I’d let it happen again. I’d sworn to myself I would never be someone’s one-night stand, not ever again. And yet all it took were a few glasses of wine and one helluva handsome stud to convince me otherwise. I felt confused and lonely at the same time. Carrie’s brown eyes looked up at me, trusting me and I knew I’d let her down, too. When she was done eating I rocked her against my chest, humming a lullaby when Bitsy appeared in the doorway.
“What time did you get in?”
“A while ago.”
I could see her choosing her words carefully. “Did you have a good time?”
I shrugged but didn’t say anything and I think she knew she wasn’t going to get anything further out of me. She turned and went into the kitchenette and made us each a cup of coffee. I joined her on the sofa and we watched the news, played with Carrie between us and didn’t talk about the night before. My cell phone began ringing in the other room and Bitsy looked at me sideways when she realized I wasn’t getting up to answer it. She was smart enough not to say anything. I pretended I heard nothing. We spent the late morning and early afternoon washing up some laundry; an old movie with Barbara Stanwick played on the screen as we folded clothes between us. It was one of those morning-after kind of days when you hadn’t gotten enough sleep but had too much to drink and was still feeling it.
My cell rang twice more, and I continued to ignore it. At one point, I picked up a stack of clothes and went into the room to put them away, switching the phone to silent. That was one way to deal with it.
Sometime in the later afternoon, I took Carrie to bed with me and we both had a nap. I found a book to read and stayed in my room, while Carrie played with toys in her crib. It was a very domestic and tranquil evening, but somehow it was still lonely. My phone continued to ring.
The next morning it was back to normal. I dressed and went to work, trying not to think about what I’d done. I felt overwhelmed with guilt and disappointment in myself. I knew that Colt would never think of me in a serious light—he was under no obligation. He was used to getting what he wanted, wealthy men were like that. Not to mention he was extremely well-connected and powerful in business. I was a toy he pursued because I was elusive and once he had me, that would be the end. I never even checked my phone to see who’d been calling; just covered the names and numbers as I systematically tapped the trashcan.
I was off my game and one of the other clerks asked me if something was wrong. I muttered something quietly and unintelligible and she seemed to get the message. At lunchtime, I left through the back door and went somewhere I’d never been before. I was afraid he was tracking me again and as he had before, he could’ve ended up at my lunch table with me. I didn’t want to see him. I had to forget Colt Stillman. He was just another checkmark in the column already populated by Paul.
I was uncomfortable all afternoon. I felt as though people could read my face and knew what I’d done. I knew things were different in a bigger city—that I was still thinking like a small-town cheerleader. But that’s who I was inside. By that evening, I’ve made up my mind. I told Bitsy I was going to spend a quiet evening in with Carrie. She was getting dressed to go to work.
“Have you answered his calls yet?” she finally asked.
“What you mean?”
“Don’t be coy,” she muttered, and I had to admit although it was a short word, I was surprised she understood it.
“He’s not interested in me, Bitsy. Men like Colt don’t hang onto women like me.”
“What are you talking about? What do you mean by women like you? What’s wrong with you?” Her eyes were wide and bugging out. I realized that she held me to a standard I didn’t quite identify with.
“He can have anyone he wants.” I was trying to change the subject.
“He wants you.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know anything about him. I barely know him, and I saw how he lives. His kind just uses people like me as toys. When they’re broken, they throw them away.”
“He’s not like that, Gwen. He’s been calling constantly. Why don’t you answer the phone?”
“You don’t know that, either. Look, you see that little girl there with her toys? That’s what came from trusting a man. No man is going to complete me. They’re not to be trusted, haven’t you learned by now?”
Bitsy stepped around the doorway from the bathroom, her hairbrush in her hand. “No, to tell you the truth, I haven’t. Maybe I’ve been lucky, and just maybe I haven’t been cynical.”
“It’s a pretty big word for you,” I said with spite. She was getting under my skin.
“Whatever. You do what you want to but leave me out of it. Colt is quite a catch and for you to dump him like that makes no sense. But then, most of the time, you don’t make sense at all.”
She said her peace, grabbed her purse and slammed the door behind her. Tears burned in my eyes. How had it come to this? Just two days earlier I was being pursued by the most eligible bachelor in town and had a best friend who I thought would have my back no matter what. Now I wasn’t speaking to one and the other one wasn’t speaking to me. What the hell happened?
I grabbed my cell and plopped down on the sofa, tapping Metallica’s private cell number. I heard myself tell her that I had a family emergency and needed some time off. I asked that she hold my job if possible and she reassured me if I came back within three weeks, it would be mine. I thanked her and hung up. I doubted three weeks would be enough to get my life back in shape, but at least I kept that option open. With a sigh, I went into the bedroom and pulled my suitcases out from beneath the bed. I filled them with the simpler items of my wardrobe and all of Carrie’s things. I tied things together with bungee cords, including her porta crib. The Uber was waiting for me by the time we got down to the street. An hour later we were on a Greyhound, headed home to Brookfield. I wasn’t sure my car was up to the trip and besides, I didn’t want people to recognize me as I came into town. I’d left Bitsy a brief explanatory note saying I’d gone to see my parents.
