by Cara Dee
I laughed and dug out some takeout menus. "Let's see what we've got." But before I could dial a single number, my cell phone rang. It was Lincoln. "Miss me already?" I teased, trapping it between my cheek and shoulder.
He chuckled. "Who's this, again? I think I remember you. You had the spectacular tits, right?"
"Jerk," I snickered. "What's up?"
"I want you to call in sick tomorrow," he told me. "I've squared things with Madigan. I have plans for you."
Maybe it was because I already felt so…fuck it all that I had no issue agreeing. When I went to work next time, I had no doubt Dr. Anderson would call me into his office and fire me for whatever bullshit Dr. Houston had cooked up.
"Okay, I can do that." I smiled to myself, wanting this amazing feeling to continue.
*
Jesse arrived shortly after our takeout was delivered, so while Abel set the table, I stepped outside to help haul in the grocery bags.
It was snowing again.
"Did you buy out the store, hon?" I joked.
He must've used all the money Lincoln gave him. I was afraid to ask how much that was.
"Well, we're feeding an army these days…" Jesse was definitely in a crappy mood.
I quirked a brow. "Anyway… I had an interesting talk with Lincoln earlier."
He chuckled bitterly and hauled two bags out of the truck. "I'm not surprised one bit. I knew he'd rat me out." He shook his head. "It was for a goddamn party."
"What?"
"The pot," he replied irritably. "It was for a party."
"Excuse me?" I exclaimed. Fury tore through me, and I deserted the truck to stalk over to him, one hand open. "You hand that shit over right fucking now, Jesse!"
He stared at my hand, shocked, then met my gaze. "Wait—what did he tell you?"
Not that, obviously!
Deep breath. I put my hands on my hips and sucked in a long breath, then let it out slowly. It would be okay. Pot was common among kids. I should know. And that was why I had such issues with it today. God.
"We'll discuss this after dinner," I said calmly. "Go inside."
*
Lincoln didn’t come over that evening. There was some paperwork he needed to fill out, but we talked on the phone while I tidied up in the kitchen and portioned leftovers.
"I don’t get why you had to tell him anything," Lincoln muttered. "It's between him and me."
"And which one of you would speak for me in that delightful conversation that's been going so well?" Once the pizza was divided, I moved on to the Chinese food. "I wanted him to know my side."
He hummed, and I heard the rustling of papers in the background. "Do I wanna know what you told him?"
I shrugged, switching the cordless to my other ear. "Not much, to be honest. I want him to trust me to make the right decisions for us as a family—to trust my judgment." Trapping the phone against my shoulder, I poured noodles and chicken into two containers. "I told him about intentions."
Because actions weren't explained without intentions and context. Lincoln may have twelve years on me, but we were both incredibly naïve back then. Reckless, emotional, instinctive, and driven by anger or anxiety. Not to mention the heavy involvement of drugs, which I explained to Jesse.
"We change, Jesse. When you met me, I wasn’t fit to take care of myself, much less you and your brother. I changed, grew up, and Lincoln is no different. I believe he deserves a second chance."
He sat on the edge of his bed, eyes diverted to the window, and said nothing.
I stayed by his desk, sensing he needed space. "He's not asking for you to take him in with open arms. He's asking for an hour a week. That’s all."
I brought myself out of the memory, undecided on the whole offer of college and a car. It stung that I would never be able to give Jesse and Abel that, which I'd told Lincoln, and in turn, he'd given me another "Are you fucking crazy?" rant on how much I already gave them.
It was best to leave it be. That, I could let Lincoln handle. Although, I thought he deserved an hour of Jesse's time without a bribe, something I'd also made clear—to both of them.
"Ade?"
"Right, sorry." I palmed my forehead. "Spacing out a bit." I felt weird, too. Tired, achy. "Long day, huh?"
He chuckled, a familiar, rich, warm sound that made me smile. "Understatement. You should get some rest. I don't want you yawning tomorrow."
I grinned and stowed away the leftovers. "I won't ask. I like surprises. Tell me about this paperwork you're doing?"
