"Jess, I...I don’t know what to say."
The light seemed to go out of his eyes at her words. "I see," he murmured.
How could she refuse him? But how could she accept and live happily ever after, after witnessing so much horror? She was being torn apart. "Jess..."
"I misread you," he said too quickly. "You don’t have to say anything more. I understand. I never really expected a woman like you would want to--"
"Stop," she cried. "You didn’t misread the way I feel about you. What you misread was that I could think about marriage yet." Her gaze hardened. "Two men are still out there. I’ve got to find them. They killed my pa and Henry. They have to pay!"
"You’ve got other responsibilities now. The ranch. Chad."
"I love you, Jess McLowry, with all my heart, but my father and brother...I can’t abandon their memories, what they lived for."
"What about your own life, Gabe? What about us?"
"Don’t ask me to choose. Please don’t ask that of me."
He walked a few steps away. "One day, you will have to choose, Gabe, whether I ask you to do so or not. I’ll know by what you do. I won’t stand by and watch you destroy yourself. I’ll do what I can to protect you, but if you choose to go after them, I won’t be here when--or if--you return."
The thought of losing Jess was more than she could bear. "Please don’t do this to me, Jess. I don’t know what’s right anymore."
He spun toward her. "Say yes. That’s what right. Be my wife." He took her hand.
She looked at their joined hands. How could she deny him anything? How could she exist without him? "Yes. I will, Jess. I’ll marry you."
He shut his eyes, as if giving a silent prayer of thanks.
She put her hands on both sides of his face, and waited until he opened his eyes so that she could look at him, could look at the love he professed. It was there, all of it. She pressed her lips to his, wrapping her arms around him, molding herself against him.
He pulled her closer. As quickly as that, his touch, his kisses, turned her body to fire, and she pressed herself to him. All the days of missing him, of worry, and his profession of love filled her heart, and made her want him, ache for him, in a way she’d never known before.
He lifted his head and seemed to search her face, his own so open, so vulnerable, it tore at her to see it.
"I want to make love to you," he whispered.
Her breath caught. She nodded once, tentatively.
"Gabe?" he asked again.
The hesitation was gone. "Yes. Yes! Love me, Jess," she cried.
He pulled back the blankets on his bed, then stretched her out onto it and lay down beside her. He kissed her, over and over, whispering loving words as he let her get used to his hands, the feel of him, seeming to know even before she did when she wanted more from him.
His body was lean but muscular. His shoulders were broad, his stomach flat, his legs and arms long with corded strength. The scars that crisscrossed his back brought a pang to her heart that only made her love him more.
He made her feel like she was the most important and beautiful person in the world as he touched and kissed and caressed her until she wanted more and more, but of what, she didn’t know.
She’d heard that making love with a man was supposed to be painful, and Mrs. Beale had once confided that it was another chore women must bear, but she knew no torment so sweet, no chore so longed for.
Their eyes met and held, and the world seemed to stop. He lifted his head and looked down at her, marking that moment they became one. She felt the love between them as a tangible thing, something she could hold in her hand or put on her dresser to cherish, it was that real, that strong.
Then their lips met again as their bodies seemed to blend, his fire meeting hers, twining, dancing, until the world seemed to shatter.
He lay atop her, their bodies still joined, and her hands lightly caressed his shoulders. If it were possible for a heart to burst from being too full, hers surely would now. She squeezed her eyes tight, savoring the heavy feel of him, his scent, the taste of his kisses, the sound of his disjointed breathing as it slowly returned to its normal quiet. If she lived to be a hundred, she would never forget the beauty of this night, or of the love she felt.
Blue eyes gazed up at her then, his face showing all the concern he felt for her. "Did I hurt you?"
She smiled softly. "Not at all."
"Thank God you were such a tomboy," he whispered with a grin.
"What?"
"Nothing. Am I too heavy?" He lifted himself onto his elbows, but still remained melded within her.
