“Maybe I’ve never taken American Lit before.”
“Everyone has taken American Lit. How could you not—” Before she could finish, the clamor of the classroom door echoed above the din of conversation in the room.
The entire class stopped for a moment at the sound and all turned in unison to see who had come in. To Lucy’s horror, standing with an insincere look of apology for causing such a disruption, was Samantha.
Lucy sighed heavily and turned to face the front of the room, examining her textbook, as everyone around her returned to their conversations.
Benjamin turned back to Lucy as if to reengage their discussion, but noticed that she was completely disengaged. There wasn’t time for Benjamin to fix the situation because Samantha scooted right up to his arm.
“Hey, you. Sorry I was late; I had a nail appointment, don’t you like?” Samantha fanned her fingers so that her metallic fingertips gleamed in the light of the window.
“Those are simply beautiful.” His tone seemed sincere, and he had been stolen completely by the mere appearance of Her Royal Redness.
Lucy sat disappointedly, her magical link to Benjamin apparently only a one way street; so she decided to cut her losses and just get through class. Just as she was having feelings of self-pity, her phone vibrated in her backpack. It was a text message, probably from Kat. Flipping open the device, she saw that it was Mark.
MARK: hey, didn’t see you this
morning. I have to know if ur
ok. text back, alright?
Guilt swept over Lucy as she read the words and recalled the words of his thirty other text messages. She shook her head and looked over to Benjamin and Samantha.
“You’re so stupid,” she mumbled under her breath, and to her surprise, Benjamin spun around in his seat to face her.
“Did you say something?” he asked, his blazing green eyes staring straight at her.
“What?” she responded bewilderedly.
“I thought you said something.”
“Oh, no. I forgot to get something out of my, uh, locker. I need to go.” She grabbed her bag and stood up.
“But class just started.”
“I know; I just need to go get it. I’ll be right back.”
Benjamin and Samantha just stared as she left the room. As the door clicked shut behind her, she leaned against the wall, out of view of the door’s window. Strangely, she could still somehow sense Benjamin’s presence. She walked down the stairs toward her locker until she couldn’t feel him anymore.
That’s so weird, she thought. Everything had been so weird lately that she didn’t want to dwell too long on any one subject. All she wanted to do was see Mark. Heading downstairs, she texted him.
LUCY: Can u come out into the hall, I
need to see you.
As she found Mark’s classroom, she waited, staring at her phone for a reply. After a minuscule wait, the door opened and Mark’s face beamed into view.
“Hey! Oh my gosh, I’m so glad to see you!” Mark walked over to Lucy and took her in his arms.
There was a slight sense of relief as he held her, but it wasn’t quite what she had been hoping for.
She looked up at Mark. “Can we just go away somewhere? I need to get out of here.” Her face fell into his chest and she absorbed his essence.
“Sure, let’s go right now. I’ll go get my bag.”
His eagerness just made Lucy feel even worse about Benjamin upstairs.
“No, I mean away from everything. Let’s leave this town and everybody in it. Can we do that?”
Mark looked confused. “Are you okay, Lucy?” He took her hands in his.
Lucy did the best she could not to look completely dejected. “Yeah, I’m just … I don’t know.”
“Is it the wreck, ‘cause, that was …”
“I don’t know; I’m just really confused. I don’t know what’s going on in my head. This is all I need right now.” She wrapped his arms around her, and he squeezed her tightly.
She tried to feel him like she had at the dance—the electricity she felt—but it wasn’t there. Then, she thought of Benjamin. It seemed she couldn’t not think of him since the accident.
“Okay, I have to get back to class,” Lucy said, gently pulling herself away.
“I’m right here if you need me.”
“I know. Thanks.” With that, Lucy started walking back to class. She knew Mark was waiting for her to disappear up the stairs because she hadn’t heard his classroom door open or close, but she couldn’t feel him watching her. It was empty.
As she neared the classroom door, she felt him again—Benjamin. It was like her own subconscious knew where he was at any given time. She walked back into class and went straight for the back of the room and sat down in a cluster of empty desks. She spotted Benjamin immediately and just stared at the back of his head for the rest of class.
When the bell rang, Lucy looked down at her textbook and stayed in her desk. When she was certain that almost everyone was out of the room, she closed her book, packed her backpack and stood up. As she looked up, she was not surprised to see Benjamin waiting alone for her at the end of her row. She didn’t move, just stared in silence.
“You forgot this,” he said, holding out his hand with a folded piece of yellow paper.
Lucy took it from him. She could see her own handwriting on the outside, the word “hope” scribbled slantwise across the face. Confusion and emotional exhaustion took over her posture as she didn’t know what to make of anything. She felt as though every encounter with Benjamin was just a disappointing fiasco, and it was growing tiresome. It was draining her mentally and emotionally as she fought the overwhelming rush of feelings that seemed to accompany Benjamin’s presence.