"Sure. It's for Kid." He sparked up a cigarette. "He'll be up for parole this fall, and I'm having a lawyer look into his case."
I was starting to look forward to meeting this guy. Even if they'd only known each other a couple years, it was clear they were close. Hell, a couple years was more than I'd known Lincoln. Or more than I'd spent time with him, anyway.
I sort of envied the kid, which was silly of me.
"I'd tell you more, but I'm saving that for tomorrow." There was a smirk in Lincoln's voice. "I'm going all out for the first Valentine's Day I'll give a shit about."
"Aww." I laughed softly, automatically glancing at the calendar. Crap, it hadn't even occurred to me that it was the fourteenth tomorrow. Abel's birthday was right around the corner, so that usually had all my attention. "I haven't gotten you anything." Damn. I bit my lip.
"Good. I forgot Christmas."
I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t about keeping a freaking score.
*
Abel had fallen asleep in the living room while waiting for Madigan to come home, and after I'd woken him up, I was ready to crash, too. I showered, taking some extra time to shave, and brushed my teeth, wondering what Lincoln had planned for tomorrow.
Dinner wouldn’t take all day, and he didn’t strike me as a guy who wanted to go sightseeing in a city he disliked.
Checking the medicine cabinet to make sure Abel still had Xanax in case he needed it, I got stuck at the sight of a box of tampons. When the heck was my last period? I could be irregular from time to time, but…
I put on my PJs and left the bathroom, trying to do the math. No period in January…or?
"Mom?"
I looked toward Jesse's room and stopped in the doorway. He was sitting at his desk, the room dark aside from the small lamp on his nightstand.
"Are you okay?" I wondered. No, I was sure, I didn’t have my period last month.
Jesse ran a hand through his hair and swiveled his chair in my direction. "Are you two a thing now?"
I supposed after today, I could tell him. Before I knew Lincoln and I were going to try for real, there'd been no use. Plus, I'd been a coward. It pained me that Jesse wouldn’t approve, though.
"Yes," I admitted carefully. "We're taking things slowly." That was the other thing Lincoln and I discussed earlier. We were equally afraid of messing things up because we both admitted to some irrational fears and insecurities. We didn’t want to be destructive or make mistakes we couldn’t come back from. A lot more was at stake now, too. We weren't alone.
Jesse nodded and stared at his desk. His fingers played with the edges of some papers.
I didn’t want to push him. He hadn't said anything from our talk before either, and I figured it was best to let him process things at his own pace.
"I'm… I don’t know how to say this." He cleared his throat and rubbed a hand over his mouth.
Concerned that he was upset, I entered his room and joined him by his desk. "Hey. You can tell me anything." I rubbed his neck gently.
He blew out a breath and folded his arms over his chest. "I'm not blind. I mean, I know you and he have something. What bothers me the most is that everyone's moving on. And forgetting."
Forgetting…?
Oh.
"Jesse, no. No, never." I hugged him and kissed the side of his head. "Morgan will never be forgotten."
"Abel doesn’t have many memories of him," he pointed out quietly. "He was too young."
&nb
sp; "The rest of us will always remember." I grabbed his armrest and rotated the chair so I could face him when sitting on his bed. "You know who's got tons more memories of Morgan? Lincoln. They may not have been very close, but they were on the road together way before I entered the picture."
It hit me that maybe he was afraid of guilt. That, if he actually enjoyed getting know Lincoln, Jesse would feel he was betraying his dad. Could that have played a part—if only a small one—in why he'd resisted Lincoln so much?
"Jesse, I need to remind you that Morgan wants you to be happy." I reached across the little space between us and held his hand. "No one is looking to replace him, and it's okay to make room for others in our family. Just because Lincoln happens to be a man doesn’t mean he's stepping into a father role. First and foremost, I think he wants to be your friend." I paused, hoping I got this right. "And…okay, I'm just saying this to have it out in the open. It's presumptuous, but…in the event that you and Lincoln grow close and you do happen to look up to him, that's all right, too. It doesn’t mean you're forgetting where you come from."