"You're perfect," she replied, her hands around his back.
"We belong to each other, Gabe, heart and soul and body." He held her fiercely, protectively. "When we marry, we’ll declare, in the eyes of the law and everyone, what we’ve known to be true for a long, long time."
"Yes," she said softly. She felt a sudden chill, as if a hawk had flown overhead, blocking the sun.
"What is it?" he whispered.
"Nothing."
The lie hung like a specter between them.
He seemed to wait for her to say something. She had the feeling she’d somehow failed him when he withdrew from her. "Maybe you should go back to the house, now." He gave her a chaste kiss on the forehead. "You might not want Chad to know about you being out here tonight. He might get a notion to take a shotgun after us and then you’d have to marry me even sooner than we planned." His joke fell flat. He studied her eyes, but she looked away. "I’ll see to the stock," he said, then got up and dressed.
She wanted to stop him, to ask him to come back to the cot, to hold her again. Instead, she sat up and watched him walk away.
o0o
Over the next six weeks, Gabe tried to get used to the idea that she and Jess were going to marry. It wasn’t easy to do, though. That was the only reason she put off picking a date for the wedding--truly, the only reason. As Jess quietly went about rebuilding the ranch, she had tried to explain this to him. He didn’t seem to understand, and she found herself avoiding him more and more, while the looks he gave her grew increasingly dark and troubled. She told herself everything would work out just fine.
One afternoon, while she was mucking out the stables and Chad was brushing the horses--by tugging on the bridle to get their necks down, he could reach everywhere except the middle of their backs when sitting on his chair, Gabe heard horse hooves on the packed dirt outside.
She stepped from the stables to see a small figure stopped in front of the house, just looking at it, as if undecided whether to approach or not. She stared, unable to believe her eyes. Under a cowboy’s hat, long blond hair flowed. She called out, "Susan! Susan Flint! Over here!"
Susan turned, and was out of the saddle and running toward Gabe just as Gabe ran toward the girl. They hugged, and Gabe stepped back, holding Susan’s hands in hers. "Look at you! You’re so grown up!" Susan was a good six-inches taller than Gabe. Thin and angular, she had a natural elegance about her and a maturity beyond her years. Her blue eyes sparkled, and her cheeks were pink from the sun.
"It’s so good to see you, Gabe!" Susan cried, a big smile on her face.
"I can’t believe you’re here. Is everything all right at home?"
The smile disappeared. "Yes. Well, no. I’ve got to talk to you about it."
"Does your mother know you’ve come here?"
"I left her a note." Susan’s mouth tightened.
"Well, let’s go inside," Gabe said, taking her arm. "You must be hot and thirsty."
Just then, Susan stopped herself from being led toward the house, and stared past Gabe.
Gabe looked over her shoulder. Chad had wheeled himself out of the barn and was watching the two young women with curiosity. His black hair was clean and shiny and his sun-baked skin made him so dark he looked more Apache than anything. The planes of his face were still sharp, but he’d gained back some of the weight he’d lost, and his arms and
chest had grown strong from working as much as he could helping McLowry on the ranch.
Gabe looped Susan’s arm with hers and marched her to him. "I told you my brothers had been killed. That’s what I thought--but look! This is my brother, Chad." Gabe went to his side, and placed her hand protectively on his shoulder. "The doctors don’t know how he did it, but he’s here. Miracles do happen. Susan Flint, meet Chad Devere," Gabe said, then looking at her brother. "Chad, this is my friend, Susan."
"Hello," Susan said, taking off her hat. The sun glinted off her blonde strands as if they were gold. Chad’s dark eyes lifted to hers, but he said nothing. A quizzical look crossed her face, and then, ever so slowly, a smile spread across it. "I’ve never seen a miracle before." She offered a sleek, long-fingered hand to him.
He took her hand and held it.
He didn’t speak, and neither did Susan.
