She stared at him incredulously. That was it? He was pleased? Actually, he did look pleased, but that wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear. And she realized she’d never hear the words she craved, that she’d forgotten a major discovery she’d made shortly after arriving here, that barbarians weren’t capable of strong emotion, at least not of the softer variety. A fine time to remember that, after she’d let that soft emotion get a grip on her.
“You can forget that silly confession of mine, warrior. I lied.”
He had the gall to show he was amused by that. “Such is the reaction of a woman of high expectations. Best you know now, kerima, ” he added gently. “Women experience love, warriors do not. Sha-Ka’ani women give their love freely, accepting that no more than protection and caring can be returned. You will also come to accept this.”
“Wanna bet?” She shoved out of his arms and turned her back on him. “Look, it doesn’t matter one way or the other,” she managed to get out over the lump in her throat. “What we got going is only temporary anyway, so it’s no big deal. Now, can we forget the nonsense and get on with what’s important? I’d like to have all negotiations settled before my service is over so I won’t be further delayed here.”
His arms came around her again from behind, squeezing so hard she was fast approaching pass-out. “Such is not nonsense that causes you hurt, kerima. I will not allow you to feel this hurt.”
“Won’t allow?” She choked on a laugh. “You’re killing me!”
The pressure eased, but only because he turned her around to face him again. “You will cease these thoughts of the temporary, woman. When your service is over, you will not be quit of me. I will return with you to your world to do what must be done there that has importance to you, but then you will return with me here, and here you will stay.”
“And if I refuse?”
“Then you will not have the help your Martha claims you need.”
“You’re making it a farden condition?” she asked with rising temper.
“Yes.”
She stared at him, fighting the urge to scream with an equal urge to laugh. Had she gone nuts in the past few minutes?
“Do you even know what you’re bargaining to get yourself involved in?”
“It matters not. Do you understand that I will never let you go? You gave me your love-”
“I took it back-” she tried inserting, but uselessly.
“You gave it; thus is it mine to keep, not yours to take back. In return, I give to you my life, yours to keep until the day I die.”
She had a feeling those were formal words that somehow were committing. She also had a feeling, which thrilled her to her toes, that the big jerk loved her and didn’t even know it. If these barbarians needed anything, it was reeducation in their beliefs, especially the belief that warriors didn’t have feelings. Her warrior had put enough feeling into what he was saying to melt her bones. And why had she given up, anyway, she who never gave up? If he didn’t love her now, she’d just have to work on it until he did.
Chapter Thirty-seven
A craving for something tart drove Tedra to the kitchens late one afternoon several days later. Since she had apprised Challen of the situation on her world and what was needful, she hadn’t seen much of him. His days were filled with clearing away all business that couldn’t await his return, for his planned trip to meet with the other shodani was scheduled for tomorrow. Messengers had been sent out to gather them all together, but it would still take days to reach the meeting place, and days longer until all the shodani showed up, if they did. Transferring could have cut that time in half, but Challen had refused to consider it.
Tedra hadn’t pressed the matter because she assumed she would be going along, and was frankly looking forward to seeing some more of the planet. But she had been disabused of that notion this morning. She wasn’t needed on the trip, not as long as the warrior had Martha to do any convincing and demonstrating, and Martha was apparently willing to cooperate fully.
To say Tedra wasn’t pleased with Challen’s decision was putting it mildly. She was, in fact, furious with him. The meeting would determine whether or not she would be getting the mercenaries she needed, whether or not the shodani would even agree to trade with sky-flyers. She had every right to be there. But not as far as her barbarian was concerned. No, he didn’t want her coming under such close scrutiny of other warriors as powerful as he. His possessiveness was acting up and he didn’t even know it, but this was no time for it when the matter was so important to her.
She still meant to have another go at changing his mind tonight, if he managed to return to his chambers before the late hour guaranteed she’d be sleeping. Right now she tried putting the matter from her mind. The strange craving she was having helped to do that.
The kitchen was busy at this time of day in preparation for the evening meal. Tedra wouldn’t have admitted it, but she found the place fascinating, all the human labor involved, the Darasha camaraderie, women enjoying what they were doing, though what they were doing were jobs considered obsolete on Kystran. But she wouldn’t spoil their fun or feelings of usefulness by telling them that. Besides, it hadn’t become common knowledge yet who she really was; only Challen’s warriors were privy to that information. The women still thought her to be a captive, the story of her being a challenge loser unanimously doubted by them all.
Tedra had made one sort-of friend besides Jalla, that day Challen had insisted they eat with the household in the gathering rooms at the front of the castle. Those rooms weren’t exactly segregated, as she had first supposed, but they could be if a meal was to turn into a warriors-only discussion, as sometimes was the case. That day, the lady sitting to Tedra’s right had struck up a conversation with her about, of all things, gardening. Nothing could have endeared the woman to Tedra more, the subject being of keen interest to someone starved for all things of a horticultural nature.
