"Luke, you need to eat dinner. We've had a long drive. Don't you want to relax with a nice bottle of wine and some delicious food? They have a duck dish...the meat just melts in your mouth."
"If you're hungry, you can go get something without me."
Noah's heart clenched at the casual dismissal, but he kept his face expressionless. Willing his hands to remain still, he tossed the magazine aside and stood. "Fine. I'll stop bothering you."
"Wait, Noah..."
Noah didn't wait. He made sure he had the key in his pocket--which was an actual key and not one of those magnetic cards--shrugged on his jacket and left the room. He didn't look up or meet Luke's eyes again. He wasn't hungry anymore, but he wasn't exactly going to go a fine, romantic restaurant by himself. He tried to tell himself it was better this way. He needed some room and time to think, and clearly Luke didn't want him to stick around.
An arrow-shaped sign pointed to the east and announced he was only one quarter of mile from the Moon Trail. With a shrug, he set off in that direction.
* * * *
As soon as Luke said the words, he was sorry. Noah had been looking forward to this trip for a month, and Luke didn't blame him. In fact, he had been just as excited as Noah. Lately things had been spinning out of control. Or at least it felt that way. It wasn't exactly easy to run his restaurant from two states away, though his manager did an amazing job. The restaurant was continuing to thrive without his constant presence, but that didn't mean he could slack off. He had daily responsibilities to see to. Which would have been taxing enough without having his hands full with a little girl who was growing up much too fast. On top of that, Noah worked up to sixty hours a week and he relied on Luke to keep the house running like a smooth ship. He always had too many things to do and not enough time to do them.
Luke had eagerly agreed when Noah suggested a romantic weekend for two. But he hadn't counted on how difficult it would be to mentally extricate himself from home even after they physically left. Lily had been crushed when they got into Noah's car, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, and that image hadn't left Luke's mind. He would have suggested they bring her with them, but he knew she would not have been happy at the B&B. What amounted to a romantic cabin the woods wouldn't exactly thrill a five year old.
But the guilt over leaving her when she looked so miserable lingered. How was he supposed to have fun while he had the image of his baby crying? Up until that moment, he thought that was the worst thing he could see. He hadn't been counting on the rapid cycle of emotions over Noah's face, from confusion, to pain, to anger, and finally to a resigned understanding. Luke honestly wished Noah had stopped at anger. He had every right in the world to be angry. What kind of monster told his boyfriend to go to dinner alone at the beginning of a romantic weekend? Why didn't he just suggest Noah get his own room?
He took Noah a little for granted. Noah would never leave him again. He had promised Luke that, and they both knew it was a promise he'd never break. Noah also understood that Lily needed to be first in his life. That her needs trumped everything else, and sometimes her desires did, too. But he had always been so concerned about what he should do and needed to do for Lily that he rarely took the time to think about what he needed. And, much to his chagrin, he didn't spend enough time providing the essentials for Noah. But Noah was just Noah. His best friend. His closest confidant. His lover. They shared everything now, and had shared everything as children. Their relationship was secure, stabilized on a solid foundation of history and friendship. It didn't need work.
Except that it did. Noah knew it, and Noah was usually the dumb one when it came to emotions and needs and relationships. And what had Luke done? Made it clear that Noah was second best in his life and then let him walk out the door. He had never felt like a bigger asshole.
He pulled the phone closer and dialed Marty's number again.
"What do you want now?" she greeted with more than a hint of exasperation. "Aren't you supposed to be taking a vacation?"
"Yes."
"Then why aren't you off relaxing?"
"Why do you sound so annoyed with me?"
"Because I am annoyed with you. Lily and I are trying to watch The Princess Bride and you're ruining it with your constant calling."
"So she's calming down?"
"She would if you would leave her alone."
"Well, that's why I'm calling." He peered out the window, trying to find Noah, but there was no sign of him. "I'm not going to be able to call for bedtime tonight."
"Okay."
"Okay? Just like that?"
"I have put her to bed before, Luke. I know she's growing up and changing every day, and I know that's scary, but you've got to loosen the grip a little. You're going to be suffocating her by the time she's ten."
"I'm not trying to suffocate her. I'm just trying to help her. You know, be there for her like a good father."
"What's Noah doing right now?"
Luke blinked. "What?"
"Is he waiting for you? What's he doing?"
"He...well, he left."
"What?"
"He asked me when I wanted to go out and I told him...look it doesn't matter what I told him."
"You're being an idiot, Luke. Go find him and stop calling me. We're having a girls' weekend, and we can't do that if you're checking in every fifteen minutes."
"I wasn't checking in," Luke said defensively. "I was calling to tell you that I wouldn't be calling."
"Duly noted. Lily, say goodnight to Daddy."
Her little voice reached him from a distance. "Goodnight, Daddy!"
"I thought you said she was really upset."
"I did, because she was, when you left. She's fine now and we're going to have a great time. Goodbye, Luke."
"Bye."