The bus station was busy as we pulled into town. I saw familiar faces and a few hands raised in my direction. I could tell at least one of the girls was headed over to talk to me, but I quickly threw my things into the back of the taxi that was waiting beside the station and climbed in with Carrie in my lap. I knew it would soon be all over town that I had come home, and most of them would think it was in defeat. Small town people tended to be that way, always jealous of those who tried to make more of themselves and quietly rejoicing when they fail. I felt rotten about everything in general. The city had been my dream and now here I was back in this tiny little town looking for refuge with my parents. Talk about a step backward, I had just taken a giant one.
My parents were thrilled to see me but somewhat puzzled by what was going on. I couldn’t blame them. I wasn’t much more than a child myself and certainly didn’t have a track record of making wise choices. They knew nothing about Colt and I wanted to keep it that way. I did my best to chatter on to Mom and Dad about all the wonderful things I’d seen in the city. I told them about my job and about Bitsy but left out anything that had to do with Colt Stillman. I talked about the world of high fashion and how elegant the salespeople were. Mom said she was proud of me and I think she was sincere. She didn’t have a choice to be anything other than that.
We were just finishing up when the phone rang. Mom and Dad still had an old rotary landline, so I signaled with my hand that I would get it.
“Hello?” I spoke into the cradle and liked the way it fit in my hand. Cell phones were great, but these were more comfortable.
No one responded, but I could hear an engine running in the background. It might’ve been a car, but it was too far away to tell for sure.
“Hello?” I tried once more and when there was no response again, I hung up. Mom looked at me as I reentered the room, her eyebrows raised in question. “Wrong number, I guess.” She was bringing in a tray with cups of coffee, including one for me.<
br />
“I thought you might be a coffee drinker by now?”
I laughed. As a matter of fact, you’re right. Everybody drinks coffee, it’s the center of social life if you don’t count the bars and I never was much of a barfly.”
“Oh, heavens, no,” Mom muttered. “At least you haven’t gone there.”
That stung. They’d never said anything, but I knew they were disappointed in me. I’d always been a high achiever, top of my class, head cheerleader, you name it. That had ended after one night with Paul and although Mom and Dad loved Carrie dearly and would never trade her for my old reputation, I could tell just in that single remark that Mom had been holding her breath to see how low I would fall before I hit bottom.
I let it go. My parents’ house was the only shelter I could count on at the moment. After my fight with Bitsy, I wasn’t entirely sure she’d be waiting when I got back. I felt like everything in my life was on trial at the moment. The only person I could trust was my tiny daughter.
I tried to relax into the home atmosphere and sat quietly in a side chair holding Carrie as my parents watched their post-news game shows and whatever version of CSI was currently in vogue. I stared at the screen, feigning interest but my mind was swirling. I could feel Colt’s mouth on mine and the gentle touching that caused my nipples to harden. I felt the heat low in my belly just from remembering... No! I wasn’t allowed to remember that. I couldn’t go through cataclysmic rejection—not again. Colt was not intended for me. He would marry the daughter of some wealthy politician or businessman… someone with the right background and connections to advance his business. Wealthy people didn’t seem to have a limit to their desire for more and more money. They were playing games and money was the way they kept score. My face burned as I realized I might be one of those score marks, but I’d paid with my flesh and my heart. As much as I hated to admit it, I had developed feelings for Colt—even if they were only a sense of being protected.
I called it a night early; there was only so much network programming I could take. Mom and Dad gave Carrie goodnight kisses and cuddles and I got a pat on the shoulder. I wasn’t their little girl any longer.
Upstairs, I switched on the overhead light in my old bedroom. The porta-crib was set up. I changed Carrie and laid her down. She was such a good child and gave me a sweet smile before she fixated on a mobile hung overhead and then slowly closed her eyelids and dropped off to sleep. I changed my clothes and folded back the covers. Snapping off the light switch, I traveled the well-remembered six steps to the side of my bed and sat down, pulling my brush from the nightstand. I always gave my long, thick hair a hundred strokes. It wasn’t so much about grooming as it was the comforting ritual that was self-soothing. It was a time for reflection, although that night, it felt more like revisiting guilt.
Laying down the brush, I slid my feet beneath the sheets and puffed the pillow. Just as I was about to lie down, I heard a car approach our house at a high speed, brake out front, and then peel off with tires spinning. I rolled to my knees to look out the window but all that was left was a pair of taillights in the distance before they disappeared over a rise in the road. My heart pounding, I rolled back to lie down. I lay awake for a long time that night, wondering who had been driving. My gut told me that it was the man who was so very good at tracking me and appearing out of nowhere. It had to be Colt; he likely had my parents’ address and had tracked me long enough to know I would be there. A short flight and a rental car later, he was watching my house and did it loudly enough to let me know he was there. What was it that made me shudder? Relief or fear?