“Thanks, I’ll be sure to recycle it.” Her tone and expression radiated every bit of the pure frustration she was feeling.
She walked toward him and he sidestepped to let her by. As she reached the door and held her hand out to drop the paper in the blue recycling bin, she heard her name.
“Lucy.”
She stopped and looked, pained, back at Benjamin.
He pointed toward the yellow slip in her hand. “Don’t forget; you won.”
Looking down, she could barely make out his polished handwriting on the inside of the fold. She stuffed the paper in her pocket and walked out of the room.
Chapter 10
It wasn’t exactly expected, but when Lucy found herself back in the grove, she wasn’t the least bit surprised. She had actually hoped as she turned off her lamp that night that she might wander back there, where the golden light radiated peace and warmth all over her body.
Looking up, she could see the sky through the trees, and she closed her eyes to let the sun settle in on her.
His voice came without warning and, for that matter, without the slightest bit of surprise. “You’re back.”
Lucy opened her eyes to see Benjamin staring straight at her. His clothes were what he was wearing that day at school. His sword was exactly as she had seen it last. He stood wrapped in golden sunlight, like a knight from a different universe, a different reality.
She felt comfortable in the haven, and since the version of Benjamin that she knew there was simply a figment of her own imagination, she knew she could relax with him.
“I had to see you.”
Even as the words came out, and even as Lucy knew he wasn’t real, she still felt a little embarrassed saying them. There was always an uncomfortable tension when expressing feelings to someone, whether they were real or imaginary.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here.”
“Why are you glad? The last time I broke into your haven, you kicked me out.” She tried not to sound annoyed, but she just couldn’t help it.
“I’m glad because I want to talk to you about some things. Did you read the note?”
“The note?” she said out loud. Her thoughts went back to the yellow note she had placed in her pocket. “No
, I completely forgot about it.” Instinctively, she reached for her pants pocket, when she realized she was in pajamas and slippers.
Benjamin stopped her. “It wouldn’t have been there anyway. You wouldn’t bring something like that with you.”
“What did it say?” It was a silly question. In a dream, the note would say whatever she wanted it to say.
“It was your prize. You’ll have to go back and read it yourself, but it is important. It reveals something about me that I want you to know.”
“Can’t you just tell me what it said?”
“I would, but you still don’t understand what this place is. There are some things you need to figure out for yourself.”
Lucy’s curiosity shifted from the note and moved to the haven itself. She had visited it so many times that it meant more than one thing to her and had caused her to feel more than one emotion; but, she still didn’t know what the haven was, which brought her to her next question.
“So, now you can tell me things? Why the change of heart?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve decided that if I tell you in here, then it won’t really make it to the outside, since you’re in a state of denial that what goes on in here is real.”
Lucy considered the truth of his statement, saw the wisdom in it, and was proud of her subconscious for coming up with it.
“Okay, Mr. Mystic. What is this place, then?” She looked at him with a smirk. His answer was bound to be interesting since it would ultimately be coming from her.
“Well, that’s not really what’s important right now,” he said, returning her smirk.
“What’s important, then?”
Benjamin took a few steps closer to her. “What’s important is that you know that this,” he pointed around the grove, “is not a dream.”
Not a dream. The words resonated. The fact of the matter was that it absolutely was a dream, and being so aware of that fact is what made Lucy so certain that she was simply asleep in her bed. But, there was something nagging at her that maybe he was right.
“How can I be certain that this isn’t a dream?”
“You can’t.”
The two stared each other down knowing one of them was right and one was wrong. Looking into Benjamin’s eyes, she couldn’t shake the sudden feeling that perhaps he was the one in control of the dream. The thought was so completely absurd that she tried to dismiss it the second it took shape.
“Come with me,” he said, motioning for her to follow him. “I want to show you something.”
While she tried to convince herself, once again, that she was the one in charge, it was still a little unnerving that he was leading them through it.
The two walked side by side. Benjamin’s sword swung at his waist. With the number of questions far exceeding the number of answers she had, Lucy decided to start with the sword. She thought it somewhat comical that she would have him wearing a sword in her dreams, but then again, she had dreamed of far stranger.
“Since you say this is all real, and I have to admit, I’m having a hard time believing that, then why do you wear a sword? Isn’t that a little odd?”
He looked down at the scabbard hanging from his waist and tenderly gripped the handle.
“That’s a discussion all by itself, but I will say this: it’s the one thing I don’t have to bring with me. It is always with me no matter which world I’m in.”
Lucy caught on his last few words. “Then this is a different world?”
Benjamin looked over at her, his demeanor calm and pensive. “It is a world based in our world, but yes, this is a world outside of our temporal world. It was created in my subconscious, but everything in it is made to be tangible and tactile. The smells, the textures; it’s all as real as I could make it.”