The phone clicked into silence, and for a moment, there wasn't a sound anywhere. The last time he had heard silence so complete, he had been camping alone in the mountains near his childhood home. It had been the week after Noah first left for California, and everything had been unbearable. His family, his other friends, Lilah, work. Noah had certainly not been second to anybody in those days. Most of his thoughts had revolved around what he would do, what he would say, if Noah would only come back. He couldn't have anticipated the actual circumstances of Noah's return, couldn't have known what he would stand to lose.
He had hoped for a second chance so fervently. Had prayed for it every night. And when it became clear that Noah would not be returning to Mountain View, he had mourned that loss and tried to prepare himself for a life without his best friend. And now he had more than he'd ever even dreamed of, and for the first time, he feared he wasn't smart enough to know how to hold onto that.
An apology would be a good start.
Luke hurried out the door, relief hitting him as he realized Noah's car was still in the small lot. He couldn't have gone far on foot. Unfortunately, there were no clues. He looked up and down the road that ran through the tiny mountain town, but didn't see any sign of him. Hoping he guessed right, he turned away from the road and toward the Moon Trail.
Chapter 3
* * *
It never occurred to Noah that it would be dangerous to hike up the trail as the dusk gathered and darkness began to fall. He just marched onward, climbing higher and higher, while the air grew cooler and thinner. The edge of the moon had just started to crest over the top of the trees, and the sky was a soft purple and blue. Not unlike a faded bruise, Noah reflected. The hint of yellow didn't do anything to ruin that impression. A chill began to settle as the sun disappeared, and his jacket did very little to protect him against the falling temperature. Occasionally, he glanced over his shoulder to survey the small valley below him. The B&B seemed very small and the cars in the lot were almost like toys.
His anger had faded long before he stopped moving. The last thirty minutes of his ascent were the result of not knowing what else to do. He wasn't sure if he owed Luke an apology. He wasn't su
re if he should return to their room or go get himself something to eat. There was a small grocery store about a half mile from the B&B. It occurred to him that he could get food for some sort of picnic. They could make a nice spread on the bed while Luke waited for the phone to ring.
Noah kept walking mainly because he didn't know what he wanted to say. When he finally concluded that he shouldn't say anything about it at all, the sun was long gone, and the moon was fat overhead. The trees cast long shadows over the trail, and a veil of darkness fell around him, obscuring everything more than three feet away from him. He didn't know how far away he was from the B&B, he didn't have a light, and the trail wasn't exactly well and distinctly marked.
"Well. Shit."
Almost as soon as he finished speaking, a low growl answered him.
Everything inside of him stiffened. His stomach tightened and his thighs tensed. He was ready to flee. He was ready to run as far and as fast as he could. His heart slammed against his ribs, his pulse jumping in his neck. Fresh perspiration dotted his brow and coated the back of his neck, chilling him further. In fact, it felt like the temperature had dropped at least twenty degrees. His blood ran hot, but goose bumps covered his arms and he was shaking so hard his teeth clattered.
Somehow, logic prevailed, and he just barely stopped himself from bolting in the opposite direction. His instincts told him to run, but he knew he needed to keep his wits about him. He didn't even know where the sound had come from. There was no ambient noise. No birds, no rumble of traffic, no dogs barking in the valley. Sound traveled far in the silent, still air. The growl could have been coming from a half mile away. Running blindly into the forest wouldn't help anything.
With a deep breath, he took a step forward. It wasn't easy to walk calmly on shaking legs, but Noah willed his limbs to obey him. His senses were all on high alert, and it felt like he could hear everything. Something snapped behind him and he spun around expecting to see a pair of green glowing eyes. The expectation was so powerful that for a moment, Noah did see a pair of glowing eyes directly out of his nightmares. He blinked and they were gone.
"Okay, you need to calm the fuck down," Noah muttered, and almost jumped at the sound of his own voice.
He took another step, and a treacherous voice asked, Are you sure this is the right direction? He didn't know if it was the right direction. It seemed like it was the right direction, and at least he wasn't running around in circles screaming in terror. Why had he chosen the mountains? Why had he chosen to storm off at sunset? How long had been out there? Maybe an hour and a half? Long enough for Luke to start worrying about him? Noah sincerely hoped so.
The trembling didn't stop as he walked. He didn't hear the growl anymore, but he was sure feeling it. Like it had worked its way under his flesh and vibrated through his bones, echoing over and over again. What sort of animals were even around? Were there bears in Southern California? What about mountain lions? He was pretty sure there were no wolves, but not one hundred percent sure. He wasn't a zoologist after all. He didn't keep track of the wolf population throughout the western United States.
What if he died on the side of the mountain? What if a cougar tore him apart and ate his intestines? He hadn't prepared at all for that sort of thing. He didn't even have a will. Worse, he had left the room angry at Luke for something so completely insignificant as the time of their dinner. That had seemed absolutely critical at the time, but since his stomach was twisted in too many knots to even feel hunger anymore, it was hard to remember why he had ever cared so much.
He just wanted to see Luke again. That was it. That was all. He just wanted to see his friend's smile and feel his lover's touch. Right on the heels of that desire was the need to hear Lily's voice. She would call him silly and then launch into a long story about her best friend Cassie and how Cassie liked to eat glue during Activities.
