Lil swept her hair atop her head and secured it in place with combs like the girls had shown her. They’d taught her more than she could ever repay in this lifetime or the next. They were strong, independent women who only had each other as family. Given her circumstances, she found herself in a position of being a mother to her girls, many of them years younger than her. She stared at the necklace lying against her pale skin. If she turned just so, the sunlight would hit the ruby gem, making it appear to be winking demurely at her.
She thought then of Jake and the smoldering look of desire in his eyes. He was a complex man, and from the beginning she could see he was the type that wanted to help people, do the right thing by them and in truth, that quality made him a popular local sheriff and viable candidate for Deputy Marshall. Yes, doing the right thing was very important to Jake Sloan. How could she fault him for that?
But something inside Lil yearned to tell him that he didn’t have to try to be perfect around her. She understood what it was like to live up to other people’s expectations. And how sometimes, you have to follow your heart.
She stepped behind the canvas dressing screen and swirled her hand in the warm bath she’d had drawn. It had taken three men to pull another tub from downstairs, but they did so because it was for her. Already she was beginning to gain the admiration of her clientele for the way she chose to run her establishment. She’d made a few changes, set a few rules, and had turned the Sweet Magnolia into place where men could engage in a friendly card game and enjoy fine whiskey and the company of refined, intelligent women. She’d even started on a new advertising campaign, creating a small handbook, based on the historical success of the “blue books” that excelled the virtues of each of her girls and what the Magnolia had to offer in the way of entertainment. The more she used her knowledge to improve upon her current circumstances, the more comfortable she became with the idea that she might forever be stuck living in this era and further that she might have to do so as a single woman.
She slipped her robe from her shoulders and draped it over the rice-paper
screen blocking the tub from view of the room. Immersing herself in the warm water, she closed her eyes and rested her head on the rim of the old tub, letting her mind wander. Somewhere from the shadows of her thoughts, an old three-legged tabby cat appeared in her mind. Lillian felt a finger lift the jewel at her neck.
“It’s beautiful but doesn’t hold a candle to you.”
She opened her eyes and sank deeper into the water. Jake’s grasp on her necklace gave way, his hand left in midair. Her heart experienced a brief moment of panic. She’d convinced herself that she wouldn’t have to see him again, that she could get past the butterflies taking flight in her stomach. She glanced up at him, refusing to entertain thoughts of the bronzed and hard body that was under that chambray shirt and worn dungarees. “Why are you here, Sheriff? Is bathing in the morning considered a crime now?” She spoke in defense of her wayward emotions.
Unfazed apparently by her surly tongue and blatant ogling of his crotch, Jake pulled a chair closer to the tub. Turning it so he could lean his arms over the rounded back and straddle the seat, he rested his chin on his forearms, looking completely at ease.
Which was more than Lil was feeling.
“I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other day,” he stated, tipping back his hat. A short black shock of hair curled on his forehead, and Lil had to stop herself from reaching up to brush it away. She had no particular interest in discussing something that for three days and nights she’d been trying to forget. This required a switch of topic. “I assume this means that Doc thinks you’re feeling better.”
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
“You’ve been recuperating, Sheriff.” She let her fingers drift through the water, watching the ripples in the wake of her hand. “That’s your imagination, cowboy.”
“Is it?” He glanced away and chewed on his lip as though deep in thought. “If there was any other way, if this was any other time….”
The irony of his words brought a chuckle from her. “What you mean to say is that if I were a woman of any other profession, your voters wouldn’t mind us mattress dancing, right?” She’d called his bluff. Why not make him see things for what they really were?
His head snapped up with a look of surprise. She didn’t blame him for the response. Lil doubted that very many people spoke to him with such an attitude. But the truth was that she’d gotten to the point where she didn’t want to play games or candy-coat the inevitable so that he would feel better about it.
“I wanted to say thanks.” His voice smoothed over her skin like the warmth of the water, but the pain of his prejudice ran much deeper.
“Sure thing, Sheriff, anytime.”
“We’re from different worlds, you and me, Lil.” He was so right on that score.
“You’ve no idea how right you are about that. Think nothing of it. We had a few moments prompted by your injury. Clara Burton syndrome,” she muttered.
There was an awkward pause and then he stuck out his hand. “Friends?”
Tears clogged Lil’s throat making it difficult to breathe. Please just leave, she prayed silently.
She kept her eyes lowered, focusing on the water as his palm met hers. A sob hung in her throat threatening to choke her if she spoke. Lil simply nodded. A tear plopped in the water, and she breathed in to strengthen her resolve. His grip tightened. “Oh, now dammit, this is no time for tears.”
“Sorry.” She offered him a wobbly smile and swiped her fingers under her eye.
“But I can’t be your friend.”
“Come on, now, don’t do this.” He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles and when she tried to tug it from his grasp he held tight.
“I’ve no idea what you mean. Don’t do what? Have emotions, don’t care, or just swallow my dignity? Which would you prefer I not do?” She jerked free her hand. “Would you be so kind as to hand me that towel. And unless you wish to add more to your ‘do-not’ list, I suggest that you take this opportunity to leave.”
