by C. M. Fenn
I picture Ember’s reaction when she finds out I broke a law. Will she feel as betrayed as Sam? Will Mel? And Crank? I can’t bear the thought of losing their trust. Will anyone agree with what I did? Will anyone stand up for me? Or is their anger for Mikhail too strong?
I can’t hide here any longer. After all, I told Mikhail he should stop hiding from his problems—that he should be accountable. That’s what I need to do. I need to follow my own advice, go face my peers, and accept my punishment. It’s the only honorable thing left to do.
Taking one last, nervous breath, I close my eyes and sink through the darkness into Chaos.
When I open my eyes, I’m relieved to see I’m alone in my room. I half expected to find Ember, or perhaps another Walker, pacing the floor, waiting for me to wake up so they could demand an explanation.
Instead, the room’s quiet and dark, except for a small desk lamp I left on the night before. I dress in the dim light, listening for any voices in the hallway. When I hear nothing, curiosity gets the better of me and I use my abilities and reach out.
Intending to locate everyone and test their moods, I’m surprised to find only two other frequencies within Major Calm. Timothy, ever eager for an excuse to work with weapons, is in a practice room with Simone, trying to helping her master her chosen piece.
After testing out a wide variety of weapons from our armory, Simone surprised everyone by taking a strong liking to the spear. At first I thought it was a joke. How could a spear be a practical weapon against Shades? And then I saw her use it. She has a knack for it, and after a few days of demolishing practice targets, all questions of its legitimacy vanished.
Neither Simone nor Timothy is reading alarmed or upset. Could they truly not know? I push further out, leaving the Calm and entering Chaos. I find Ember and Crank currently in the midst of a tussle with a handful of Lesser Shades. Though their guard is up, their awareness heightened, they don’t feel overly concerned, and I’m confident they can handle the fight. I don’t get the sense that either of them is particularly distraught about anything.
Sam spent all of yesterday in Chaos. Didn’t he tell anyone? Breaking the rules is obviously a big deal to him. How had he not found the time to do something about it? I’m at a loss as to what should I do now.
Should I wait around and see what happens, or go ahead and tell everyone so they hear it from me? If I tell them myself, maybe I can get ahead of this. Then again, I don’t think I can stomach disappointing anyone else tonight. In the end, I decide to wait and let Sam handle it his way.
The only real thing I can do to help the others now is to keep up with my training so I’m ready when it’s time to face the Elder Shade. Anyway, the idea of beating a punching bag to pulp is enticing right now.
I make a point to say “hi” to Tim and Simone before finding a room of my own to practice in. I choose the practice room equipped with a row of hanging punching bags on the right and padded, body-shaped posts lining the left. This room, like all the others, has a media panel on the wall by the door. I select some upbeat music and slide the volume bar over until the sound is almost too much to stand.
Bouncing to the music, I go to work on the nearest heavy bag. I start with some easy shots, light punches to help warm up my muscles and joints. I’m gloveless, so I expect I’ll have some damaged knuckles to clean up throughout my workout.
I bounce and jab and circle and punch. The progress I’ve made with my combat skills pleases me. It’s strange to see myself now, to compare myself with the soft, weak, carefree girl I was a few months ago. If I hadn’t experienced this transformation firsthand, I wouldn’t have believed someone could grow so much in so little time. Of course, I did have the benefit of my “extra” abilities to aid in the process, so maybe it isn’t a fair assessment.
I push myself, throwing hard punches, focusing on speed and accuracy. My pulse quickens as my heartbeat thumps in my ears. Sweat pulls loose strands of hair from my ponytail and sticks them to my face and neck. My breathing comes faster and my face feels hot from the exertion. I resist the urge to heal my stressed body and instead try to enjoy the ache and burn in my muscles, the stitch in my lungs as they yearn for more oxygen.
The rhythmic blows become a dance. Right left. Right left. Hook. Cross. Left. Uppercut.
