by Stephy Smith
She let the sensation float over her. James’s kisses left tiny, tingling trails down the hollow of her neck. No! No! Her mind cautioned. Yes! Yes! Her heart yelled back.
Something came over her; she thrust him away and turned to leave. Mattie withdrew a few steps and turned back. His eyes penetrated her while he stood there waiting her return to his arms. She drifted back and stood on her toes. She raised her arms up around his neck and pulled him closer. The kiss lingered, a soft moan escaped. She shuddered as goose bumps traveled down her body. Mattie held her breath, unsure if the noise came from him or her.
At that moment, she was determined to take her fill of him. She knew she couldn’t and shouldn’t continue. The sensation inside the pit of her stomach refused to give her the strength to stop. If she didn’t end the kiss, there would be no turning back. Mattie couldn’t possibly let her guard down knowing he had no feelings for her. The man had never even spoken a word to her and she was hanging on his neck like a hungry wild cat. Other than the physical attraction, she knew there would never be anything more.
Mattie pulled away. She couldn’t offer herself to him without the benefit of love. Yet the deep yearning for the warmth of his touch, the security of his strong protective arms, and the tenderness of this man sent emotions she couldn’t run away from. Tears slid down her cheeks. Silently, she slipped from the room.
James encased her soul. Mattie could never have anything more than that one innocent moment of intimacy with him. She turned and dashed away with tears burning her eyes. Confusion settled to the unbearable thought of not being able to stay by his side. This wasn’t the decision she wanted to make, but it was the most rational.
The desire he lit in her was unbearable. She couldn’t fall into his arms since she should be mourning for her husband. If she allowed this type of behavior to continue, she would be no better than Jane Howard.
Mattie ducked into her room and leaned on the door. A few moments passed and she caught her breath. What have I done? Tears slid down her cheeks. She ambled to the basin and threw cold water on her face, then drew a deep breath. Now ready to face the rest of the chores, she headed down the stairs.
Her heart skipped a beat when the man from the hotel checked into the boarding house. Why would the man who frequented Jane Howard want a room here? Mattie needed to warn Rose this man wasn’t what he appeared to be. It suddenly came to her. She remembered where she had seen him before. Her intense desire to enforce justice on this grungy, little man overwhelmed her.
Mattie always found faults in her intentions. If she informed Rose of the kind of man Bagwell was, that would implicate her in some shady scheme. Worse yet, it might bring suspicion toward her, and they would find out why she was really in Linden. Her fingers worried her kiss-swollen lips.
With little indication, Mattie thought of Mr. James Parker. What would he think of her if he found out she lied about her name? No one had asked why she traveled so far from home and stopped here. How could she explain to everyone that she was there to kill her husband’s murderers?
Mr. Bagwell, the short, paunchy man, rented the room across the hall from Mr. and Mrs. Church. He claimed to be in town for about a year on business but failed to mention what kind of business. Mattie quelled her fears of Bagwell and turned her mind to James. Her breath labored as she thought about the kiss. He had tasted of cinnamon and apples. She sighed.
With two men in one boarding house to avoid, her confusion deepened. Mattie had a choice to stay or look for another boarding house, even though she liked Rose and the other tenants. James didn’t bother anything except her emotions, but having Bagwell in the house changed everything. There was no trusting Bagwell. Mattie couldn’t place her finger on what association he might have had with her husband. With time, she was sure she would figure it out, and soon, she hoped. She turned and stepped lightly to the swinging door, which divided the dining room and kitchen.
Mattie froze when she heard the voices from the other side. For a few moments, she just stood there. The words from the conversation of mother and son sent guilt for her eavesdropping.
Rose was slicing an apple pie. Her son entered without a sound. “One of these days, sneaking around is going to get you hurt, James Parker.” Rose pointed the knife at him. He smiled at his mother’s playful laughter.
Mattie peered through the partially opened door. Her heart melted at the warmth of James’s smile. A deep heat rose from her chest. She closed her eyes for a moment to burn that smile into her brain. If only he would smile at me that way, I would never return home.
