“Are you all right?” Gil asked her, snagging her gaze.
“Yeah…sure.” Kai was shocked Gil had felt her shift of emotions. His gaze was penetrating without being intrusive. She saw the concern, the care, burning in his eyes as he studied her. With a half shrug, Kai whispered, “I’m just remembering the past, is all…”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“WOULD YOU LIKE an ice pack?” Kai asked Gil. She came to his side in the now-empty living room. It was nearly ten o’clock.
He nodded, grateful she’d asked. “Hate to admit it, but yeah. I can get it.” He sat at one end of the couch, his leg resting on a stool that had a pillow on top of it.
She placed her hand on his shoulder momentarily. “No, you stay put. I noticed you looking a little stressed as the afternoon wore on. Are you in pain?”
Gil hungrily absorbed her fleeting touch, wanting more. The fact Kai had even done this for him was progress in his book. Since their talk in the ER, she’d stopped being frosty and retiring when he was around her. “A little,” he hedged. Moving his hand lightly over his dark blue gym pants because the fabric was far more forgiving than jean fabric, he admitted, “I guess I didn’t grasp the seriousness of my injury with the bull.”
Kai’s mouth curved. “Spoken like a true operator,” she teased. “I’ll be back in a moment.”
As she passed him, Gil inhaled her scent. His body tightened. Kai had been right: as the day had worn on, he’d become tired. Jordana had told him about post shock and trauma reaction. Gil had honestly thought nothing of the brush with the bull’s horn. It made him quell some of his restlessness, because there was no way he wanted anyone cutting into his leg.
The room was quiet. Miss Gus, Val, Griff and Sophie had left around seven. Daisy was with Sandy up in her bedroom, comfy, he supposed, in her box. Sandy had put an extra small towel in there for the pup to keep her warm at night. Tomorrow, Cass was taking her into town, to a pet store, so she could buy Daisy a nice dog bed, the kind that Zeke slept on.
Zeke was in the bedroom with Talon and Cat. Every night, Talon hauled the huge cedar-chip-filled dog bed in there. In the morning, he brought it out to the living room.
Gil heard Kai rooting around in the kitchen, heard the freezer door open, heard ice cubes being hauled out of the box and being placed into his big ice pack.
All evening, Kai had remained close to him, not across the living room, as before. There was still so much to discuss with her, to disarm the land mines still spread like a deadly carpet between them. Gil wished she could be in his arms tonight, in his bed, snuggled up against him. He wondered if Cass felt the same, dreaming of Sandy in his arms. Gil would bet money on it.
“Okay,” Kai said, coming to his side, “here’s two ibuprofen.”
When her hand touched his palm, Gil stilled his reaction. “Thanks.”
“And a glass of water.”
He could get used to this, the constant contact with Kai. Small things, but such important steps. She didn’t act as if it was stressful to help him. In fact, as she leaned over, her head near his, to hand him the glass, he inhaled her scent again, this time mingled with the subtle fragrance of oranges. Her hair gleamed burgundy and gold beneath the only lamp sitting next to the couch.
“And, last but not least,” she murmured, moving around the stool where his foot rested, “your ice pack.” She gently set it upon his thigh and arranged it so that it wouldn’t fall off.
“Thanks,” Gil told her. Noticing the smudges beneath her eyes, he said, “You’re wiped.”
Running her fingers through her short hair, Kai smiled a little. “Some. But it was a great day. What a wonderful surprise with Miss Gus bringing Sandy that little puppy. I just about cried.”
Gil tipped his head back, tossing the ibuprofen into his mouth and then slugging down the water. He placed the emptied glass on the stand next to his chair. “It was a thoughtful gift,” he agreed. He gestured to the nearby sofa. “Why don’t you sit a spell?” He wanted private time with Kai. Everyone else was in bed. He saw her hesitate fractionally and then she gracefully sat down, tucking one leg beneath her. Kai had taken the other corner of the couch, shifting her arm to it, head resting on her upraised hand.
“Does Miss Gus do this often?”
