Besides, over the last two days, she’d been in confrontation with Ethan more often than the entire time she’d been in the valley. It had also been during these last few days that a deeper understanding of the reclusive man had surfaced, at least in her mind, thanks to what Cora had told her about him. She’d known about what had happened to the brothers’ parents through Nathaniel, but it had never occurred to her that Ethan would harbor lingering guilt over what had happened.
The way he’d looked at her when he’d offered his apology had been rather unsettling. More unsettling, in fact, than when he’d towered over her and yelled at her. His eyes had always seemed so cold, yet there had almost been a spark of tenderness in them this time, completely transforming his features. He had been so out of character from the hardened man he tried to portray around the rest of his family.
“You’re acting more like the Anna I know – always trying to find good in people.” Cora reached a hand across the table to touch Anna’s arm. She glanced up to meet her friend’s smiling face, blinking away the memory of how Ethan had looked at her.
“You gave me a lot to think about the other day,” Anna mumbled.
Over the months, she’d learned to deal with Ethan’s impolite behavior by simply staying out of his way, avoiding him like most everyone else did. His apology had genuinely surprised her, and she’d been at a loss for words at how to respond. Quickly accepting his request for forgiveness, then walking away had seemed like the best thing to do. She’d lain awake last night, thinking about her misfortunate encounters with Ethan Wilder, and how his eyes had softened while he asked for her forgiveness.
“Caroline said that Ethan and Nathaniel were talking when she stopped by to check on Ethan’s hand. Their conversation halted when she entered.”
Anna finished her last stitch, then set the sock in her lap. There was nothing strange about that. Men didn’t like to have women listen in when they talked. “It isn’t unusual for them to talk, is it?”
“No, I suppose not, but maybe Nathaniel was trying to persuade Ethan to escort you at least as far as Fort Hall.”
Anna shook her head and laughed. “I can’t imagine Ethan Wilder taking me to Fort Hall. I think he’d rather cut off his other hand before he would make such an offer.” Not that she wanted him to take her in the first place.
“Ethan’s probably the safest man you could be with alone. He doesn’t like anyone, so he won’t bother you, either.” Josie glanced up from wiping her rifle with a rag. Her eyes darted between Anna and Cora.
“I’m sure you’re right,” Anna said, offering a weak smile to the young girl who’d suffered so much at a man’s hand. Josie had found her confidence when Nathaniel, and then Harley, had taught her to shoot. Now she was almost obsessed about her rifle. No doubt it made her feel safer. Before, she hadn’t been able to defend herself against the man who had attacked her and stolen her innocence.
“You’re still adamant about leaving?” Cora stared at Anna. Her face had gone serious, and sadness clouded her eyes. Anna swallowed back the sudden tightness in her throat.
“Yes. There’s nothing for me here, Cora.” She nodded toward Josie. “You have your family, and now a baby on the way. Perhaps Nathaniel can take me to Fort Hall, but I won’t allow him to escort me all the way to Oregon. He might not be back in time for the birth of your baby. I could never impose like that.”
“Can’t you stay until after the baby is born?”
Anna shook her head. Tears threatened behind her eyes. Cora wasn’t making her decision to leave any easier.
“That would mean another year before I can leave, and then it might be even harder to say goodbye. I have to make a fresh start for myself, Cora. There might always be something to delay my decision. Please understand. You and Caroline and Josie have been my family for so long, I think I forgot how to be my own person. I need to find my own path in life.”
Cora reached for her hand, and gave it a squeeze. “And find the happiness you’re looking for.”
Anna dropped eye contact. The sock in her lap became blurry. “That’s why I won’t return to Ohio. There are too many memories there. I’m better off starting over in Oregon.”
Cora’s hold on her hand tightened. “How are you going to get to Oregon from Fort Hall all by yourself? No one wanted to let us join any of the wagon companies unless at least one of us was married, and even then very unwillingly.” She frowned, studying Anna’s face. “Are you willing to get married to a stranger just to get to Oregon?”
