Being paid was not my worry. But I knew this was a case I could not win.
‘All right!’ I growled. ‘If you ask me, the departed lodger was just playing on a slight acquaintance in order to clinch a free billet. Suggesting foul play was just a subtle lever, Ma.’ My mother was not a person who gave in to leverage. I yawned, pointedly. ‘Look, I’m not going to waste a lot of effort on something that happened so many years ago anyway, but if it will make you both happy, I’ll have a word with Censorinus in the morning. ‘ I knew where to find him; I had told him that Flora’s, the local caupona, sometimes hired out rooms. He would not have travelled much further on a night like this.
My mother stroked my hair, while Helena smiled. None of their shameless attentions improved my pessimistic mood. I knew before I started that Festus, who had got me into trouble all my life, had now forced me to commit myself to the worst yet.
‘Ma, I have to ask you a question-‘ Her face did not alter, though she must have seen what was coming. ‘Do you think Festus did whatever his cronies are asserting?’
‘How can you ask me that?’ she exclaimed in great affront. With any other witness, in any other enquiry, that would have convinced me the woman was pretending to be offended because she was covering up for her son.
‘That’s all right then,’ I responded loyally.
V
My brother Festus could walk into any tavern in any province of the Empire, and some wart in a spotty tunic would rise from a bench with open arms to greet him as an old and honoured friend. Don’t ask me how he did it. It was a trick I could have used myself, but you need talent to exude such warmth. The fact that Festus still owed the wart a hundred in local currency from their last acquaintance would not diminish the welcome. What’s more, if our lad then progressed into the back room where the cheap whores were entertaining, equally delighted shrieks would arise as girls who should have known better all rushed up adoringly.
When I walked into Flora’s, where I had been drinking on a weekly basis for nearly ten years, not even the cat noticed.
Flora’s Caupona made the average seedy snack shop look chic and hygienic. It squatted on the corner where a dingy lane down from the Aventine met a dirty track up from the wharves. It had the usual arrangement, with two counters set at right angles for people in the two streets to lean on reflectively while they waited to be poisoned. The counters were made from a rough patchwork of white and grey stone that a man might mistake for marble if his mind was on the elections and he was virtually blind. Each counter had three circular holes to take cauldrons of food.
At Flora’s most of the holes were left empty, out of respect for public health perhaps. What the full cauldrons held was even more disgusting than the usual brown sludge with funny specks in it that’s ladled out to passers-by from rotten street food shops. Flora’s cold potages were off-puttingly lukewarm, and their hot meats were dangerously cool. Word had it a fisherman once died at the counter after eating a portion of slushy peas; my brother maintained that to avoid a long legal dispute with his heirs, the man was hastily processed and served up as spicy halibut balls. Festus had always known such stories. Given the state of the kitchen behind the caupona, that one could be true.
The counters enclosed a cramped square space where really hardened regulars could sit down and have their ears knocked by the waiter’s elbow as he went about his work. There were two sagging tables; one had benches, the other a set of folding campstools. Outside, blocking the street, lolled half a barrel; a feeble beggar permanently sat on it. He was there even today, with the remnants of the storm still producing showers. No one ever gave him alms because the waiter lifted anything he received.
I walked past the beggar, avoiding eye contact. Something about him had always looked vaguely familiar, and whatever it was always made me feel depressed. Perhaps I knew that one wrong move professionally could have me ending up sharing his barrel stump.
Indoors, I took a stool, bracing myself as it wobbled disastrously. Service would be slow. I shook today’s rain out of my hair and looked around the familiar scene: the rack of amphorae, misty with spiders’ webs; the shelf of brown beakers and flagons; a surprisingly attractive Greek-looking container with an octopus decoration; and the wine catalogue painted on the wall-pointlessly, because despite the impressive price list that claimed to be offering all styles of drink from house wines to Falernian, Flora’s invariably served one dubious vintage whose ingredients were not more than second cousins to grapes.
