When I told Marilyn that it went both ways in our relationship, I didn’t mean we equally agreed on our bedroom practices. Not from the perspective of a Dom and his female sub, anyway. I meant what I said. Kathryn submits to me, and in return…
My body eases from the tension gripping every muscle. “It went well. How are you?” Good. I’m not betraying the anger still bubbling inside of me. “You look quite cozy in here.”
She slinks off the couch and comes to me, hips sashaying and hair tossed behind her shoulders. That’s not a sex kitten come to make me comfortable, though. That’s a seductive vixen who has chosen me as her target.
Soft, feminine hands full of strength are on my chest, clutching my shoulders, and then wrapping behind my neck. The hungry demeanor in front of me wants to gobble me up – and probably spit me out. Would I let it? Hell yes. “I’ve been thinking of nothing but you since you left.” One arm pulls back, her finger tracing the outline of my lips. “Have you been thinking about me?”
“Yes.” It’s the truth. I simply don’t tell her that most of those thoughts have been filtered through her mother. “I’m always thinking about you.”
She has to slightly reach up to kiss me, but she feels stronger for it. What has she been thinking about since I left her? Hopefully me. Doing things to her. For her.
Kathryn’s teeth nip my bottom lip and drag it as far as it can go. A purr escapes her as she finally releases it. I don’t flinch. “Do you know what I want to do to you, Ian?” Her hands are all over me. Here I am, standing like a stoic bastard, replaying that horrible scene with my future mother-in-law over and over in my head like a bad movie… and Kathryn is clearly trying to arouse me.
“No. What do you want to do to me?” I now know how she felt the other night. Coming back, licking wounds she didn’t know existed, hoping I would be the answer to her discomfort. It’s enough to make me want to hold her until we’re both locked together in a never-ending swaying motion. “Please don’t leave anything out.”
Now she’s biting her own bottom lip, eyes glazing over as she imagines the raunchiest things imaginable. I kinda wanna know, and I kinda don’t wanna know. “I want to do things that I’ve never had the chance to do with you before.”
“Hmm.” I dare to touch her. Wispy hair falls through my fingers. Her skin is warm from the bath. Or maybe that’s the blood surging through her as she becomes aroused long before I do. The only question my cock asks is whether or not she’s wet enough to take it yet. He has no appreciation for foreplay.
I do.
“I’m open to a lot of ideas today,” I say.
“Oh, I’ve noticed. I’ve never seen you like this before.” There’s a hand under my sweater now. Kathryn’s nails always know how to wake up my skin. “I like this side of you, though. You should show it off more often.”
She doesn’t have to elaborate. She likes making all the decisions sometimes. She likes looking at me with nothing but the eyes of a sexual being. If Kathryn firmly had her way, this would probably be our lives once a week. Many times a week.
I have to admit, right now it doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Even men want to stop making decisions once in a while. Give our brains a rest. Stop worrying about being manly enough for the world. Sit back and be.
“Why don’t you have a seat on the couch?” Kathryn pulls away. “I’ll be right there.”
I’ve got a good idea what’s going on here, but I’m not going to voice my assumptions until they’re already coming true. Let’s say I don’t feel any inhibitions going to the couch and having my first relaxing seat in quite a while. There was nothing comfortable about that restaurant chair the whole time I was there.
Kathryn disappears into the bathroom and comes back two minutes later. The only thing difference is perkier breasts – because that’s the first thing I notice, of course. Someone changed her bra. To what end? Mine, probably.
She straddles one of my legs, hovering over me, those breasts teasing and taunting my hands which are firmly clasped behind my head. Kathryn moves slightly to the side, one knee resting on the couch. Her other leg is still wrapped around mine. Even through our pants I can feel the heat of her skin against mine. Damp hair tickles my hands.
“Do you want me?” Usually when she asks that question, it’s with a whiny tone laced in insecurity. There is no insecurity now. Kathryn has come into her own and fully intends to suck me into her gravitational pull. Done. “Go on. Tell me that you want me.”
