ADDICTED TO HIM

by Linette King

  When I ran out of the store, I ran dead into Rashard. I got the weirdest feeling when I looked into his eyes. It was almost as if no one else was there but I can’t have that feeling! Nooo, buddy! Nobody will get the chance to hurt me like Amere did! No sir! I’m too focused on Tamia to focus on anything else. I’m twenty-two and about to graduate with my Bachelor’s in Health Administration! I have no kids and as soon as I get a job, Armani will be living there alone because I’m tired of cleaning up after her.

  Anyway, I told Rashard to fuck off and ran to the truck. I didn’t realize that I didn’t have the keys until I got out there, so I just leaned on it waiting on Armani. It wasn’t long before Armani came sashaying out of the mall with a serious mug on her face. I swear, lately, we have been bumping heads a lot! It's like she really doesn’t like me, but she tolerates me. For what reason, I don’t know. She asked what was wrong and we went inside the food court, so I could give her a brief rundown of what happened.

  Before the conversation was completely over, she got up and walked away. She didn’t even wait for me to get up! Hell, I had done most of the talking, so I wasn’t done eating yet. I closed my plate and followed behind her confused. I don’t understand what I said that ticked her off but like I said before, I’m not about to argue with her while she’s driving. The whole ride home was a silent one. I kept stealing glances, trying to figure out what her problem is with me but I decided to say fuck it!

  I’m a grown kind of person. What I mean by that is if I have a problem with you, you won’t have to wonder about it because it will be addressed. I don’t have time to worry about her when I have two exams on Monday. As soon as we pulled up, I hopped out and went into my room, closing the door behind me to get some studying done. I love Armani to death, but I’m not about to kiss her ass! She has known me long enough to know that.

  By the time I finished studying, it was 12:30 and I was starving! I remembered I took some chicken wings out earlier, so I decided to fry them and make some mac and cheese. As soon as I opened my room door, I could hear Armani screaming and moaning like nobody’s business. I walked down the hall in the dark and fell, tripping over a really dark colored Timberland boot. The light was off and I couldn’t see exactly what color.

  Being pissed was an understatement because I had to clean up this nigga’s clothes again! I folded them up and sat everything outside of her room door. When I walked in the kitchen, I wasn’t surprised to see dishes in the sink, since my roommate never cleans up after herself. I turn the fryer on to warm the grease up before I started cleaning the kitchen.

  By the time I finished cooking and fixing my plate, Armani and her guy were done smashing. Hopefully, after I ate, I could sleep peacefully. So, I’m sitting in the living room watching Revenge on Netflix while I’m eating my food.

  “Oh shit!” I hear a male voice in the hall. I turn to look but in the dark, all I can see is him running back into Armani’s room. I guess I must have spooked him. Now, instead of moans, all I can hear is them arguing. Armani must have turned some music on to drown their voices out but I can still hear them; I just can’t make out what they are saying. After I finish eating, I cut the tv off and go into the kitchen to wash my plate. I don’t hear them arguing anymore, so I guess they have gone to sleep.

  I go in my room and put all my books up before I lay down to get some rest. About ten minutes later, I hear my door open and I look up to see Armani standing there, glaring down at me. Not knowing what her problem is and not being willing to take a chance, I hop out of the bed.

  “What the hell you doing, Mia?” she asked, with a now confused look on her face.

  “Well shit, you act like I said something to piss you off earlier and you haven’t talked to me since. Now, you in my room, mugging me from the door!” I respond, frowning. She laughs. Not a chuckle but a deep hearty laugh! So now, I’m looking at her confused.

  “You did piss me off earlier, but I wasn’t talking to you because you weren’t talking to me. I came in here mugging you because I smelled that fried chicken, but you ain't save me none, helfa!” she said still laughing.

  I sat down on my bed taking it all in. I still didn’t believe her, and the fact that I know she isn’t keeping it a buck with me is making me not trust her anymore. “Well, I guess I’ll let you go on back to sleep,” she says, locking my door then closing it. Not long after that, I heard the front door open and close, then her shower came on. I guess she let her sponsor out and now, she’s in the shower.

  The next morning, I’m up at 7am cooking eggs, grits, bacon, and pancakes. I hate eating late because for some reason, I always wake up starving! I have a track meet today at one, so I shouldn’t have any cramps or anything.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” I hear from the hallway. When I turn to see who it is, it's the sponsor that caught me pleasuring myself a few days ago. My face flushes immediately, thinking about what I did as I drop the spatula.

  “You don’t have to be nervous around me, sweetie. You weren’t nervous the other day,” he says with a smile. I reached down to grab the spatula and started cleaning it without responding to him. “So, why don’t you let me take you out some time, miss? It will be my pleasure,” he continues.

  “No thank you. Have a good day,” I say as I finish fixing my plate and head into my room. I was going to eat in the living room but not with Armani’s sponsor hitting on me!