“Did Miss O’Sheay tell you why she’s in Linden?” James’s deep husky voice sent goose bumps across her flesh. There was the voice she had been waiting to hear. Perspiration broke across her forehead. Mattie wrung her hands in her skirt.
“Not yet. Give her time, James. She’s only been here a few weeks. Whatever it is has her in a terrible turmoil. She needs to feel secure. She must trust someone before she will allow anyone to help her.” Rose turned to James, her knife still wavering in the air.
Mattie’s guilt-ridden mind assaulted her. She should have hurried away and let them have time together. Now she pierced a bond she had no right to interfere with. They know. I need to change my plan without failing Jonathan. I don’t need to have someone find out why I’m here. Her mind turned back to the conversation in the kitchen.
“I saw that look in your pa’s eyes when I first met him. He was so handsome and mysterious. Oh, what a fine-looking man he was.” Rose’s eyes obtained a far-away look with a hint of sadness etched in.
“I know you miss him, Mother. I do too.” James draped his arm over his mother’s shoulders and placed a kiss on her cheek. A stir from the dining room sent Mattie into the kitchen. Trying to smooth the tension between James and her, she flashed Rose a smile. Her chest tightened with the breath she held.
James picked up two plates of pie. Rose handed Mattie a couple of plates then scooped up the rest. The three of them carried the food to the dining room and placed it in front of the tenants.
Mattie kept her head low. After the earlier encounter, she couldn’t risk eye contact with James. How could she ever forget what happened between them? Better yet, what didn’t happen? She saw the hairs stand on her arms as she wondered what it would be like to be wrapped in a few moments of passion with him. Heat flamed up her neck and across her cheeks. That was the most wonderful kiss she ever experienced. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted.
Jonathan had never kissed her like that. His eyes had never burned with desire. When he touched her, there was no spark of life coursing through her veins to encourage her to want more. He never made her feel special. But… James did.
The silence jarred tension around the room. Helga Church started babbling, which lightened the atmosphere. Helga was proud of her new job as tailor. Her husband sat smiling as he hung on every word his wife spoke. His eyes sparkled with pride and true interest in his wife. One day, she would find a man who loved her as much as Helga Church’s husband loved Helga.
She stole a glance toward James. Heat rose to cover her cheeks. Her body ached to have him wrap his arms around her again. His gaze drew her in as she focused on his lips. Lips that fascinated her, warmed her, and set fire to the desires she fantasized about. Finally, she pulled her mind back to the conversation around the table.
Mr. Bagwell listened for a few moments, collected his daily paper, and excused himself. As soon as he left the room, everyone seemed to relax. Mattie found it strange how one little man could change the people around him. No one talked about anything meaningful. It all seemed to be jibber-jabber.
Mattie fidgeted as the strange man disappeared toward the back stairs. For some odd reason, she had a tremendous fear of the man. She scolded herself one more time. He had done nothing to provoke such feelings. A great desire to keep calm entrapped her. It was all in your mind, she told herself.
Rose leaned back in her chair. “I’m truly
happy for that woman, but I’m glad they finally left the table.” She exhaled an exhausted sigh once the Church family exited the room.
“You stay where you’re at, Rose, I’ll do the dishes. You worked hard today,” Mattie said as she patted Rose’s shoulder. She picked up the dishes and carried most of them to the kitchen. Her need for privacy afforded her time to concentrate on her plan, which, at this time, was nothing to speak of other than to get justice against the killers.
James carried the remaining dishes to the kitchen. Surprised, Mattie glared at him, then regained her composure. She secretly hoped for another brush with his lips. She managed to speak without making a fool of herself. “Thank you, Mr. Parker. Your mother has been running all day and working in that garden of hers. I just don’t see where she gets all that energy from.”
“No. Thank you. She’s needed to slow down for a few years now. Mother never has been able to get anyone to help her. She’s lucky she found you.” His deep voice flowed soft and appreciative.