"Chad..." Gabe began, and their hands immediately dropped. She was going to explain to Susan why Chad didn’t say anything to her, but then, something told her that wouldn’t be wise. "Chad was tending the horses and I was mucking the stables. We’re both glad to take a break from that. Let’s go up to the house. I’m sure you’d like something to eat and I’ve got some fresh squeezed lemonade in the cooler."
"That sounds delicious," Susan said. They started along the path to the house. Chad gripped the wheels on his chair and rolled them forward. His hands were large and strong, his shoulder muscles bunched with each roll forward, then relaxed as he moved his hands back on the wheels. They bunched again with the next forward roll. "Would it be all right with you if I helped?" Susan asked.
His eyes widened in surprise and a hint of something else--embarrassment or anger--showed in them. But as he regarded her, his features eased and he nodded. "Good," she said, and took hold of the handles of the chair. He helped with the wheels whenever a rock or incline was reached.
"I half expected to find Mr. McLowry here with you," Susan said to Gabe, "not a brother. This is so wonderful."
"Jess is here, too. He’s out with the cattle today. We’re going to get married."
"You are? Congratulations! When will the wedding be?"
"I haven’t set a date yet. I’ve got so much to do to prepare."
Susan gave her a quizzical look, but by then they had reached the house and the topic was dropped.
Gabe made them all some lunch. As they ate, Susan filled Gabe in on what had happened over the past months since they’d last met. Her mother had met a man she planned to marry. Susan couldn’t help but resent him, and both the man and her mother knew it. He owned a copper mine near Globe, and he’d come to Dry Springs to check out the silver mine there. That was when he met the Widow Flint. He planned to take the family away from Dry Springs to his home up north, but Susan, they’d decided, should go back east to school. She was being sent to Boston, where the mother of her soon-to-be stepfather lived. The woman was arranging for Susan to enter a boarding school there.
Suddenly, the girl broke into tears. "What am I going to do, Gabe? I don’t want to leave Arizona. This is my home! What do I care about some fancy Eastern school! Nothing! How can I leave my brother and sister?"
Gabe glanced at Chad. She saw that he was taking in every one of Susan’s words, and that, although he seemed moved by her tears, the conversation wasn’t as disturbing to him as Gabe feared it might be.
"How long will you have to be in Boston?" Gabe asked, handing Susan a handkerchief.
"I’ll finish school in two years." She wiped her eyes. "I won’t come home until I’m eighteen! And then, it won’t be home. I don’t know anything about Globe, or copper, or any of that!"
Gabe grabbed her wrist. "My advice to you, Susan, is to go back East and get that education. It’s a wonderful thing that they’re giving you."
Susan stared at her in surprise.
"Once you have it, you can do anything you want. You can teach school, or work in a bank, or even for a newspaper--the world will be open to you. You wouldn’t have to go to Globe or any such place if you didn’t want to, because you would be able to support yourself."
Susan contemplated Gabe’s words.
"Don’t just think of the two years you’ll be away," Gabe urged. "Think of the independence you will achieve."
"Do you really think so?" Susan asked.
"You’re strong, Susan." Gabe proclaimed. "You can be whatever you want."
Susan’s gaze went from Gabe to Chad then back again. "Two years is a long time."
"Not when your whole life is ahead of you. When you come back, if you would like, you can come here to the ranch, and we’ll talk about what the next thing for you to do should be."
"Promise, Gabe?"
"Absolutely." Gabe smiled. "Now, Chad probably wants to go back to the stables. Maybe he’ll take you to visit Maggie? I’m sure she would like to say hello!"
Chad gaped at his sister, a scared, stricken look on his face. Undeterred, Gabe added, "And he can show you his horse, Thunder, as well."
"I would like that," Susan said.
Gabe pulled open the door for Chad to leave with Susan walking behind, pushing his wheel chair. He flashed her a look that said she was in big trouble for this--a look she’d seen many times as they were growing up. She didn’t cringe, though. Instead, she smiled. He hadn’t glared at her that way since coming come. In any event, she figured anyone who talked to horses could surely find a way to talk to a beautiful young girl.
