“Aaaahhh,” I cried out through my ground out teeth, my body quaking with a fury and rage I had never experienced before. That I didn’t know how to contain. Somewhere in the black hole behind my eyes, I knew I couldn’t let myself crack so deeply, get lost so far in it, but it couldn’t be helped.
Another blast of my fist met his teeth, and then I wrapped my fingers around his neck and squeezed, pulling him toward me to look into his eyes. To make sure he knew exactly what was in store for him.
“Get ready.” My lips trembled, adrenaline rocking me. “This is gonna make up for five years of her pain.” A smile slowly moved across my face as his cocky grin finally slid away.
One breath.
Two.
Crack!
My knuckles exploded with agony as they connected with his temple, sending his skull back against the tile. Anchoring my legs over the sides of his body, I squeezed his throat unmercifully. The whites of his eyes emerged, rolling back as his lungs depleted of oxygen. I wanted to take his air the way he had taken hers. To take her air back from his lungs.
More grit in my mouth, my nostrils pushed so wide they ached, yearning urging me to deplete him of the one thing he needed to stay alive. This asshole wasn’t worthy of a drop of relief.
“Fuuuck!” I screamed as his tongue fell through his teeth, blood vessels crackling along his cheeks in tight little clumps.
I faintly registered screams around me, but I was too distracted watching the fireworks show in the whites of his eyes. Popping and spreading of red streaking the ivory color. His head fell back, and I dropped him in a heap. Then stood and stared down at his worthless, twitching body. With a heaving chest, I brought my foot up, staring one last time at the cause of my girl’s destruction, and stomped down with my heel right between his legs. I was determined to leave his dick unusable if he was spared any remaining days.
Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me aside. I spit at Damon before I was dragged away. “He’s not moving, man. You have to stop.” I recognized the voice as Drew’s, but I couldn’t stop the vibrations rocking me. My chest ached with the effort to breathe, my jaw throbbing from being clenched so tight.
“It was him.” The words were far away, shaky. “It was him!” I lunged once more, wanting to make sure he never woke up from this, but Drew’s hold was solid.
“I know, man. I know.” Drew’s voice was low, apologetic.
“Oh my god, is he dead?” Abby shrieked. “What did you do?” Her horrified eyes found mine as she slipped on a patch of blood beside her fiancé.
My head spun like the exorcist. “What did I do?” I pulled toward her but Drew yanked me back. “Did you know? Did you know he was doing that to her!” I yelled, hurt parading off of me in rolling waves.
“What’re you even talking about?” she screeched back, before switching her focus to Damon. “Damon? Oh, god! He’s not fucking answering!” Eric knelt beside her, taking inventory of Damon’s injuries as he tried to shush Abby.
“How could you let him do that to her!” I raged, arms shackled behind my back by Drew.
“Calm down, man. She doesn’t know.” Drew’s voice was as tepid as possible.” You gotta calm down, or they’re gonna cart you outta here, and then you won’t be able to help her.”
Help her. Angel. Oh my God, where is she?
The frenzy started to simmer into sheer panic, like an icy frost racing into my center.
Angel.
“Angel?” I glanced to my right and saw her toes peeking out from behind the island in the same place they’d been when she first landed. “Angel!” I shrugged out of Drew’s hold and slammed to my knees beside her, rolling her over in my arms. Her head dropped back over my forearm, the whites of her eyes peeking through the small slits beneath her lashes. Her cheeks were white, ashen, her lips blue.
My voice was barely recognizable as it tore from my throat. “Somebody call nine-one-one!”
TIME SUCKED FROM me like a vacuum in a quick whoosh. From the moment I held her limp body on, everything whipped in a mindless cyclone. Simultaneously, I could hear everything around me and also nothing but the faint wisps of air struggling to come out of her mouth. “Breathe, baby. Breathe. She’s fucking turning blue!” I yelled, frantic as I spread her body back down against the tiles, the blue-gray tinging her skin telling me how critical she was.
