by Caney, Mark
The old dolphin moved forward stiffly, the missing tip of his dorsal fin giving him an odd outline in the dirty water.
‘Touches The Sky, we have been told that members of the Guardians have been seen and they seemed to know you. Have you made contact with the Guardians?’
‘Well, Jeii not exactly…’
‘Do not address your replies to me, you are answering to the Council. And do not try to be evasive! Answer our questions yes or no. I shall ask you again, in simpler terms: have you seen members of the Guardians?’
‘I must tell the Council that yes, I have.’
‘Did they come across you by accident, or did you go to them?’
‘I — I went to them, but I did not…’
‘Answer the question! Did you speak to any of them?’
Sky remembered the battered youth, and his brief, plaintive conversation with him, ‘Yes, I did, just…’
Green Wave glared at him, ‘You test our patience! Any form of contact is forbidden, it makes no difference what you spoke about! Did you see the Guardian clan last night?’
‘Yes.’
‘Under what circumstances?’
‘I witnessed a…a Guardian ritual.’
There was a stirring and exchange of glances among the Council members at this.
With a sinking heart, Sky saw how this was going to end. At least he had to try and warn them about what the Guardian leader had said: about something happening in the next few moons that would lead to Ka-Tse dominance.
‘May it please the Council, I overheard them say something that may be of great…’
Green Wave’s eyes widened in anger, ‘Silence! You have said more than enough!’
He shook his head sadly and turned back to the Council. ‘This zeta regrets to report that the evidence is unequivocal. The Code has been broken. There can be no excuses for this youth.’ He went on, his voice rising with emotion as he spoke. ‘In recent days grave doubts have been raised concerning Touches The Sky’s integrity. I beg to remind the Council that he is no simple zeta either. He is not only a member of this clan; not only a Novice at the Academy; not only entrusted by this clan to act as the Voice of Youth; he even represented the Ka-Tse at a Grand Council Meeting! He can claim no ignorance of the law or the consequences of transgression!’ His voice sank to a more solemn tone: ‘There can be only one punishment for him and this zeta commends the Council to enact it immediately.’
Sky spoke in a clear voice. ‘This is not fair!’
Green Wave glared at him. ‘Must I have you removed?’
Silent Waters spoke, ‘With the Council’s permission, this zeta would like to ask a question.’
Green Wave spoke quietly, but was clearly agitated, ‘Whilst the Council has the highest respect for the Prime Mother’s perspicacity, this would be highly irregular. Tradition dictates that the accused has only one inquisitor.’
‘Nonetheless, this zeta begs the Council’s indulgence on this occasion.’
No one else objected, so she continued, ‘Touches The Sky, I sense that there is more that you have not told us. I will ask you but one question. Can you give us a good reason why you did this thing?’ Her eyes smiled reassuringly at him.
Sky thought desperately for a moment. There was a good reason — he went to find Dusk. But if he said that then she must suffer exile. Maybe after this she would leave the Guardians alone and come to her senses. This was her only chance. With his heart full of pain he slowly said, ‘I am so sorry Prime Mother…there was a good reason, I promise you…but no, I cannot say why.’
She closed her eyes for a long time, then opened them. She spoke slowly, her voice clear and cold. ‘The Council hereby banishes you from the Dune Coast Clan. Your office as a Voice is terminated. You will leave immediately. You will speak to no one. Your name is lost to us now. Your deeds are forgotten. You cannot be seen. We have no memory of you. You no longer exist.’ She turned and swam away from him; the other Councillors followed.
Sky was left alone in the swirling murk. He felt numb. All his friends were gone. He no longer existed. He had done his best to follow the Way and now he was alone. He surfaced for a moment, then turned and swam off towards the gathering storm.
In the bay a lone dolphin waited. She surfaced regularly, watching the passage of the sun. It was still just visible, not yet quite engulfed by the coming storm. She waited until she was sure that noon had passed. She made a final, high jump. For a brief moment, while she was at the apex of her flight, she thought she could see in the distance a single dolphin making low, travelling leaps from the water, heading towards the lightning on the horizon. She fell back into the water, paused for a moment, then turned and joined her waiting clan. They set off to the east, away from the storm.
Chapter 36
“The noblest of gifts is one that is given knowing that it shall be received with no possibility for gratitude.”
- The creation anthologies
Fades Into Dusk returned to her clan still angry at what she had seen the previous night. She had been shocked when she had realised what was going to happen, then even more so when she became aware that she knew the dolphin who was to be punished — the young male who had been so flirtatious with her, Catches In Air. Afterwards, she had a terrible argument with Storm. She had said that she thought the punishment was barbaric and unnecessary. He had made his usual arguments about the need for the Ka-Tse to change; that the soft ways of the past were over, they must be strong to survive. He said that if there was one sick fish in the shoal, the shoal did not slow down to wait for it, or they would all die. Likewise, they could not permit one zeta to endanger all of the Guardians just because he was weak. She had ended up shouting at him and he had become very angry; frighteningly angry. He had brought his face close to hers and snapped his jaws in her face — for a moment, she had really thought that he was going to attack her — then he had got himself back under control. He had tried to change the subject, wanted to talk about Starwriters: had she met the Dreamweaver who had joined them? But she could not take any more and had left him there, his eyes once again full of dangerous anger.