Was that permission? “Of course I want you.”
“What do you want?” Before I can answer, she continues, “What do you want from me?”
Not an accusation. An earnest question. With that sort of fortitude, I can only answer truthfully. “I want to feel like we’re the only people in the world. I want to use our love to escape from the universe.”
Her forehead touches mine. Her hand is on my chest again, tugging at my collar. There’s no stopping her as she lifts my sweater and frees my abs from pesky clothing. Kathryn’s mouth lowers until it meets me in my barest place. “I can’t argue with that,” she mutters against my skin.
Kisses as hard and hot as any I’ve ever given her ascend my abdomen toward my chest. It relaxes me, enough that I can close my eyes and release a pent up breath, anyway. Under normal circumstances, I would see this as her being a playful girlfriend at least, a sub hellbent on servitude at best. This would be purely for my benefit. Help me forget about my stress by serving my every whim. I’d fully expect her lips to meet my growing erection at any moment – no time like the present to get a relaxing blowjob.
These are not normal circumstances.
“I want similar things, you know.” Her bright eyes gaze up at me. Harsh. Stinging. Whirling in thoughts I can’t even comprehend. How does one comprehend the mind of a woman who wants to take control? I know what it’s like as a man, but I was raised to think that way. How much of it is nature? How much of it is nurture? From as long ago as my first memory, I’ve been conditioned to take control, both in the boardroom and in the bedroom. There is no lack of women who would happily volunteer to take on the opposite role. Kathryn will tell you as easily as anyone that it’s a great escape to disappear into a world where she is unconditionally cared for.
I think of Martin Charles and the way he so openly embraces being a beta male in need of such attention. Nobody thinks twice when a woman does it.
Is this how Kathryn acted with him? I’m not speaking from a place of jealousy. I think I’m past that now. Right at this moment all I want to do is truly understand what feels so good about giving up control. The few times Kathryn and I have indulged in her Domme side didn’t give me much opportunity to explore that side of myself. I don’t think I could have in the beginning of our relationship.
I dare to ask her to marry me. If Kathryn Alison is ever going to consent to being my wife, I need to step up and give her everything she needs. I need to prove that I am truly the last and only man she ever needs to know, carnally and vulnerably.
Like I’ve asked her to trust me countless times, I must believe in my trust for her. She would never steer me wrong. She would never do something that she knows I’m uncomfortable with. Safe words go both ways in a BDSM relationship. I’ve used safe words when I’ve Topped. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. Sometimes scenes get too intense for us, or we worry that our Bottoms are too far gone to know what their limits are anymore. I’m not saying I want to enter this kind of scene with Kathryn so I’m pushed to use a safe word. That’s stupid, and unsafe. What I want is to know every side of her. In turn, perhaps I will learn something new about myself.
Isn’t that what these types of relationships are really about? Discovery?
Kathryn’s hand grazes my crotch as she sits up and leans in toward my ear. “I can take really good care of you, you know. You deserve it.”
“Have I really earned your devotion like that already?”
She pinches my thigh through a pair of sla
cks. I can barely feel it, but the message is there. “Not so fast. You’ve earned some spoils. I didn’t say anything about my devotion yet. Not that kind of devotion.”
Surely not. Like I wouldn’t tell my sub she gets all the candy upfront, I wouldn’t expect to get everything I want right away either.
What do I want? Hmm. Good question. I’m sure I’ll figure it out soon enough.
Fire blazes through me as Kathryn rubs more than the inside of my thigh. My cock stirs in anticipation. Does it know what it signed up for? It thinks it’s going to get what it always gets. Really, it doesn’t care how it gets it. It doesn’t care what I’m doing up here to get some relief down there. An orgasm’s an orgasm.
Haha. That’s what I’m going to tell myself!