“What? Be Mrs. Santa Clause?” Gil smiled a little, absorbing her nearness. There was peacefulness in her expression, her eyes half-lidded and her gray eyes dark with exhaustion.
“She’s a generous woman, no question.”
“So are you,” Gil said quietly, holding her gaze, absorbing that soft half smile on her lips. “You helped everyone today.”
Shrugging, she said, “Just my nature. I’m like you. I don’t like to sit still too long.”
The silence strung between them.
“Tell me more about your growing-up years, Gil?”
Gil stirred and rolled his head to the right, holding her gray gaze. “Funny, isn’t it?”
“What?”
He lifted his hand off the chair arm. “Us. We’ve known each other for a long time but we never, really, got around to knowing much about one another personally.”
Nodding, Kai shifted. She regarded him through half-closed eyes. “When Sam came home with you, both of you grabbed beers out of the fridge and went off by yourselves. All I heard were your stories as operators.”
One corner of his mouth quirked. “Yeah, that’s true. But I wanted to know about you.”
“You could have asked.”
Shaking his head, he said, “No. It wouldn’t have been right. Sam might have gotten the wrong impression.”
Frowning, Kai said, “What? To ask me about my background?”
“Sam was damned jealous of anyone who looked at you twice, Kai.”
She frowned. “Well, he was protective, that’s true.”
“No, more like possessive.” Gil rearranged the ice pack on his leg, some of the throbbing pain drifting away. “I just didn’t want to rock the boat. Sam was my best friend, like a brother to me, but I also saw other things.”
“I guess I didn’t,” Kai admitted. “I mean, he was always protective of me, but I never saw him act that way with you. He really did trust you. And he was glad you could be there for me if I needed anything at Bagram when he was sent out on an op by himself.”
“He did trust me.” And he, of all people, should have not been trusted, because he’d been falling in love with Kai throughout the first year he’d met her. And it was a dead-end street for Gil. He roused himself, wanting to open up to her, and maybe it was a less mine-laden area by telling her about himself. “My dad was a rancher near Billings, Montana. He owned a large spread that had been handed down for a hundred years through our family. I was firstborn, so my dad, Wayne, made sure I got indoctrinated in running a ranch and being responsible for Rob, who was born two years after me. I drove my mother crazy because I was such a risk taker at a young age.”
Kai smiled faintly. “Little did she know you’d end up in one of the riskiest businesses of all—being a Delta Force operator.”
He snorted softly. “Yeah. Who knew?”
“Did you dream of being in the Army?”
“No, not really. My dad was grooming me to someday take over the ranch duties.” He held her sleepy gaze. “In some ways, our paths were alike, Kai. When I told my dad I wanted to join the Army at eighteen, he stripped gears. He got really angry and couldn’t understand my need to travel, to see other cultures, find out how other people lived.”
“At least he didn’t disown you,” she said sourly.
“No, he was pissed, but he always loved us,” Gil agreed. “And then, when I went in, Rob followed two years later, and my dad was blown away. He thought we were both irresponsible and he couldn’t understand we were young and just needed to do a little traveling and exploring. I craved adventure.” Gil shook his head.
“Did he hold it against you?”
“No. When I came home from boot camp, we cried together.
He forgave me and things were back to normal.”
Her brows lowered. “Your dad cried?”
“Yeah, it was the first and only time. He tried to be tough but fair on us boys, but he didn’t believe in lifting a hand against us. Kind of talked us into and out of things.”
“Far cry from my dad.”
Gil nodded, hearing the pain in her voice. He didn’t want to go there with Kai tonight. “My dad always made us boys think. He’d take a piece of equipment like a carburetor apart, and tell us to figure out how it went back together. If we asked a question, he made us research it the best we could. And if we still couldn’t find the answer, then he’d lead us on what we used to call a treasure hunt, dropping hints and suggestions. And in a way, he set us up to be damned good operators when we entered Delta Force.” His heart contracted with missing his father.
“It sounds like he was really involved with you. Invested. What is your mom like?”
“Her name is Linda. And she was a grade school teacher. She’s retired now, enjoying the big garden that her second husband built for her.”
“And when you went home? How was your mom doing?”