Anna’s lips tightened. That thought had already crossed her mind. If Nathaniel had been able to take her to Oregon, she would have had a man to look out for her. Cora might have even gone along with them. No one would have raised an eyebrow. She sighed.
Marrying a farmer on his way to Oregon might not be as bad as it seemed. Cora had been swindled, but that had been at the start of their journey. Many men lost their wives on the trek to Oregon, and needed a woman to take care of the children. As long as he was a good provider, there wouldn’t need to be love involved. Besides, the thought of ever loving another man again seemed impossible.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. If I have to marry, then so be it.”
“It didn’t work so well for me when I simply married a man for the sake of getting to Oregon, remember?”
Anna smiled. “Yes, but then you met Nathaniel. I don’t plan to find a husband for love, Cora. I just want to be content. That’s the best I can hope for.”
Cora stared at her for a while. She scrutinized Anna’s face to the point of making her uncomfortable. After several silent seconds, Cora’s eyes widened.
“Are you still mourning Franklin’s death?”
A tear fell down Anna’s face. She hastily swiped it away with the back of her hand and stood, turning her back.
Cora followed. She wrapped her arm around Anna’s shoulder, drawing her closer. “Why didn’t you ever confide in me?
“I don’t know,” Anna sobbed. “I thought I could move on. He was my beau since we were sixteen years old. For five years, we made plans to marry and spend the rest of our lives together.”
“You were so strong and composed after he died, and so determined to leave Ohio with us. You never talked about him, and I selfishly thought you had moved on. Anna, I’m so sorry.”
Anna sniffled. She pulled out of her friend’s embrace and offered her a reassuring smile. “You had so much to contend with at the time, Cora. It wouldn’t have been right of me to burden you with my troubles, too.”
Anna shot a hasty glance at Josie, who sat watching. She set her rifle aside, and came up to Anna, offering her a hug.
“You were there for me when all I wanted to do was die, Anna. You never asked for anything in return, not even when Franklin had his accident. You were simply there, taking care of me.” She glanced at her sister. “Now it’s our turn to be there for you. Whatever you want to do, Cora, Caroline, and I will support you, no matter what.”
Anna nodded, letting the tears flow freely, crying with her friends. Although talking about her loss was painful, it took away the deep hurt she’d kept locked up inside for so long. If Josie could overcome the horrors of what had happened to her, then she could be strong enough and move past the loss of her fiancé. She wiped her tears on a handkerchief, and straightened. Smiling, she stepped away from Josie and Cora.
“Well, I’d best get these socks back to Travis.”
She stuffed her needle and thread, along with the mended socks, in her satchel that held her sewing supplies, then reached for her shawl hanging on the peg by the door.
“If you see Caroline or Trevor, can you give them this salve?” Cora handed her a round tin. “Aimee Osborne left this behind, saying it would be good to put on Ethan’s hand in a few days.”
Anna stuffed the tin in her satchel. Smiling at her friends, she left Cora’s cabin. The newly-built home sat on a gentle rise overlooking the valley, nestled among some trees that marked the
edge of the forest leading into the hills. A path led to the main cabin some hundred yards away, closer to the creek that meandered through the spring grasses past the barn. The cabin she shared with Caroline and Josie stood just beyond the corrals.
Rather than following the visible trail through the grass to the main cabin to return Travis’ socks, she headed into the trees. While a good cry with Cora and Josie had eased her heavy heart somewhat, it might do her some good to be alone with her thoughts.
Even though the day was mild, Anna wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, and inhaled the fragrant, earthy scent of the lush spring meadow. The trees gave off the wonderful scent of pine, and she followed the sounds of the birds as they chirped high up in the canopies. This had been the first time she’d gone off on her own like this to explore away from the valley, and the freedom and solitude was intoxicating, allowing her mind to wander.