“What!” The cry that tore from Abby’s throat was punishing, but I needed her quiet so I could focus.
I placed my ear to Eva’s chest, simultaneously pressing two fingers to her throat. Her pulse was weak, but she was there, my little fighter. My body rocked as Abby dropped down beside me, knocking into me in her haste. But, just as quickly as she was on me, she was being dragged away with a yelp, her legs flailing.
“Come on. Give him space. Let him help her,” Eric soothed her.
“Eva!” Abby’s cry choked amidst her tears. “What happened to her? Eva, get up!”
“Let me in. I’m trained for this,” Drew demanded. When my eyes met his, there was nothing but confidence in his stare.
I held her body tight, wanting her to feel me with her, not wanting to let her go. I had made her a promise to never let her down, and I intended to keep it. Had I not needed to back-off Damon, I’d have been to her side sooner . . .
“I got her. I’ll fucking breathe for her as long as I have to.” My body shook so violently I thought I’d be sick as my quivering mouth met hers. Instead of the warm, supple lips that normally greeted me, I was met with a dry, lifeless response. I squeezed my eyes shut, not allowing myself to dwell on that so I could take care of her properly. Pinching her nose shut, I began to blow into her mouth, rescue breathing for her.
In between counts and small breaks, compressions and breaths, I rested my forehead on hers, begging so low no one else could hear me, but praying somewhere inside her motionless body she could. “Come on, breathe my air, baby. Breathe me.” I puffed into her mouth once more, my lips feeling dry to the point of cracking from the repetition. I dropped my forehead to hers again as unrecognizable sobs ricocheted all around me from people that loved her. People counting on me to make her okay.
“You’re doing good, man,” Drew coached. “You need a break?”
“Never.” I cupped my hands over her heart, working through another set. “Come on!” I yelled, frustration clawing at my throat that she wouldn’t open her eyes and see me. Gag, any-fucking-thing! “Angel.” My voice cracked, a tear leaking between the seams of our joined lips as I covered hers once again. A swelling burn coiled in the pit of my stomach at the thought that she might not make it out of this. That I might not be able to save her.
“Fuuuuck!” I sobbed, defeat slipping in despite my attempts to keep it away. “Fuck,” I whispered, cradling her face and licking my dry lips, tasting the salt that lay there. Sirens blared in the distance.
A small relief began to bloom until I heard Drew’s voice beside me. “You gotta get outta here. You don’t know if he’s gonna make it.”
I stopped the CPR just long enough to follow his line of sight to the floor where Damon lay with Abby hovering over his chest. “I’m not leaving her.”
Abby’s head snapped in my direction. “For all we know, you did this to her. You’re not going anywhere near her after this.”
Heat rode my spine in crackling sparks, bubbling over my neck in a hot wave, and I fought to remain rooted on my knees and not lunge at her. I jabbed my finger in her direction. “You have no fucking clue what you’re even saying. He did this to her!” I bellowed.
At her wide-eyed response, Eric spoke for her, his own face reddening. “Hey, don’t talk to her like that. She’s innocent in all of this.”
I was barely hanging on to my frayed endings. “Well, she needs to put her sister first for a change. You want to talk about who’s innocent in all this?” I bore my gaze into Abby’s. She was lucky Drew stopped me before I could finish that motherfucker.
Drew stepped forward. “Look, I didn’t see anything
.” He looked around. “I’m sure no one else did, either.”
Slow nods began to bob around the room. Eric spoke next. “Nah, man. I didn’t see a thing.”
All eyes turned to Abby.
“You guys can’t be serious!” she screeched.
Eric put a hand on her arm just as Jace burst over the threshold, knocking him to the side as he ran past.
“None of us understands anything right now,” Eric spoke as calm as possible. “But something brought this on, and we’re not going to have any answers without all the players.”
“What did he do to her?” Jace interrupted, slamming to his knees beside me. “I didn’t know he was fucking here!” he yelled again, agony crackling through each syllable as he gathered her in his arms. “Baby girl? Wake up!”