He stood, grabbed the towel that lay on the end of the bed, and held it out to her. For a moment he hesitated, and she saw an ornery glint flicker through his eyes. He pushed the towel toward her, and she snatched it from him. “For the life of me, I will never understand men.” She waited for him to leave, and when he didn’t, she released a frustrated sigh. “Fine, then turn around.” She twirled her fingers.
He cast his gaze to the ceiling, turned around, plopped down on the chair and folded his arms reluctantly across his chest. “This hardly seems necessary, does it?”
“Sorry, no more free shows. You think because I dress a certain way, or that because I run a parlor house, that I have no emotions, no feelings? Well, you are so wrong, buster. I do.” She jammed her finger into his shoulder causing him to lurch forward.
“Hey there—”
She ignored his warning. “First, just because a woman wears a cardigan and sensible shoes does not automatically mark her as a spinster, but for some apparent reason that turns men off.” She stepped from the tub and wrapped the towel around her.
Jake shifted to look at her. “What do you mean ‘turning a man off’? I don’t know what you’re so all-fired upset about.”
“Turn around!” Lil admonished pointing her finger at him.
“Well for cryin’ out loud, all this turning on and turning around, you have me confused as all get out.”
“Well now you know how I feel, buster!” She had something to say and by God she was going to get it off her chest. “You’re confused? On the other side of the coin, I can wear the most provocative attire as a sexy bordello Madam, and it has the same effect.” The warring complexity in her mind frustrated her.
“I’m afraid you’re not making much sense.” Jake rested his elbow on the back of the chair. Sure he looked confused, but dammit so was she. Someone else ought to share in that.
“All my life, I pretended t
o be the ultra-intellectual, deep, understanding, and even-keeled sort of woman in hopes that I would attract the same kind of man. I thought if I could find someone like me, I’d be deliriously happy.”
Jake nodded and then frowned. “You’re losing me here.”
She paced in front of him, clicking her fingernail between her teeth, a habit she did when she was deep in thought. How to explain to him the ideas racing in her head finally collided in a tangled heap. She faced him dead on. “What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve tried everything—being soft and demure, smart and independent, sultry and wanton—and still I can’t seem to land my Mr. Right. There must be something wrong with me. Just tell me what it is, won’t you? As my friend?”
Jake scratched his head. With a goofy grin on his face, he walked over and stood toe-to-toe with her. “If you wore that animal print number I first saw you in, I guarantee you’d have plenty of men tearing each other apart to get to you.”
“I’m being serious.” She faced toward the window, staring out at the barren desert. Heat radiated off the horizon, baking the ground until it cracked. Her soul felt just like that.
His gentle fingers touched her shoulder and she turned to him. She couldn’t look at him.
“Then again, I’m not sure that would make me very comfortable either.” “Don’t say such things when you don’t mean them.” She glanced at him.
He slid his fingertips under her chin. “Look at me.”
“You seem a bit confused about what you want.” She swallowed. A stinging sensation pricked the back of her eyes. She couldn’t do this.
He took a deep breath and exhaled. “What are you looking for, Lil?”
What the hell? Why not lay her cards on the table? “Well, it seems I have this problem, Sheriff. You see, I don’t want just any man.”
His gaze narrowed. He knew what she was about to say.
“I want you.”
She noted the slight bob of his Adam’s apple. “I never said I wasn’t attracted to you.” His calloused palm moved over her bare shoulder and slid without hurry up the curve of her neck to rest finally on her cheek.
She looked at his rugged, handsome face—a face she’d decided that she could get used to seeing every morning. But perhaps he wasn’t the one fate had in mind for her. “I understand, I do. Nevertheless, it’s only temporary. I know how you feel. I’m not the kind of woman you’d think of settling down with—raising a family, going to Sunday church.” She was challenging him, but better he accept how he really felt about her than to deceive himself or her with untrue feelings. “That’s not true,” he whispered and curled his hand around her neck drawing her forward to place a kiss on her forehead.
“You said as much to me not less than ten minutes ago.”
He rested his lips against her temple. “You make me crazy. I wasn’t expecting this.”
Heat radiated from his body, blocking the airflow between them. She could barely breathe for wanting him. “You make me crazy, too.”
“What did you mean with all that talk about being a librarian and wearing cardigans—what is all that gibberish?” Jake slid his hands to her elbows drawing her to the chair. He sat down and pulled her to his lap, looking up at her with an earnestness that made her hopeful that she might be able to explain to him her theory about the necklace. Maybe if he understood that being a Madam was only a fantasy in another life, not really who she was, he might feel differently about her.
“Okay, but promise me that you’ll hear me out with an open mind.”
He regarded her with his serious expression. “I’ll do my best.”
She took a deep breath as she smoothed her hand over his shoulder. “What if I told you that I really am a librarian from the future?”
He reacted far better to the news than she expected, or he was sidetracked with the heated kisses he was pressing to her neck.
