The social situation at school had shifted. Tension between the hooligans and football players grew by the day, and there had been a few almost-fights in the halls. They would have been full-blown brawls if not for the fact none of the players could get caught in a fight, or the risked losing their place on the team. Jason also announced in the last week he would be moving, his father had taken a job out of state. He promised to stick around until the end of the season, and the final games.
With Phillip gone, the hooligans were also leaderless. The table felt empty without his and Derrick’s personalities to fill the space.
Blue took a bite of the sandwich she’d packed, peanut butter and cream cheese. Mom swore by this combination as comfort food, and she definitely needed some comfort. Today was her birthday. She was eighteen. A milestone, it was something to celebrate, but she was reluctant to bring it up. Her relationships with Phe and Forrest remained strained, and it didn’t seem right to plan something with just Kevin, so she’d avoided it all together.
The noise of the cafeteria pressed in, overwhelming her for a moment, then the scene snapped back into focus.
“There’s another concert on Saturday, right? I heard the band was good, I was sorry I had to miss them last time. Phe? You going?” Ian asked. He was a larger boy, solid, with more muscle than fat, and dark haired. He seemed pleasant enough, though Blue had only been around him during lunches.
Phe tossed her hair with a quick glance at Kevin, who just smiled back at her. “Yeah,” she said. “We’ll be there.” She smirked at Kevin. “Won’t we, Blue?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess so. It was fun last time.”
“Now, don’t sound so excited, you’ll give everyone here the wrong idea,” Phe teased, though her eyes clouded, probably remembering the last concert.
“Do you really want to go, even with…?” she trailed off, uncertain how to end the sentence.
“I do,” Phe said firmly. “And I want you to come with me.”
Blue’s eyes widened and a small thrill went through her. Was I finally getting through to her? Now for Forrest. “Forrest? Will you come with us?”
He shifted a little closer to her, so their knees just touched. “Yeah, I’ll go if you want. It would be good to get out.”
“I want,” she said with a smile. Finally. Six weeks since Karran. Three weeks since Kevin and she had started operation Friends Out of The House. Not an original name, but accurate.
“What time do you want me over on Saturday? You will help me get ready, right?” she asked Phe.
“Of course. Who knows what you’d wear otherwise,” she shot back, grinning.
Yes. A concert to go to, a grinning Phe and a Forrest to accompany them. It was shaping up to be a great birthday.
Blue wiped sweat from her brow then carefully cut the popsicle stick at the five inch mark. After a few false starts, she and Kevin had decided to build and test a few catapult designs in miniature. They’d each taken two, and would compare results. The project still wasn’t due ‘til the end of the semester, but neither wanted to leave this to the last minute.
She’d set up on her back porch, popsicle sticks, utility knife, glue, clamps and twine placed in neat piles around her. Her sketches, held down by a small stone, fluttered in the warm breeze.
How can it possible be 90 degrees in October? Another trickle of sweat made its way down her temple, tickling. She cut five for sticks to the correct length and set them with glue, holding them together with a small clamp. There. Perfect timing. Mom would be home soon, and she still had time to clean up.
“Blue? Honey? Where are you?”
Or, not have time to clean up. She jumped to her feet and poked her head through the back door off the kitchen. “On the back porch, just wrapping up something for Physics. I’ll be in in a sec,” she called out.
“Okay, but hurry.” Mom moved into the kitchen, a grin stretching her face, and a small package, wrapped in multi-colored paper, held in her hands. “I made reservations for seven, and it’ll take us at least a half-hour to get there.” Setting it on the counter, she grabbed Blue’s cheeks and gave her a noisy, playful kiss. “Happy birthday baby.”
“Hah. Baby. Isn’t that the point of today? I’m eighteen now, you know, you can’t be calling me things like that.” She kept her words light. “Give me ten minutes?”
