by C. M. Fenn
Sam and Ember can tell that I’m upset. We sit in an uncomfortable silence for a moment. Sam clears his throat and continues.
“So, shortly before Mikhail came Faye Devon.”
I think of the kind healer covered in scars. “She’s much older than everyone else, isn’t she?”
Sam nods. “She’s forty-seven.”
“Is that strange? For someone of her age to be a Walker?” I ask delicately.
“A little,” he says. “It’s not unheard of though. Whenever an important skill is needed, the best person to fill that role is called to Chaos. Even though Faye is older than most Walkers, she was the best person for the job.”
“And she really is,” Ember says enthusiastically. “It’s amazing, the things she can do. Each time one of us gets hurt so badly I’m sure there’s no coming back from it, she fixes them, good as new.”
Sam nods in agreement. “She’s the best healer I’ve ever seen in Chaos. I don’t think there’s anything she can’t do.” This reminds me of a question I had.
“If she can heal anything,” I start, but I hesitate as I can’t find a polite way to word it.
Ember thankfully understands what I’m getting at. “Her scars?” she asks.
“Yeah. I mean, how did she get them in the first place?”
“Car accident,” Sam says, looking as though he has a bad taste in his mouth.
“She didn’t heal herself?” I ask, not understanding.
“It happened three months before she came to Chaos. She didn’t have her ability then.”
Ember elaborates for me. “She could heal them now if she wanted, but she chooses not to. You see,” her green eyes are red rimmed, “she lost her husband of twenty-two years in that crash. Then, when she found out a few short months later that she has the ability to heal practically any wound, it was too much for her. I think she feels so guilty for not being able to save him. Keeping her scars is her way of punishing herself.”
“But that’s not fair! It wasn’t her fault! The call just came too late.” They both nod in agreement with me.
“Sometimes Fate’s a bitch,” Sam says angrily. “She’s a doctor now, top-side I mean. She works in London’s busiest emergency room. She’s there every spare second she gets, forever trying to make up for losing her husband.”
This makes me angry too—that someone like Faye would have to suffer like this. To be given the power to save lives, just months too late to save the one most dear to her. It was like a cruel joke. And poor Faye is reminded of it every time she looks in the mirror.
Thinking of Faye’s loss makes me think of my father and the day a car stole his life. I wonder at the similarities. A question comes to mind, but it may prove too personal to ask anyone else. My instincts push me forward, however.
“Can I ask you guys something personal?” I ask quietly.
“Course, Addy,” Ember says encouragingly.
“Well,” I think of how to voice my question, “I lost my Dad four years ago, and Faye lost her husband.”
“Yeah,” Sam says before I can go on, “we’ve all lost someone close to us.”
With my suspicion confirmed, all I can do is shake my head slowly and ask, “Why?”
“We don’t know for sure,” he says.
I look at Ember. “My older brother,” she says simply. Sam doesn’t offer to share who he lost and I don’t ask. I can understand his not wanting to talk about it.
I take a deep breath and try to dispel some of the gloom I’ve been feeling. Our conversation has taken a heavy turn these last few minutes, and I’m anxious to get on to a happier topic. I mentally go over all the Walkers we’ve covered so far.
“So,” I say a bit more cheerily, “it looks like you’re the only one left Sam …” I let it hang in the air, waiting for his last name.
“Dixon,” he provides with a crooked smile and mock bow. Seeing him act silly makes me giggle and I appreciate his efforts to lighten the mood.
“Sam Dixon,” I say, liking the sound of it. I frown thoughtfully. “Let’s see how much I know about you so far.” I rub my hands together eagerly, the way I’ve seen Ember do. It earns a laugh from her. “You are Mr. Boss Man Extraordinaire. Longest in Chaos, current leader of the Walkers, and SWAT commander.” I tick things off my fingers as I go on. “Bad-A warrior man wiiiiiith … super strength?” I ask, crossing my fingers and hoping I guessed it right.
They both laugh as Ember says, “Pretty much nailed that one.”
