by Sarah Cole
We make our way to a set of cushioned lounge chairs near the water; the moon on the water creating a soft glow where the darkness fades to light. He leans back, pulling me onto his chair so I am sitting between his legs, my back to his chest. Wrapping his heavily tattooed arms around me, he inhales me deeply, his body relaxing. I place my hand on his forearm, delicately tracing the outline of a stethoscope that is artfully intertwined into the other work.
“Your biggest fear?” I ask, continuing our little game.
After a pause, I can feel his smile against the back of my head, “Truth or lie?”
“Truth… always the truth.” I turn slightly so I can see his face. The light on the water from the moon reflects into his eyes, making the bright blue sparkle.
He sighs, “Truth is I’m afraid of losing this.” He squeezes me a little tighter, implying that we are what he is referring to.
“I’m not sure what it even is or where it’s going, but I don’t want to let it go. I can’t. I need to know you Charlie. I felt that from the first time I laid eyes on you, and I don’t want to scare you away by coming on too strong.” He places a kiss on the side of my head, and my head swims with his admission. I too share that fear, and I feel a wash of relief at hearing that he feels what I am feeling. I just hope that I am not too broken to make this work, because God, how I want it to work.
“Your turn. What is your biggest fear?” he prompts, pulling me from my inner turmoil.
“Truth?” He nods. I sigh, not really sure I want to put this out there, but knowing he was just so open with me helps to ease my apprehension. “My biggest fear is that eventually you’ll start to see me the way I see myself.”
His smile falls, and a frown tugs at his mouth. “How do you see yourself Charlie?”
“Broken.” He just sighs, pulls me closer, and mumbles something into the breeze. I wasn’t for sure, but it sounded like he said, “Ditto.”
A while later, I am jostled awake when I feel strong arms lift me up as though I am weightless. Andrew and I continued talking for a while about everything and nothing, both of us avoiding saying the things we desperately needed to unload. I must have fallen asleep in his arms at some point during our conversation, but I am too tired to care. After a long day outside in the sun, and a couple cocktails, I am exhausted. I raise my head from his warm shoulder and start to protest that he doesn’t need to carry me, but he stops me short before I can say anything.
“Shh sweetheart, I’ve got you. Let me carry you.” he drawls in his husky southern voice, instantly dissolving my insides.
I comply and snuggle into his neck a little closer breathing in his scent. It has only been a day, mere hours, but this man is slowly becoming everything – everything I never knew I needed, but now that I found it, cannot live without.
“Stay with me.” he whispers into my ear. I know what he means but somehow I know he means more because I feel the same way.
“I should probably get back to the room. My sister will worry, and I think it might be a little soon…what time is it?”
“It’s late. I used your phone and texted your sister to let her know where you were. Sorry I hope you don’t mind, and I am not expecting anything Charlie. Just stay with me, let me hold you… just to sleep.”
“Okay.” I say, not really needing any more convincing.
Andrew carries me all the way to the other side of the resort, where his suite is without breaking so much as a sweat. Setting me down on the soft bed he brushes the hair out of my face. Now that I’m here, I’m not really sure what to do as my insecurities begin to creep in, as I wrap my arms around myself. He walks over to the chest of drawers and pulls out a t-shirt. He hands it to me with a smile.
“You can change in the bathroom or out here, but I can’t promise I won’t look.” His smile kills me, especially when coupled with that drawl.
“Maybe I want you to look.” I say boldly, but I turn and head into the bathroom, closing the door with a wink. I see the hungry fire burning in his eyes. And if I’m to be completely honest with myself, I totally fucking want to jump his bones. I just don’t want him to think I’m easy and get the wrong idea about the kind of girl I am. I’ve only been with two men in my life, and each person, I was in a relationship with. I’m not normally this forward or fast, but if there is one thing that I have been taught over the past few months, it’s that life is incredibly short. It can literally end in the blink of an eye, and everything about Andrew feels right. I feel it in my bones. He brings me back to life drawing out my best qualities and everything that makes me real. They have been lying dormant for the past months, but he emboldens me and makes me feel alive and treasured.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I see a flicker of light in my eyes that was extinguished the night I lost Abby. I make quick work of washing my face in the sink, loosening my hair from the ponytail and running my fingers through it to smooth the waves. I spot his toothpaste on the sink and decide that I should probably rinse my mouth out, so using my finger as a makeshift toothbrush I wash my mouth as best I can. I pull off my top and skirt and tug the soft t-shirt over my head. It hangs nearly to my knees and smells of fresh laundry, but if I sniff deep enough, I can still smell a hint of his warm spicy cologne. Christ, I am in here sniffing cotton… grow a set and open the door and you can smell the real thing – get a grip!
I turn the knob and shut off the light only to run face first into a solid bare chest. Andrew blocks my path with his hands on either side of the doorframe, standing only in a pair of tight black boxer briefs. Yum. He steps forward pushing my back into the door, one arm wraps around the small of my back, while the other reaches up to gently grasp the back of my head, pulling me up his body. We are nose to nose and my body has been set on fire. I am liquid metal, completely malleable to his touch.
