“Sometimes,” he said, looking at her, “when you’re working for an athletic goal, like the Olympics. You fail along the way. A lot.”
She stared.
“There are races you lose, badly. People who mock you. Injuries that terrify you, not because they hurt, but because you think your career is over. Injuries that heal but sit inside you like a grenade, and you don’t know when they’re going to burst out. A virus inside, waiting for the perfect conditions to strike. People who want to knock you down before you get started, so they say things to get into your head. And they get in there, and you have to push them out. There are weak coaches and greedy managers and lying advertisers. And in the middle of it all, you have to stay constant and keep your eyes turned to the distance, too, just as much as you need to look down so you don’t miss a step.”
“Okay. Yes.”
“And I think relationships can be like that, too.” He swallowed. “If you decide to invest in one, that is.”
“But you don’t do relationships.”
“If you had given me a chance that day, I would have told you that I wanted… to try, with you.” His voice lowered. “Try something real. Not just sex, not just kink. Not for the play. Something for you and me.” He took a step closer. “I wasn’t satisfied with what we had, you’re right. Because I wanted more. I wanted—” he pointed at the picture, “that.”
“You told me you didn’t want that! In the beginning, you said it. More than once.”
“I didn’t,” he admitted. “Not when I first met you. Not when I first fucked you. But somehow along the way, by the time you walked out on me, I’d changed my mind. I just didn’t know it in time to tell you.”
“Oh.”
He sighed. “I know I was a total shit to you that day, and that week. I freaked out when I realized that I actually cared about you, Cleo. It went against what I thought I wanted. It seemed difficult, hard to make work with our careers. It didn’t match my lifestyle, my casual sex.”
“Okay…”
“But I did care, Cleo. I realized that I cared very much. And I wanted…” he hesitated, “I wanted to tell you about it. To apologize for being a dick and tell you I was sorry, and ask you to be with me. You were so angry, and you seemed to really hate me, so I decided to just let you go.”
She licked her lip. “I don’t know what to say to that.” Her voice quivered.
“I wanted to ask you to be mine. In some way. My partner. My girlfriend, if you prefer that word.” His face was red. “Not just sex, but also…” He paused. “I mean, it would take work, though. From you, too.” He narrowed his eyes. “You’d have to work at it, too, Cleo.”
She frowned, her voice taut. “And you think I can’t? I wouldn’t?”
“The question is if you want to.”
“I don’t even know what you’re asking!” Frustrated, she cursed at him. “Damn it, Axel, just say what you mean for once.”
“I’m asking—” He shook his head. “Fuck. Cleo, I’m not asking. I’m telling you, okay? I’m telling you that I care about you more than just a fling. This is hard to say, but I think—I think I love you. That’s the only thing that makes sense with how I feel. And I think you love me too. And I’m telling you that I think we can make it, we can do this race, this thing, together. We can get past all the shit if we work together.”
She let out a chuckle that turned into a sob and a gasp. “That’s the least romantic—you love me?” She wiped a tear from her eye. “Really?”
He nodded, and then he came and stood in front of her and put his hands onto her arms, her shoulders, her cheeks, gentle. “I didn’t think I’d ever love someone, not really, not like this. But I do. It surprised me, I didn’t want it or expect it, but now it’s here. And I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either,” she said, through her tears. “Axel, I love you too. You know I do. I said it before. And it broke my heart that you didn’t feel the same way.”
“I did, though, Cleo, I did,” he said, his voice urgent. “I just didn’t see it. At the time. But I do now. Look, this picture?” He pointed, then looked back at her. “You make me feel that way. It’s not just a reminder to stay strong. When I’m with you, having you in my arms, in my bed, in my life? I have that feeling, all the fucking time. It’s a picture of me, but it’s also a picture of you, because that’s the smile I have inside my soul, when you smile at me. If that feeling is love, then yes. This is love.”
“I just thought that you wanted to dump me because I was getting clingy. Then I figured maybe you wanted to get back with Alyssia. She’s the one who broke your heart, right?”