Nobody knew if ‘Flora’ had ever existed. She could be missing or dead, but it wasn’t a case I would volunteer to solve. Rumour reckoned she had been formidable; I thought she must be either a myth or a mouse. She had never put in an appearance. Maybe she knew what kind of vittles her lax caupona served. Maybe she knew how many customers wanted a word about diddled reckonings.
The waiter was called Epimandos. If he had ever met his employer he preferred not to mention it.
Epimandos was probably a runaway slave. If so he had hidden here, successfully evading pursuit, for years though he retained a permanently furtive look. Above a skinny body, his long face sunk slightly on the shoulders as if it were a theatrical mask. He was stronger than he looked, from heaving heavy pots about. He had stew stains down his tunic, and an indelible whiff of chopped garlic lurking under his fingernails.
The name of the cat who had ignored me was Stringy. Like the waiter, he was in fact quite sturdy, with a fat brindled tail and an unpleasant leer. Since he looked like an animal who expected friendly contact, I aimed a kick at him. Stringy dodged disdainfully; my foot made contact with Epimandos, who failed to utter a protest but asked, ‘The usual?’ He spoke as if I had only been away since Wednesday instead of so long I couldn’t even remember what my usual used to be.
A bowl of vivid stew, and a very small wine jug, apparently. No wonder my brain had blotted it out.
‘Good?’ asked Epimandos. I knew he had a reputation for uselessness, though to me he had always seemed keen to please. Maybe Festus had something to do with it. He had made a habit of hanging around Flora’s, and the waiter still remembered him with evident affection.
‘Seems well up to standard!’ I broke off a chunk of bread and plunged it into the bowl. A tide of froth menaced me. The meaty layer was much too brightly coloured; above it floated half a digit of transparent liquor, topped with sluggish blobs of oil where two shreds of onion and some tiny scraps of dark green foliage were wriggling like bugs in a water-butt. I took a bite, coating the roof of my mouth with grease. To cover the shock, I asked, ‘Is there a military tyke called Censorinus lodging here since yesterday?’ Epimandos gave me his normal vague stare. ‘Tell him I’d like a word, would you?’
Epimandos ambled back to his pots, which he started poking with a bent ladle. The greyer potage glopped like a swamp that was about to swallow the waiter head first. An odour of overstrong crabmeat swam around the caupona. Epimandos gave no indication he intended to pass on my message, but I held back the urge to nag. Flora’s was a dump that took its time. Its clients were in no hurry; a few had something they were supposed to do, but they were intending to avoid it. Most had nowhere to go and could barely remember why they had wandered in.
To disguise the flavour of the food I took a swig of wine. Whatever it tasted of wasn’t wine. At least it gave me something different to think about.
For half an hour I sat pondering the brevity of life and the ghastliness of my drink. I never did see Epimandos make any effort to contact Censorinus, and he was soon busy with lunchtime customers who turned up to lean on the counters from the street. Then, when I was risking my second wine jug, the soldier abruptly appeared at my side. He must have come out from the back space where stairs ran up past the cooking bench to the tiny rooms that Flora’s occasionally hired to people who didn’t know anywhere more sensible to stay.
‘So you’re looking for trouble, are you?’ he sneered nastily.
‘Well, I’m looking
for you,’ I replied as best I could with my mouth full. The dainty I was toying with was too sinewy to be hurried; in fact I felt I might be chewing this gristle for the rest of my life. Eventually I reduced it to a lump of tasteless cartilage which I removed from my mouth with more relief than decorum, and placed on the rim of my bowl; it promptly fell in.
‘Sit down, Censorinus. You’re blocking the light.’ The legionary was induced to plant himself on the edge of my table. I kept my tone fairly civilised. ‘There’s a nasty rumour flying about that you’ve been slandering my famous brother. Do you want to talk about your problem, or shall I just thump you in the teeth?’
‘There’s no problem,’ he sneered. ‘I’ve come to claim a debt. I’ll get it too!’
‘That sounds like a threat.’ I abandoned the stew but carried on with my wine, not offering him any.
‘The Fifteenth don’t need to make threats,’ he boasted.