Hearing his voice sent goose bumps to tingle her skin. She never encountered anyone whose voice had an effect on her before. She thought she was under a spell. Mattie gazed into his brown eyes. James’s smile showed straight, white teeth. Her heart thumped when he reached out and patted her arm.
James turned with the pail and left to fetch water. She leaned on the cabinet to steady her weakened knees. How can this man send me into such a silly state by a simple touch? She mused over the power the man held over her. How did he gain control over my emotions? He has no business playing with my heart that way.
He returned with the pail and placed it on the stove to heat. Mattie washed and dried the dishes. Her arms ached when she raised them to stack the dishes on the shelf. Anxiety flittered over her as she climbed the stairs to her room.
A tub of warm water sat in the floor. James probably placed it there every night. It was not customary to take so many baths as she had taken since coming to the boarding house. Regardless of how the warm water got there, she might as well enjoy it while it lasted.
Mattie lowered herself into the warm water, her eyes filled with tears. The relaxing effect tended to make her reflect on the trouble in Georgia. It was not so much she missed home, but the fact she left so many loose ends. The foreman would oversee the selling of the cattle, along with mending fences, gathering eggs, and slopping hogs. The foreman’s wife would manage the books, and business would resume as usual.
With the help of the foreman and a few other men, they quickly buried her husband. In the dire circumstances, she had enough senses about her to opt out of wearing traditional mourning clothes after she made it to Texas. In her heart lay more darkness over the death than her outward dress could reveal. She might not have loved Jonathan, but she never wished him dead.
A swift string of guilt plagued her for not contacting her sister. Her husband’s estate should be overseen by family. But there wasn’t any reason for her to question the abilities of the man and woman in the position now. Although she loved Laura, there was no use in making her worry.
Mattie loved living in Linden. She worked harder than ever. She didn’t want for anything. The only thing bothering her was Mr. Bagwell, Mr. Howard, and Mrs. Howard. Her only consolation was she knew where they all stayed most of the time.
Bagwell, who was from back east, emitted a strange persona about him. She didn’t trust the little, beady-eyed weasel. Mattie went out of her way to avoid his constant snips. Her blood boiled at the chance of an unfortunate encounter with him in the hallway or at mealtime. She bit her tongue and never met eyes with him.
It didn’t matter what she was doing or where she was going, the little squirrel of a man hounded her. When she cleaned the rooms of Bagwell and the Churches, she took the liberty to determine which boards squeaked. She refused Bagwell’s request to clean his room while he was in. Even Rose and James had backed her decision with the claim it wasn’t proper for a woman to be in a man’s room without being chaperoned. Bagwell scoffed at the protest.
The sooner she could start her plan, the better chance she would have of ridding the boarding house of Bagwell.
In the plan she would sneak into his room and… and what? Shoot him, stab him, or choke him to death? She didn’t have enough strength to choke him. Gunshots would place her in jail before she could get to the others and to stab him would incriminate Rose since her knives were the only ones Mattie had access to. With renewed determination, she would have to come up with another plan.
The Howards were easy to avoid. They lived on the other side of the law. Mattie thought it strange to run into the thieves from back east in Linden the night of her arrival. Other than that, she hadn’t given them much thought at all. It wasn’t time yet to set her plan for them in action. First, she had to have a plan to act on. Her rush to stay hot on their trail overpowered her senses when she left home.
Mattie fell into bed. Its cozy warmth and softness invited her to another night of dreamless wonder. Her body was still aching a little from the chores she was doing. She wrapped herself in the memory of James and drifted into a deep happy sleep.
Chapter Four
James waited in the parlor for his mother. There was something about Mattie O’Sheay, formerly known as Martha Harding. He couldn’t picture her as the murderous type some of the folks in Georgia had spread around after her husband was killed. In fact, he wondered why a few of them would make such an accusation.