She’d gone walking with Franklin in the forest back home on many occasions. A stroll in the woods had been their first outing together, and it had been during one of those walks that he’d asked her to marry him. He’d been such a soft-spoken, caring person, always with a smile on his face, a kind word for his neighbors, and love in his eyes for her.
“We have to wait to be wed until I can save enough money to buy a piece of land I have my eye on. It won’t be more than a few years, Anna. I’ll build you a nice house, and we’ll plant corn and wheat, and have a productive farm that will provide for us.”
Franklin had been full of dreams without being too ambitious. He’d been such a hard worker, and despite spending all his time doing odd jobs and helping the neighboring farmers tend their land in order to earn the money for the property he’d planned to buy, he’d always found time to spend with her.
A tear rolled down her cheek. She hugged her arms around her waist, making her way through the forest. Anna glanced up at the sky, which was partially obscured by the tall lodgepoles.
Why did you have to die, Franklin? It was all my fault.
Guilt crushed her chest and she hugged her shawl more firmly around herself.
“You’re always so helpful.” Ethan Wilder’s mocking words slammed into her gut with new meaning. If she hadn’t committed to helping out Cora the day of Franklin’s accident, declining his invitation to eat supper with him, her fiancé might still be alive today.
“I understand, Anna. We can have supper another night.”
He’d taken her hand, and with a smile on his face, had kissed her cheek. “One thing I love about you is that you’re always so helpful. Don’t ever change.”
What a contrast between two men. The meaning of their exact same words to her had been so vastly different. One had said them with love in his eyes, while the other had held nothing but contempt for her. Anna adjusted her kerchief on her head. A burst of annoyance shot through her. How could she even think of Franklin and Ethan at the same time, or compare the two? No two men had ever been more different.
Anna walked faster, stumbling over the uneven ground, which was overgrown with greenery. Dead logs littered the forest floor, making navigation more difficult. The forest grew denser the further she walked and the faint trail she’d followed had long disappeared. Her skirt snagged on downed logs she had to go around or over, and the tops of the trees grew thick enough that they obstructed the sun, making it seem eerily dark all of a sudden.
She stopped, her heart beating fiercely against her ribs. She breathed as if she’d run for miles. Perspiration beaded her forehead, sending a chill down her spine when a cool breeze swept over her damp face. She glanced around, her eyes widening. Which way was back to the cabins? The forest closed around her, and nothing looked familiar.
She headed in the direction from which she’d just come, then stopped. Which way was correct? Everything looked the same. She walked past the log she’d gone around a moment ago, but had to stop again. Had that been the log, or was it the one a few feet away?
A cloud covered what little light the sun managed to send to the forest floor, instantly making everything seem even darker. How could she allow herself to get lost like this? She couldn’t have gone that far from the valley that she wouldn’t find her way back.
Glancing around, she studied her surroundings to see if anything was recognizable. The trees all looked the same and the forest was dense enough that she’d lost complete sense of direction. She turned in a circle, slowly studying every tree, but it was useless. Her heart sent the blood racing through her veins, making her legs and arms feel weak with growing trepidation.
The breeze swishing through the canopies sounded louder than before, and several of the tallest lodgepoles swayed and groaned in response. A woodpecker chiseled away at the trunk of a nearby tree, while ravens fluttered their wings and called to one another. The sounds they made were almost ominous.
“I am not lost,” she whispered, squaring her shoulders. If she didn’t return by the time dusk set in, Cora would no doubt insist on a search party to head out and look for her. Anna pressed her lips together. What would Ethan think of her if she got lost? He already had such a low opinion of her.
Anna shook her head. Why on earth did it matter what Ethan Wilder thought? She’d already determined that there was no pleasing the man, despite his apology. He was too set in his ways. Besides, he’d never find out that she’d been momentarily lost.
She smiled. That grouping of trees up ahead looked familiar. Hadn’t she just passed them before she realized she might be lost? With a determined lift of her chin, she set off again. She’d be back to the cabins before anyone even realized she’d been gone.
Chapter Eight
“You’re out of your mind, Nate. I can’t take that woman all the way to Oregon.”