  Armani

  After listening to Tamia recant the events, my stomach took a turn for the worse. I was disgusted! I mean, who does she think she is? It’s not like she’s God’s greatest gift to man! I bet if I told her how I felt, she would have one excuse after another backing up each thing she has done wrong to me! Ok well, she hasn’t actually done anything wrong to me per se, but why do she have to be good at everything? Why doesn't she have to work for anything? Shit ain’t fair! I worked my butt off after Steve’s no good ass raped me to keep my grades up high enough to get into school. My problem was I didn’t have any guidance!

  My mother was a ‘‘ain’t shit ass bitch’’ that let her boyfriend rape her only daughter! Her only fucking child! Then she wanted to turn around and pretend like she gave a damn! The bitch cared more about Steve “leaving her” than she did me and before I knew it, she was cracked out! I remember my first time catching her like it was yesterday.

  Tamia and I decided to catch the public transportation bus home instead of walking, like we normally did. “I can’t wait to go off to school!” Tamia said. “Girl, you and me both! What are you going for?” I replied. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out eventually though. I may just go and take the basic classes until I decide what I want to do. What are you going for?” she asked. “Girl, I’m going to be the best registered nurse anyone has ever seen! I’m not going to have any kids, so I can be a traveling nurse!” I said excitedly. “That’s whats up, Mani! I’ll be there for you every step of the way. I’m glad you didn’t let what happened to you stop you,” she said. “I know, me too,” I replied somberly.

  The bus stopped, allowing us to get off at our stop. Riding the bus cut our time in half and then some! I noticed Tamia wasn’t talking anymore as we turned on my street, but I didn’t know what to say. Unlike Tamia, I never knew how to comfort anyone. Hell, I can’t even comfort myself!

  “Hey, I’m going to head on to my apartment. Do you want to come over?” Tamia asked. “Naw, I’m tired,” I replied but I really wanted to tell her what had been going on. My mom had been acting strange and I needed to make sure she was ok before I did anything else. Had I known what I know now, I would have walked over to Tamia’s apartment with her.

  As always, the door was unlocked but I was not prepared for what I saw next. My mother sat on the floor Indian style in front of the couch, inhaling deeply while sucking on a crack pipe. Next to her was a soda can with a hole in it and a straw, like she tried and failed miserably at making a homemade pipe. I cleared my throat to make my presence known but she just started rocking. I
stood there watching my mother smile and rock before she closed her eyes, leaning back against the couch.

  I walked up to her, shaking her shoulder roughly. “MOM! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” I yelled before smacking the pipe out of her hand. She jumped up and hit me so fast, I didn’t have time to react. I stood there staring her down as she breathed hard, staring right back at me. She walked away heading in the direction of the now, broken crack pipe. When she saw it was broken, she started screaming like a maniac and ran towards me, screaming and swinging on me. I tried holding her down but the drugs had her so strong. I wanted to fight her back but this is my mom, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

  “Why did you do that?” she screamed. “You keep taking everything from me! I hate you! You’ve ruined my life! I should’ve had a damn abortion; you piece of shit! Why would you take the only thing I had left that made me happy?!” she continued screaming and by now she’s slobbering, and I’m trying to fight back my tears.

  I turned to walk away from her, only for her to start back fighting me. I lightly pushed her onto the couch so I could go to my room but she jumped right back up, tripping and hitting her head on the table. I looked back because she wasn’t screaming anymore. I walked closer to her and when I saw her chest rising and falling, I knew she had only knocked herself, so I went back into my room. I vowed never to fall in love and never have children because I didn’t want this cycle to continue.

  The next morning, I was awakened by a bird outside of my window and searched all over the house for my mom. Needless to say, I couldn’t find her and I have only seen her four times since then.

  Tamia doesn’t know how good she had it, getting emancipated. I was stuck in that house, pretending my mom was at work. Meanwhile, all Tamia had to do was keep a clean house. She will never know my struggle! I drove my truck all the way back to our place in deep thought. I desperately needed to figure out my next move because living with Tamia was causing me to hate her.

  As soon as we made it home, she hopped out before I could even park good. I guess she’s mad at me but the feeling is mutual! I have my sponsors but I have to do so much to keep them, meanwhile, she got niggas wanting to be with her and she ain’t doing shit! Yeah, I’m pissed because we are both some bad bitches, but what makes her better than me? She has no man and I have four. I’m mad because three of them are married and the other one doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s dealing with me! Now, what kind of shit is that? I never argue or anything, so what makes her better? All she will do is run away at the first sign of trouble!

  Ding. My text alert goes off, interrupting my thoughts.

  Him: where are you

  Armani: home. where are you???

  Him: Detroit. Do you live alone

  Armani: Yes daddy. Are you coming over?

  Him: yea turn your location on so I can find you

  A wicked grin spread across my face as my secret sponsor hit me up. He had been talking about moving here to get closer to me, but I thought it was a crock load of shit! Maybe he’s ready to finally be with me exclusively. I know he has a girlfriend but if he’s here looking for me, then she must mean nothing to him. Well, not much anyway. I quickly hop in the shower to get ready for Daddy. I just got a Brazilian wax Wednesday, so we’re good on the shaving part!

  Him: I’m outside. lemme in

  When I read that message, I got sooo freaking nervous! I quickly walked to Tamia’s room and placed my ear to the door. I can hear soft wind and crickets, so I know she’s studying. Tamia is weird like that. She cannot focus in silence. She’s always saying how silence is far louder than actual noise. That's something I don’t understand.

