She opened her eyes and gazed at him with a feral look he’d never seen before. He sat back on his heels and reached out to read her again, but he still felt emptiness.
“Alex.” She took his face in her hands. “I love you.”
I love you too. He bit back the words. No matter how badly he wanted to believe she meant it, he knew it wasn’t her. The look in her eyes…They weren’t Allison’s kind, soft eyes; they were wild and pained.
“What?” He pulled her hands away from his face and held them tight.
“She’s channeling, man. It’s not Allison.” Gage put his hand on her shoulder.
“I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Damn it, I’m your wife, Alex. Don’t you love me?”
His breath caught, and he stared at her wide-eyed. It suddenly all made sense. The vision. The two versions of Allison. She was channeling the spirit of Lily. The spirit who took her own life by diving out of a window, just like in his dream.
“No.” He stood and shook his head, wiping his hands on his pants. “No. I don’t love you, Lily. You have to leave me alone. I’m not Alex.” It couldn’t be happening. All those years. All the steps he took. All the joy he denied himself to avoid this moment was for nothing. He looked into Lily’s untamed eyes and searched for Allison. She had to be in there somewhere. “Allison. I’m with you, Allison. Come back to me.”
“Oh, God!” She covered her mouth as she leaped to her feet and ran toward the stairs.
“Allison! No! She’s going for the window!” Logan flew over the back of the couch and raced toward her, catching her by the arm when she was half-way up the staircase. “Allison! Come back, Allison.” He pulled her to his chest and stroked her hair. “Allison. Please.”
She inhaled a deep, shuddering breath and blinked at him. “Logan? I…”
“You were about to jump out the window. You…” He closed his eyes. This was his fault. It was selfish of him to get close to her when he knew the consequences it would bring. He’d put her life in danger, and he would never forgive himself for that. “You have to leave. Gage, get her out of here.”
His heart shattered as he said the words, but he couldn’t think of any other way. His vision was literal. Allison was going to jump out that window, and the only way he knew to stop her was to send her away. As long as that ghost existed, she’d never be safe. And he could never be with her.
He wouldn’t risk her life to make himself happy. She had to go before Lily got inside her head again. And she could never come back.
“Logan, we can work it out. We’ll send her away.” Fresh tears streamed down her face as she pleaded with him. They were Allison’s tears this time, and it tore him apart.
He held her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. “It’s not worth it. I won’t have you dying over me.”
“I’m not going to die.”
“Don’t you see? My vision…the two versions of you? It’s Lily. I saw you jump out the window in my dreams. It’s going to happen if you stay with me.”
“No.”
“It will. It’s already started. I’m sorry, Allison. It’s better if you never see me again.”
“Please don’t do this.”
She loved him. He knew without a doubt she did, and he was sending her out the door. But what else could he do? The ghost would follow him wherever he went. She wasn’t safe with him. “Please, Allison. Just go.”
She swayed on the steps, and Gage grabbed her arm to steady her. All her pain slipped into the void as Lily returned.
“Oh, Alex. I love you.”
“Get out of my house.”
She burst into tears and clutched Gage’s chest. “He doesn’t love me.” Was she Allison again? Or was she still Lily? Allison’s energy battled with the spirit’s for control, the light and the nothingness spiraling inside her.
She blinked up at Gage and shook her head. “Gage?”
“Come on, Allison. There are plenty of us who do love you. Let’s get you home.” He held her close to his chest and glared at Logan as he led her down the stairs. Allison swayed again and tried to tear away from Gage’s embrace.
“Alex! Don’t do this!”
“Shit. She’s still channeling.” Gage patted her face as he led her out the door. “Come on, Allison. Leave Lily here where she belongs.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The second she left the house, Allison sucked in a sharp breath and came back to herself. Drained, both emotionally and physically, she nearly collapsed in Gage’s arms as she stumbled down the front steps. He swept her up and carried her the rest of the way to the car.
“Are you okay?” He slid her into the passenger seat and buckled her seatbelt around her.
“Not really. I just got dumped.” She choked back a sob.
He let out a cynical laugh and shut her door before slipping into the driver’s seat and starting the engine. “What about the spirit? You’re not bringing her with you, are you?”
She wrapped her arms around herself and pulled her knees to her chest. “No, she’s attached to the house. God, Gage. What happened? I shouldn’t have lost control like that.”
“Come on, Allison. You and I both know what happened. You’re in love with the guy. You were too close to the situation. You had your own feelings mixed in with the crazy ghost’s. What did you expect to happen?”
“I didn’t expect to try to jump out the window. And I didn’t expect him to dump me.” She fought back the tears that welled in her eyes.
Gage rubbed her arm. “I’m sorry. But you know what? You’re better off without him. You don’t need a coward who’s going to run as soon as the water gets a little too hot. What an asshole. I’m surprised you went for him at all.”
Just a week ago, she thought the same thing about Logan. But that was before she knew him. He certainly wasn’t an asshole. A coward, maybe, but deep down, who wasn’t? She had been running from her fears for years, so who was she to judge? But if it was just the ghost issue, they could work it out. She could get rid of Lily if she prepared for it. And now, she knew what to expect.