He tilted his head. “We were together before she got famous, Cleo. She was different, then. Fun, real. When her career took off, she changed, and everything we had together fell apart. The press made more of our supposed reunions than there ever was.”
“You were engaged.”
“I was.” He swallowed. “And then I wasn’t. And thank God we split before we got married, Cleo. It would have been a nightmare. And I guess—having something fall apart so dramatically, it just made me bitter about love in general. I was fine with casual flings. Until now. Until you.”
“But what if she comes back again and she’s nice, real, back to her old self? Will you fall back in love with her then, because she’s the girl you first loved? Because people can change back, if they started out good.” Cleo wiped a tear from her face. “It happens. Because I can’t be with you if I’m sort of a second place, and you’re just treading water with me while you wait for your true soulmate.”
“No.” His voice was firm. “I did love her at the time, but that’s gone. Right now it’s you, Cleo. She could turn into anything in the world and it won’t change that. And I’m glad she walked out on me, because otherwise, you and I wouldn’t have this chance right now.” He touched her face, stroked her cheek.
“God,” she whispered, new tears falling. “Axel, I don’t…”
He kissed her, softly at first, then firm, his tongue teasing the seam of her lips, then delving inside. She pressed herself to his body, giving herself to his embrace, losing herself in his arms.
“So is this a yes?” he asked, kissing her neck. “Are you saying yes, you will be mine?”
“Axel,” she murmured. “I want to be with you.”
“Good,” he declared, running his hands up her body. “Very, very good,” he said, lowering his voice, and letting his fingers close over her breasts, pinching the nipples through her shirt.
“Ow!” she squeaked as he squeezed.
“Shhh, you know you like it,” he demanded, but put his hand on her chin to look into her eyes. “Yes?”
“Whatever.” She made a face.
He reached back and slapped her ass. “Is that the right way to address me?” But his tone was gentle, teasing, as much a question as an order.
“You want me to call you Sir and do what you say? You’re going to have to earn it,” she said, her voice tremulous but determined.
“That’s a deal I can live with,” he whispered into her ear, putting one hand at the front of her thighs, until she could feel the warmth of his palm. “Because we both know you’re going to give in to me in about ten minutes.”
“You seem pretty confident,” she murmured, letting her eyelids flicker closed and pushing her hips into his searching fingers. “Mmmm.”
“Oh, I am,” he returned, stroking through her jeans. She made a noise of frustration at the thick fabric, the layer of cloth that blocked her from his clever fingers.
“Good spot?” he asked, teasing her with his touch.
“Mmm, yes, right there,” she encouraged.
“Spread your thighs,” he ordered, and gave her a light slap on her hip when she hesitated. “Now.”
But it was exactly what she had intended to do anyway, the very thing she craved, so she let them slide apart to allow his hand access, gasping as he touched. “Axel.”
&nbs
p; “Did you miss this? My touch?” He unbuttoned her jeans and drew down the zipper. “My fingers, on your skin?”
She sucked in a breath as he stepped closer and inserted his palm between her jeans and the fabric of her panties. “Cleo, answer me.”
“Yes, I missed you,” she said. She reached out and put both hands on his biceps and ran them down his arms. “I love touching you. You feel so good to me.” She lifted up his shirt and spread her palms out on his chiseled abs, touching the ridges and planes of his body. “So fucking good.”
“You too.” His voice was hoarse as he took his hand out of her jeans, and pulled her to him by both ass cheeks. She sucked in a breath when she felt how hard he was, his arousal pushing into her belly. “See what you do to me. God, what you do to me,” he repeated, his voice lower. “You drive me fucking crazy. So fast, Cleo. One second, and I’m ready.”
“I want you right now.” Her voice was full of need. “I want you inside of me, all over me, I fucking need you. No kink, just us.” A tear rolled down her cheek, but she laughed. “I’m not sad, I don’t know why I’m crying.”
“It’s okay, I get it,” he encouraged, and kissed the tear away. “Mmm. Salty. Like your pussy.”
“Shut up!” She burst into laughter. “My pussy is not salty! God, Axel.”