Even the sheriff in Chickamauga expressed bewilderment by their responses. He shook his head in utter disbelief. Her family fell toward the respectable, well liked amongst every one they knew. Why would the people who killed her husband commit the heinous act? What had he done to them to chase Mattie all the way to Texas? Or was it the other way around? He had seen the anger in her eyes when she first arrived. Did her anger burn so deep that she was willing to commit murder herself?
Mattie had taken on the responsibility to help his mother without much coaxing. Whatever she was hiding under that head full of beautiful auburn hair dimmed the brightness of her sky blue eyes. His heart raced at the memory of her kiss.
She had been hesitant at first. When she fell into his arms, he couldn’t resist. The aroma of the rose soap filled his nostrils. Her body fit so easily against his. On the spur of the moment, his lips itched with anticipation to capture hers. He never meant for it to happen. Now that it had, he sure wasn’t sorry for it. Guilt of thinking Mattie was a new prostitute in town ate at his mind. Whatever she was here for definitely was not to become part of Nelda’s girls. There was a passion, a longing of desire, in her eyes deeper than any soiled dove could reflect. The taste of her sweetness brought about a promise of adventure until she broke away.
“James? James?” His mother’s voice broke into the fantasy his mind was trying to lead him on.
“I’m sorry, Mother. I was thinking about our lady with the problem.” He waved his hand in the air casually.
“I can see that. What do you think we should do to help ease her along?” Rose poured two cups of tea and handed one to James.
“If I knew what the problem was, I could come up with a solution. I have played her case over in my mind so many times I have become too familiar with the circumstances, and I’m missing something.” He shifted the correspondence letters he received from the sheriff in Chickamauga.
“Maybe she was threatened by the killers. James, you have been in the business a long time and have always been a patient man. Why change now? Is it because you have been bitten by her beauty?” Rose raised an eyebrow.
“Mr. Bagwell has tossed her into a scandalous ordeal.” He rubbed his chin.
“Have you talked to the man about why he is so interested in her?”
“I have seen him conspiring with two new couples in town. The Howards and the Fraziers. I believe they are all here under the same pretenses. I don’t see a connection between them and Mattie.”
Rose stood. “Whatever it is, son, you will find
out in due time.” She strolled to the door. “Good night, son.”
“Good night.” James turned to the window, pulled back the curtains, and peered out at the endless sea of stars on a backdrop of pitch black.
He waded through the murky confusion cowering in his mind. “Mattie, what am I going to do with you?” he whispered to the stars.
He recalled how her skin was soft beneath his calloused palms. The smell of roses floated from her hair, seizing the opportunity to imprint her nearness in his brain. There was a softness in her voice when she spoke. It was as if she would reveal some secret and James wondered what was plaguing her.
How could he look after her if she refused to let him near her broken soul? Sadness penetrated the depths of her blue eyes without so much as a clue as to how he could mend her shattered life. He shook his head and let the curtain fall back in place. Dousing the lantern, he left the office and made his way up the stairs to his room.
Tossing and turning, he lay on the bed. Sleep came in intervals, waking him at all hours. Exhaustion crept in to steal fitful dreams he wanted to end.
They were staggering dreams of Bagwell hunting Mattie as if she were a small deer in the woods. Dreams where the gunshot rang out were so real he couldn’t stop the pounding in his chest, her screams unquenchable by waking to escape. Thoughts of Bagwell’s hands touching her, cruelly, rudely taunted his anger until he could no longer stomach the man.
He sat on the edge of his bed and ran his fingers through his hair. Walking to the washbowl, he dipped his cupped hands in the cold water and tossed it on his face. If it was a nightmare for him, there was no way to know how Bagwell affected Mattie.
“Mattie, please trust me. I can’t handle it if you snap. What are you capable of?” He whispered in the cold stillness of the night.
****
Well-rested, Mattie breezed through the day on a feather-light heart. She had peaceful dreams of James that left her feeling safe. His lingering kiss, still fresh in her mind, chased the edge off the tasks she performed all day. She didn’t even object to doing the laundry, except for the devouring feeling of eyes settling on her every move.