  I walk to the door in nothing but a red tank top shirt with a sheer back and black thongs with red thread. When I open the door, Daddy quickly steps in, sucking all over my neck. I moan softly while unbuckling his pants. Once they fall, he kicks his shoes off and one of them land on my pinky toe.

  “Ouch!” I yell out, hopping on the other foot. I hop towards my bedroom and when I glance back, he’s following close behind, removing his clothes on the way. When we make it completely in the room, I stand on the tips of my toes to get a kiss and like always, he turns his head slightly and I nibble on his neck, like that’s what I was going for to begin with.

  I roughly push Daddy against the wall and squat down in front of him. Daddy got a big ole dick and you have to know how to work it so you can get yours because I don’t think he’s that experienced. Sometimes, I wonder why he’s such a selfish lover. Either way it goes, I know how to work it, so I have no complaints. When you know your own body, you cum faster because you know which way to rotate your hips and when to rub your clit faster.

  I stroked his dick with his balls in my mouth. “You got that first one out the way yet, Daddy?” I ask, looking up at him before taking all of his dick in my mouth. I watch him shake his head no, so I know I need to start working on getting mine now. I reach in between my legs, rubbing my clit with my thumb and fingering myself with my index and middle finger, all the while sucking his dick. When I feel him jerk in my mouth, I pull back and stand to my feet.

  “What the fuck, man? I was finna nut!” he said, getting mad.

  “I know Daddy, but I needed to feel you first,” I replied and watched his frown fade away. See, when you piss a nigga off, you have to stroke his ego to get back into his good graces. I grabbed Daddy’s hand and led him to my bed as I climbed up on all fours. He entered me slowly and before I could mention him not putting a condom on first, he was long dicking me! Girl, I started yodeling, the dick was so good! He grabbed my hair, yanking my head back and smacking my ass. I could feel my nut building back up, so I started rubbing my clit faster and faster as he continued to slide in and out of me slowly. He went deeper with each slow thrust. I promise you, if you have never been longed dicked, you need to stop fucking with these short dick niggas! There is nothing like slow, deep, circulating strokes!

  “Mmmh Daddy, fuck!” I yelled as I came and he sped up his pace. That was the first time in four years that I came first because he let me, and that was the reassurance I needed to know that he’s almost ready. A few minutes later, he came as well and we lay wrapped in each other’s arms. Yeah, I think I’m in love.

  “What’s that smell?” Daddy said, sitting up and rubbing his stomach.

  “My roommate must be up cooking. She cooks all the time,” I replied.

  “Your roommate?” he asked.

  “Yea, ain't that what I-” he slapped the shit out of me before I could finish my sentence. That’s when I realized that I told him I lived alone! Fuck Tamia! Why would she get up cooking this fucking late!?! Man, I can’t stand her ass sometimes!

  “I specifically asked you if you had a roommate! Why did you lie?” he asked angrily, but I didn’t respond. He hit me so hard, I flew across the room. He walked towards me, and I hopped over the bed and ran to the door. I saw Tamia had done folded up his clothes and sat everything outside my door. I grabbed his clothes and shoes, and brought them inside my room. He snatched his things from me and proceeded to get dressed. I just sat there watching, mad because Tamia knew exactly what she was doing when she got up cooking this damn late!

  Daddy didn’t say anything else to me as he headed out of here. “Oh Shit!” I heard him say before he ran back into the room.

  “Bitch, are you fucking stupid?!” he asked.

  “Nigga, I ain’t gone be too many more bitches!” I screamed back.

  “BITCH! Why the fuck would you lie about having a roommate? What fucking sense do that make?” he asked, walking closer to me. I quickly spit my blade out and got in my fighting stance.

  “Like I said, I ain’t gone be too many more of your bitches! Ok, I lied about having a roommate, so fucking what! I only lied because I wanted some dick and I knew you wouldn’t come over if I told the truth! Why the fuck do I have to be a secret?” I yelled pissed off. “You know what Daddy, don’t answer that. Just get the
fuck out because I’m done!” I screamed while crying.

  His face softened as he approached me. The closer he got, the more I yearned to feel him again. I didn’t care about him hitting me or about Tamia getting up ruining a perfectly good moment. All I cared about was Daddy and I in my bed right now. He reached for me and I walked slowly into his embrace. He caressed my face as he stared into my eyes, then slapped the fuck out of me! “Don’t you ever lie to me again! And if you ever fix your lips to spit another blade out your mouth like you gone cut me bitch, I’ll kill you!” he said through clenched teeth. I looked up at him from the floor with tears streaming down my face. He stayed for another two hours laying across my bed as I sat on the floor crying. Eventually, I cried myself to sleep.

  When I realized he was gone, I walked to Tamia’s room and opened the door staring at her. Sometimes, I just want to fucking strangle her! I love her too much though. All of a sudden, she jumped up like she was ready to fight. It was almost like she could read my mind.

  “What the hell you doing, Mia?” I asked confused because I know I didn’t voice any of my thoughts, so this bitch has got to be crazy!