“Mmm, maybe I need a reminder, then, to see how it really tastes.” He gave her a dangerous smile, his eyes flashing. “Strip for me, babe, and then I’ll lick you until you scream.” He stepped back and propped his ass against the desk, crossing his arms. “Give me a good show, Cleo. Show me what I’ve been missing out on these past few weeks. Make it good, and then I’ll do the same for you.”
“Right here?” She glanced around.
“I locked the door. But if you don’t strip right now, I’ll make you scream with pleasure so everyone still in this theater knows exactly what I’m doing to your naughty, sexy body, Cleo.”
“Axel!” she protested. But she’d been naked in here before and she wanted it again, now. Removing her jeans and shirt, her shoes, was simple, and then she stood before him in her lacy bra and panties.
His eyes flashed. “Fuck, you’re hot. Take off the bra.”
She unsnapped the tabs and slid the cups off her breasts, teasing him. “All the way, or just halfway? Are you sure you want to see?” She widened her eyes. “Maybe this is too much for you.”
His gaze was practically feral. “All the way off, right the fuck now, or I’ll take you over my lap and spank you right this minute,” he ordered.
The rush of adrenaline that came from his words let her know that she wanted the kink, she wanted the spanking, she wanted all of it, but rather than wait and tease it out of him, she dropped the bra and stepped forward. “Do it, then,” she challenged. “You want to spank me? Then do it.”
“Oh, yeah?” A muscle clenched in his neck. “You sure that’s what you want?”
“You forgot how to do it, or something?” she shot back. “I thought you were the expert.”
“I thought you wanted gentle and sweet. Just us. No kink.”
“I want…” She hesitated, suddenly unsure of what she was about to say. “I think that us is kink, if we both want it. Right? And right now… I changed my mind. I want you… to punish me.”
“To punish you.” He said the words thoughtfully, and they sat in the air between them. “For?”
She swallowed. “For my behavior.”
“You know I’ve forgiven you, if there was anything to forgive,” he said, his voice even. “And I don’t believe that punishments are necessary, not for real. Not for the really earth-shattering things, especially.”
“Spank me and prove this isn’t a real big problem, then. I need this not to be a big problem. Definitely not earth-shattering. Please.”
He looked at her for a long time, forever, it seemed, their eyes locked. And as they stared, Cleo felt like she was looking into his soul, and he into hers; it was like he understood what she really wanted, even though she couldn’t put it into words the right way. Finally he smiled. “All right.”
“Finally.” She rolled her eyes, ready to taunt him a little, push him just to that edge where his beast was lurking under his skin, just behind his eyes. She fucking liked that place.
“Are you sure?” He raised one eyebrow, and gave her the stern look that made her stomach turn to butterflies, each and every time. “Be very sure that’s what you want, because if you ask me one more time, I will deliver. And I won’t stop until you’re a very contrite young lady, crying over my lap and begging for forgiveness and release.”
New moisture surged between her thighs and she nearly went delirious with desire. “Oh, God, Axel.”
“Sir.”
“Whatever,” she murmured.
“Not whatever,” he corrected, his voice hard. “Because I will start giving you extras with the belt for insubordination during a punishment. And I think it’s very good for you and your disobedient ass. It makes you a little sorer than you like, so you’re more liable to behave next time. And I fucking love it when you behave.”
She sucked in a breath.
“I am going to give you a good hard punishment spanking. This is going to be part play and part real, understand? I’m going to spank you because I think you need a good hard reminder to be honest with me, and respectful, as long as I’m being the same to you. It will end in pleasure, but I’m going to make it hurt like a fucking devil first. Is that clear?”
“Fine. Jerk.” She whispered it. “I mean, Sir.”
“Oh, baby, you’re going to be sorry you said that,” he said, his voice silky and dangerous, stepping forward. “Because now I’m going to have to rip those panties off of your sweet ass and turn it a nice, brighter red than I even planned.”