“So fucking beautiful.” He says looking into my eyes. “I’m going to kiss you now Charlie.” He pauses, waiting for my assent.
“Please.” I practically beg before his lips crush mine.
His kiss is urgent, almost as if he has to get this out before I disappear. His lips and tongue coax mine, and I respond timidly at first. Then finding confidence, I kiss back our tongues entangling in an in intricate dance. He tastes like mint and something uniquely Andrew. My hands find their way to his hair grasping softly. Softly moaning into my mouth, his hands find their way to my backside, pulling me tightly against him. I can feel how hard he is against my stomach, and the ache increases between my legs. I’ve never felt like this; never wanted anyone as badly as I do him.
Trailing soft kisses down the side of my neck, he whispers, “I can’t wait to be inside you.”
A moan escapes me and I pull his mouth to mine, “Then what are you waiting for?”
“Not tonight, babe.” He says against my lips, and I swear the disappointment deflates every ounce of bold confidence I had going for me just a few moments ago.
Sensing my thoughts, he continues. “God, you know I want to, but I need you to understand that it isn’t just about sex for me Charlie. I don’t just want you for a night. If I have you, I’ll want you for a lifetime, and I need you to be ready.” He says pulling my legs around his waist and carrying me to the bed. I groan in frustration and he chuckles.
“It isn’t just about sex for me either, Andrew. I’m not usually so forward when it comes to these kinds of things, but I want this with you.”
“I want this with you too, Charlie. I want everything, but just let me hold you for tonight baby.” I usually hate when guys use pet names – especially baby. My ex-boyfriend, Tyler, used it like it was my name, and every single time I had to grit my teeth and fight the urge to punch him in the teeth. It always sounded so freaking fake and cheesy coming from Tyler’s lips, but I love it coming from Andrew’s mouth. He can call me anything he freaking wants.
He settles beside me, pulling me into his warm, hard body, making himself the big spoon and pulls the covers up around us.
�
��Spend the day with me tomorrow?” he asks nuzzling into the space behind my ear, inhaling deeply.
“I’d like that.” I say.
“I have to work for a little bit in the morning, but we can get you a visitor pass to the hospital. I just have some rounds and information to deliver; then I want to take you somewhere special. That ok?”
“Of course. Are you sure it’s ok that I go to work with you?” I ask.
“I’m sure babe.” He says, snuggling me closer, placing kisses down the side of my face and neck.
I relax into him, feeling completely safe and at ease for the first time in months. The last thing I remember, are his fingers threading softly through my long hair.
Chapter 4
Andrew:
I wake up to Charlie wrapped tightly around me in her sleep, and I find myself staring at her, completely mesmerized by everything about her. The early morning sun peeks through the sheer curtains casting a golden glowing light over her face. Long dark lashes rest against her cheeks, light freckles scatter her cute nose, and her skin is bronzed and glowing from spending the past few days in the sun. There is nothing fake about this woman inside or out. Her face free of makeup, yet without a doubt she is the most stunning thing I have ever seen. As my eyes roam her face and body, trying to memorize every line and curve, I notice a fairly large scar along her hairline and another down the side of her neck that I hadn’t noticed before. These are recent, what in the hell happened? I want to dig until I uncover every secret that she has, and then protect her from everything that has or ever will hurt her. I don’t know where this fiercely protective instinct is coming from, but I know in this moment laying here with her in my arms, that I will do whatever it takes to keep her and keep her safe.
I shift in bed, and she tightens her grip on me in her sleep mumbling my name. Warmth floods my chest. I’m not normally a touchy feely, emotional sort of guy, but damnit this girl does something to me and all I want to do is hold her and bare my soul to her. She’s lighting me up from the inside out, and bringing me back to life. I hadn’t realized how far I’d let myself slip into the darkness until she turned the lights back on. I run the backs of my fingers down the side of her face, moving some hair out of her eyes. Her eyes flutter open, and focus on me. She smiles that perfect smile, and I’m done for. I could get used to this.
“Morning beautiful.” I say placing a kiss on the tip of her nose.
“Mmmm.” She smiles wider, “Good morning. Were you watching me sleep, creeper?”
“Maybe, but really I just woke up right before you.” I lie, not wanting her to think I’m actually a creep.
I love that instead of being awkward, she snuggles in closer as if I am where she needs to be. I wrap her up in my arms needing to get as close to her as possible. She traces my tattoos with her fingers.
“I love these.” She says quietly.
“I’m glad, because I don’t think they are going anywhere.” I chuckle.
“It just surprises me. They seem so at odds with your upbringing and profession, yet somehow they are so uniquely you and I love it. What do they all mean, or do they have meaning?” she asks quirking an eyebrow waiting on my answer.
“Yeah, most of them represent something or have a meaning, but to complete the sleeves, one of my good friends owns his own shop. So he works with me and added in some original work of his own. So even though some is just filler, it still means something because no one else has it.”
“That’s cool. So many of my friends have tattoos, and I’ve always wanted one. I just never seemed to find something that just stuck with me.” She admits, fingers tracing the stethoscope on my left forearm, and they continue up my arms to trace the various patterns and words, sending flames through my body and turning me on.