“It’s not exactly like that though. I mean, I’m not Superman or anything,” he says bashfully. It’s about time someone else did the blushing for once and I’m finding I very much like the way it looks on him. I can’t help but grin at how adorable he is right now.
“Oh please!” I say, planning to milk this for all it’s worth. “I saw you snap that huge bear Shade’s neck like it was a twig!”
Ember joins in. “It’s not only strength, he’s agile too. Like a cat!” she teases.
He fidgets uncomfortably under the praise and it makes Ember and I laugh even harder. He shakes his head in exasperation.
“Okay, okay. We’ll be good.” I give him some relief.
“It’s really not all that special. It’s not like magic or anything.”
“Explain it to me,” I encourage.
“It’s like this. Let’s say Average Joe is lifting weights.”
He puts his arm on the table and mimics an arm curl. I’m completely distracted by the sight of his drool-worthy muscles flexing. I nod absently, trying to show that I’m following along.
“His brain is sending a message to his muscle to contract. But the problem is that only a fraction of the muscle fibers are doing any work.”
“Seriously?” I ask.
“Yeah. Most of us will go through life never using our muscles to their full potential. But when my brain sends messages, all of my muscle fibers respond.”
“Even still,” I say, not completely convinced, “I mean, you’re a strong-looking guy and all …” He raises his eyebrows and waits. “Those Shades you fought, they were huge.”
“It’s like when you hear a story about someone doing something impossible when hit with an adrenaline rush.” And when he says this, I get it.
“Like a dad who lifts a two-and-a-half-ton van off his child. I’ve heard those stories.”
“Sam can harness that kind of strength anytime,” Ember says proudly.
“Wow, Sam. All teasing aside, that’s really impressive.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal.
“I’m also pretty convinced his ability to lead others isn’t just a talent,” Ember says. “I think it’s another power of his. The way he can make and execute a tactical plan with absolute precision is superhuman. Angel seems to agree with me.”
“Anyway, that’s everyone,” he says abruptly, in an obvious attempt to change the subject. He looks around the ice rink as he says, “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m hungry again.”
Chapter 16
On our way out of the ice rink, Ember insists we stop at the mall. “I only had a moment’s notice when Sam called me to fly out here. I didn’t have much time to pack, and I had no idea I would be going to a show this weekend. I need to shop!” she says, fist clenched with fierce conviction.
“That’s fine,” Sam says. “I’ve got some calls I have to make for work. I’ll drop you two off and you can call me when you’re done.”
Ember fist pumps the air. “Yes! Girl time!”
Once at the mall, I discover Ember’s ulterior motive behind her need to shop. “I really don’t need to get anything. I just wanted to get you here so I could buy you a new outfit for tonight.”
“Wait a second-” I begin, but she doesn’t let me finish.
“No ‘ifs,’ ‘ands,’ or ‘buts’!” She says firmly. “You’ve never been to a concert before. I want tonight to be memorable and fun. You’re getting spoiled today whether you like it or not.” She grabs my hand and pulls me int
o the nearest clothing store.
Two hours and over three hundred dollars later, Sam pulls up to the east entrance of the mall to pick us up. I feel defeated and look undoubtedly shamefaced about the number of bags hanging off my arms, but Ember radiates a victory glow. Sam jumps out and helps us load our loot into the back of the truck.
“Hope you can find room for all of this in your luggage, Ember,” Sam says. Ember smiles and winks at me.
“I’m sure I’ll manage,” she says slyly.
Once back at home, Mom makes us some sandwiches for a light dinner. Afterwards, Ember helps me piece together an outfit from the new wardrobe. All in all, I’m pleased and a little surprised with the outcome. I end up in a pair of jean shorts and a black Led Zeppelin shirt. I leave my hair down but at Ember’s suggestion, I cram a hair band into my pocket for later.
“Trust me, it’s going to get sweaty and gross in the crowd, and you are going to want to put your hair up,” she informs me as she laces her high-top Chucks.