“Of course,” she said. Blue stepped back and started to pull the door closed but Mom caught the edge. “We could cancel? Order a couple pizzas, invite your friends over? I just… I worry, and I know you’ve been stressed about those disappearances. I think it would be a good way for everyone to get their minds off things. We could rent movies…”
“No.” Her voice caught and she cleared her throat. “No, I don’t want to bother them, they still have a lot going on. Besides, it would be nice if it were just you and me.”
“Okay.” Mom put on a strained smile. “Hurry up. I have surprises for you!”
She checked over the pieces of her project. Everything looked to be configured correctly, at least enough for this stage. Hesitating for a moment at the counter, the present a cheerful temptation, she hurried to wash up and change. Fifteen minutes later, she and Mom climbed in the car and started out.
The drive was relatively silent, neither of them going beyond general small talk of the ‘how was your day’ variety. The route to the restaurant took them along a winding, hilly road. At one point they topped a rise, the low hill country surrounding Austin laid out before her. Blue’s breath caught, it looked so much like the view at McKinney. The hills rolled together, fading off, streaks of limestone cliffs dotting the landscape.
“It’s pretty here, isn’t?” Mom’s voice pulled her back to the present.
“Yeah.”
“Have you gone out hiking recently?”
Blue shot a look at her. Was that a note of chiding censure? “No.”
She sighed. “I understand what happened at the hike has been upsetting for you.” She signaled and pulled into the middle lane, waiting to turn into the restaurant drive. Blue’s stomach lurched, did her mother somehow find out about Karran? “But, you can’t let it drive you back into hiding.”
“Mom.”
There was a break in the traffic, and Mom pulled into the drive, which wound up a tall hill. “I just don’t want you to see this as some kind of sign. I mean, it’s horrible, but you can’t blame yourself for friends getting into fights and doing stupid things. For all you know, they could still turn up.” She pulled into a parking spot and twisted her head, meeting Blue’s eyes. “I just worry. It’s a mom thing to do, you know.”
Breathing out a sigh of relief, Blue sent a small smile. “I know. Now, what is this place?”
“This is apparently one of the best places to find beef ribs. By all reports they also have wonderful fresh bread. Come on.”
The entrance was all wood and stone, with a set of horns mounted over the hostess station, and country music played in the background.
"Inside or out?" A girl, little older than Blue, greeted them, her smile wide. "The patio is real nice right about now."
"Blue?"
"Outside would be nice. It's cooled off a little."
"Good choice." The woman grabbed two menus and stepped out in front of them. "And you're just in time for the sunset. We have one of the best views."
They were led past heavy wood tables and painted wooden indians. A juke box glowed in one corner. The patio, paved in stone and dotted with ion tables, looked out over the hill country. Houses sat in little clusters, standing out against the deep green of undeveloped land. The sun was just setting, and as the hostess promised, it was beautiful.
"I'll give you guys a moment to look over the menu," she said before hurrying away.
I light breeze ruffled Blue's hair as they perused the options. Ultimately deciding on a beef rib and some brisket, she set the menu aside and looked out over the hills, absorbing the scene. With the fading sun paining ribbons of color
in the sky, and the soft golden light of almost twilight, it could have been a perfect moment. There were just a few things missing...
"He should have been here." Mom's quiet words pulled Blue's eyes to her. A wistful smile turned up the corner of her mouth, and she, too, looked out over the view.
Yes, he should have been. A spurt of anger shot through Blue. It was unfair of her, but she couldn't help resent her father in that moment. He'd left them. And Blue had ended up in Austin, in a place where she could open portals, and she'd been thrust into something she was wholly unprepared for. "Yeah," she said, her voice a little more forceful than appropriate, "he should be."
Their eyes met. "Blue?"
She shook her head. "It's nothing. Let's order." She deliberately made her tone lighter. "And open presents!"
