by Alice Raine
Chapter Eight
Baby . Yep, it had become quite a regular nickname that Nicholas used for me, and I rubbed the heels of my hands across my eyes to try and avoid the more pleasant images it conjured up in my mind.
I grimaced. Speaking of images, I really should do the job that I’d been dreading for the past few days – delete the photographs of Nicholas from my mobile phone. We were over, if we ever really started to begin with, and I didn’t need them to torment myself with any longer.
I’d already erased his number; I’d had to because the temptation to call him in the days immediately after our break-up had all but consumed me. In the end, Louise had snatched my phone from my hand and done it for me, deleting his number from my phone and even going a step further by erasing his email address and all old emails from my computer.
But Louise didn’t know about the pictures, they were my little secret.
Not a particularly healthy secret, though. In fact, I lay awake most nights looking at them. Sometimes I got really angry with the images of him, until I’d take out my rage on a poor, unsuspecting pillow. Yes, it was definitely time to get rid of them.
I dragged my phone from my pocket. I felt my heart accelerate as I clicked on the “Images” folder and was presented with a series of photographs of Nicholas, or Nicholas and myself, usually looking flushed and rather pleased with ourselves. Biting down painfully on my lower lip, I deleted the first three before I came to an angled arm’s length picture of Nicholas and me. A breath leaked weakly from my throat as I looked at the photograph. We were sitting on his bed after possibly one of the best nights of my life.
A shuddering sigh escaped my chest; I was sorely tempted to keep this photo because it was linked to one of my favourite memories of him – the first night Nicholas had asked me to stay over.
A soft glow was permeating my eyelids and I blinked against the intrusive light. Was it morning already? I must have slept like a log, although that was hardly surprising seeing as last night’s efforts with Nicholas had been just sublime. Not to mention his strangely possessive declarations afterwards, that were just downright bizarre. He’d told me point blank that he didn’t do relationships and yet he didn’t want me seeing other people. What was that about?
I smiled at the memory of his persuasive sexing. I shouldn’t have liked the way he practically laid claim to me, but I had. Nicholas really was something else. Stretching, I decided I felt marginally refreshed but still tired. Opening my eyes, I looked around for my clock to see how much longer I could sleep.
Groggily, I tried to make sense of what I could see through my blurry, sleep-filled eyes. Hang on, this wasn’t my bedroom … I gasped. Nicholas was sitting bare-chested and cross-legged on the bed next to me, watching me intently.
I had fallen asleep at his house. Shit.
‘Hi,’ I murmured, hugely embarrassed that he had been watching me sleep and desperately praying that I hadn’t been dribbling or talking in my slumber.
‘Hi yourself. Sorry if the light woke you,’ he said softly. Looking past him, I saw the bedside clock showing 3.30 a.m. Jeez, it was so early.
When I sat up self-consciously, the duvet fell away but I dragged the thin sheet with me for cover. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I’ll leave,’ I muttered, embarrassed at my slip, although technically it was his fault for exhausting me with his sexual antics.
His eyes darkened and his brow creased as he seemed to consider something that obviously took great concentration. ‘No,’ he said finally, ‘stay, I was just enjoying watching you sleep.’
Enjoying watching me? That was slightly weird, but he didn’t want me to leave, which was a very interesting development.
Again, there was a monumental pause where I considered grabbing my stuff and leaving before Nicholas surprised me by leaning over and taking hold of my hand. OK, hand holding – this was new.
‘What you said earlier about me being possessive and jealous …’ He paused, his frown deepening. ‘It’s a new experience for me, but you were right, it’s true, I do feel possessive over you, Rebecca, hugely so. I don’t want any other man going near you.’ His eyes visibly darkened with jealousy.
Jealousy over me, I registered with surprise.
OK … my sleepiness was well and truly cleared now; Nicholas had my full attention and as I returned his grasp with one hand, I clutched at the sheet around my chest with the other, waiting for him to continue.
Shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was about to say, Nicholas raised his eyes to mine. ‘Once a week with you isn’t enough, Becky. I want more. Do you have plans this weekend? Can I see you?’
Holy cow, I so had not expected this! Keeping my eyes locked with his, just how he liked it, I smiled to myself. He wants more of me? This just kept getting better! Then, as always, the sensible part of my brain kicked in and I frowned.
‘What is it, Becky?’ he asked, edging closer to me, looking almost, well … vulnerable. Now that was a word I never thought I’d use in the same sentence as Nicholas’ name, but as I looked at him it was true. His usual arrogance was gone, washed away by a torrent of other emotions that ran across his handsome face, making it impossible to read what he was thinking.
‘If I’m to see more of you I want to know all of you … No more hiding, Nicholas, I want to know why it is that you do what you do. Why are you a dominant? You hinted before there’s a reason and I want to know it – I want to know the man I’m involved with,’ I finished softly. That really translated to “I want to know the man I think I’m falling for”, but I certainly wouldn’t be saying that out loud any time soon.
I knew immediately that this was a step too far because Nicholas withdrew his hand from mine and I watched as his face darkened and closed off, eyes shuttering and jaw clenching. ‘Isn’t it enough that I’ve told you it’s different with you?’ he said tightly, clearly annoyed with me.
Pausing, I considered this. It should be enough, but for some reason I needed to know how he’d spent his life so far … and why. I was so in control of every other element of my life, and even though I was happy for Nicholas to take the lead in the bedroom, I didn’t intend to quietly go along with his demands without asking what I needed to know. I’d be stupid to ignore the fact he’d liked to punish the women in his life before me. Why did he do that type of thing? He’d told me before it affected every part of his life so I needed to know more.
Maybe I needed to know so I could tell myself that it wasn’t as bad as I thought, or maybe to test the tiny part of me that was telling me he was way more dangerous than I wanted to believe and that I should get the hell away from him.
‘I don’t wish to share that with you, Rebecca,’ he growled. So there was a reason behind it all. I’d thought there would be.
It occurred to me then that he only ever used my full name when he was annoyed with me or sexing me, which I now realised meant he was in semi-dominant mode. I thought maybe I’d seen a peek of dominant Nicholas earlier tonight when he’d got all possessive and pinned me to the bed, but according to him I still hadn’t seen his real dominant side yet. What else could there be?
Quite possibly, I’d had some sort of sensibility transplant because the next words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
‘OK … will you take me to the spare room then? Show me what you’re like? Just once, so I know the man I’m getting involved with?’ Holy crap, what the hell was I doing? Being braver around him was one thing, but asking him to do God only knew what to me in his spare bedroom was totally frigging crazy.
The look on his face was one of complete and utter shock – shock that was quickly replaced with pure, furious anger. Nicholas’ eyes widened but the irises were the darkest, most dangerous blue I’d ever seen them. Uh-oh.
‘I should punish you right now for being stupid enough to request that.’ He glared at me. After a second, his eyes left mine and I saw his posture slump slightly.
‘I’m tryin
g to put that stuff behind me now … if I show you that side of me, Rebecca, I have no doubt that you will leave me.’ After a second of absently flicking at the knee of his pyjama bottoms, he went on in a tone so quiet I barely heard him. ‘I don’t want you to leave.’
Wow. A heartfelt statement from Mr Fuck-’em-and-leave. Well I never; this was turning out to be one hell of an eventful night.
‘It’s not fair for me to expect you to change just for me, Nicholas … but also I’d be stupid to ignore that part of you. I want to see what you do. Maybe I could handle it; maybe I’d even like it?’ I whispered.
‘I very much doubt that.’ He ground the words out through clenched teeth, his anger returning to his eyes. Or perhaps it was frustration with my endless questions, I couldn’t tell.
‘The things we’ve done together so far … I’ve enjoyed them. Surely it can’t be that different?’ I persisted, realising how naive I probably sounded.