All the while I circle. Breathe through my nose. Move my feet. It’s hypnotic and I lose myself in the trance, surrender to the spell of it, letting go of all thoughts and concerns, becoming numb. I’m not sure how much time has passed when I’m grabbed suddenly from behind.
“Addy, stop.”
“Wha—?” I breathe out trying to get my bearings. I was pulled so abruptly from my workout that the quick shift of momentum throws me off balance. Stumbling, I nearly fall to the ground, but Sam catches me and holds me up.
“Stop! What are you doing?”
I look up at him, brows furrowing in confusion. Can’t he see I’m exercising?
“What do you mean?” I manage to say through gasping breaths.
He grabs my wrists and shoves my hands in front of my face. “Look at yourself!”
Now I see what he means. The flesh on my hands is in tatters. Blood seeps freely down my wrists and forearms. The swinging punching bag behind Sam is stained red on all sides and a small puddle is forming on the floor beneath it.
“Fix it,” he barks, clearly disturbed.
“Yeah, of course.” I pull my wrists free of him and turn away. I send the message to my body to heal the damage. It takes less than a minute. I wipe off as much blood as I can onto my sweats and turn back to face him. “See, no big deal.”
“No big deal?” he sounds incredulous. He breathes out through clenched teeth and looks down at the blood smeared on his hands.
“I just got too into it. I won’t do it again.” I indicate the mess I made of the equipment. “I should clean this up. It’ll only take a minute or two then I’ll head to the briefing room.”
“What? What’s in the briefing room?”
“The trial. Isn’t that why you’re here? My summons?”
“Oh … uh, no Addy,” he says, avoiding my eyes. He looks uneasy, maybe even a little embarrassed. “Listen, I’m not going to report what happened.”
“You’re not?” This revelation startles me. I take a step, bringing me closer to him. Has he forgiven me? When he doesn’t move away, I reach for his hand. As I lace my fingers through his, he finally meets my gaze.
He shakes his head, almost imperceptibly.
“Why not?”
“Everyone’s stressed out as it is. I’ve been struggling to keep their spirits up and hashing this out right now would be really bad for everyone. It would pull us apart. We need unity right now more than ever.”
Nothing he’s said hints at forgiveness. Then I realize he isn’t canceling the hearing, only postponing it. But he’s holding my hand, so …
“Are we …” I feel my eyes begin to burn. “Are we still …”
He pulls me into an embrace, and I push my face into his chest as my composure breaks.
“I don’t know what we are, Addy,” he mumbles. “I only know that the last twenty-four hours have been torture.”
“I’m so sorry, Sam. Hurting you, it was never something I wanted.”
“I know that. I do.” He squeezes the back of my neck. “But I’m having a hard time with myself. I don’t believe in what you’re doing. I don’t agree with it. I can’t support it in any way. But I need you. I don’t want to be without you. Ever.”
“I was so worried I’d lost you. I thought I’d messed up so bad you’d never forgive me.”
“YOU were worried? Imagine how I felt when you told me you were in a locked room with Mikhail. ALONE.”
“I know. I feel awful. It’s just … I wish you could project yourself into other people’s minds the way I can. Then you’d know what I know. If you could feel how certain I am about this, you’d understand why I had to do it.”
He leans back
to look at me. “I understand you felt compelled—perhaps so much you couldn’t resist. And I feel bad I didn’t have your back. I admit I didn’t even want to understand. I hear the name ‘Mikhail’ and my defenses automatically go up. If I’d known you were that determined, I’d have helped you find another way.”
“Really?”
He nods and runs his thumb across my cheek.
“I shouldn’t have put you in a position like that, where you felt you had no other option but to lie to me. We’re a team, Addy. We need to work together, not against each other.”
I ease up onto my toes to reach his mouth. He kisses me back and his passion, his intensity, equals mine.
“Addy,” he whispers between kisses, “Addy, I love you.”
I whisper back, “I love you too, Sam.” I clasp his face in my hands. “I love you.”