“You know what I want?” Kathryn volunteers the answer before I can ask what. “I want a man who will take care of me as well as I take care of him. I want someone I trust to always be there for me, no matter what state I’m in. Most of all, though, I want someone who is going to make me feel like I’m the queen of this castle. Can you do that for me, Ian?”
I swallow. “I think I get you. It’s not about using power with you. It’s about knowing your worth.”
“Exactly.” Her smile is familiar. Ah, it’s the same one I saw in that video. You know, the one where she treated that guy like her obedient disciple.
Kathryn Alison does not want to be a CEO. She doesn’t want to be President of the United States. She doesn’t even want to be a queen, regardless of whether or not she uses that word. What Kathryn Alison wants is to be the goddess I see her as. Almighty, powerful, and eternal in her benevolence – and her ability to extract revenge at a moment’s notice. I can see her being the kind of Greek goddess who is great with her rewards but terrifying in her punishment. She doesn’t want to punish, though. Punishing the man who follows her is not a point of pleasure. She wants to feel worshipped, and reward accordingly.
They say that gods are only as strong as their devoted followers. Without anyone to believe in a god or goddess, don’t they disappear forever? If I want the world to see what an amazing woman my girlfriend is, I’ll have to start with myself. Others can follow my lead if they want, but I want to make it clear, and perhaps cement the position, that I am her #1 follower. Her head priest. Her acolyte. Nobody is going to know her better than I do.
Starting tonight, Kathryn will see how far I can go to share such devotion with her.
I’m 100% calm and collected when I touch her chin and lightly kiss her lips. “I’d love to see exactly how worthy you are, Kathryn.”
I almost never call her that name to her face anymore. It’s always Katie or some other diminutive. I can’t say any of those words now, though. It wouldn’t be right.
Apparently, I still screwed up. “That’s ma’am, to you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I must have said it right, because she smiles, hands rubbing all over me and making my blood boil in rising passion. “Start by telling me everything you like about me, Ian. If I like what you say, I’ll make you happy too.”
Is this how she really is or is she easing me into it? “I don’t like anything about you, ma’am. I feel only love. I don’t cheapen my feelings, especially for a woman like you.”
Yup, I said the right thing. Those are fingers grabbing my cock through my pants. Hello.
“All right, then. So what do you love about me? Spare no details.”
I begin with the way she makes me feel in everyday life. Can she believe my words of, “When I wake up beside you, I know that my life must still be a dream? Or have I entered a nightmare where I’m going to discover that you’re not really there at all?” Every time I see her, whether it’s been a week or two hours, my heart skips many beats and my breath catches in my chest. To be fair, I thought this about her for the longest time, but I never let myself admit it. Kathryn was unobtainable. I thought we were incompatible. Turns out we were too compatible, and I was too immature to commit to it.
From those feelings I go to how gorgeous she is. Not just her soft skin, bright golden hair, or the invigorating smile on her face. She’s beautiful on the inside too. Does she know how proud I am of her for doing so much charity work? She didn’t have to raise a million dollars for that homeless shelter. She didn’t have to start a summer reading program at one school and then immediately set her sights on another. How many jobs has she created? Jobs that do so well for the communities we’ve never been a part of? One night at dinner Kathryn told me, with that furious passion of hers, that we can’t sit on our asses and expect things to improve for everyone else. We have to be the change we want to see, right? If we want higher literacy rates among minority children, more opportunities for the disenfranchised, better legalization of things that help people rather than hinder them, and the ability to say to the homeless, “You don’t deserve this. No one does. Let’s fix it,” then we have to start with ourselves. I think about that a lot.
Does she know how sweet her voice is? How good she is with money? How appealing her independence is? The fact that she can take anything and turn it into a good thing?
The more I talk, the more she touches me. I’m not just talking about my cock, either. She’s rubbing my chest, both on top of and under my sweater. She’s caressing my face, mussing up my hair, entwining her fingers with mine, and stroking the length of my legs. It’s like being touched by the kindest ghost to haunt your hotel room, she’s that otherworldly. Yet like I said, she deserves nothing less than to be treated like a goddess who has deigned to walk Earth with us mere mortals. She knows that, doesn’t she?