The sense of realism was overwhelming, and she could feel herself being pulled into her own delusion. She was starting to notice the details and their clarity. She began to think that maybe Benjamin was right, that maybe it wasn’t a dream at all, but she didn’t know how it could be what he was claiming. It wasn’t possible. While the surroundings were creations of reality, the subject matter was based in science fiction. But, with answers coming more easily than Lucy expected, she thought of more questions.
“You said I broke in here. Why would I do that?”
“Honestly, I don’t know the answer to that question. All I know is that one day I was meditating here and from nowhere you showed up in your pajamas.”
Lucy remembered vividly that first dream. “Why did you run away that time? Didn’t you recognize me?”
Benjamin tucked his fingertips into his pockets. “Since I created this place, you’re the first person ever to come here that wasn’t invited.”
Lucy stopped walking in order to absorb everything he had just said. “But this is a dream, and I’m the one making this up. I just don’t understand why I’m making this up. It’s not bizarre enough to be a regular dream, and it’s too real to be pretend. Why am I doing this to myself?”
Her questions were more directed at herself than Benjamin; she knew he would only say everything she wanted him to. Benjamin turned to face her, focusing his eyes directly into hers. His expression was one of absolute patience as he tried to make her understand the strange things that were happening to her.
“I will say this as many times as it takes, but you’re not in a dream, Lucy. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but this is not part of you.”
“But, it has to be. I’m asleep and I’m dreaming all of this.”
Claustrophobic panic was beginning to take over. Though she was outside, she felt like she needed more space, to get to an opening. Benjamin grabbed both of her hands and she felt the energy she had felt before. It came from Benjamin and she had never felt it so overpoweringly strong. She could feel herself recovering from her panic attack and everything came into perspective; everything was clear once again.
“This has been too much for you and I apologize.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I just want some answers. Please show me what you wanted to show me.”
“I was wrong. It’s not time yet. You need to be more certain of this out there.” He nodded to the outside world. “We’ll have plenty of time. You’ll be back here and I will show you everything.”
Calm came over Lucy as she felt the strong, but gentle, grasp of the two warm hands that held hers.
“You’re going to wake up soon. When you do, you need to read that piece of paper I gave you. Promise me you’ll read the paper before you see me next.”
“I will,” she responded, and he was gone.
The next thing she felt was the weight of her comforter on her arms and the softness of her pillow under her head. Her eyes shot open. She jumped from her bed and raced to her laundry hamper. On top she saw the pair of capris jeans she had worn to school that day. Reaching into the pocket, she wrapped her fingers around the slip of paper. Impatiently, she unfolded the note to reveal four words:
I will deny everything.
Lucy stared at the paper for so long that the words burned themselves into her retinas and she fell into her desk chair reaching for an explanation. Was he trying to tell her something? If he was trying to tell her that her dream was actually real, but he would deny its existence in reality for some reason, then she felt herself being okay with that. But, that couldn’t have been the case. He knew nothing of the dreams and she would be a fool to even approach him about it. If he didn’t corroborate the existence of the grove, then she would feel humiliated.
“But if he did …” she said aloud.
She thought about the possibility of her dreams actually being real. Wishing there was a way to somehow confront Benjamin about the dreams, she walked back over to her bed and looked at the clock on her nightstand. It read 12:05 AM. It would wait until morning.
***
“You going to be okay here this early?” James Higgins’ voice was low and gravelly, as he hadn’t yet ha
d his first cup of coffee for the day.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I think the library’s open.”
The morning sun had just barely begun to rise by the time Lucy got out of her father’s truck. He had to be at work for a 6:45 meeting.
“Okay, that’s good. You’ll have extra time to study,” he said as Lucy put on her backpack.
She smiled weakly as she reached for the truck door to close it.
“Lucy, this is for your own good. It won’t last forever, but it will last.”
Lucy nodded.
“Be good, sweetheart, I love you.”
“Love you, too,” she responded, despondently, as she shut the door.
The last thing Lucy wanted to do was sit in a chair and study in the library, so when she was certain her father was out of sight, she looked for somewhere else to go.
Walking through the quad, all she could think about was her last encounter with Benjamin in the grove. It was as though she had experienced a day between days, as real as the dream felt—as real as they always felt. It was hard not to not think about Benjamin. Since the last few visits with him, the link she felt was stronger, and all she thought about was being with him, despite the fact that she was still in a relationship with Mark.
She let herself wander the campus because there wasn’t any particular place she could think to go; it was simply the stillness of the morning and the peace of the outdoors that helped her focus on her thoughts. The cemetery was just on the other side of the parking lot, so she followed the chain link fence until she found an opening. The grass was wet, but dead, having suffered the torment of summer. Every grave marker looked decades old, if not centuries, because the coastal air had a way of making things deteriorate faster than usual.
Lucy had so many memories of the cemetery that, unlike other cemeteries, it didn’t frighten her to be there. There was something about having the high school so close that gave her the sense of having a sanctuary from anything that might decide to come back from the dead.
Immortal Light: Wide Awake Page 13