Chapter 59
It starts with that gentle plucking at the back of my mind. A mild sensation. I nearly dismiss it as that nagging feeling you get sometimes when you know you’ve forgotten something.
I had just sent my mom off to “AZ” after a long and much-needed week together, and things had been looking up for the Walkers lately. The number of Lesser Shades was dwindling and there had been only a couple encounters with Greater Shades. They’d all been dispatched with relative ease, none even coming close to being as formidable as the Elder Shade. No one had even seen him since that last battle in the rainforest. There had been talk that maybe he abandoned Chaos. Maybe having failed, he returned to the Nether Realm to face judgment from the Circle of Elders.
Regardless of the talk, I never believed that. I’ve been in his head. I know the terror he feels for the Circle. The power they have over him is complete.
No, he’s out there. Perhaps he’s biding his time, waiting for us to drop our guard. My gut tells me this is exactly what he wants. And I’m worried it may be working.
“How do you DO that?!” Timothy asks from over my shoulder. I’m working on my latest art piece, a charcoal sketch of my grandmother as she was in a black-and-white photo taken in the sixties. Her hair’s pulled back from her face and she’s wearing heavy cat eyeliner and looking like a true diva.
“Don’t bother her, you’ll mess her up,” Simone chides Timothy. The two of them are here at L.A. base on “vacation.” To everyone’s surprise, they’ve been spending a lot of time together. Timothy himself remains the most astonished of all.
Also surprising, Simone hasn’t changed her appearance in quite a while. She’s still the same delicate strawberry-blonde water nymph she was a few weeks ago. Maybe she’s finally okay with herself, and maybe Timothy has something to do with that.
They’re all gussied up for a night on the town and asking if I’d like to go dancing with them. While I’m thrilled they seem to be enjoying themselves, their lax attitude makes me nervous. This kind of carelessness—going out and partying—is exactly what we should be guarding against. But seeing Simone so cheerful and, well, KIND stops me from voicing my concerns.
“Sorry guys, I hate to be a stick in the mud, but I think I’ll hang out here tonight. Have a good time though!”
The gentle plucking sensation I nearly dismissed earlier has grown into a steady tug.
“Uhhh, guys?” I call after them before they can get too far.
Simone pokes her head back into my doorway. “Please do not say what I think you’re going to say.”
“Sorry Simone, weak spot.”
“Damn it all to the Nether Realm!” She stomps her foot like a child. “I spent the last hour getting ready.”
From behind Simone Timothy holds up two fingers and mouths the words “two hours.” He puts a hand on her arm. “Let’s take care of it quick so we can still go out tonight.”
They hurry back down the hall, I assume to find the nearest bed. As I’m about to send out a mental alert and the location of the weak spot to every Realmwalker, things quickly go from bad to worse. That steady tug is now an urgent alarm.
Realmwalkers, I send it out forcefully to ensure I have everyone’s full attention. We have a weak spot. You’ll find it here, in this area. I show them where I mean. It’s deteriorating much faster than it should. You’ll most likely find a Ripper there working on it. Good luck and happy hunting.
I’m convinced the others have understood my urgency when I sense them start to pass, one by one, into Chaos. I lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I always go to Major Calm when this happens, to be nearby and on hand just in case. When I feel the last of them leave this realm, I close my eyes and join them.
“We need a sealer on site now. Kira, you’re the fastest. Go. Lang, you watch her back. We’ll head that way as soon as we’re equipped and ready.” Lang and Kira turn on their heels and run toward the garage.
We’re in the armory getting outfitted. Sam continues to instruct the remaining Walkers while he selects his usual handguns from the arsenal. I try to make myself useful by helping some of the others fit into their armored body suits and distributing gear.
“I’m ready to go now, Boss,” Faye tells Sam. “There really should be a healer out there.”
Sam puts a hand on her shoulder affectionately. “Not alone.” He looks around the group. His eyes skip over the faces of my friends, and he’s disappointed when he doesn’t find the one he’s looking for. Sam must be starting to realize how much we all rely on Mikhail’s skills. Our eyes meet briefly. He knows I saw him looking for the Russian.
