by Hilary Storm
“I understand. I just want you to remember those op…. um… are out there.” She stops herself from saying option because my glare is enough to pierce right through her.
“Please just talk to me about something to help with the nausea. I’ll work through the rest with the counselor.” I won’t be taking any unnecessary medicine while I’m pregnant. I’m so scared, but I’ll get through this. My initial freak out is warranted and I know time will help me cope with the idea of becoming a mother.
She hands me a prescription to help with the nausea as she stands to leave. “Ivy, I’ll check on you in a couple of weeks. You need to eat and drink plenty everyday. Your body has been through a lot lately. If you don’t focus on yourself, the baby could be in danger. The amount of stress you are under alone is a worry for me.”
“I will. Thank you for everything.” I know she irritated me, but she’s just trying to cover everything with me. It’s her job. I start to think of the nights that I drank with Taron and I start to worry even more.
I collapse on the bed and stare at the stick still in my hand. I’m going to be a mother. A tiny human will depend on me for everything. How the hell can I be ready for a baby in eight or so months?
Aiden interrupts my thoughts when he opens the door. His eyes hit my pregnancy test and shock hits his face. He recovers quickly though and moves to the edge of the bed to look at me.
“You ok?”
“I will be.”
“I’m here for you.”
“I know.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“No.”
“You have to.”
“No, I don’t.”
“He’s going to be a father, Ivy. You can’t keep a father from his child.”
“Aiden I can’t tell him right now. He’ll for sure walk away from the tour.”
“You have to give him a chance to make that decision.”
I look up at this guy who has been here for me in many ways and stare into his eyes with a look of how serious I am. “I will never tell Taron. I will do this on my own. End of discussion. I’m serious Aiden, end of discussion or I swear I’ll leave and no one will ever see me again. I can do this. I’ll figure it out on my own. I refuse to drag him down with me and a baby so that when she’s three I will catch him with his dick in someone and he’ll leave without ever speaking to his child again.”
He looks at me with sympathy, and not like I’m a crazy lunatic. He accepts me for everything I am. Who would have a thought a cowboy would become a great friend to me?
“I will be there for you. I just hate the idea of you not letting a father know about a baby, but I respect your decision.”
“Thanks for everything. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you.”
“Don’t even think about repaying me. You getting better and taking care of that baby will be my payment.”
“Can you get this prescription filled? It will help with my nausea.”
“Be back shortly.” I watch him leave and fall back onto the pillow. My eyes drift asleep as a I look over at the stick that just changed everything.
Taron
Emily calls me on my way back to the bus. We are supposed to pull out of town this afternoon so I have time to meet up with her. She will travel to the same location with Beckoning Reality tonight. Maybe I’ll have her ride with me. I need distracted and right now some pussy is the best distraction I can think of. I detour the cab driver to her hotel and begin my way to her room. Guilty feelings start to over-take me, but I push them back. I’m ignoring that shit. I can’t be faithful anyway. Not to mention the fact that I’m fucking single and it’s not cheating when you’re not taken.
She opens the door stark ass naked. This is why I’m here. She is a no strings attached great fucking time. I take in the sight of her and begin to compare her to Ivy. Ivy’s tits are so much better. Emily is skinny and flat everywhere. Ivy is curvy in all the right places. What the hell! Now I can’t even appreciate a naked woman begging for me to take her.
I step forward and smash my lips into hers. My kiss is a desperate attempt to get Ivy out of my head.
Her hands begin to pull at my shirt and quickly move to my jeans. I should be good in about two seconds. I should be ready to forget about Ivy and go for it.
She pulls down my jeans and begins to rub me up and down. I moan and try to pull it together. This is an easy lay. I’ve got this. I pull her in tighter and continue to kiss her with complete roughness. There is no tenderness in this kiss. Only rough desperation.
She falls to her knees and my breathing stops.
She looks straight at my dick and starts to lean in for contact. I try to let her do it. I try to let her wet warm mouth wrap around me and help me release some of the tension, but I can’t fucking do it. There’s no way she will compare to Ivy, and I can’t stomach the thought of her touching my dick any more. I pull it from her hand and block her lips from touching it.
“Get up.” She looks at me with confusion and doesn’t move. Her hands drift up my thighs as she makes her way back toward it.
“Get the fuck up. I’m done.”
“What is wrong with you? I thought this is what you are here for.”
“It is what I came for, but I just changed my mind.” I step away from her. She is still on her knees. Naked. Ready for anything, but it’s doing nothing for me. Absolutely nothing.
I pull my jeans up and grab my shirt before I fly out the door. I’m more pissed now than I was on my way here. I need to think. I need a drink.
I find a bar just down the road and I’m on my third shot when Luke calls.
“Where the fuck are you?”
“Here.”
“Where is here?”
“In a bar.”