‘Not if their grudge is legal,’ I agreed, applying an aggressive edge myself. ‘Look, if something’s bothering the legion, and if it involves my brother, I’m prepared to listen.’
‘You’ll have to do something about it!’
‘So tell me straight out what’s griping you-or else we’ll both forget about it.’
Both Epimandos and Stringy were listening. The waiter was leaning on his pots and picking his nose while he stared at us quite openly, but the cat had enough delicacy to pretend to be licking a dropped bread roll under the table. Flora’s was not a place to arrange your elopement with an heiress or buy a vial of poisonous green jollop to wipe out your business partner. This caupona had the nosiest staff in Rome.
‘Some of us lads who knew Festus,’ Censorinus informed me self-importantly, ‘chipped in with him in a certain venture.’
I managed not to close my eyes and sigh; this sounded horribly familiar. ‘Oh?’
‘Well, what do you think? We want the profits-or we want our stakes back. Straight away!’
I ignored the heavy-handed bit. ‘Well so far, I can’t say I’m either interested or impressed. First, anybody who knew Festus will fully expect to hear that he didn’t leave overflowing jars of coinage under every bed he slept in. If there was a pot there he pissed in it, that’s all! I was his executor; he gave me a zero legacy. Second, even if this fabulous venture was legitimate, I would expect to see documentation for your debt. Festus was an airy beggar over most things, but I’ve got all his business chits, and they were immaculate.’ At least, the set I found scratched on bone blocks at Mother’s were. I was still waiting to discover other more dubious accounts hidden away somewhere.
Censorinus eyed me coldly. He seemed very tense. ‘I don’t like your tone, Falco!’
‘And I don’t like your attitude.’
‘You’d better be prepared to pay.’
‘Then you’d better explain.’
Something was not right. The soldier seemed strangely reluctant to come out with the facts-his only hope of persuading me to contribute. I could see his eyes dart, with more agitation than seemed called for.
‘I mean it, Falco-we expect you to cough up!’
‘Olympus!’ I lost my temper. ‘You haven’t told me the date, the place, the scheme, the terms, the venture’s outcome, or the amount! All I’m getting is bluster and blather.’
Epimandos came nearer, pretending to wipe down tables and flicking chewed olive stones about with the end of a mouldy rag.
‘Get lost, garlic seed!’ Censorinus shouted at him. He appeared to take note of the waiter for the first time, and Epimandos was overcome by one of his nervous fits. The waiter jumped back against a counter. Behind him other customers had started to peer in at us curiously.
Keeping an eye on Epimandos, Censorinus crouched nearer to me on a stool; he lowered his voice to a hoarse croak: ‘Festus was running a ship.’
‘Where from?’ I tried not to sound alarmed. This was a new item in the canon of my brother’s enterprises and I wanted to know all about it before any more debtors appeared.
‘Caesarea.’
‘And he cut some of you in?’
‘We were a syndicate.’
The big word impressed him more than me. ‘Shipping what?’
‘Statues.’
‘That fits.’ Fine art was the family business on our father’s side. ‘Was the cargo from Judaea?’
‘No. Greece.’ That fitted too. There was a voracious appetite in Rome for Hellenic statuary.
‘So what happened? And why are you only calling in your debt three years after his death?’
‘There’s been a damned war in the East, Falco-or hadn’t you heard?’
‘I heard,’ I replied grimly, thinking of Festus.
Censorinus took more of a grip on himself. ‘Your brother seemed to know what he was doing. We all put in with him to buy the stock. He promised us high percentages.’
‘Then either the ship sank, in which case I feel sorry for both him and you but there’s nothing I can do about it-or else you should have received your money long ago. Festus lived on the wild side, but I never saw him cheat.’
The soldier stared at the table. ‘Festus said the ship did sink.’
‘Hard luck. Then why in the name of the gods are you bothering me?’
He didn’t believe it really had sunk; that was obvious. But he still had enough loyalty to Festus not to say so outright. ‘Festus told us not to worry; he would see we didn’t lose by it. He would get us the money back anyway.’