‘It’s different, Rebecca, believe me. I’m different.’ Nicholas’ voice was low and quiet and I should have taken it as a warning to back down, but I didn’t. Stupidly, I went on regardless. Perhaps I should have a zip installed on my lips to force me to shut the hell up at times like these.
‘How can I, when I don’t know what it’s like? You say you want to spend more time with me, but how can I ever get to know you if you won’t share this huge, important part of your life with me?’ My voice rose, frustration clearly evident in my tone.
‘What is it with you and fucking questions?’ he spat, climbing from the bed and pacing across the room like a caged tiger. ‘This is why I’ve never done relationships,’ he muttered darkly under his breath, stalking back and forth.
‘I’m sorry if I ask too many questions, but I’m a woman who wants to get to know you better, not some submissive you can order around,’ I fired back hotly, equally as angry as him now.
‘Exactly!’ he roared, looking absolutely livid and making my pulse spike with a mix of adrenaline and fear. ‘I’ve told you I don’t view you as a sub when we’re together but for some reason you want me to treat you like one so you can learn about me?’ He sneered as he spoke. ‘What am I? A fucking science experiment or something? When I’m like that, it’s as though I’m a totally different person. You would hate it; trust me. You’d be better off leaving me now because you’ll sure as hell run away once I’m done with you,’ he snarled.
His hot, explosive anger had shocked me, but not enough to stop me continuing. ‘I’m stronger than you think and I don’t think I would leave,’ I challenged, rising from the bed and slipping his discarded shirt on to hide my nakedness. ‘But then at least we’d be on an even playing field. You know all about me, so why shouldn’t I know all about you?’ I demanded, knowing it was the truth. He’d used his influence to find out about my bank account and business and goodness knows what else. The only thing he didn’t properly know about was the history with my sister.
As my initial temper died away, I was suddenly brought up short. Why the hell was I pushing for this? Did I really want to see the darkness hidden inside Nicholas Jackson? Why couldn’t I just be happy that he wanted to see more of me? Take it one day at a time …
‘Fuck it,’ he snarled, interrupting my thoughts, then, before I even realised it, Nicholas had crossed the room to me, grabbed me around my waist, and tossed me roughly over his shoulder. ‘You want to see all of me? Fine, have it your way, but don’t say I didn’t warn you Rebecca,’ he growled as he turned for the door and headed into the dimly lit corridor.
Fuck, fuck, fuuuck.
What the hell had I been thinking, getting him so angry? I was over the shoulder of a self-confessed dominant and punisher of women and I had no one to blame but myself. Good job, Rebecca, well done, I chided myself. I could feel his fury radiating from his overheated skin under my hands. The arm around me was tense and gripping me tightly against the sharp point of his shoulder as my heartbeat accelerated to a painfully fast level.
It vaguely occurred to me to shout for help. Mr Burrett – Nicholas’ assistant, butler, whatever the hell he was – was no doubt somewhere in the house, but I refrained, stupidly determined to see this through. Whatever “this” turned out to be.
Stopping at a door toward the end of the corridor, Nicholas roughly deposited me back on my feet and I staggered, dizzy from the adrenaline shooting through my system. ‘Last chance to change your mind,’ he murmured darkly, but I stood my ground. I had to know what he did, what he could be like. Besides, I was so frigging nervous that my throat felt as though I was choking and I didn’t think I would be able to speak at this particular moment anyway.
‘You are so fucking stubborn,’ Nicholas declared hotly, his eyes boring into me.
Then, like a switch had been flicked, I saw him change before my very eyes. His expression altered as if a mask had been lowered over his features. His shoulders hunched menacingly and every muscle in his body seemed to tense, making him seem taller, broader, and a hundred times more terrifying. Then he turned to me radiating power and control, with his eyes blazingly intense but oddly blank.
Shit , so this was Dominant Nicholas.
‘When we go through this door you do not speak unless I ask you to. Do you understand?’ He ground out the words in a voice I hardly recognised and I nodded rapidly, my heart hammering in my chest.