"Yeah, let's not get crazy," he muttered.
I cracked a small smirk. "Well, same applies to Abel. He already thinks the world of Madigan and Keith, and he's growing to like Lincoln a lot. Would it be wrong for him to have more than one male role model?"
He frowned. "No." With a deep sigh, he distanced himself a little, and I could tell he was ready to drop the subject for the night. "What do I do with this college thing?"
Ah, so that's what he was looking at. Peering over at his desk, I saw the papers he'd printed out had some logos from well-known schools.
"I'm leaving that to you and Lincoln," I said. "Whatever you choose, don’t feel bad. That’s something he wants to help you with. I won't stand in the way."
"It's a bribe." He cocked a brow.
I smiled wryly. "Yeah…a grown-up bribing a teenager is unheard of. No one's ever done that before."
His mouth twitched.
I deemed it safe to go to bed, though before I dropped a kiss in his messy hair, I asked, "When's this party you were talking about, by the way?"
"This weekend. Why?"
I paused in the doorway and smiled back at him. "You're grounded. Good night."
"What! What for?"
"For trying to buy weed, obviously." I headed down the hall, making a mental note to find a fitting punishment for Lincoln, as well. That better be the last time he "didn't wanna get the boy in trouble."
And, hopefully, the punishment wasn’t an ill-damn-timed pregnancy.
Chapter 32
Lincoln Hayes
"You're crazy." Ade hugged my bicep and pressed a kiss to it. "Absolutely crazy."
She sounded happy with my craziness, though.
Handing over my Visa, I waited for the woman to check us in and made sure they'd added a note stating alcohol had been removed from the minibar. Fuck if I was risking anything. We'd be home tonight before my court-ordered curfew, and I'd even told my parole officer everything and that I could show him paperwork.
I was getting the feeling he thought I obsessed over the rules.
Can you fucking blame me?
"Here's your key, sir. Your suite is on the fourteenth floor, and the elevators are right over there."
I nodded in thanks and tuned out to the rest of her chirpy welcome speech. I had every intention of enjoying my stay, and no, I wasn’t going to hesitate to call if anything was wrong.
Taking Ade's hand, I ushered her to the elevators and pushed the button for the fourteenth floor.
"Does it bring back bad memories?" she wondered, biting her lip. "I'm not difficult to please, you know. A hotel room is—"
"You can be quiet now." I dipped down and kissed her. "My therapist's already covered the risk of triggers and shit. I'm good. I just wanna enjoy the day with you—alone. Away from the world."
If visiting the alley where I ended Kane's life hadn't triggered me, I doubted this would. It wasn’t even the same hotel as last time, and I told Ade as much.
"Why didn’t you tell me? I could've gone with you."
I shrugged. "I wanted to get it over with. I didn’t go alone. It was the guy from my anger management who suggested it." It wasn’t a big deal. There'd been a moment of feeling queasy, but too much time had passed. The alley looked different, some memories had faded, and I'd changed.
We stepped out of the car hand in hand, and I had the keycard ready. One of my favorite memories from our tour that summer was watching Ade whenever we came to a new city—a new hotel room. Despite having been somewhat used to nice things, she sure as shit wasn’t extravagant. She got star struck easily.
I opened the door and let her enter first, and at the whispered wow falling from her lips, I grinned and let her explore.
I wanted to bring back a bit of this in her life—our life. I was far from high maintenance these days, but I wasn’t gonna turn down some comfort. Come next year, I hoped that involved a new house.
"Lincoln, there's a Jacuzzi!" she hollered from the bathroom.
I smiled to myself and set down my bag on the bed. The Jacuzzi would be a good start, I reckoned. "Get naked, then." I heard her turn on the water, and I opened my bag before shrugging out of my leather jacket.
There was some paperwork I wanted to show her later, so I prepared for that in the living room area. Then I called room service for lunch to be delivered in an hour and told them we'd be busy.
"Come on." Ade appeared, only to grab my hand and drag me back to the bathroom. "Clock's ticking."