“I’m in. What’s the name?”
“Nita’s bar”
“On my way.”
I hope he is not coming to fuck with me. I’m in no mood for his shit. I finish another shot and three beers before he walks in. He brought Lilly with him. I notice him watching her ass as he walks behind her.
“Don’t even think about it. I’ll kill you first.” Luke likes to play the field. I’ll be damned if he gets near her. Shit, now I have to watch his ass.
“What?”
“You want me to tell you? Because I will tell you loud and clear.”
“Nah, it’s all good. You know how it is with the ladies.”
“I bite my tongue when Lilly looks at Luke like he’s a jack-ass. Lilly probably doesn’t need protected, but I make note to have a one on one chat with Luke about his role with Lilly.
We tip a few more shots back and Lilly starts smiling oddly at me.
“I’m sorry she left, Taron.”
“Yea, me too. Nothing I can do about it.”
“You could fight for her.”
“Isn’t gonna happen.”
“Sure it isn’t. I think once Dylan is caught she will be back around.”
“She won’t be back.”
“You’re here – she’ll be back.”
She won’t give up. Does she not know about Aiden? “She’s in love with someone else.”
“Riiiight, and you don’t care about her either.”
“I’m not talking about this.”
“Sorry, just stating the obvious. She loves you.”
I decide not to argue with her. I hope deep down she’s right, but I’m not going to hold my breath.
~Fourteen~
Ivy
It's been a couple of weeks since we arrived at the cabin. My nausea us more under control with the medicine and I'm beginning to feel healthier. I've seen a counselor twice to talk about the attack. She seems like she'll be able to help me get my emotions in check. I'm very comfortable talking to her. She has even tapped into some of my childhood issues in the short time that we've worked together. I think she will be a crucial part of my recovery.
Aiden has been great. The poor guy refuses to sleep in the be
d with me. He’s scheduled to go back home for a few days when I’m supposed to meet Eaven for dress fittings.
Holden has been on constant security detail, and some of his friends have taken turns helping. He has been working with the security on tour thinking Dylan will show up there, but he hasn’t made an appearance that they can tell and the police haven’t found him either. Holden is so damn serious and I try to lighten him up here and there, but he doesn’t budge.
I’m getting used to the idea of being a mom. I’ve decided to look for photography opportunities and try to build a larger client list. Eaven and I do pretty well with the people we have now, but with work it should be no problem to let it grow into a business.
I look over at Aiden on the floor as I tip toe past him. I hate that he insists on sleeping on the floor. I quietly finish in the bathroom and slip out of our room only to come face to face with Holden. His eyes are easily drawn to Aiden on the floor since he is so much taller than I am. I pull the door closed quickly.
“Mornin,” I say as I walk around his large stature.
“Let’s talk over breakfast, Ivy. I need to ask you some questions about our trip to New York.” I dread this conversation. I can feel that he’s on to the fact that Aiden and I aren’t actually together. How do I convince him?
“So you make your man sleep on the floor often?”
“No, he wasn’t feeling well.”
“I’m not an idiot. I can tell you guys aren’t a couple by the way you act everyday around him, so why don’t you tell me why you ripped my brother’s fucking heart out?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about and you’d never understand if I told you.”
“Why don’t you try me?” I contemplate my response. Holden knows. He can tell that I’m not happy. I miss Taron with a fierceness, and it’s a daily struggle to get out of bed. I can’t tell him about the baby, but I think he’ll understand me walking away from Taron so that he wouldn’t walk away from the band.
“I never meant to hurt Taron. I was dragging him down, and I couldn’t live with myself if he would’ve walked away from everything they’ve worked so hard for. His head wasn’t focused on the tour. I knew I’d be safe with Aiden.” I stop talking when Taron’s older brother looks at me with an almost identical look to the one that I’ve seen many times. He shoves his hands through his short hair in frustration.
“Shit, Ivy. Why are you torturing yourself? I can tell you aren’t into cowboy.”
“This isn’t about me, Holden. I won’t drag him down with my drama only to have him resent me in the future for being the reason his life didn’t turn out like he thought it would.”
“I didn’t see you doing this. This is completely selfless, and now I can’t let my brother let you get away.”
“You have no choice. I’m not going back to him. He’s better off without me.” I’m instantly saddened that our baby will never know her father. I turn quickly to reach for a glass hoping he missed the look on my face. I’ve never been able to hide my feelings. My face tells everything that I’m feeling in that moment. That’s why I’ve avoided the mirror at all costs lately. I can’t look at the shell of a woman. If I avoid the mirror, then I can forget what she looks like. I can be strong and focus on healing.
“You can’t push him away when he loves you like this.”
“Love? Taron doesn’t love anyone but himself.”
“Haha. Yes, and you,” he says through deep laughter.
“I care a lot for your brother, which is why I can’t drag him down.”