‘If you are required to speak you will address me as “sir” or “master”, because as far as you are concerned, I am in charge. Is that clear?’ His eyes were glowing now, but in a wholly different way to what I was used to. I nodded again, blood rushing in my ears and almost drowning out his words. I don’t think I had ever been more terrified in my entire life.
‘Say it,’ he instructed me, his face shuttered and unreadable.
‘Yes,’ I squeaked.
‘Yes what?’ he demanded, his tone low and deadly and completely unfamiliar as he took a threatening step toward me.
Crap . ‘Yes, sir.’
‘I will take responsibility for your safety, you will be safe, but if I set a rule and you break it, you will be punished as I see fit. Do you understand?’ He glowered down at me and I was seriously starting to doubt my resolve to see this through. What the hell had I been thinking? Just as Nicholas had warned me earlier, he now seemed like a completely different person and not one I was keen to get particularly well acquainted with either.
‘Yes,’ I whispered thickly. One of his eyebrows rose and I panicked. ‘Sir,’ I added quickly.
‘When we go inside, I want you to remove your shirt and sit on the wooden chair.’
With that, he opened the door and stood back, indicating for me to enter in front of him. So, taking a deep breath for courage, I tentatively stepped into the room.
The first thing that registered in my panicked mind was relief, because it looked normal and fairly similar to Nicholas’ bedroom. A large four-poster bed sat in the middle of the room, covered with light blue bedding; soft blue curtains hung at the windows and the furniture comprised several smart oak dressers. Phew. No obvious torture devices. Maybe he was just getting himself worked up over nothing; maybe this was going to be fine. Maybe I was on the verge of a panic attack and just trying to distract myself with rambling thoughts and maybes …
I saw the wooden chair he had referred to and started to try and unbutton the shirt with trembling fingers. I made my way unsteadily toward the chair as Nicholas disappeared into a walk-in wardrobe at the back of the room. Finally managing to remove the garment, I hung it over the back of the chair and shakily sat down, feeling very nervous and rather silly sitting naked on a chair in the middle of the room.
Nicholas returned then, still in only his pyjama bottoms, and walked over to stand in front of me. He examined me intently, his face unreadable, and I sat silently, my back straight, looking up into his eyes. I had asked for this – I would not show him my fear. But by God, I was scared.
‘Avert your eyes,’ he stated. What? Usually he was al
l about eye contact.
‘Do it,’ he spat, his face lit with anger. Scowling, I gave him one last look before dropping my eyes to the floor.
‘That’s better,’ he said, reaching across and gently stroking my cheek. Confusingly his voice was soft again, almost that of the Nicholas I was used to, and I very nearly looked up at him. Follow his rules, my poor, terrified brain reminded me hastily.
‘If at any point you wish to stop, the safeword in this room is “bubble”,’ Nicholas explained quietly, but his soft voice only made his words even scarier and I couldn’t help but look up at him with wide eyes.
Bubble ? ‘Why would I need a safeword?’ I squeaked without thinking, my heart pounding so desperately it felt like it was trying to break free of my ribs.
‘No questions! Eyes down!’ he growled, glowering at me. ‘It is as I said; if you wish to stop, you say the word. What was the word, Rebecca?’ he demanded, his voice radiating authority.
Holy cow, this was actually really frigging scary now. I was a bookshop owner for crying out loud, a boring, boorrring bookshop owner; what on earth was I doing putting myself into a position that required the use of safewords? That just took this to a whole new and terrifying level and made me seriously question my sanity.
‘Bubble,’ I muttered thickly, staring at the ground again. Spots of light began to dance in front of my eyes as I tried to control my breathing. That definitely wasn’t a good sign. This was terror and arousal at their most heightened and as they mixed in my belly, I started seriously to think I might faint.
‘Excuse me?’ Nicholas snapped, clearly annoyed, and I jumped in my seat.
‘The safeword is bubble, sir,’ I repeated, a dollop of sarcasm evident in my tone from my nerves. Jeez, I really needed to remember the “sir” thing and stop pissing him off.