“This is a line from a Breaking Benjamin song, Fade Away.” She sings the line of the song flawlessly and its beautiful coming from her lips, but I hope to God she doesn’t ask me the meaning behind it. Not yet.
“Correct.” I say smiling into her hair. “The fact that you even knew off the top of your head is sexy as fuck.”
“What? They are in my top five. I’m pretty sure I know every song of theirs by heart.” She shrugs innocently and it’s becoming apparent to me this girl is something very special. I just want to feel her body underneath mine, but I know that we will have to get going soon if I want to make it to the hospital on time.
“As much as I would love to stay here in this bed all day with you, we better get going. How about you shower here, and while you do that, I can run to your room and pick up some clothes for you. Anything in particular you need?”
“Just ask Laney to pick something out, she knows my style and she can get my medicine and stuff…” she trails off, looking like she swallowed something bad.
“You ok?” I ask taking her chin between my fingers and tilting it up so I can look into her eyes. I know she’s not saying something as her eyes start to fill with unshed tears, but I refuse to press because I know what it’s like to hold on to something and not want to let it out. We will both let it out when we are ready. I just hope we get the chance.
“I will be.” She sadly smiles.
I give her a chaste kiss before heading out the door. I turn just in time to see her wiping a tear off her cheek.
I will help her fix the parts of herself she thinks are so broken.
Charlie:
Andrew and I pull into a visitor’s parking spot at the hospital. In my mind, I had pictured an older, broken down building, but that is not the case. The medical center is a large light stucco building with arch details and lush green landscaping with tropical flowers and palm trees lining the front. He comes around to my side of the rental, opening the door to help me out. He really is a true gentleman. I adjust my swimsuit top under my t-shirt dress, and am suddenly really self-conscious of my outfit. Damnit Laney!
Sensing my apprehension, Andrew asks, “What’s the matter?”
“Are you sure I’m dressed appropriately?” I ask, eyeing his expensive dress slacks and shirt.
“Babe, you look beautiful. You’ll fit right in, I promise.” He says, providing a reassuring smile.
I’m not exactly sure what I expect walking into this hospital, but I know for certain that I didn’t expect to have a major panic attack. Of course, that would have to happen and make me look like a complete basket case in front of this amazing man. Entering the hospital, we are greeted with warm smiles as Andrew approaches the front desk.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Andrew Montgomery. I’m here as a visiting surgeon. Can you direct me to where I can find Dr. Ross?” The young receptionist’s cheeks flame at his panty-dropping smile and swoon worthy drawl. Yeah sister, I know the feeling.
“Just take that set of elevators up to the third floor, and turn left. If you follow that hallway all the way down to the nurse’s station, one of them should be able to page him for you.” she says.
“Thank you, ma’am.” Andrew says, taking my hand and leading me towards the elevator bank.
Stepping off the elevator, my nose is assaulted with the smell of antiseptic and sterile linens as a nurse pushes an empty stretcher in front of us. Instantly, I’m barraged with a series of memories that transport me to my worst nightmare. Some things I remember in vivid detail because I relive them on a nightly basis as I’m ripped from my sleep in cold sweats. Some of these memories have been hiding in the dark corners of my mind, waiting for an opportunity to be set free and break what little piece of sanity I am so desperately clinging to.
Screaming.
Blood and the sickening smell of it.
Grinding metal.
Blinding pain.
Darkness.
Abby.
Despair.
“Ma’am can you tell me your name?” I try to blink my eyes open, but I can’t keep them from rolling back in my head. I hurt. I can’t feel my legs, but I can feel the slicing pain in my stomach. “ma’am, can you hear me?” the female v
oice says again. It barely registers. “I’m Dr. Wilder, you are at University Medical Center; you’ve been in an accident and have sustained severe injuries. Can you tell us your name so we can contact someone for you?”
“Charlotte Adams.” I try to say, but I know it isn’t coming out. My mouth isn’t working. Abby. Where’s Abby? I remember waking up to the smell of blood and burning motor oil. I remember the metallic scream of saws and I remember looking over to Abby as she reached out for my hand, but everything was wrong. So wrong. Why is there a stoplight in the car? So much blood. I succumb to the darkness again.
“Charlie! Charlie, sweetheart, look at me. Breathe, baby!” Andrew’s panicked voice breaks through the dark fog that surrounds the vivid memory.
His hands are cupping my face as he kneels in front of me on the floor. On the floor? Shit. I quickly try to stand up, but his arm snakes around my waist, quickly drawing me back down into his chest. Sliding his other arm under my legs, he briskly carries me to an open patient bay and draws the curtain. It isn’t lost on me the audience that had gathered, and the curious looks being tossed our way. I am absolutely mortified. You know that dream where you show up to school naked? Yeah, it’s like that, only a hundred times worse.
“Oh my gosh, Andrew. I am so sorry. I don’t know what happened.” I try to play it off, but I can already feeling the panic beginning to rise again. The tears continue to flow and there is absolutely no stopping them at this point. It’s already too late.