“Right now you got my head in such a spin, I think I’d believe anything you told me.” He crooked two fingers over the edge of the towel covering her breasts and gently tugged it down, letting it fall around her lap. “Doc says I’m all healed.” “I’m serious, Jake.”
He stared at her and this time it was obvious he understood she wasn’t kidding around. “Listen I don’t know where all this came from, but I’ve always known you as—as, well, the madam of this, uh…the Sweet Magnolia.”
“I’m not making this up. I’m telling you the truth.” She searched his face, hoping that something would click and he would see with clarity why she was there—that destiny, fate—whatever it was called, had brought them together— that they were meant to be together.
Jake eased her from his lap and stood. A frown marred his brow and his lips
were drawn on a thin line. She’d seen that closed-down, stubborn look before. He didn’t believe her.
“Listen, I have some things in town that require my attention.” Or you’re avoiding the issue, she thought.
He bent down, plucked up her towel, and wrapped it awkwardly around her. She clamped her arms down, clutching it, confused by his strange behavior. “You might say something,” She insisted.
He cleared his throat and stared down at his feet. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“That you believe me would be a good start.” She grabbed her robe, feeling far too vulnerable in the towel and slipped it on, cinching it at the waist.
He blew out a breath. “I’ve heard some pretty far-fetched stories in my life, but this one is a tad hard to swallow.”
“A tad...a tad hard to swallow?” She laughed. “I came home from a long day at work and peeled down to my skivvies to cool down from the heat of the apartment because the super hadn’t bothered to fix my air conditioner and for an instant, an instant…I close my eyes. The next thing I know I’m being was awakened by some cowboy who reeks of leather and horses, beating down my door to tell me that my girls are violating some rule about shopping in town.”
She took a deep breath, letting it out in a frustrated sigh. A palatable silence followed her tirade.
“Now let’s look at things with a clear head, here,” he suggested amiably, but Lil was far from feeling amiable. “It’s possible that what happened, you know, between us, maybe caused you to have these ideas, these,” he hesitated,
“hallucinations.”
Really? “No Jake, I am not hallucinating this.”
He continued as though he hadn’t heard her. “Maybe you need some rest from your duties here. A few days up in Carson City? Some fresh mountain air? Let
Paddy take care of things for a while around here….”
Lil stared at him, not believing what she’d heard. He thought she’d gone over the edge and was having a breakdown—because of him. Lord in heaven. “You listen here….” She walked up to him, squared her shoulders and looked into his fabulously, dark, yet, frickin’ amazing eyes. “If you think that I just made this up out of some delirious episode due to you and me—” she waved her finger under his nose “—well, you are not as bright as I thought.” There. She nodded punctuating her thoughts.
“Your need some rest. I can hear the tension in your voice.” His smile meant to be friendly irritated her even more than his cockamamie idea. The platonic pat on her arm made her thirst for blood. He sent her a pointed look. “Think about it.” He tipped his hat and quietly left, leaving the door open wide.
“You’d probably leave the seat up on the toilet…if you had one,” she called out angrily. He tossed her a casual wave but didn’t look back. Lil gritted her teeth and stormed back in the room, slamming the door so hard that it bounced back open, and she had to walk over and slam it shut again.
Chapter Six
“The future?” Jake chuckled quietly, shaking his head as he glanced through the packet of papers he’d received by express from the state governor giving Jake his support for the appointment to Deputy Marshall. But Jake’s mind over the past few days since leaving Lil hadn’t been on his future. Though he ought t
o be ecstatic to have the governor’s backing, the truth of the matter was all he could think about was Lilly.
And his body burned.
Jake’s mind whirled in a sea of confusion. Lillian was like no woman he’d ever met. Being away from her had given him perspective. He realized that she possessed an inner strength that most women he knew didn’t seem to have—a fierce independence and yet she had a vulnerable side that didn’t always add up to the independent and bawdy image she tried to portray. The woman was a quandary, there was no doubt, and had a body for sin. Jake sighed and leaned back in his chair, exhausted from lack of sleep.
“Problem, Sheriff?”
Jake’s eyes sprang open. He didn’t remember seeing the prisoner in the cell when he’d come in an hour ago. Then again, his mind wasn’t exactly where it ought to be these days. He heaved a weary sigh and leaned forward, shuffling through the papers that he had little interest in reading. “Nothing that I can’t handle, old man.”
The prisoner sat on the threadbare cot, his hands fisted over his knees. He’d probably been a bit rowdy at the saloon the night before. Nate, his new deputy appointed while he was incapacitated at the Magnolia, must have brought him in.
He seemed fairly harmless.
Bored with his thoughts, frustrated that he couldn’t seem to stay on task, Jake spoke to the prisoner. Maybe idle chatter would help to take his mind off Lillian. “What brings you to my jailhouse, friend?” Jake didn’t look up. His eyes scanned one of the paragraphs outlining the Governor’s new plan to rid his state of unsavory types that would prevent the good citizens from settling peaceably and to forge budding new mining towns.
Closer To You (Tales of the Sweet Magnolia Book 1) Page 8