“Ember, Crank. You two ready?”
“Yes sir,” Crank says.
“Got my weapons right here, sir!” Ember grins as she holds up her hands.
“Go with Faye. I want a situation report as soon as possible,” he says, tapping the com unit on his ear.
“Got it!” Ember calls behind her as they leave.
After everyone’s geared up, I walk with them to the garage and marvel at their composure. My nerves are always a rattled mess until the tear is fixed and everyone’s back safe and sound.
As I reach the bottom of the stairs leading into the garage, I’m suddenly overcome by the level of intensity coming from one of the Walker’s “frequencies.”
“Whoa,” I breathe out, reaching out to Sam for stability.
“What is it?” he asks, concerned.
“It’s Kira. She’s in some kind of trouble.”
Sam touches his earpiece. “Kira, what’s your status?”
Silence.
“Kira, respond.”
When she doesn’t answer, he looks to me. “Tell me what’s going on out there.”
I close my eyes and send my full awareness toward Kira. What I find fills me with dread.
There, right outside the quickly eroding fabric between Chaos and the Nether Realm, is a void of darkness. A black stain. A malignancy so filled with evil that it can be caused by only one thing. I rapidly retreat to my own mind and open my eyes. The remaining Walkers are circled around me, waiting anxiously for my answer. The silence is thick, heavy with anxious anticipation.
“It’s him,” I whisper.
“All right, everyone,” Sam says, galvanizing us into action. “You all know how important this is,” he shouts as they hustle to the bikes. “If we fail tonight, Chaos will fall. We must protect Earth Realm no matter the cost.” He looks at each of us gravely. “To the very end.” His eyes settle on mine. “To the very last of us.”
There are no shouts of assent this time. No cheers of encouragement. The atmosphere is quiet and grave as each of the Realmwalkers mounts their bikes for what, in their minds, may be the very last time.
The Walkers rev their bikes and begin to pass through the threshold to Chaos.
“Addy, go grab your body armor!” Sam shouts at me over the roar of engines. “I’ll wait for you here.”
“There’s no time! I don’t need it anyway!”
Sam considers for a second then nods and holds his hand out to me. “Come on!”
I stare at his outstretched hand fo
r a second. Then another. I take a step backwards towards the stairs.
“Addy NO! There’s no time.”
“I have to!” I yell over the noise to be heard. “We can’t do this without him. Go, they need you. I’ll catch up!”
“Damn it, Addy!”
I turn and dash up the stairs before he can stop me.
Chapter 60
Outside the door to Inner Silence, I unbind the wards. My mind is in so many different places already, observing and worrying, that this simple task is much more difficult than it was the first time.
Will Mikhail listen? Will he be willing to help? This is my last chance to get through to him.
When the wards are gone and the last metal bolt clinks from its socket, I heave open the prison door and hurry inside.
“Mikhail!” I shout, nearly breathless.
He looks at me, startled, from where he sits on the edge of the bed, his chin in his hands.
“Mikhail, it’s happening. Right now. We have to go!” I motion for him to follow me. Instead he looks horrified and backs farther onto the bed.
“I cannot, Addy. You are wrong about me. If all of you cannot stop him, there is no way I can. I am no better than any of you.”
A hot rage floods through me. I run at him and grab the front of his shirt in my fist.
“Damn it, Mikhail. There’s no time! They could be dying out there!”
I’ve startled him, but he’s still not moving.
“You listen to me.” I push my face close to his. “You can either sit here and hide while the rest of us fight to defend our home—OUR FAMILIES,” I scream at him, “while we give all we have to protect Earth Realm from being torn apart by evil, while we battle to the last one of us,” my vision swims in angry tears, “or you can do what you’re meant to do and stand with us. You’re the only one who can do this and you KNOW IT! I can see it in your eyes, Mikhail! You already know what to do. Why the HELL won’t you help us?”