She made a long detour on the way back to the clan, to give herself time to think. By the time she arrived there the sun was falling behind the clouds and a steady rain was falling. The wind was increasing too as the storm approached and the surface waves were growing in height. Breakers crashed against the shore, throwing white surf high in the air.
Under the water, in spite of the growing turbulence and the restless sand, the bay seemed strangely still; the last of the visiting clans had gone now. She found the members of her own clan milling about near the north west end. One of the first she recognised was Muddy and she gave her signature call. He replied and came towards her. He looked grave.
‘Muddy, what’s wrong?’
Muddy replied, his voice low, ‘It’s Sky, haven’t you heard? He’s exiled.’
‘Exiled! Why? What’s he done?’
He shook his head uncomprehendingly, ‘They’re saying that last night he was with the Guardians. Even witnessed one of their rituals!’
Dusk felt icy cold. It must have been the same thing she had seen, but how? Why would Sky be there? Did that mean that the Council knew that she had been with the Guardians?
Muddy moved alongside her comfortingly and stroked her side with his pectoral fin. ‘I know, we’re all shocked. I can’t imagine what made him do it. I won’t believe that Sky did this deliberately without some reason. He is just too…too good to get involved with those maniacs.’
‘Did he give a reason?’
‘No, Hunts Alone overheard his inquisition and apparently he wouldn’t say. It was quick, Hunts said. They questioned him and he hardly said a word. He said it was like he was trying to deliberately hold back something or protect someone. Now he’s gone.’
Dusk was reeling. ‘Gone?’ she murmured.
‘Deneb was just here, he’s really upset and angry. He can’t believe t
hat Sky would want to visit the Guardians either.’
She nodded, fearful again. ‘Where is Deneb?’
‘You just missed him. Green Wave Falling has taken him off to the meeting place where Deneb has to wait for the Xenthos. Poor Deneb, he was really shocked by this, he really feels like he’s lost his brother.’
‘Yes, yes of course. Look, Muddy, I want to be alone to think about this, it’s just too much…’ she paused, lost for words.
He smiled slightly. ‘I understand. We’ve all been hurt by it, he was such a good friend. And he was especially fond of you of course.’
She looked at him in surprise, ‘Me?’
‘Oh, yes. Most of the clan thought you two must have gotten it together by now. He really admired you I think. Anyway, I’ll leave you alone. Just call me if I can help.’
He left her. She lay still, being rocked back and forth in the growing swell. Clouds of bubbles were driven under the water around her by the breaking waves above, but she did not see them. She just kept saying to herself over and over again, ‘What have I done? What have I done?’
Chapter 37
“And when you are abandoned
Completely alone
There is one who’ll love you still
She waits in the shadows
Shy, patient; always ready
She knows you’ll take her as partner
For your last dance
She’s not jealous of past lovers
Cares not what wrongs you’ve done
Demands only total faithfulness
Accept her cold embrace
You’ll have no other lover”
- The poet Jupiter by Regulas (9,467-9,491 post Great Alluvium)
Sky rocked at the surface in the big, rolling swells of the deep ocean and stared into the white fiery sun.
Take my sight if you want Senx, I do not want to see any more of this world.
It was becoming an effort for him to stay at the surface; his body seemed heavy, in spite of not having eaten for many days. A distant part of his mind registered that the heaviness seemed right somehow; as it felt as though his insides were turning to stone. It had begun with his heart, knowing that everything he held dear was gone: no clan, no friends, no Mist, no Dusk. Then it had seemed to creep through his insides, as though they were turning to — no, not stone — to hard, stony coral. But not vibrant living coral; instead the bleached skeleton of a dead reef. Still, somehow it was able to grow, it had filled his body and now its stony tendrils had begun worming into his mind.
I am ready for the Cleaner.
His eyes burned in pain as he forced himself not to blink. The glare from the surface filled the edges of his vision. He sought to control his mind which wandered constantly. He had laid at the surface for many days now, far from the nearest land. He had lain there day and night; his back and dorsal fin were blistered from the intense sun. He had swum away from the land without any real plan, just wanting the clean purity of the deep sea. No seabed, no other dolphins, just blue. At first it had helped, he had felt stronger, then the loneliness started to gnaw at him. And the realisation that this was how it would be from now on. Always. He knew that it was possible he might find some other clan, but in reality it was unlikely. Most clans were understandably suspicious of exiles, and they usually ended up alone forever. He had heard that the Guardians welcomed exiles but he had seen enough of their ways to know that he could never join them.
But if he did, might he see Dusk again? No, she was lost to him in any case — she had her new Guardian companion. And so was Venus In Mist, beautiful Mist, gone now with her clan, far from here. Would she learn that he had been exiled? She must already hate him for not meeting her that last day as he had promised, now she would despise him too.
His eyes burned painfully into his mind.
Let’s end it here.