Then again, maybe it was more than that. Maybe Logan was using the ghost as an excuse. An easy way out because things were getting too serious between them. Maybe he decided he preferred the one-and-done lifestyle. So many tangled emotions twisted through her heart, she didn't know what to believe anymore.
“I’m so tired. Lily drained me.”
Gage rested a hand on her thigh, then jerked it away. “Sorry.” He gripped the steering wheel. “How are you holding up emotionally? Lily had some pretty intense feelings. Are you okay?”
“That part of me is fine. It’s my own broken heart I have to deal with now.”
The muscles in his jaw flexed as he grinded his teeth.
“Really, Gage. It’s not going to be like last time. I’ll be fine. Will you do me a favor and call Tina for me? I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
“I could…” He let out a sharp breath. “Yeah. Never mind.”
She fought to keep her heavy lids open. There had to be a way she could convince Logan of her safety. She’d gone far too deep with him to give up so easily. Resting her head on her arms, she let the rhythmic hum of the tires on the road lull her to sleep.
When she came to, she rubbed her eyes and sat up in bed. Gage must have carried her in.
“Good morning, sunshine.” Tina padded into the room and handed her a cup of hot tea.
“Is it morning already?” She took the cup and sipped the tea. Chamomile with honey. Her favorite.
Tina sat on the edge of the bed. “Well, it’s after midnight, so technically, yes. And I just really like saying that.”
“Where’s Gage?”
“He’s still here, worrying about you. I told him I had it under control, but he insisted on staying until you woke up.”
“Logan?”
She patted her hand. “Haven’t heard from him. Gage told me what happened. I’m so sorry, Allie.”
> Allison sniffled, and fresh tears spilled from her eyes. It felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest, and she doubled over in pain, wrapping her arms around herself and curling onto her side. “Why did I let myself fall in love with him? I should have known.” She sobbed into her pillow.
“How could you have known?”
“I’m psychic, remember?”
Tina chuckled. “You know it doesn’t work that way, so don’t be so hard on yourself. He seemed like a great guy. I probably would have fallen for him too, the way you described him. He got scared. Who knows? Maybe he’ll come around.”
“Allison?” Gage stood tentatively in the doorway.
“Not now, Gage,” Allison said between sobs.
“Just give her a few minutes,” Tina said. “This is personal. Girl stuff.”
“All right. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” Gage shuffled out the door and closed it behind him.
“What am I going to do? I love him. And if the ghost is the only issue, I know we can work it out. I just…God, Tina. I love Logan.” She squeezed her eyes tight and choked on another round of sobs.
“I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. Right now, you’re going to sleep. That little adventure drained you, and you’re white as a sheet. So you’re going to go to sleep, and then tomorrow you’re going to march your happy butt over to his house and you’re going to tell him how you feel.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not? What have you got to lose? Just go tell him you love him, and see what he says. If he doesn’t love you, then you’ll get on with your life and forget about him. But you’ll never know unless you try.”
She sighed and pulled the covers up to her chin. “I’ll think about it.”
“Sleep on it.”
Tina was right. She had nothing to lose by telling Logan how she felt. Her heart had already been ripped out of her chest. All he could do was stomp on it.
* * *
“Well, that’s the last of our gear, so we’ll be getting out of your hair now.” Richard picked up a camera case and shook Logan’s hand.
He handed him a ten thousand dollar check and opened the door.
Richard’s eyes widened. “This is double what we talked about before.”
“I didn’t realize how much work went into it. You guys earned it. Thanks for your help.” He opened the door wider, hoping he’d take the hint and leave. The curiosity and pity emanating from Richard compounded the nauseating effect of his own emotions whirling around in his head.
“All right. Well, if there’s anything else we can do for you.” Richard started to walk out the door.
“Actually…Is Allison the only psychic you work with?” Whether Allison was going to be in Logan’s life or not, he still wanted the ghost out of his house.
Richard gave him a sympathetic look. “Honestly? We’ve worked with others, but Allison is the only one who can clear out an energy this strong. She’s special.” Richard slapped him on the shoulder and gave him a squeeze for emphasis. “Take care, Logan.”
Shit.
He closed the door and turned to face his empty house. What the fuck did he just do? He broke up with the only woman who had ever taken the time to get to know him. The only woman who possibly ever loved him. What the hell was his problem?
He stomped through the living room toward the kitchen. He needed something to get his mind off the way he just fucked up the only relationship he’d ever had. He opened his neatly organized fridge and scanned the labels of the Tupperware containers. But food was the last thing on his mind. He cursed and slammed the door shut.
He was letting that fucking vision ruin his life. It had been ruining his life for the past seven years. Maybe he should just end it. He could burn the house down and lock himself inside, but the firefighters would put it out before it killed him. Maybe he could…
Fuck!
He couldn’t think like that. Not after what Allison shared with him about her dad. Logan had already broken her heart, and those kinds of thoughts would only add to her pain.
He stomped back to the living room, intent on reorganizing his music collection yet again, but he stopped with his hand on the cabinet. Maybe Allison’s meditation would help him. Maybe he could stop the thoughts before they spun too far out of control.