Ethan glared at his younger brother. First Harley was putting thoughts in his head, and now Nathaniel was trying to do it, too.
“If she’s dead set about going, you have to take her, Ethan. I made a promise to Cora last year.”
“Your harebrained promises are of no concern to me.” Ethan lifted a steaming tin mug of coffee to his lips.
The strong and bitter drink was a welcome change from the taste of mint in his mouth, but after the first couple of swallows, his mistake became evident. A sharp pain jabbed him in the gut. Clearly his stomach wasn’t ready for anything other than the broth Anna had made and the willow bark tea. Cursing under his breath, he set the mug on the table. He raised his eyes to his brother.
“I ain’t the right person to take Miss Porter to Oregon, or anywhere else, for that matter,” he said, gritting his teeth when another painful jab poked his insides.
Nathaniel eyed him with his head cocked to the side. “Are you afraid of Anna Porter?” His eyes lingered on Ethan’s hand over his stomach.
“That woman might finish me off for good if she comes near me again,” Ethan grumbled.
His brother grinned like a fox in the henhouse. “I don’t think she’s got her mind set on putting you in an early grave, but that’s not what I meant when I asked if you’re afraid of her.”
Ethan smirked. He wasn’t going to add fuel to the fire by asking Nate to explain his question.
Nathaniel raised his own mug of coffee to his lips. “I’d never ask it of you, Ethan, but with Cora being with child, I’m not willing to put her through a journey she doesn’t need to make, and I can’t be gone that long if I were to go alone. I can’t go back on my word to Anna that I’d get her to Oregon this summer.” He paused, then slowly said, “I suppose I could ask Trevor and Travis.”
Ethan lifted his eyes to his brother. “I wouldn’t trust anyone with those two. They’re both still wet behind the ears, especially Travis. He don’t listen to anyone or lets anyone tell him what to do.”
“I remember Pa saying the same thing about you.”
Ethan clenched his jaw. He stiffened, making his already-sore stomach muscles hurt.
“Then you oughta know that trusting the safety and well-being of anyone to Travis w
ould end badly,” he growled. He stared at Nathaniel, curbing the urge to punch his brother for yet another reminder about his past failures. Hadn’t he been tormented enough in the last day with thoughts of how he’d failed his parents?
Nathaniel watched him with a smirk on his face and a challenge in his eyes. Ethan ran his fingers through his hair. He’d been backed into a corner.
“I can’t travel with a woman,” he said. “How’s that going to look to other folks? She wouldn’t like her reputation sullied like that. An unmarried lady don’t travel with a man.”
The door squeaked on its hinges, and Harley walked in. The old man stopped in his tracks, glancing from Nathaniel to Ethan. His mustache and beard shifted when he smiled.
“Who’s an unmarried lady?” he asked.
“Anna Porter,” Nathaniel said quickly before Ethan could tell Harley it was none of his concern.
“Are ye thinkin’ o’ weddin’ up with her, Ethan?” Harley’s eyes sparkled with hope. Ethan ground his teeth.
“We were discussing how I’m going to uphold my promise and get Anna to Oregon,” Nathaniel explained with a wide grin on his face.
“There ain’t nothin’ ta discuss.” Harley stepped fully into the cabin, his eyes on Ethan. Harley reached for the mug Ethan had set on the table, sniffed it, then topped it off with hot coffee from the pot by the hearth.
“Ethan’s the only choice ta do it,” Harley said after taking a long slurp.
Ethan shook his head as his frustration grew with his brother, Harley, and even his own thoughts swirling in his head. The day before, he’d briefly entertained the idea that he should be the one to escort Miss Porter, especially after his dream about his mother. After his attempt at making amends with her over his behavior the last couple of days, the thought had vanished as quickly as Anna had rushed from the cabin.
“I ain’t going to Oregon, and especially not with a woman in tow,” he growled with a note of finality, more to get the thought out of his head than for his brother’s or Harley’s benefit.
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