“Eee!” she squealed, as he suddenly grabbed her and tugged her to the couch, gentle but firm, and arranged her over his thighs. “You wanted a reminder?” He brought his palm down onto her left ass cheek with a resounding crack. “How’s that?”
“Ouch!” Alarmed, she twisted; as always, she’d forgotten—as the moment of a spanking started—how much it hurt. In her mind, all she remembered was the sexy afterglow, the high of the orgasm; the pain always took her by surprise. “That hurts.”
“It should,” he remarked, slapping the other cheek. “You’ve been very, very, bad and you deserve to have your ass burn.”
“Ooooh,” she moaned, unbelievably turned on by his words. “Axel, no, I’ve been very good, actually.”
“Oh, have you?” he asked, punctuating the conversation with spanks, brisk and hard, making her wiggle. “I see it otherwise. You were rude to me, you refused to let me tell you how I felt, and then you insulted me and stormed off, telling me never to talk to you again.”
“I’m sorry!” she cried out, twisting on his lap, trying to adjust herself so that her clit could push into his leg, but he held her down.
“Stop that,” he chided. “I know what you’re trying to do. You are not getting off until I properly punish you.”
“It hurts already,” she whined, pushing back.
“Good. I want it to hurt,” he asserted, spanking harder. “Stop wiggling. Or do you want me to take off my belt?”
“No, not the belt,” she whispered, although part of her wanted it, very much. “I’ll be good.”
“That,” he said, slapping hard and fast, “is most definitely a lie. And lies,” more spanks, hard, until she cried out, pulling at his arms, “deserve to be punished.”
“Ow, stop,” she said. “It’s already sore, it’s enough, I’m sorry now.” The burn was rising, sharp and fierce, and she almost felt panic.
“I don’t think you are,” he said, bending his head down, and taking a break to rub her ass. “You’re turned on, and you’re stinging, but you’re nowhere near sorry. You will be, though,” he added, with a final rub across both cheeks. “Very soon.”
“Axel?” She turned to look up at him, eyes wide.
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“You said you wanted a real punishment. You’re getting one,” he answered, his voice even. “I’ll honor your safeword, but you need to honor this relationship by only using it if you really need it, not just because your ass stings. And if you safeword and don’t have a real reason for it, I’m going to put you back over my lap and hold you down, and spank you even harder. Longer. Understood?”
She put her head back down. “Yes.” She felt a mixture of fear, anticipation, and arousal.
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, Sir,” she whispered.
“You see?” He sounded pleased. “That didn’t take long at all. Not even ten minutes, and you’re already at Sir. I’ll have you on your knees sucking my cock again in no time.” He slapped her ass hard. “Isn’t that right?”
“Yes, Sir,” she whimpered, the thought of being ordered to her knees nearly making her come on the spot. The only thing holding back her pleasure was the growing discomfort in her ass. This was the hardest spanking he’d ever given her, and he showed no sign of stopping.
“But it hurts!” she wailed at an especially hard smack to the base of her thighs, struggling against his iron grip.
“Mmm hmmm,” he said, and slapped again in the exact same place, making her hiss out her breath. “Stop fighting this. You know it doesn’t end until you submit.”
“What part of this isn’t submitting?” she demanded. “I’m over your lap, I agreed not to safeword unnecessarily, I’m letting you spank me, and it fucking hurts! How is that not submitting?”
He reached behind him and pulled out the hairbrush. “You know the difference. And when you show it to me? This will end.”
He tapped her ass once, twice, light taps, then raised the brush up high and brought it down with a resounding crack.
She screeched and nearly levitated off his lap, scrabbling with her arms, pulling at his jeans and calves. “Nooo! Ow! Ow, not the brush! Axel!”
But her cries were in vain, because he merely held her down and applied the brush to her bare ass, over and over. “Next time we have an argument,” he lectured, slapping with the brush after each few words, “you are not going to hurl insults, tell me to fuck off, and run away. You’re going to stay and talk it out like an adult. You’re going to say your piece, and then you’re going to give me a chance to talk, and we’re going to listen to each other.”
His Firm Direction Page 24