‘That’s impossible. If the load was lost-‘
‘It’s what he said!’
‘All right! Then he must have meant it. I’m not surprised that he was offering to make good; you were his mates. He wouldn’t have let you down.’
‘Better not!’ Censorinus was incapable of keeping quiet, even when I sympathised.
‘But whatever plan he had for recouping the loss must have involved further deals. I don’t know about them, and I can’t be responsible for arranging them at this stage. I’m surprised you’re even trying it on.’
‘He had a partner,’ Censorinus grouched.
‘It wasn’t me.’
‘I know.’
‘Festus told you?’
‘Your mother did.’
I knew about my brother’s business connection. I didn’t want anything to do with him, and more particularly neither did Ma. The partner was my father, who had abandoned his family years before. Festus had kept up with him, though Ma could hardly bring herself to mention his name. So why had she discussed him with Censorinus, a stranger? She must have been deeply concerned. That meant so was I.
‘You’ve answered your own question, Censorinus. You need to negotiate with the partner. Have you seen him? What does he have to say for himself?’
‘Not a lot!’ That didn’t surprise me. Pa had always been bad news.
‘Well, that’s it then. I can’t improve on the story. Accept it. Festus is gone. His death’s robbed us all of his joyful presence, and it’s robbed you of your cash, I’m afraid.’
‘That’s no good, Falco!’ Desperation had entered the soldier’s voice. He leapt to his feet.
‘Calm down!’
‘We’ve got to have that money back!’
‘I’m sorry, but that’s fate. Even if Festus did produce a cargo to make a profit from, I’m his heir and I’d be the first in the queue-‘
Censorinus grabbed my tunic to haul me from my seat. I had sensed trouble coming. I flung my bowl in his face, cracked his arm sideways, and broke free. As I sprang up I pushed the table back at him, clearing space to move. The waiter let out a bleat of protest; he was so surprised the elbow he was leaning on slipped and he lurched into a cauldron, armpit-deep in gravy. The cat fled, yowking.
Censorinus lashed out. I parried, more in annoyance than anything else since this all seemed so pointless. He went for me in earnest, so I fought back. Epimandos jumped up on the counter to avoid damage to his person; the other customers leaned in from the street,
cheering raucously. We had a short, ungainly bout of fisticuffs. I won. I threw the soldier out into the lane; he picked himself up and slunk off muttering.
Peace resumed in the caupona. Epimandos was wiping his arm with his rag. ‘What was that all about?’
‘Jove only knows!’ I flipped some coppers at him for the bill, then set off home.
As I left, Epimandos picked up the bread roll that Stringy had been licking earlier, and replaced it in the customers’ bread basket.
VI
The following morning, I started re-establishing my normal life in Rome.
I stayed in bed long enough to prove that I wasn’t a client who needed to leap out and grovel for favours at some rich patron’s house. Then I showed myself to the eager populace in the Forum, though most were looking the other way. I dodged my banker, a girl I preferred not to recognise, and several of my brothers-in-law. Then I sauntered into the men’s baths at the back of the Temple of Castor for a complete physical overhaul. After a fierce exercise and massage session with Glaucus my trainer, who was in one of his sarcastic moods, I bathed, invested in a shave and haircut, told some jokes, heard some gossip, lost a denarius in a bet about how many flea-bites were on some stranger’s leg, and generally began to feel like a civilised Roman again.
I had been away six months. Nothing had changed in politics or at the racing stables, but everything cost more than when I left. The only people who seemed to have missed me were the ones I owed money.
I borrowed a toga from Glaucus and made my way up to the Palatine for an audience with the Emperor. My report made an adequate impression on the old man, though I should have remembered to leave it until after dinner when his mood would be more generous. But my mission in Germany had gone well; Vespasian liked to quibble, yet he always acknowledged success. He was fair. He sanctioned my fee and expenses. There was, however, no attempt to offer me another job. That is the risk with freelancing: the constant threat of unemployment and bankruptcy, then just when you’ve trained yourself to enjoy lots of free time, they offer you some mission even Hercules would baulk at.
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