“Are there going to be mosh-pits?” I ask worriedly.
“No. Not for the band we’re seeing. That kind of stuff usually only happens at hard rock or metal shows. Besides, Sam will be there so no one would dream of messing with us.”
She looks me over. “You look great! Here, wear these.” She hands me some thin black bracelets. On our way out, I hug my mom and thank her again for letting me go.
“Now, Sam,” she says seriously, “I’m counting on you to look out for these girls. Have fun, but bring them back safe.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” Sam nods respectfully.
Ember has me sit in between her and Sam again on the drive to Phoenix. I don’t complain. I can smell a faint trace of cologne coming off of him. It’s a warm, dark smell. I realize now that my palms are sweating and I’m having a hard time keeping still. I try to relax. I want to absorb everything about tonight. I know it’ll be over soon, and we’ll be back in Chaos facing the same troubles we left behind last night. Tomorrow morning will come and Sam and Ember will have to leave. Who knows when I’ll be able to see them again top-side.
No. I’m not even going to think about any of that until I absolutely have to. Ember asks if we can stop at a convenience store so she can grab an energy drink.
“I need some caffeine so I can stay amped up! You guys want anything?” she asks as we pull into the parking lot.
“I’m good,” Sam says.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I ask.
“No, no. I’ll only be a second.” She hops out of the truck and inadvertently leaves me in a very awkward position.
Do I stay where I am, squished up next to Sam while there is an open seat next to me, or do I scoot over until Ember gets back and then scoot back again? All of a sudden, it’s too quiet in the truck. What do I do? I’m panicking and trying to make up my mind when I realize it’s probably too late now. The moment of indecision has passed and if I moved now it would only be more awkward. Now I’m stuck trying to think of something, anything to say when Sam breaks the tension.
“This was a good idea,” he says quietly.
I let out a relieved sigh. “The concert?” I ask.
“Yeah. I haven’t seen Ember this happy in a long time.” I follow his gaze through the store’s windows. I can see the top of her bright red head over the aisles. “It’s easy to forget that Realmwalkers are normal people too. They need stuff like this every now and then to help them cope.”
“So you’re saying, being a Realmwalker isn’t all glitz and glam?” I scoff. He chuckles under his breath. “What’s it like in L.A.? Do you and Crank ever do anything fun? Or is it just SWAT and Chaos? Do you have friends outside of all that?”
He reaches up and scratches at the stubble on his jaw as he answers. “It’s mostly just work and Chaos. Sometimes I volunteer to teach a class or two on self-defense at the local women’s shelter. Sometimes I’ll catch a meal with a co-worker.”
“Any family?” From the look on his face, I instantly regret asking. His brow furrows and the skin around his eyes tighten.
“Uh, no.” He shakes his head. “It’s just me.”
Our earlier conversation at the ice rink comes to mind. Ember had said that all of the Walkers had lost someone close to them. I silently kick myself for ruining the light-hearted atmosphere. I search for a way to salvage the moment.
“So Ember’s headed out there soon, right? That should liven things up,” I say with a smile. Then I realize something. “Hey! I’m actually going out there this summer to visit my Gram. I should stop by the base and check it out!”
Ember comes jogging back out to the truck. “What’d I miss?” she asks when she climbs in next to me.
“Adelaide was telling me she plans on visiting base this summer.”
“Just visiting? Heck, Addy, why not move there?” she asks excitedly.
“Move?”
“Yeah, why not? I mean, you’re planning to go to college somewhere right? Why not UCLA? With me? Oh my gosh!” She grabs my shoulders and shakes me. “We would have so much fun!”
“Oh. I hadn’t even thought about that,” I say as I run through the possibilities in my head. I’d be close to Gram. UCLA does have a great art program. Normally there would be no way I could afford it, but now, with the “donation” money coming, tuition shouldn’t be a problem.
“Really, Addy, think about it. Maybe mention it to your mom, see what she thinks,” she pleads. Her expression makes me laugh.