“You should let him decide whether you’re dragging him down.” I look over at him and smile.
“Look at you, getting all romantic.”
“Just calling it like I see it.” I let him get the last word in on the conversation, but leave the room with no intention of listening to him. He’s just watching out for his brother. If he only knew about the baby, he’d probably tie me up and hand-deliver me to Taron.
I hope Dylan is found soon, so I can move on without Holden watching over me. Our plan is to leave in the morning for a quick flight into New York and back the next day. Eaven is flying me in so I can help her pick out her wedding dress. She’s so excited, and I miss her. We talk everyday, but the fact that I haven’t told her about the baby is killing me inside. I know she’ll be hurt that I’m holding back that kind of information, but I need to wait until I have a plan. A plan that is better than letting a band fall apart because I need rescued yet again.
I push Eaven back daily when she says she wants to visit me at the cabin. I’d love to see her and hear more about her experiences, but I need to do this for myself. She’s always been there for me. Her friendship means more to me than anything and she’s always been my rock. Her family took me in during a time that I had no one else. It’s time I fight for myself and come up with a plan to stand independently.
I sit and submit a few of my photos to a site that helps photographers get linked to magazines and models who might be interested in working with them. Before I finish loading all of the pictures I get a message from a magazine wanting my close up of Taron that I submitted. I don’t respond yet because I can’t decide if I want to introduce myself into the professional world as a photographer of rock. I’m going to talk to Eaven tomorrow and see what she thinks since this is a passion we have together.
I start to sort more pictures and another message comes through. An author wants one of my pictures as a cover to her novel. This makes me smile. I send her a quick reply in hopes to be able to help her. She’s looking for a hot guy in a band. I’m pretty sure that I’ve got that covered.
I begin to scan through my pictures and I’m drawn back to a time where life was simple. I wasn’t running from a psycho. My heart wasn’t completely wrapped around a guy I can’t be with, and I definitely wasn’t carrying his baby. I scroll through the shots of one of his last concerts at home before my nightmares began. I come across a shot that has me pause. I lock eyes with the sexiest man alive and feel his love, desire, and energy straight through to my core. Tears fill my eyes as I force myself to close the laptop.
He pulls at me even half-way across the country. I’ve held my phone in my hands every single day and talked myself out of just dialing his number. Then I remember why I can’t call him. I can’t hear his voice again, because it would be so easy to forget why I’m fighting to keep him away.
Taron
Today we play at the Fillmore in Detroit. This show is exclusively Rebel Walking and I am ready to break out of this funk that I’ve been in. I’ve been talking with a fan girl named Kylee. She is from Detroit and I plan to hook up with her after the show. She seems feisty and reminds me a lot of Ivy. It’s probably not the best way to get over her, but I’m ready for a little spice and so far all of the other girls have bored the fuck out of me. I haven’t hooked up since Ivy left a couple of weeks ago. This girl seems like she could be real entertaining and I look forward to hanging with her after the concert.
I notice her in one of the front row seats that I sent her VIP tickets for. Her halter top and short skirt catches my eye and I start to look forward to the after party where she and I will get to hook up.
I send a security officer to escort them back to me once the show is over. I’m talking with everyone when Dave brings her in.
Shit, she is hot. Her body is similar to Ivy’s, but she has straight, reddish colored hair. One of the first things that I notice about her is her green eyes, but it’s her blatant confidence that has my dick rising to the occasion. I stand to greet her, but I find myself being pulled by the hand out of the room by this female. This is hot, but damn it reminds me of Ivy. Is that why I’m into her? I don’t care at this point what it is that’s doing it for me. I’m just eager to get it done. I change our direction when she turns us down the wrong hall. I know where we need to be. I already made sure there was a place that I could slip away to with her.
I open the door to the small back room and we
are instantly connected to each other. Our lips and tongues are fighting for control and I’m good until she nibbles my bottom lip, just like Ivy always did. I pull back from her face and turn to walk away. “Fuck! I can’t get her out of my head!” I start to pace and begin to rant about how she has fucked up my life and that I need to get over it when Kylee grabs my arm stopping me in my tracks.
“Who has you all twisted? Damn.”
“It’s just a girl that has fucked me over and I can’t take anymore of the memories that pop up. She’s everywhere, except in my fucking arms. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you back here.”
“Don’t be sorry. I wanted to meet you, and I don’t mind listening to you and your girl problems.”
“Huh! Problems! That’s hilarious. She has me so messed up that I can’t even see straight. My life is just a daily boring routine since she left. It pisses me off that I can’t seem to get over her.”
“You should go find her.”
“I know where she is, but she doesn’t want to see me.”
“You so sure about that? If this girl tied you up this tight, she must feel something for you, or she is a huge bitch for leaving you. Did you cheat on her?”