There was still time for that, since he probably wasn't going to die any time soon. Noah repeated that to himself with each step. You're not going to die. A cougar isn't going to kill you. You're not going to die. A cougar isn't going to kill you. The mantra was only a little comforting and not much more convincing. But it kept him moving while he scanned the area for any hints of a giant wild animal. One of nature's fastest and most perfectly designed killing machines. He would have absolutely no hope against a mountain lion. What could he do? Run? A mountain lion would run faster. Climb a tree? Cats could climb trees. Cats could climb trees very well. Scream? His no doubt girlish screams would probably have zero effect on a predator like a mountain lion.
Why hadn't there been any goddamned signs? Maybe something under the name of the trail. Beware of Giant Growling Beasts might have been a good start. He was never going to leave the city again. If he survived this, he was going to stick to well-lit streets and well-known neighborhoods. And if he ever wanted to hear anything growl at him, he'd go to the zoo like a civilized person.
The trees seemed to grow taller around him, reaching higher and higher into the sky until they totally blotted out the moon. Occasional patches of the silvery light fell on the trail to light his path, but not enough to give him any peace of mind. Luke would never get himself in such a stupid predicament.
Something snapped ahead of him. Noah froze, familiar chills racing down his spine. It was probably nothing. It'd been nothing before. He had turned around and seen only darkness. If there were any animals tracking him, they would have made a noise by then, right? But something else cracked in the darkness, like a gun firing in the night. Well, not a gun, Noah acknowledged. More like a Daisy air rifle. Certainly a full-grown cougar could make something snap like that? How big did those things get anyway? As big as a man?
"Noah? Is that you?"
Noah caught his breath. "Luke? Jesus Christ, you scared me."
Cool fingers closed around his hand. "I'm sorry. What are you doing out here?"
"I don't know. I...just lost track of time and then I heard something and I don't even know where the hell I am."
"Hey, calm down. You sound like you saw a ghost."
"No, but I heard a fucking mountain lion or a bear or something."
Luke sounded more amused than impressed. "Really?"
"Yes, really. Now let's get out of here before we're somebody's dinner. Come on." He moved, tugging Luke behind him, but he refused to take a step. "What are you doing?"
"There's no mountain lion up here."
"How do you know that? Do you have some special mountain lion sensing capabilities you never mentioned?"
"Noah...Noah...wait." Luke cupped his face with his other hand, and his skin seemed even cooler against Noah's flushed cheek. "You can't go so fast. There are rocks and roots on this trail. You could trip and go flying ass over teakettle."
"Ass over teakettle?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Very."
Noah took a deep breath and forced himself to focus on the sound of Luke's voice. He had a point about tripping and getting hurt. But the fight-or-flight instinct was still shouting at him to run. After all, Luke wasn't armed. It wasn't as though he could defend them against any lurking cougar. His very presence didn't make the world a safer place--even though Noah sort of believed that it did. So did Lily. Why else would a hug from her father stop the bad dreams and chase the monsters away?
"Hey. Look at me," Luke murmured.
"It's too dark to see anything," Noah protested, though he obediently dragged his attention from the trail to focus on Luke. As he did, he noticed that the darkness wasn't as complete as it had once been. The silver light danced across Luke's face and the shadows seemed to be pushed back farther into the trees. "What happened? I can see now."
"I guess that's why they call this the Moon Trail. Look, once the moon gets above those trees over there, it illuminates the path all the way down to the road."
Noah turned around, checking behind him for any glowing eyes or bared teeth shining in the new light. But they were alone. And th
e stillness that had seemed so ominous before was now pleasant. Peaceful. A perfect reminder of why Noah had selected this place for their weekend away.
"Feel better now?" Luke asked.
Noah didn't know if he was asking about the potential mountain lion or their earlier argument. Or both. It didn't matter. The answer was the same either way. "Yes. At least it doesn't feel like my heart is going to explode from my chest."
"That's good. I hate it when that happens." He clasped Noah's hand tighter and pulled him into an easy gait. "I'm a little surprised you chose Idyllwild, to be honest."
"Why?"
"It reminds me of home. I didn't think you liked any reminder of Utah."
"No, I'm fine with reminders of Utah. I just don't particularly want to live there. Besides, I thought you would enjoy it. I know sometimes you get a little homesick."
"I do," Luke agreed softly. "I mean, I do enjoy it here and I do get a little homesick."
"Did you get your call? How's Lily?"
"Lily is fine. Great, even."
"That's not the answer I was expecting."
"I know. But Marty said they're watching The Princess Bride and having a girls' weekend and Lily loves it. Also, I'm not to call again."
"Which is good, right?" Noah prompted.
"Yes. No. We never spent a weekend apart before. I don't think she would have been able to handle it before. But she's growing up and it feels like...one day soon she's just not going to need me anymore."
"Luke..." Noah didn't know if Luke's fear was more or less reasonable than his own earlier terror of an unseen cougar. Probably less reasonable. After all, Lily was always going to need her father. "She's not even six yet. I think you're having some preemptive separation anxiety."
You And Me And The Moon Page 2