I chuckled and yanked my hoodie over my head. Ade was way ahead of me, shedding her panties and bra. Fuck. I eyed her hungrily, taking in the sight of her delicious curves, flawless skin, and beautiful face.
"Oh my God…" She moaned as she lowered herself into the hot water. "It's going to be difficult not to miss this."
When was the last time she indulged in anything? Since reconnecting with her, I'd learned she was insanely attached to a silver bracelet Morgan had given her. A charm was added last year; the boys had given it to her for her birthday. That was it.
"We can come back whenever you want." I stepped out of my jeans and joined her as she put on the jets. Damn. I shuddered in contentment and let the heat seep into me. "Jesus Christ…" I sighed. "This ain't like the prison showers."
Ade left her corner and settled on my lap, my hands automatically finding her perfect ass. "I want to take care of you."
Distracted by her body, I kissed the slope of her shoulder and found the soft skin of her neck. "Hmm?" My hands roamed her back, ass, and sides. The jets worked wonders along my spine, and the low, popping buzz of the water was lulling.
This was just what we needed today.
"I hate thinking about how you had it in there," she admitted quietly. "It makes me want to take all the bad away."
Funny she would mention that. It looked like we both wanted to spoil each other after the shitty hands we'd been dealt.
"Were all the places horrible, Lincoln?"
Damn. She wanted to get serious now? I was hoping to ravage her…
I moaned under my breath as her deft little fingers found my neck. It helped to have the perfect view of her tits right in front of me. Her nipples teased the water surface, constricted and surrounded by little goose bumps.
"The last place was decent." In comparison, anyway. Thinking back, nothing would come close to the years I spent upstate, except…the months I was alone in a decaying cell at the county jail. I was fucked up during the trial. "Should we really talk about this now?"
"I want to know." She kissed the corner of my mouth and rubbed my neck soothingly. "It's not something I want you to carry alone. I wanna know what to do when you go through bad times."
I searched her face, my eyelids feeling heavy, and in the back of my mind, I heard the metal clank of barred doors shutting.
"I had a pretty bad panic attack after I was taken in." I remembered it was a
combination of things. Coming off the latest high, having called my pop, being shut off from the world, realizing what I'd done… "I saw your face in my mind." I cupped her cheeks and kissed her slowly. "It kept coming at me, your expression when I was arrested. Morgan holding you back, the people gathering."
Ade looked down between us.
"I couldn’t face you," I murmured. "That first night…? It all came crashing down, and I spent the next couple days either apathetic or hyperventilating. Pop flew out, lawyers got involved, I was questioned…I was labeled a fucking murderer. And then there was you. You kept asking to see me. Pop told me you were wrecked."
I hurt to see her every goddamn minute of the time I was in jail. It was, in a way, to save myself that I shut everyone out.
"It was too much," she said softly.
I nodded. "I couldn’t cope with any of it." Lifting her chin, I kissed her again. Because now I could, and I wasn’t gonna jeopardize that again. "Can we save the rest for another time?"
"I guess…"
I made her smile with the next few kisses, and I got greedy, needing her. The old times were gone. New path. New future.
"Fuck." I angled my head and kissed her deeper as she shifted closer. The smooth, soft skin of her pussy teased my cock that was trapped between us, and a ball of white-hot desire dropped to my gut where it exploded.
"I love you," she breathed.
I cursed and dipped lower to taste her neck. "I love you, too." Cupping the undersides of her tits, I elicited a sharp gasp from her the second I brushed my fingers across her nipples. "Fucking hell, you're stunning." I went even lower and sucked one of the peaks between my teeth.
"Gah!" She dug her fingernails into my shoulders. "Oh, fuck—sensitive."
I soothed the sting with my tongue, sucking gently and teasing and pinching until she was continuously moving against my cock.
It wasn’t enough, and I wanted a real taste. "Hold on to the edge." I palmed her delectable ass and carried her over to her corner. "Try not to thrash too much." I grinned along her skin, more and more of it revealed as I lifted her closer to the surface. I kissed her soft, toned stomach and got off on the tremors that rocked through her.