage, and I wish I had told you in Venice how much I appreciated you confiding your mother’s situation to me.’
He made a dismissive noise, brushed his hand over his head and clenched his fists as he leant forward. ‘That’s not what I meant. I meant don’t marry Frederick because I love you.’
The words stunned her, and for a long moment she was sure her ears must have deceived her. ‘I...I... Excuse me?’
‘I love you, Kaitlin—I know you don’t want love, but there you have it. I love you. The past three months have been hell. I’ve missed you and nothing cures it—I’ve dreamt of you, thought about you. About the way you press your lips together, the way your face lights up when you smile, the glorious intensity of your eyes, the way you walk, your strength, your stubbornness, your...your everything. I love you.’
‘But...how?’
‘I don’t know.’
His expression was so flummoxed that it startled a small laugh from her lips.
‘I thought I was incapable of love, but then you came along and you changed everything. You slipped under my guard and under my skin right from that first night in Barcelona. I fought it all the way, bu
t now I don’t want to fight it any more. Loving you is a joy.’
‘But what changed your mind? Why do you want to stop fighting it?’
The first scratching of joy was beginning to unfurl inside her, but caution prompted the fear that this was an illusion—that Daniel had mistaken love for some other emotion.
‘Because I realised you were right. Life isn’t black and white and love isn’t a tangible thing that I can conquer or deal with the way I can deal with a court case. Which is why I went to see my mother.’
‘Oh, Daniel. Tell me.’
As he spoke the scene played out before Kaitlin’s eyes...
Daniel parked the hire car and climbed out, wondering why he hadn’t done this before. Did he truly believe his family would shoot him on sight?
Seeing the house he’d grown up in brought back a surge of memories that replayed in his mind like a cinematic reel.
Taken alone, they were happy memories, yet all tainted now with the knowledge of hindsight.
Kaitlin’s words echoed in his brain. ‘Life isn’t black and white.’
Yet for so long to him it had been... But now here he was—he had no idea if he would be allowed entry, but at least he would have tried.
More than aware that there would be people watching his every move, he moved away from the car and walked to the door.
Walk as though you have the right to be here.
He could only hope his stepbrother could see him now. Knocking on the door with the shiny brass knocker, he could feel the accelerated thud of his heart as he heard the approach of footsteps.
The door swung open and shock glanced through him. Shock and relief and near disbelief.
‘Danny...’ His mother’s soft voice, her lavender scent, her beauty that had worn the scourges of time. ‘Come in.’
‘I wasn’t sure if you would see me.’
‘You asked for an hour of my time, a chance to say the goodbye we never had time to say before. What mother could refuse that? Let me look at you, Danny. You have grown into a fine man.’
‘My stepfather doesn’t think so.’ The words of bitterness were out before he could stop them.
‘Antonio knows you are here. He understands that I need to see you.’
‘But just this once?’
‘That is my will, Danny.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I look at you and see all you have achieved. We are your skeletons in the closet—the people who can bring you down. How would it look if your colleagues, your clients, discovered you were once part of the Russo family?’
‘That is my look-out, Mamma. If the choice now is between my family and my career I choose my family. I don’t want to walk away again.’
‘You don’t understand.’
‘Then explain to me.’
‘When I married Antonio I made a deal, knowing what I knew about him. I will not renege on the deal I made when he has kept his part. Your stepfather is not a bad man, though he has done bad things. But things have changed since you left. Your brother, your sister—they will not enter the family business. This he agreed. Because he did not want to lose them like he lost you. Antonio was born into the business and he did not have the strength to break away like you did—part of his anger was because of that. I know my marriage was not based on love, but we have a bond, your stepfather and I, and I have loyalty. I am not choosing him over you, Danny. Try to understand that. And understand something else as well. I never once regretted the deal I made—I love you, and love is a joyful, wonderful emotion. Even when your father died I could never regret loving him, knowing him. And without that love I wouldn’t have you. Is there love in your life, Danny? All you have told me in your letters is about material success—incredible achievements—but I want there to be love in your life...’
Daniel looked across at Kaitlin. ‘It was as if the scales had dropped from my eyes and instead of black and white I could see the world in shades of colour.’
He gestured to the fountains, where the show had begun. Thousands of jets of water shot skyward, illuminated in various transitory hues and shades of colour.
‘And I realised that to have love in my life is a glorious thing. And I could see you—an image of you by my side—loving, talking, laughing.’
‘Then why didn’t you come and find me?’