He sat on the couch and closed his eyes, breathing deeply and imagining the light like Allison taught him. He relaxed, and for a moment, his mind focused, his thoughts becoming clear.
Breaking up with Allison was a mistake. Everyone else had faith that she could take care of his ghost, so why didn’t he?
Because he was a fucking idiot.
He wouldn’t let her jump out that window, no matter what happened. He’d nail it shut. Hell, he’d sell the house. If the ghost was attached to structure and not to him, he could still be with her. He’d do whatever it took to get Allison back. He shot to his feet and headed for the door. He’d apologize and beg for her forgiveness.
But, shit. It was one o’clock in the morning. He couldn’t show up at her apartment this late. Gage had taken her home, and she was probably asleep. He might even still be there, comforting her. If he put his hands on her...But what if she initiated it? What if she was so shaken up, and she knew how he felt about her…What if she wanted his comfort?
Shit!
What the hell would he do then? If Allison turned to Gage because he’d broken her heart? With a groan, he threw open the doors to his music collection and swiped every CD off the shelf and onto the floor. He looked at the mess on the rug, and his fingers twitched with the need to organize it. To bring order back to the chaos. He fell to his knees and picked up a disc.
“You know what? Fuck it.”
He hurled the disc against the wall and stormed out the door before he could change his mind. He knew where he was going, though he didn’t know what he was going to do when he got there. He drove almost on auto-pilot, not paying attention to anything but the inward battle in his mind. He wanted Allison. He needed her, and he had to have faith they could make it despite his visions.
Gage’s car still sat in the parking lot, and Logan exhaled a curse. He didn’t think twice when he got out of the car and sprinted up the steps to Allison’s door. He raised his hand to knock, but a sickening feeling twisted in his gut. What if she had turned to Gage for comfort? What if she was in his arms right now? He couldn’t bear to see that.
Hell. He turned to leave, but he hesitated when he heard laughter coming from inside the apartment. He stepped closer to the door, listening to the muffled voices on the other side. It was a man and a woman, but the woman didn’t sound at all upset. And she didn’t sound at all like Allison.
He tapped lightly on the door, and the laughter stopped as someone turned the knob to answer it.
Gage only opened the door a crack, and his cold stare landed on Logan. “What do you want?”
“I need to see Allison.”
“She’s asleep. Why don’t you go home and let the people who love her take care of her?” Gage pushed the door shut, but Logan put up his hand to stop it.
He took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. “God damn it. I do love her.” A smile tugged at his lips as a heavy weight seemed to lift from his shoulders. “I’m in love with her.”
Gage cocked an eyebrow and opened the door halfway.
“Oh, would you let the man inside?” Tina grabbed the knob and swung it open, pulling Logan inside. “I knew you’d come back. She’s in her bedroom. Don’t wake her up, though. She’s pretty drained.”
He carefully opened the bedroom door and stood in the threshold. Allison’s hair matted to her forehead, and her tear-stained cheeks were paler than he’d ever seen.
“I did this to her.” Tears welled in his eyes, and he didn’t try to hide them. He blinked at Tina. “Is she okay? The ghost…”
Tina put her arm around his shoulders. “She’ll be fine. Believe me, she’s been through a lot worse with ghosts.
A good night’s sleep is all she needs to get over that. Getting over you is a different matter.”
“Hopefully she won’t have to get over me. If she’ll have me.”
He stepped into the bedroom, and Tina pulled the door shut behind him. A single lamp burning in the corner provided the only light in the room, and he knelt beside the bed as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.
He brushed her hair out of her face and leaned down to place a kiss on her cheek. She stirred with his touch, and she pulled his hand to her chest, a small smile tugging at her lips.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice was a whisper as he watched the peaceful rise and fall of her chest. She was so precious. So beautiful and kind. He would never hurt her again. Ever. “I was afraid the ghost would hurt you if I didn’t push you away. But I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want to… I’m sorry. I love you, Allison.”
Her eyelids fluttered open, and she gazed at him with a sleepy smile. “I love you too. I know we can make this work. I can get rid of her for you. I…”
“Shh…” He put a finger to her lips. “We’ll figure it out. Can you forgive me?”
“Yes. Of course I can.”
“God, I love you, Allison.”
She tightened her grip on his hand. “Stay the night with me. I want you to hold me.”
“I would love to hold you all night. I should probably tell Tina and Gage, though.”
“Gage is still here?”
“He’s worried about you. You know he has feelings for you, don’t you?”
She sighed and ran her hand through his hair, resting her hand on the back of his neck. “Yes, I do. And he knows I am in love with you.”
“Okay.” He kissed her on the cheek. “Let me go get rid of your friends, and then I’ll hold you.”
He opened the bedroom door to the inquisitive stares of Tina and Gage. “Allison asked me to stay the night, so you guys can go home.”
Tina smiled and took Gage by the hand. “Come on. Let’s go say our goodbyes.”
She pulled Gage into the bedroom and gave Allison a hug. “I told you he’d come around.”
To Catch a Spirit Page 18