One of the many things he loved about Kai was her care of others, her concern genuine. “She was still coming out of the shock and grief.” Gil looked up at the ceiling and then over at Kai. “I realized that the ranch was going to start breaking down if I didn’t get out of the Army with a medical discharge and stay there and take over the reins of the place. She was still so devastated, in deep depression, that she wasn’t even paying the bills that were overdue.”
Kai whispered, “That had to be a tough decision.”
“It was,” Gil said. “I was planning on staying in for twenty and then getting out.” He cut her a slight smile. “I found out a long time ago that life never gives you what you want.”
She became pensive. “My dad was pretty good up until my mom died. Looking back on it now as an adult, it broke him. He just seemed to shrink inside himself. Steve and I both saw it and, of course, we were too young to understand what real love is and what happens when you lose the one you love.”
“Yeah,” Gil said quietly, searching her face. This was the Kai he knew for those five days. They had talked of so many things, although family had never came up at that time. “Love is a son of a bitch from what I can see.”
“Is that why you never married?” Kai said.
His gut tightened. Wanting to admit he loved her would be a disaster. Gil was relieved Kai was relaxed and talking to him, no longer defensive. “My dad once told me that when I met the woman who was right for me, I’d fall head over heels in love with her.”
“Your dad sure sounded a little bit like a romantic.”
Hitching a shoulder, he said, “He would never admit it. He idolized my mother, though. Rob and I grew up seeing two people very much in love. My dad used to kiss my mom in front of us. Sometimes, they’d dance around the kitchen, laughing and having a great time.”
Sighing, Kai whispered, “That was something I so looked forward to when you came home with Sam. You weren’t afraid to give me a hug. I always loved that about you, Gil. Sam was so…withdrawn. He didn’t understand humans needed to touch one another.”
The sadness in her tone ate at him. “Sam came out of a really bad home life. His father beat him, broke five bones in his body. He had it really tough, Kai.”
“I know,” she said, giving him a sad look. “I would be around you and wish that Sam would emulate you. He… I guess he just didn’t know that people needed to be held sometimes… He’d never been held, so how could he know other humans needed that?”
Gil moved uncomfortably. It shed new light on those five days with Kai, how much of a toucher she was. He loved it, absorbed it hungrily, needed it, needed her. “Sam was a good man, Kai. I know he tried his best to make you happy.” He saw her give him a soft look.
“He was. He wasn’t mean. He never lifted a hand or voice to me. But in other ways, he was like my dad after my mom died. He just seemed to shrink inside himself and was never able to reach out to anyone again. Not even to me. It hurt a lot.”
“You made him happy,” Gil said. “That, I know for a fact.” He saw Kai brighten a little.
“Really? He told you that?”
“Yeah, when we got drunk one night about a year before he was killed, he told me that. He didn’t usually talk about personal things or about you, but that night, he did. Sam said he’d never been happier than when he married you. He said it was the highlight of his life.” Gil saw Kai’s eyes grow moist, her lips part, his words, he hoped, healing to her. It looked like it, but he couldn’t be sure.
“I’m glad you told me that, Gil. There were so many times I felt I was living with a cold, robotic stranger. He…he just wasn’t very emotionally available. I mean, when I found out about his childhood, I didn’t take it so personally. I thought it was me before finding out, but now, I don’t think it was.”
Gil had to physically restrain himself from standing up, pulling Kai off the couch and into his arms. And kiss her until they melted into one another. Because that was what happened the last time. And he’d never forgotten it. “It wasn’t you,” he said gruffly. “Don’t you ever think that. You gave him so much love that he never got from that father of his. I saw many positive changes in Sam over the years and I knew it was because you were in his life.” His throat tightened, his voice going low with emotions. If he didn’t leave now, he was going to do something he’d be eternally sorry for. Slowly rising from the couch, he said, “I need to hit the sack.”