“Jace?” Abby’s voice held no weight, but her tear-soaked eyes spoke of her uncertainty, glistening under puckered, heartbroken eyebrows.
Jace’s gaze locked on Abby, his whole face crumpling as he pulled Eva into his chest. His eyes held the key to all our unanswered questions—heavy, regretful, all-knowing, and finally, remorseful.
A gasped, “Oh my God,” floated from Abby’s lips before it was muffled by her palm. Her eyes watered further, one stray tear falling over her lower lid as she looked to Damon. Then the rocking began. “Oh my God. Oh my God,” she half-wailed, half-swore as the bubble of shock worked its way around her. Eric was quick to wrap an arm around her, concern etched on his face as he soothed her with gentle hushes.
“Help her,” Jace begged, lowering Eva back to the floor so I could continue breathing for her just as the clicks and clanks of paramedic equipment rang out from the front door. “Where is everyone?” a deep baritone called out.
“Kitchen,” a bunch of voices replied at once.
“Everyone back, please. What do we have here?” A young, built man, who looked to be in his early thirties, dropped a bag beside Eva.
“We’re not sure. They got into a fight. This is how we found them,” Drew spoke first. His back was straight as a tack, his face stoic and unreadable as he looked at the paramedic square in the face.
The man looked around the room, and when no one offered anything more, he looked at Drew from a disbelieving side-eye and lowered beside Eva. “What do you have over there?” he called over to his partner, a woman with her brown hair twisted in a bun, who looked like she could kick my ass if she wanted.
“Unconscious male. He’s breathing on his own, but not well,” she replied, setting up the tools she would need to aid him.
“Bag him and let’s get them out of here,” he said as he bent beside me. “Sir, you’ll have to give us room.”
With a tight nod and a hard swallow, I spoke against the kiss I placed to Eva’s hairline. “Come back to me, Angel.” I kissed her once more and backed away.
Moving to a squat just a foot away, I rested my elbows on each knee for leverage, and pushed my hands to my lips, watching the paramedics assess her. I’d never felt as helpless as I did right then. Having to stand back and watch someone work to save my reason for living, not knowing if she would come out of this all right.
“Oh, god.” I dropped my head, rocking on the balls of my feet as the notion that she might not ricocheted through me. As I stood here watching her strain for her next breath, I prayed that I had done enough. Given her enough of my air to save her.
I was defenseless. Powerless. Suffocation clawed at me, seeming to close my throat as the world stopped. I raked a hand through my hair, sending all my prayers up to God. Please, don’t do this to her.
Small cries caught my attention, and I looked up to find Jessie in the corner with her hand covering her mouth. Beside her, Jeremy rubbed circles on a bawling Sandra’s back. Less than a year ago it had been her in this very situation, and I was sure that this hit a little too close to home for her.
Another set of paramedics rushed to their aid as oxygen was supplied to both Eva and Damon. Gurneys were propped up, machines turned on, things beeping and flashing. The whole thing happened in a matter of minutes, but it felt like hours as they moved about my kitchen.
Once Eva was secured on the bed, they began to roll it toward the door.
“I’m going with her,” I said, rushing to their side. Though I could feel the weight of everyone in the house following us through the foyer, I didn’t dare remove my eyes from her for one second.
When we reached the door, Drew called out, “I’ll wait here for the cops.” But the paramedics didn’t stop moving, and neither did I. My focus was trained on the guy’s hand and every squeeze of the bubble that was taking my place and blowing oxygen into her.
The gurney lifted into the ambulance and, just as the door was about to close, Abby slipped inside. “I’m coming with you.”
BEEP.
Beep.
Beep.
DRIP.
Drip.
Drip.
“WE NEED A medic in here!”
“Nooooo!”
Fuck, no! Let her be okay.
COMMOTION.
Chaos.
Another minute.
Then two.
Then ten . . .
“SHE’S STABLE. YOU can see her now.”
Air.