Her name was Danni Hal-Dar, a widow of nearly two years, and from her Tedra had learned things that Jalla wouldn’t have thought to mention, such as there being not a single job in all of Kan-is-Tra that would pay a woman a wage so that she could support herself. This was the reason all orphans and widows had to seek protection of a warrior, but then this was also the reason a warrior could not refuse a woman his protection, and the household of the shodan was, of course, the most prestigious household to be protected in.
Tedra could have laughed at the idiocy behind that ancient law, for the shodan was the one with the headaches of having so many idle women under his roof. And to think of the newly colonized worlds out there starving for women, and how most of these women might delight in an opportunity to go where they might be useful again, or be trained for jobs that were scarce and paid high wages. Of course, as she had already determined, something like that would take some heavy reeducation in the way these people looked at things, but it wouldn’t hurt to mention such an option to Challen-when she was no longer annoyed with him.
Danni wasn’t in the kitchen, but then this was the domain of servants, not of ladies of the household. Yet Marel, one of the younger ladies, was there, and it didn’t take much to realize she was being punished, her task that of peeling a vegetable called falaa, a strange one that was horribly odorous when raw, but cooked up into a sweet-smelling, delicious side dish.
If Marel’s expression was any indication, she was hating the punishment, as Master Lowden no doubt expected her to. Tedra didn’t bother to ask what she had done to get punished. Marel was of that large group of ladies who looked on Tedra as beneath their contempt, if not with outright hostility. This had never bothered Tedra one way or another, but Danni had thought to explain, confiding that many of them had hoped to win the shodan for themselves, that some of them had in fact shared his bed in that effort.
Now that bothered Tedra, though she hadn’t let on. Just let any of them try catching his notice now and they’d get a swift trouncing by a Sec in full fury. Finding the prettier ones ma
tes was going to be Challen’s first order of business when they returned from Kystran-Stars, what was she thinking? Come back to this backward madhouse of a world? No, Sha-Ka-Ra could find itself a new shodan. She was going to talk Challen into staying in her part of the universe- when she was no longer annoyed with him.
“Are you looking for one of these?”
Tedra deftly caught the small purple fruit Jalla tossed at her, grinning. “How did you know?” Her mouth watered just looking at the sweetly tart thing.
“It is my job to anticipate a mistress’s wants and needs,” Jalla replied.
“Of course, my going nuts over these vechem yesterday had nothing to do with accurate guessing.”
“Certainly not,” Jalla said primly, then spoiled it by giggling.
Tedra joined her at the cabinet where she was arranging tall, jeweled goblets on a tray around a bottle of chilled yavarna wine. “More guests to impress?” she guessed.
“Merchants from Shalah,” Jalla admitted. “The rumor is, they have just been denied a very large order of gaali stones, for which they are most displeased. They will have to go many reyzi out of their way now to find another supplier, and no one can guess why the shodan refused to deal with them. The chest they brought with them was filled with tobraz to make the purchase, and you know how valuable are those light blue gems.”
Tedra didn’t know, but she could guess why Challen had refused the offer and she couldn’t help but smile delightedly. They hadn’t actually got down to talking trade yet, but he knew what she was most interested in, and obviously was making sure he would have a sufficient supply available.
“You find that amusing?” Jalla asked, perplexed.
Marel had overheard their conversation and interjected snidely, “That one finds everything amusing since the dhaya juice has been put back on its shelf. But it is not likely to stay there overlong.”
“If that was supposed to be a dig, Marel, I’m afraid it missed its mark, since I haven’t the faintest notion of what you were talking about. Nor do I care. But perhaps the Lowden uncle should be made aware that you haven’t got enough to do to keep you busy and minding your own business.”
The younger woman turned a bright shade of mortification when a good many Darasha laughed at Tedra’s remark. Tedra hadn’t meant to shame the girl in front of others, though, so she said no more and left the kitchen. Jalla caught up with her in the hall, her tray of jingling glasses announcing her, if her giggles didn’t.
“That was no more than she deserved, mistress. Lady Marel has ever been a sour mouth to anyone she is jealous of, and she is jealous of most everyone.”
“Another emotion only women feel the sting of?”
“What?”
“Never mind. But what was that nonsense she was muttering about? What’s dhaya juice being shelved have to do with my good humor? And I thought dhaya was a potent wine only warriors are allowed to drink.”
“That is so, but… how is it you do not know the purpose of dhaya, as juice or wine?”
“Is this another one of those things every woman should know? Well, consider me dense and enlighten me so I can join the club of knowing-it-all.”
Jalla shook her head with a smile. “What you say sometimes makes no sense to me, mistress, and yet strangely, it does. But there is no mystery to dhaya juice, and likely you know it by another name. It is what a warrior takes when he goes to raid or war so he-”
“That again,” Tedra interrupted. “It seems mighty unusual that, with as much as I’ve heard about raiding around here, I haven’t seen any proof of it.”
“Why, the shodan raided Kar-A-Jel just this last full moonrise,” Jalla said, surprised Tedra didn’t know that either. “But of course, the shodan of Kar-A-Jel, Falder La-Mar-Tel, he is no more than a pest. He snips at our feet, raiding the farms in our valleys. He has not the courage to face our shodan in challenge.”