A sudden larger swell rolled over him and as his eyes submerged he thought he saw a large shape glide below him at the edge of visibility.
The patient one. Waiting for me to finish.
This reminded him of another ending: Passing Cloud, who he had loved so much and whose darkening dive had been a beautiful, dignified ending. The old dolphin had gone to the void peaceful and content with a life well lived. Now he had squandered his.
He blinked and looked again. He could not see properly now and closed his eyes hard for a moment to try to regain his sight, then cursed himself for lack of willpower. I cannot even control my senses now, let alone my mind. What happened to all those grand pretensions of reaching the First Level?
Tiredly he began to pull his mind together.
I suppose I’m ready. I’ll make my darkening dive now.
As a reflex he commenced the controlled breathing ritual as he had practised it daily during his time at the Academy, then stopped with a bitter smile. This was not a control exercise; he did not need to extend his breath hold time for anything. He was not coming back.
But it seemed right somehow. After the years of rigid self discipline the concentration needed to retreat to the smallest recess of his mind prior to a long dive had become natural to him. Although he had failed to ever fully reach the first level of consciousness during those dives, he had been given tantalising glimpses of how it must be and it had deeply moved him.
So be it. My darkening dive will follow my teaching and the Way.
He slowed and deepened his breathing. Listened to his pulse and began the deliberate withdrawal down into the lower levels of consciousness, reducing his body’s need for oxygen to a minimum. According to his training he visualised his awareness of his whole body, pictured a red glow representing his conscious presence in every part of it. Then, with each slow outward breath, the glow dimmed, at first reducing from the tips of his fins, then passing slowly up from his tail and into his body. He monitored his pulse again and slowed it further; making his heart pause for a little longer between each beat.
He slowed his breathing further still. The red glow was receding further now with every exhalation, now just in the core of his body and his brain. In a few more breaths it retreated into his mind alone. He was dimly aware of the rest of his body and surroundings. All far away now. He was entering the deep diving trance, and the combined effects of hunger and lack of sleep served to distance him further from his outer being than ever before. With each outward breath his eyes slowly closed and the sphere of his awareness diminished. His body was saturated with oxygen but demanding almost none, his circulation was down to near comatose levels.
As in the best dives of his training, he did not really choose when to start the dive. He just felt his body tilt, his tail lift from the water, and the weight of it softly pressed him through the silver membrane and into the gentle caress of the endless blue.
His consciousness was concentrated in a small part of his being, the small yet distinct part of his mind that was his essence. It was the state of mind that he had deliberately trained himself to reach in the past: at the bottom of the fourth level of consciousness; primarily in the unconscious state but still under the distant control of the conscious mind. But this time he had reached it almost without trying.
He swam steadily directly downwards, his body motions seeming very far away. The sunlight pierced the water in gently waving parallel shafts, dappling his body. Sky saw that Xhosii was the dominant Tonella, the Shade depicting birth, fulfilment or duty. The wavering light shafts seemed to further taunt him, with the message changes or choice. He tried to dismiss it. It made no sense for him. Birth meant nothing. And fulfilment? Of what? And duty? Did he have any duty?
His dive continued and the blues began to darken around him. The shafts of sunlight became feeble and then began to fade. Ahead of him the water looked black as night. Ndria, the Shade of Death. He stopped swimming down now; there was no need, his lungs were compressed and he was heavier now; falling freely.
He saw a shimmering horizontal layer in the water just below him; as he fell gently through
it he was faintly aware of the abrupt drop in temperature. The light was almost gone. Above the Shades still said duty; below only death. The shafts of light were gone, the uniformity of the remaining light implying certainty. Certainty of what? Death? Or Duty?
Now he was deeper than he had ever been before.
I am leaving your domain, Senx. I seek Death. She must be near now, please don’t let her play with me. Take me quickly.
Suddenly the water below him seemed totally dark: absolute death awaited. He felt relief, soon it would end, and he would be part of Ocean as all things eventually are. He looked once more upwards. The Shade of Xhosii was still dominant but very dim now, barely discernable. I am swimming away from Duty. Suddenly he felt doubt. What duty? No one wants me, they wanted me to go.
Then he remembered the last words of his teacher: “If I have been able to influence them in some small manner for the better; if, at some time in the future they are faced with a hard choice and they think, for just a moment: “what would he have said?” then my life was worthwhile.”
What would Passing Cloud have said? Probably that we have a greater duty than to the self, or the clan, or even our species. That he had special obligations as an Aligner. We are the keepers of Ocean. Keepers of Ocean! Not the guardians. Was that his duty? Should he be trying to stop the Guardians corrupting the Way? Should he confront Storm Before Darkness?
Am I the coward now? Choosing this end when I still have a duty to fulfil?
He was sinking faster now. He became aware of a quiet but insistent desire on the edge of his consciousness. He thought of the surface, how very far away it was, how very hard it would be to reach it now. A tendril of fear snaked an icy path across his mind cracking his brittle concentration. He forced it out remembering his training and something Passing Cloud had said once: “In the darkness the pathway to life is dim. If fear clouds your eyes you will certainly lose the way”.