That got a smile from Mom, and they soon ordered, also adding in a loaf of the famous bread. they ate mostly in silence, or simply talking of little things, assignments in school, Mom's latest project at work, a new story idea Blue was working on. Soon, the plates were cleared, and Mom had insisted on a helping of cobbler in place of cake.
The waitress, along with four other servers, appeared, holding a bowl heaping with peaches, crust and ice cream, a melting candle haphazardly perched on top, singing a rendition of the birthday song that also included cowboys, cactus and longhorns.
Grinning, even as her cheeks heated to bursting, she blew out the candle.
"Happy birthday, baby," Mom said, placing that bright package in front of her. "I have a confession. I went through your room. I hadn't a clue what to get you. I found your list. I... didn't understand some of what you have on there, but it helped me pick this out. I hope you like it."
Blue's stomach dropped as she reached for the package with a slight tremble she quickly suppressed. There wasn't anything about Karran on the list, nothing bad really, though she had added 'learn spy things'. She also wasn't sure how she felt about her mother going through her things. She didn't have anything to hide, had never been like that, but her mother had also never been the type to riffle around. Finally, she said, "I don't mind." What else could she say?
She pried off the ribbon and slowly loosened the paper, carefully undoing the tape and unwrapping the box. It was fairly small, and fit nicely in her lap. A few more pieces of tape removed, and the she separated the flaps. Nestled in blue, purple and white tissue paper were two cards. One was to a Krav Maga place, a certificate for three months of lessons, redeemable any time.
"Self defense. It's a good idea. Every woman, every person, should know how to take care of themselves. If you like, we can go together...?" The last was said in a hesitant voice.
A slew of emotions hit her. Guilt, for the secrets she kept, and the reminder of Karran; but that never really left her thoughts. Love, for her mother. A dash of resentment, for her prying into the list without asking.
"You could have asked me what was on the list, you know."
"I thought you'd like the surprise," Mom stiffened, a defensive note creeping in.
Blue forced a smile. "I do. It's perfect."
A cautious nod. "Okay. But, that's not all that's in there. Check out the rest."
The other card was also a certificate. This time for a dance school downtown, good for 10 drop-in classes, also redeemable any time.
Another item on her list.
"Oh, mom, I really do love them. I do. Thank you."
"That's not all."
Pushing aside the tissue paper, Blue discovered a framed certificate, on cream cardstock. It read 'good for four years full tuition to your chosen university'.
"We've been remiss, or I have. We haven't talked about this at all. I realized it when I saw the brochures you brought home. I didn't want you to worry. Dad and I made sure we set aside quite a bit, almost three full years. We'll figure the rest out when the time comes. Do you know where you'd like to go?" Her words were eager, earnest.
The dash of resentment combined with her anger over dad not being here. This was something she had always talked about with him. College plans. She actually did have them picked out. Northwestern was the top, but if she could get into Emory, Brown. If none of those worked out, she had a whole list of other possibles. She gently placed the certificate and cards in the box and closed the flaps.
"Application are due soon. I would have liked to get them in sooner, but..."
Something about Mom's tone riled her anger, and Blue snapped. "What if I don't go to college?" Her tone was sharp, but she had no trouble getting the words out. She hadn't, in fact, contemplated not going until just then; but, what if she did just that? Took a year or two off? "I could travel, explore." The more she thought about it, the more she liked the idea. She couldn't go back to Karran, but there was a whole world here for her to see. So many different people to meet, so many cultures. Who knows, she may find a something that would help her forget...
She shook that off. Mom had frozen, her spoon halfway to the bowl of dessert. It was a bit comical, but Blue wasn't in the mood to laugh.
"You even said it, you didn't want me to go 'into hiding'."
"Not locking yourself away in your room is far different from abandoning school, and your plans, to, what, backpack around the world like some sort of uber-hipster hippy living out their dreams of eat-pray-love."
The venom in Mom's tone took Blue aback, but she wouldn't back down. It was spur of the moment, yes, but she knew it was the right thing for her.