“Just a regular pain in the ass, huh?”
Jalla giggled again. “This is true. So our warriors usually go twice a year to retrieve the women and hataari that are stolen.”
“But what if a warrior’s life-mate is taken? Must he wait months to get her back if Challen retaliates only twice a year?”
“He can go alone to retrieve her, or buy her back. Or he can wait, since there are others to take her place, there being no lack of available women in Sha-Ka-Ra.”
“I would have to ask,” Tedra said in disgust. “Now what was that about the dhaya juice?”
“It is taken for raiding so a warrior will not lose himself in the lust of the moment and do harm to a woman. It is what a warrior takes when he goes off for many rises to hunt, so he will not be distracted by thoughts of a woman. It is what a warrior will take if he journeys far from his own woman and wishes to be tempted by no other. And it is what a warrior will take if he must punish his own woman.”
“Just what is it supposed to do for these mighty warriors, particularly in the matter of punishment?” Tedra asked in a barely controlled tone, afraid she knew, but to be fair, she had to be sure.
“Think you a warrior could bring you to your need without it?” Jalla grinned, missing the signs of the explosion about to take place. “Warriors are too lusty for that. The juice removes all desire, no matter the stimulation or provocation. It gives a warrior the control he would lack did he try to punish a woman in that way without it.”
Control? Whammo! That farden liar! That farden braggart! A warrior’s control? A dose of impotency was more like it!
Tedra let loose with a screech of fury and a string of invectives a mile long. By the time she was done, she’d cursed the barbarian in seventy-nine languages, but felt not one bit better for it. And then she recalled the day she had met him, and how it had driven her nuts wondering when he would breach her, all the way up until she slept, unbreached. And the remark by that warrior about her capture being a waste while hunting. It had been a joke among them all, one she finally understood, and she cursed the barbarian some more.
When she finally noticed Jalla staring at her in wide-eyed alarm, she calmed down, but only long enough to ask, “Does dhaya juice work on women the same way?”
“I do not know, mistress. For what reason would a woman need to take it?”
“What reason, indeed.” Tedra smiled.
Chapter Thirty-eight
“What have you done to the shodan now, woman?”
Tedra turned around on the balcony, where she had been waiting unconsciously for a glimpse of Challen as he departed on his journey that morning. Tamiron stood in one of the arched doorways, doing nothing to conceal a strong vexation, and by the sound of it, his irritation was with her.
“Aren’t you supposed to knock or something before entering this chamber?”
“That was done, repeatedly.”
“Oh, well, I’ve got a lot on my mind, so I probably didn’t hear-or you just weren’t knocking loud enough. What was it you wanted to know?”
He did not like her nonchalance. In fact, his teeth likely lost their sharp edges, they were ground together so hard.
“I was just informed that my friend passed the darkness with a bottle of yavarna,” he gritted out. “If that was not strange enough, he has also called off his trip. He sits and stares at nothing, and will answer only when prodded. He-”
“I get the picture, warrior. It’s called depression.”
“I care not if it has a name. I wish to know its cause.”
“And naturally you think I’m the cause?”
He didn’t mince words, but came out with a resounding “Yes,” his expression daring her to deny it.
Tedra shrugged to show an indifference she wasn’t actually feeling. Her memories of last night were mostly vague around the edges, but those she did have weren’t pleasant. What she had wanted to happen had happened. But Challen’s expression, when he finally realized she had absolutely no desire for him, almost killed her. If that was supposed to be getting even, it had backfired in the worst
way. And yet she was justified in what she’d done. So feeling bad about it was annoying, to say the least. It put her on the defensive as nothing else could.
“You want to know what I did?” She glared at the warrior. “Well, all I did was take some of your dhaya juice. Of course, I didn’t bother to tell Challen that, any more than he ever saw fit to inform me of the help he was getting to resist me. He, in fact, let me think the control it gave him was all his own. He lied to me!”
“Lied, when every woman knows the use of dhaya? He but teased you, assuming you would know he teased. It is a common joke that a warrior will claim dhaya control as his own. It tells a woman that he has not the power to resist her without it.”
“And she’s supposed to feel complimented, I suppose? Give me a break, warrior. There is no compliment that can make that kind of punishment easier to take.”
“For you, but you are not Kan-is-Tran.”
“No, I’m Kystrani, and I’d never heard of your farden dhaya juice. And I won’t apologize for what I did. If you men can make use of that stuff, you deserve to find out what it’s like being on the receiving end of it at least once.”
“So you thought to punish me?”
Tedra turned toward the new voice, to find that Challen had quietly come to stand in another archway. Her chin went up, her defenses rising even more, especially since he wasn’t trying to hide his displeasure with her any more than Tamiron had.
“Now how do you figure that?” she demanded, coming to stand in front of him. “All I did was give you a taste of indifference, the same kind you gave me the day we met. That can’t be construed as punishment no matter how you look at it, for the simple reason that there’s no comparison. Indifference for you turns off the whole farden machine, so nothing can be done. For me, it merely turns the motors down. But that doesn’t prevent you from still having fun, does it?”
“This I would not do to you.”
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