The sun was starting to set before McLowry returned to the house. "Four dinner plates, Gabe?" he said as he walked in and took her in his arms.
"That’s right." She kissed him, then pulled back, a big grin on her face.
He touched her chin. "I like seeing you smile. What’s going on?"
"Come see."
She grabbed his hand and hurried him away from the house, toward the arroyo, then stopped. In the distance, Susan Flint sat on the ground, and in his chair, beside her, was Chad.
And the two were talking.
o0o
Gabe, Jess, Susan and Chad went into Jackson City for supplies the next day, and to send a telegram to Susan’s mother saying Susan was fine and she would return to Dry Springs in two weeks. A stagecoach would be passing through Jackson City headed toward Dry Springs at that time.
Susan got to see a little of what the town was all about, and meet some of Gabe and Chad’s friends. Chad even said hello, fine, thanks and good-bye to people, much to their amazement. It was surprising how many of them smiled as they looked from him to the girl, Susan, who never left his side.
A week later, after supper, McLowry was with Chad when Susan found Gabe alone in the kitchen. "Can I talk to you?" she asked.
"Of course." She put down her sewing, and pulled up a chair for Susan.
"Tell me about love, Gabe," Susan said. "I’m sixteen. People will say that’s too young to fall in love. Do you think so?"
"I was sixteen when I met Jess. I spent a little over an hour with him at a town dance, right there in Jackson City. But from that day on, I never forgot him. Not for one day. I thought I was in love with him. Only later, much later, I found out that what I had most folks would call puppy love, because I didn’t really know him.
"Those feelings I had for him, though, they grew into love. And now, I can’t imagine life without him. I feel like I just go through the motions when he’s not with me, and only come alive when he’s there."
"That’s how I feel with--" She snapped her mouth shut, staring at Gabe.
"With Chad?" Gabe asked.
Susan nodded, her cheeks red.
"I think it’s true that you have to know a person well before you can really love him. But the foundation for that love, well, it’s got to start somewhere. Sounds like you’ve got a good start."
"Yes, that might be," Susan said thoughtfully. "Do you think...do you think he’ll wait for me? Wait until I come home from school--wait until I’m old enough to tell him how I feel? He’s so handsome
, and I saw the girls in Jackson coming around, smiling at him."
"Wait for you? Susan--" Gabe shook her head, momentarily at a loss for words. "Chad is my brother, and I love him dearly, but he’s in a wheel chair and he won’t be getting out of it. You say he’s handsome--but his legs, Susan, they’re horribly scarred and twisted from the accident. If you want him, you would have to deal with that, with all of it, and not turn away from him in disgust, not ever."
"I wouldn’t. I live in a mining town, remember? Men got hurt in those mines, horribly crushed and maimed. Sometimes... sometimes even children." She shut her eyes, remembering some unnamed horror.
"Life with him would be very hard," Gabe continued relentlessly. "For both of you. I don’t know that you want to ask such of thing of him, or of yourself."
Susan lifted eyes to Gabe that were mature beyond her years. "Yes, Gabe, I do. You once said I’m not like most other girls, that I’m stronger. Chad will need someone strong. He’ll need me, and maybe, someday, he’ll come to love me. I’ll go to that school in Boston, and when I come home, I’ll find him. I only pray that he’ll wait."
Gabe regarded the girl a long moment. She knew the two had been practically inseparable these few days. Whenever her eyes caught Chad’s shiny black hair in the distance, close by would be Susan’s blond strands. She nodded, and her words were quiet and from the heart. "I think, if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll wait."
One week later, Gabe found that Susan must have convinced her brother of her feelings for him. When it was time for Susan to ride into town to catch the stage home, Gabe saw her stop to look at Chad with tears in her eyes, and he looked as if he could scarcely hold back his own.
Dance With A Gunfighter Page 25