Coming back to Brookfield was nice, but obviously, there was nowhere for me to hide from the inquisitive Mr. Stillman. I needed to settle things with him before I lost my job and gave up whatever security I’d build for Carrie and myself. I couldn’t let him ruin the new life I’d built.
The next morning, I fibbed and told Mom I’d gotten a text from my boss and that someone had quit, and they needed me back pronto. “I can’t afford to make them mad, Mom. I haven’t had the job long and I really need to make a go of it.”
She nodded, thoughtful. “To tell you the truth, I’ve been wondering why you came home at all. You couldn’t have built up vacation this early. Did something happen there? Is something wrong?”
“No, just got homesick,” I fibbed again, my mind saying yes, something happened okay. He’s tall with black hair, blue eyes and charisma dripping from his lips. I’m in trouble—real trouble.
Carrie and I left the next morning.
Chapter 9
Coulter
What in the hell happened? One minute she’s in bed next to me and the next, she vanished. She knew where she was and who she was with. What went wrong?
This string of questions raged through my brain like an overflowing river. I decided to give her a few days to calm down or come to her senses; depending on what applied. In the meantime, I had a business to run.
Mason Derry was sitting across the desk from me, a folder of papers in his hand and a puzzled look on his face. His reading glasses had slid down to the tip of his nose.
“I thought you were going to have this all sort out?” I yelled at him. “Every day those permits are withheld, I’m losing millions. So, here’s what I’m going to do. Until you get this mess cleaned up, don’t bother billing me because you’re not cutting it!” My hands were literally quivering with my rage and at the same time, my stomach was rolling from nerves and the fifth of bourbon I’d put away the night before on the floor of my living room. Alone.
“Woah, Colt, calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down. Don’t sit there making excuses or rolling this off on me. You’re the one in the hot seat. You should have seen this kind of shit coming and sheltered the risk a long time ago. It took some moron loser of an ex-employee to cause this gargantuan, fucking mess? What the hell were you doing to protect my interests? Golfing? Fucking somebody’s wife?” I was pounding my desk.
Mason closed his folder and took off the ridiculous glasses. “I can see we’re not going to get anywhere here today. You want to fire me, then fire me. But you’ll have a bigger mess on your hands than you do right now. I don’t think you’re one bit upset about the permits—you’ve been in this business far too long to get shook like this. There’s something else going on, Colt, and it has nothing to do with me. Call me when you’ve calmed down,” he finished and left my office. I threw an ink pen at the door as it closed behind him.
There was a tap on my door and it opened. Buddy’s head poked around the side of it. “What the hell is going on in here?” he asked, although he was careful to keep his voice level and low.
“Just the person I was looking for. What have you got to do with this whole thing?”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t play innocent. I know you and that ditzy girlfriend of hers teamed up to get us together and I no more got her past hating me and she’s disappeared. What you know about this?”
Buddy came in and shut the door quietly, but firmly behind himself. He held out his hands. “Well, Colt, calm down now. I’ve never seen you like this before. You’re letting a woman get to you?”
“She’s not just any woman!” I shouted, throwing another pen at him. Lucky for me he was able to back away before I took out his eye.
“Damn! I’ve never seen you hot like this, not even in a fight.”
“Fights are fair, this isn’t.”
Buddy sat down in the chair opposite my desk that Mason had just vacated. “Okay, let’s talk about this,” he said in a very calm voice. “First of all, she hasn’t disappeared from the face of the planet. You can find her, you can always find anyone you want. I think you’re aggravated because she doesn’t want to find you. You’re not used to being treated that way.”
“You’re sure as hell right about that,” I muttered and swiveled my chair so I was staring out the window. “I feel like that line in the old Bogie movie. Of all the gin joint
s why did she have to walk into mine?”
“Look, Colt. Give her some space. I don’t know a whole lot about her, but I do know that she’s a good person. Bitsy thinks the world of her and as wacky as Bitsy might seem, she’s got street smarts. She works with every crappy crime you can think of every day and she still manages to stay sane. I haven’t talked to her about this and, frankly, I had no idea you were this upset. You’re taking this way too personally.”
“Oh, really? How would you take it if you were really into a lady and she came home with you but disappeared before you got out of the shower the next morning?”
Buddy winced. “Oh, yeah, that is bad. But only if you didn’t want her to leave. I can think of a few times I wish they would’ve left as soon as the fun was over.”
I slammed my fist on my desk. “She’s not like that,” I jabbed my finger at him. “You got that?”
“Got it, got it. Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. And for once you’re going to take orders from me. I’m going to get up from this chair and I’m going back to my office. I’m going to give Bitsy a call and invite her to lunch. I’ll find out what I can from her, but I don’t know how much she knows. When I come back, I’ll come in and talk to you and tell you what I’ve learned. But between then and now, you’re going to go through your calendar and start setting up appointments. We’ve got one hell of a lot of guys standing around doing nothing, still on the payroll. We have buildings that must go up and we have permits to secure before we can do that. It’s all on you at this point, Colt. There’s only so much I can do on my own.” He stood up and walked away from my desk, stopping as he was ready to open the door. “She really got to you, didn’t she?” he said quietly over his shoulder.
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