It hits me.
What right have I ever had to assume a being like her would do nothing but serve and submit to me? That’s not right at all! Would you take a real angel falling from the skies and keep her in a cage all day? Or would you let her roam free? If she comes to you in the night and says, “I want to give this piece of myself to you,” then yeah, you’re free to take it. But to assume you can leash such a divine being and have your endless way with her should be considered a sin.
I see I have a lot to repent for.
“It’s hard to make me blush,” she says. Kathryn’s in my lap, legs straddling mine and hands smoothing down my hair. I want to stay like this for as long as possible. Me, sinking into this couch. Her, sinking onto me. If she took off her jeans and rode me right now, I wouldn’t think anything of it besides that feels amazing. “Yet you’re somehow managing to do it. You must be a pretty special guy after all.”
Excuse me while I blush now.
“Let’s make one thing straight.” Kathryn’s not talking about my cock, which is pretty straight right now. So much so that my natural inclination is to unzip my trousers and let it spring free for someone – even if it’s me – to take care of. Kathryn is barely acknowledging it, though, and I keep my hands where they currently are. “If you want to serve me, Ian, you’re going to have to go above and beyond. I don’t deal with mediocrity. This isn’t a one-night stand that is for fun and laughs… maybe a bit of an escape or a crazy fantasy coming through. This is an ongoing relationship. One I intend to nurture as the years go by. If I’m going to be with you forever, then I want to know that this is what you want. The first time we did this, you only came to me out of desperation.”
I open my mouth to rebut.
“No, I’m talking right now. Do you understand?”
I sure do.
“Nothing supports the idea that you want to make this a regular thing, but I hope that you’ll at least appreciate the beauty in it. I can appreciate you and all that you do for me. Will you do the same for me?”
“Yes.” There is nothing to hold back. Don’t I trust her? “Yes, ma’am.”
Her shining smile nearly kills me. I don’t care if she’s smiling in subservience or in blissful dominance. I’ll take all the smiles she wishes to share with me. “Good. Now tell me what this fantasy means to you.”
I’ve been waiti
ng for this. “It means I see you at your rawest. There is nothing holding you back from me. Don’t think for one moment that I also don’t fantasize about letting go and giving my poor heart a rest for a change.”
“That’s a good way to look at it.” Kathryn hooks her fingers beneath my sweater. “That way you can live longer and we can have lots of fun for the rest of our long lives.” She nods when I go to lift my arms up. “Now let me have a look at you. If I’m happy with that I see…”
I can tell from the look on her face that she likes what she sees. My sweater hits the floor, and her eyes are instantly drawn to my hard nipples and harder muscles beneath my skin. My breath is deep, but quick. As her hand travels down my chest, circling my nipples on its way to follow my happy trail, my cock goes on high alert.
“I hope that I am to your satisfaction, ma’am.”
Her fingers dance on my erection, straining against my clothing and begging to be let out. Hello, Kathryn. We know each other well by now, don’t we? Don’t you think it’s time you and I have a talk again? Come down here and put your hands and mouth all over me. Barring that, you could simply open your legs for me. I haven’t seen your own friend in about a day. A very long day, hasn’t it been?
He needs to shut up. He is not in charge today!
“You are very satisfying.” My zipper slowly descends. “Is this your offering to me? Is this what you want to bring to me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
My eyes clamp shut as she wraps her hand around my cock. It’s still in my boxers, but you would think she’s touching my skin directly. It’s intoxicating. It’s maddening. It’s making me harder than I thought I could ever be – damn, this is what it really feels like to be teased!
Hold back, Ian. You won’t get what you want if you come all over her pretty hand.
“I hope you appreciate how big you are,” she purrs against my cheek. “I don’t even bother with the small ones.”
Billionaires in Paris: An Alpha Billionaire Romance Page 11