I STARED DOWN at the shiny blue tile, focusing on a chip in the corner of one and watching it blur before I blinked it back into focus. The last couple hours had easily taken ten years from my life.
She has to be okay. She just has to.
The doctors had worked on her so long, so hard. They had told Abby and me that the knock she had taken to her head had likely caused a brain injury, which was what was hindering her breathing. They stabilized her before their white coats were whisking her away for further testing and CT scans to see the extent of the damage.
My poor Angel.
I laced my fingers behind my head and crouched forward on the blue cushioned sofa in the hospital waiting room, buried in my thoughts. In my nightmares.
I swore to all that was holy that if the fucker had caused any permanent damage to my girl, I would finish what I had started back at the house and end him.
Eva’s parents were away for the holiday weekend as well, so they hadn’t arrived yet, but they were on their way, her mom texting and calling every few minutes for updates. Little did she know she was about to get the shock of her life.
Thankfully, Abby had disappeared again, not wanting to be around me until she knew the whole story, and that was fine. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with the barrage of questions that was sure to come. I didn’t have any of their fucking answers, and the one person who did was lying motionless on a slab.
That vision rocked me senseless, and my body jolted up to drag in a gulp of air, trying to calm my rickety nerves. How the hell was I supposed to do this? Without her? Without the whole story?
Then the answer rammed into me so hard, I don’t know how I didn’t think of it before. Awareness prickled the back of my head, my eyes widening just as Jace crossed the threshold with two cups of coffee. He looked worn, somewhere else as he set the cup beside me on a table without ever really noticing me. Or the new life in my eyes. Or the tic in my veins as I dragged my gaze to meet his.
Bringing his hand up to sip, he lingered with the cup hanging off his lip as he stared, finally noticing what was probably a crazy look on my face. “What’s with you?”
A firm swallow rode my throat as my eyes, which felt like they were completely unhinged, locked on his. “I need a favor.”
BEEP.
Drip.
I was surrounded by it. The cool temperature did nothing to brighten up the drab walls of Eva’s hospital room. The doctors had admitted her and were waiting for the results of her tests to come back. Thankfully none of them had protested my insistence on staying by her side. They agreed that it might help her wake up to feel me beside her. I was glad that they did because I was ready to go to battle if they gave me a hard time.
I was so su
re of what I needed to do when I’d sent Jace to get Eva’s journal. But now the feel of it in my hands was so dirty. The weight of devastation the pages held radiated from it, sending an immediate depression in a wave. It was no wonder she’d stayed trapped inside the binding of it for so long. How hard it must have been to dig out from it.
My hands shook, teetering on the brink of unclipping the heart-shaped brass clasp, knowing a wave of grief would spill out into me once I did.
It would be one thing if it were my own misery, but this was hers. I was finally going to take the last step, and I was going to do it without her. Though that broke my heart a little more, my girl needed my strength. She needed me to know it all when I finally looked into her eyes again. And the eyes of her family. I threaded my fingers with hers and brought the back of her hand to my lips, breathing through flared nostrils to contain the burn crippling my throat.
Then—
I closed my eyes and twisted the clip.
Eva 14 Years Old
I just threw up.
That should have been the biggest moment of my life, and I immediately ran to the bathroom and lost everything in my stomach.
Somehow, it kinda feels like I lost a little bit of me, too. Like I watched who I was flush down the toilet before I walked back into my bedroom a different girl than who had woken up under my purple comforter this morning. I want to feel okay, but I don’t. I want to be happy, but I’m not. I want to believe that was normal, but my skin feels itchy and crawly. I know he said everybody does this, that it was supposed to feel good, but my insides felt all slimy the whole time. Like I was constantly holding down vomit just to get through it. I wanted to peel off my own skin to get it out from under him. I only agreed to a kiss, but he took so much more, and now I’m scared . . . I’m scared I’ll never get it back.
I never want to do that again. Not with him or anybody else. I feel like I could throw up again every time I think about his hands on me. His . . . thing inside of me. And . . .
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