“Okay I will! It actually sounds like a great idea. Only, let me think about it a bit.”
The rest of our night proves to be one of the most memorable and happy nights I’ve ever had. At the concert, the three of us manage to get a spot in the crowd fairly close to the stage. The place is so crowded Ember, Sam, and I are crammed into a tight circle. When the band comes out, everyone squeezes up to get in even closer.
The energy of the place, of the band and the fans singing together, is electrifying. Everyone’s jumping and dancing to the familiar songs. I can feel the bass from the speakers pump through my chest. I can even feel it in the bodies of the people pressed up against me on all sides. Everyone’s happy and having such a good time. The three of us smile and laugh the entire drive home as we tell our favorite moments of the night.
Once we get home, I tiptoe into my mom’s room and kiss her goodnight.
“Did you have a good time?” she asks sleepily.
“The best ever. Thanks so much for letting me go mom,” I whisper.
“Mmm-hmm,” she murmurs as she pulls her sheets up to her chin.
Even though it’s late, the three of us take turns showering. While Ember had warned me about getting sweaty, she failed to mention how I would come home covered in other people’s sweat as well. Yuck.
With my ears still ringing from the loud concert, I climb into bed next to Ember. She squeezes my hand.
“All right, girly. Tonight’s the night!” I smile nervously back at her as she collapses into her pillow, already asleep. Sam comes in and sits on the edge of the bed, facing me.
“When we get back to Major Calm, Ember will take you to Angel. I’ve got to organize a test run with some of the Walkers, but I’ll come by and check on you before we head out.”
“You’re going back out into Chaos tonight?” I ask surprised. “Already? Isn’t that dangerous?”
“It won’t be that bad. It’ll be a scouting mission. We need to know what we’re up against and whether we’re going to face an ambush every time we leave a Calm or not.”
I nod, understanding but still worried.
“With this mission and your evaluation, it’s going to be a big night. Are you ready?” His steady gaze is confident, and I take strength from it.
“I guess I have to have faith that whatever or whoever brought me to Chaos knew what they were doing.”
“You’ll do fine, Addy,” Sam says reassuringly.
I want to reach out and touch him. I want to hug him and
steal comfort from his arms. Instead, I lie back on my pillow and close my eyes. He places his hands on my face.
“I’m ready,” I say, focusing on the warmth of his hands.
“Sleep now, Addy.” I listen as his voice fades away to a soft and lingering whisper.
Chapter 17
When I wake up in my temporary room, the familiar warmth and comfort that comes with being in a Calm wash over me. It helps ease my apprehension about my evaluation. I figure the best thing I can do now is relax and accept the inevitable.
I throw on some of the generic clothes I find in the guest dresser and glance at my reflection in the mirror hanging on the back of the door. My hair is a tangled mess and my eyes are puffy. I’m combing my fingers through my hair when there’s a quiet knock on my door. I open it to find a radiant and perfectly groomed Ember.
“How did you do that?” I ask perplexed.
She laughs as she hands me a small, decorative bag. “I figured you would need some basic essentials.”
I unzip the bag and find a hairbrush, hairspray, deodorant, and even some makeup (which I doubt I’ll use).
“You are my HERO!” I motion her in as I head to the bathroom to tidy up.
“So what are you doing next weekend?” she calls from the bedroom as I’m attempting to tame my bed-head.
“Next weekend? Friday night is graduation rehearsal, and Saturday I have my art show at the school.”
“Oh, okay.” She sounds a little disappointed.
My hair is as good as it’s going to get without a shower and hair dryer. I find Ember waiting on the edge of the bed.
“What’s next weekend?” I ask.
“Graduation,” she says nonchalantly. “Some of the other Walkers were going to come and I thought it would be cool to have you there too.”
“Oh bummer! I would love to be there.” I brainstorm for some way I can make it.
“Don’t worry about it. You’ve got a lot going on. And you can’t miss your art show. That’s a big deal.” She’s smiling but I can tell she’s a little bummed.