"Well, not sure about the eat-pray-love thing, but I am eighteen now. I could really do it. I could take off and backpack around the world. Why not? It would be an adventure. I could chronicle it. Journal, and write about it." Mom's cold expression didn't change, and Blue continued. "What is do horrible about pausing for a year to do this? About discovering more about this world? We've lived in a lot of places, but there's still so much to learn." The anger that had spurred her first outburst faded in the face of convincing her mother. "I could work, get a job, save up. I wouldn't even want to tap into the college money. I still want to go. It's just... it's important I do this."
Her expression softening, Mom slumped back in her chair. "It's not safe out there, not for you."
The anger surged back. What did that even mean? "I know it's not necessarily safe. I would be smart about it. I'm not an idiot. I'd do my research. Maybe I'd join up with some kind of volunteer abroad program."
"I know you're not an idiot. I'm just saying..." she grimaced, struggling for words. "I'm just saying that I want to know you're safe. It's a mom thing."
What could she possibly say to that? "I know. I know that. But I've... realized recently that the piece of the world I know is just a very small piece. There's so much I don't know, so much I haven't seen."
"And you'll have plenty of time to see it!"
"Will I? I don't know. I'm afraid I'll go off to college, get a degree, settle in somewhere, and never have the courage to do this."
"Or, you could go to college, and travel after."
"How is that any different from me traveling now? The world will always be a dangerous place." She realized those words were true even as she said them. The world would always be a dangerous place. Keeping her tone even, she continued. "It will. So why can't I do this now? I need to do this now. And, I hate to sound like the bratty teenager, but I am eighteen. I could do it with or without your permission."
Suddenly Mom threw her head back and practically howled. She clutched her stomach as the fit continued, and her laughter, interspersed with snorts, had tears streaming down her cheeks.
Blue stared in shock, then embarrassment, as other customers stared. Their server rushed over. "Is everything all right?"
Mom doubled over, almost hitting her head on the edge of the table, and Blue giggled. Laughter, whether hysterical or not, was always contagious. She got herself under control long enough to answer the hovering server. "We're fine. But, maybe some tissues, or extra napkins?"
With a relieved smile, t
he server rushed away, returning just as Mom wound down.
Wiping her face, Blue's mother shot her a look of exasperated affection. "You are very much like your father, did you know that?"
Blue grinned. Mom was back. "You mean wise beyond my years?"
"No, smarty pants. Headstrong and determined to go your own way." Mom's gaze roved over Blue, pausing on her hair. "All right. If you're determined to do this, we will." Blue sat forward, excited, but paused as her mother held up a finger. "But, you will do this intelligently. I want to see the plans, I want to know exactly where you are going, and who you will be with. Again, it's a mom thing, and I would appreciate you keeping the bratty teenage dramatics to a minimum." The teasing note on the last eased the sting. "You will also still apply to your top colleges. I will not have you changing you mind at the last minute and be left with no options."
She wouldn't be changing her mind, but Blue could see the wisdom in Mom's plan. "It's a deal. And, my lessons will come in handy. See, a perfect birthday present."
That got a chuckle from her mom, and they both dug into the now lukewarm cobbler swimming in melted ice cream.
It was perfect.
Blue pushed her way through the crowd and out the door of the club, only stopping long enough to get a re-entry stamp on her hand. She moved to the side, away from the people still waiting to get in. The setting sun cast a warm glow over the pavement, reflecting off storefronts and broken bottles. The air was still, the humidity thick, but it was still better than the press of sweaty bodies inside.
The farther from the entrance she moved, the more muffled the band became. She feared it had been a mistake to come here, it reminded her too much of the events leading up to that fateful hike. She suspected it had done the same for Phe and Forrest. Both wore forced, strained smiles. Phe’s looked a little less forced, but she had also ignored Blue and Kevin most of the night, even though she’d been the one to insist Blue come along in the first place.
Behind These Blue Eyes Page 4