Kai nodded and stood. They were so close. She was aching inside, her lower body a hungry animal. Her heart bled for Sam, for herself. And then she felt her heart cleave open and she suddenly moved forward, sliding her arms around Gil’s neck, pushing up on her toes, her mouth barely touching his. “Thank you for telling me. I—I needed to hear that,” she whispered tremulously, feeling her breasts graze his chest, feeling her nipples tighten with memory. Her whole lower body flooded with heat and a hunger so acute, she wanted to moan. Her body remembered Gil, remembered his hands, his mouth.
Gil stood very still, shocked at Kai’s impulsiveness. Slowly, he raised his hands, framing her face, looking deeply into her drowsy gray eyes that glimmered with tears. Jesus, he was such a goner. Was this how Kai had looked after she’d realized he’d walked out on her? There was part devastation in her eyes and he sensed it was grief about Sam and herself. That she wasn’t able to ever reach inside of him, get him to trust her enough to let down those thick, hard walls he’d built up around himself in order to survive.
Everything stilled. His hearing honed in on the sound of her wispy breath; her lips parted, begging for him to kiss her. Gil felt the birdlike beat of her heart against his own. “Kai,” he growled, his whole body vibrating with need of her. “Is this what you really want?” He desperately searched her eyes.
“I…” She stumbled, holding his gaze. “I just want… I don’t know what I want, Gil. When I’m around you, I feel things… You make me feel good…”
Everything was so damned tentative. Gil saw the confusion, the arousal, the need for him in her eyes. Kai had never been a woman who was able to hide what she felt. He brushed his thumbs gently against the slopes of her cheeks, which were now flushed. Her arms were still around his neck and she didn’t back off. “Tell me what you want, Kai. I don’t want to hurt you. And I don’t want to go back to where we just came from.” His voice vibrated with feelings. His erection had sprung to life in seconds. Her belly was barely brushing his hips but she had to know. She had to know.
Their bodies swayed even closer toward one another and Gil lowered his head. Kai leaned upward, stretching, wanting to meet his descending mouth. His world anchored. It felt as if the earth were holding her breath as he lightly grazed her lips. A groan rose in him, her lips just as soft as he remembered. Kai smelled so good to him and he drank in her scent, getting drunk on it.
Gil didn’t want to barge in and crush her mouth against his. He was so damned unsure of what Kai really wanted. Maybe just to be held? Not kissed? Did she want to make love with him? He didn’t know and it was driving him off a cliff, his body screaming to plunge into her, take her, have her scream with pleasure as she orgasmed. Those torrid visions raced across his closed eyes as their moist, ragged breaths mingled, lips barely touching. Gil had to find out and he slid his mouth a little more surely against hers, waiting for a reaction. It came hesitantly and then he knew Kai wasn’t on solid ground with him. The urge to take her, sweep her into his arms, carry her to his bedroom, lay her out on her back and be on top of her, feeling her sigh, feeling her move her hips sinuously, teasing him, raced through him.
Their mouths clung together. Gil wanted to cherish her, worship the sweet mouth that opened shyly to him. Kai’s arm tightened again, drawing herself fully against him. Something old and hurting dissolved within his gut and he felt the tension bleed out of him. Kai was trembling. Every protective mechanism within Gil reacted.
He took her mouth a third time and invited her to respond. She did. And it rocked his world, the years of need springing wildly to life within him, making him tremble as her mouth slid hungrily against his. When that lush sound of pleasure caught in her throat, Gil almost lost it. Almost got slammed back into their time together.
Kai’s breath was hot and ragged. He could feel the roundedness of her belly pressing against his throbbing erection. They fit together so well. So easily. His mind was deteriorating. His heart was pounding. Her scent destroyed his thinking processes and flung open the doors to his lower body. Kai was warm, hungry and within his arms.
And if he didn’t stop…
The last thing Gil wanted to do was stop kissing Kai. He could feel the warmth and wetness of her mouth sliding wetly against his, opening him more. Knowing where it would lead, he had to stop or they’d be sorry. It was too soon. Too much. Stunned by her wantonness, triggered by it, voraciously wanting every cell of her absorbed into himself, Gil had felt Kai fully surrender over to him. She would come to bed with him. What then? There was so much more from the past to be straightened out between them.
Night Hawk Page 20