‘Because I didn’t want to complicate your life. You were so sure of your path, so sure you didn’t want love, and I was...scared. But then I saw the article about you and the Prince. If you hadn’t asked me here I would have come to find you, because I couldn’t let you go through with it without telling you that I love you. Give me a chance, Kaitlin, and I swear I’ll win your love.’
Now laughter bubbled up inside her. ‘Daniel, you...you idiot. Why do you think I asked you back to Barcelona? To tell you that I love you! That I am not going to marry Prince Frederick.’
‘You love me?’
Surprise flitted across his face and then he smiled—a smile that curled her toes and frizzed her hair.
‘I do. With all my heart. You showed me how to be myself, how to stop hiding behind a façade, a persona that wasn’t real. I didn’t want love because I didn’t feel I could handle the rollercoaster of emotions. After the kidnap all I wanted to do was shut my feelings down—all of them: the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s how I coped.’
‘Oh, sweetheart. That is understandable.’
‘Maybe, but until I met you I’d succeeded only in achieving lockdown. Then Barcelona happened, and the feelings started, and I panicked, suppressed them. And then you arrived at Gabe’s wedding... Since then, however hard I’ve tried—and, believe me, I’ve tried—I haven’t been able to stop them. It’s like the hydra—I chop one down and two more sprout in their place. That’s why I had to get away after Venice—to try and build Lady Kaitlin back up.’
‘What happened?’
He pulled her closer and she revelled in the ability to put her head on his shoulder, to touch him, to hold him.
‘It didn’t work. The feelings refused to go away, refused to be squashed or shut down. I missed you so much it hurt. But I didn’t know what to do. I was scared. So I decided I needed to sort myself out. Work out who I was in case I didn’t love you, in case I’d just been dazzled by physical attraction. So I found a therapist, talked to the Cavershams about setting up more workshops, changed my gallery hours to part-time. But through it all I couldn’t stop thinking about you. The more I achieved, the more I missed you. I wanted to tell you everything. Then, when my parents suggested a reunion with Prince Fredrick...’
His grip around her tightened and she shifted closer to him in reassurance.
‘I knew that no matter what I would never go back to being the Kaitlin who wanted an alliance, and I knew I had to have the courage to tell you how I feel. I needed to tell you. I wanted you to know that whether you want to receive love or not you have it. I spoke to Cora as well—told her about the kidnapping.’
Her voice broke slightly—the scene with Cora had been heart-wrenchingly emotional but it had restored the twins’ bond that had been lost so long ago.
‘She told me that love is so precious it should be given where it can. So that was what I came here to give it to you. My love.’
But she had never expected to have it reciprocated.
‘I have no idea what comes next.’ For a moment a small doubt shadowed her joy. ‘I mean, what will happen to you if we start a relationship? The press will be interested and your family connections might come out.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’ His voice was strong. ‘I have already set the truth in motion. I won’t not see my mother just because she thinks that is the way to protect me and my business. I have done nothing wrong, So over the past weeks I have held various meetings, explained the truth to my employ
ees, and soon I will issue a statement explaining the truth. Of course there will be repercussions, but I believe I’ll ride the storm.’
Her heart swelled at his sheer courage, integrity and self-belief. ‘I know you will, and I will be riding it right beside you. But I promise I won’t crowd you—I don’t want you to make any deals or any rash promises. I know how you feel about children and marriage, and I’m good with that. I just want us to move forward together.’
‘That is what I want. But I would like to make some promises. I promise to cherish and love you, body and soul. And as for children—that has changed, Kaitlin. Until now I was too scared of the responsibility that comes with parenting—I felt as though I had blighted my parents’ life and in some way I felt that disqualified me from parenthood. Or maybe I was just too selfish—maybe I didn’t want to feel so much love for another human being. But now...the idea of creating a child with you, of bringing a family up together...it feels right.’
‘But not yet.’ Kaitlin smiled. ‘You see, now I can see that that isn’t the be all and end all. I was being selfish too—I wanted children because I did want to give and receive love, and I couldn’t think of another way. Now I have you, and that is plenty. I want to set up a new business. I want to travel. I want to learn how to be me. And I want to do all that with you by my side.’
‘Then let’s face forward and go into our future together.’
As he kissed her the fountain danced in a beautiful tapestry of colour against the night sky. And Kaitlin couldn’t think of a better future than one shared with this wonderful man.
EPILOGUE
Six months later
DANIEL TIGHTENED HIS arm round Kaitlin’s shoulders and felt the now familiar but still so welcome heady thrill of being able to hold her—the wondrous sense of amazed joy that they had found each other.
‘You sure about this?’ he asked as they both looked out over Venice’s Grand Canal and then down at the gondola, manned by a smiling gondolier in a blue-striped top.