“For the few of you who don’t know me, I’m Lisa Knapp. The program says I’m the maid of honor, but only because Joey wouldn’t let me list myself as the maid of ill repute. She should’ve known better than to entrust me with an honorary role. Honestly, though, you’d think she’d know better than to give me a live microphone by now too.”
A few people chuckled, and she settled in. “You see, I’ve known Joey since we were seven years old. Any illusion of either one of us being maidenly or altogether honorable went out the window in high school.”
A group of their hockey buddies at a table in the back offered up a few catcalls.
“No, I kid, I kid. Not about the maiden part. That ship really did sail many years ago, but the honor part didn’t dissolve completely until two years ago. You see my friend here”—she looked over at Joey, glowing and dapper in her classic black tux and tie—“Joey knows better than anyone that I’m not above a little dishonorable behavior, because she wouldn’t even be here tonight if not for my willingness to bend the rules.”
“And thank you for that,” Joey said, reaching for the mic, but Lisa quickly stepped farther away.
“Oh no, you don’t. I’ve been here for every moment of your and Elaine’s relationship, but these fine people came to the party a little later. They never got to hear all the horny details of how you pined over Elaine from afar. They’re all here to celebrate you two. Don’t they deserve to hear the whole story?”
She had the audience wrapped around her little finger, and they applauded their encouragement.
“See? The people want to hear the fairy tale, and I give the people what they want. It’s my job to tell them in excruciating detail how you fell ass-over-teakettle for your beautiful bride before you ever knew her name.” She grinned wickedly and turned her attention back toward the audience. “Really folks, for like a month Joey and I simply referred to Elaine as Her Royal Hotness.”
Joey put her hands over her face, but Elaine in her usual way only smiled graciously and lifted her champagne flute.
“She couldn’t even figure out a way to talk to her,” she continued. “A lesser friend would’ve left it alone. A lesser friend would’ve heeded Joey’s warnings and rules about not cyberstalking prospective dates, or no hacking into her bank accounts, but I am not a lesser friend.”
“So what did you do?” someone finally called out.
“I did what any buddy would do,” Lisa said frankly, then paused for dramatic effect. “I called Elaine pretending to be Joey and made a life coach appointment for her!”
Several people in the audience laughed, others looked surprised or even skeptical, but Lisa had their rapt attention and she wasn’t about to give it up. “I’m not kidding. I lied to a life coach to help my best friend score a date. I mean, what could’ve possibly gone wrong with that plan?”
She waited for the laughter to subside before going on.
“Sure, they both threw around words like”—she lifted her fingers to make air quotes as best she could while still holding the mic—“ethical and professional obligations and moral responsibility, but all I heard was blah-blah-blah, because folks, these two women belong together, and while it took them an entire romance novel’s worth of drama to figure that out, I knew it instantly. And we’re all here tonight to celebrate the fact they have finally added the blessing of the great state of New York to the already long line of people who’ve been witness to their combined awesomeness.”
Everyone clinked their silverware against their glasses and whistled until Joey and Elaine obliged them by giving each other a little kiss. She wasn’t sure which one of them blushed more from the attention, yet another sign they were perfectly matched.
“Elaine and Joey,” Lisa said, bringing the crowd’s attention back to a place where everyone felt more comfortable, on her, “you’re perfect for each other. I knew it from the moment I saw you two together, and while I may not have an abundance of honor on my own, I have been truly honored to play the role of comic relief to the epic romance you’ve shared. I wish you love, light, and lots of laughter in the many years ahead.”
She lifted her glass. “To Elaine and Joey.”
Everyone in the room echoed the toast and drank before applauding. She took a little bow and smiled broadly in the warmth of their approval until Joey pulled her into a hug, complete with several hard back pats.
“Thanks, Lisa.”
“It was my pleasure, and let’s be honest, I nailed it.”
Joey laughed. “You did. I have to admit, I was prepared for worse.”
“I’d be happy to give an encore and tell everyone about that one time I walked in on you and Elaine—”
“Nope.” Joey snatched the mic. “Not necessary.”
“Really? I’d be happy to—”
“Thank you.” Elaine stepped into Joey’s place as soon as she spun away with the mic. She wrapped Lisa in a warm embrace, the kind a person couldn’t help but sink into. “For everything.”
She tried to shrug, but Elaine gave her a tight squeeze. “I mean it. What you did here tonight wasn’t a little thing.”
“She’s family, and now you are too. It was my pleasure, really.”
“I believe you, or I wouldn’t have let you do it.” Elaine stepped back but kept her hands clasped firmly on Lisa’s shoulders, her blue eyes intensely focused on her as if searching for something deep inside. Whenever she did that, Lisa realized again how Joey fell so hard, so fast. “Now that the main event is over, how do you feel about the transitions ahead?”
Lisa forced a smile and shook her head. Emotional conversations weren’t her thing. Perhaps that’s why she’d warmed to every aspect of Elaine’s personality except her life-coach voice. She was glad that sort of thing worked for Joey, and she’d come to respect that Elaine’s work helped a lot of people, but she had no intention of taking a turn on the couch anytime soon. She’d developed a well-honed ability to get out of anything resembling a coaching situation as quickly as possible. “I feel like I could use a beer. Can I get you anything?”
Elaine’s smile didn’t reach those killer eyes, but she released her anyway. “No, we’ve still got plenty of champagne to get through.”
“The bubbly’s a bit too sweet for me. I need a Labatt’s.”
Lisa hopped off the low riser their table sat atop and wove her way to the back of the room, accepting compliments on her speech along the way. She slapped high fives to some hockey friends as she passed their table, but didn’t slow down. Her official duties were over for the weekend, and she looked forward to the crisp sound of a bottle top being popped. She made eye contact with the bartender when she was still several strides away and smiled, but before she closed the distance, another woman stepped up to order.
She tamped down a hint of annoyance and tried not to make eye contact with anyone else while she waited for the woman to finish drilling the poor Buff State student about his preference for the pinot noir or the cabernet. The kid wrinkled his nose and said, “I’m sorry, I just work here. I don’t know anything about the wines.”
“I generally do, but I’m not familiar with any of these brands. I like that they’re local though. That’s a nice touch.”
The guy shrugged, but Lisa smiled at her shoes. The local wines had been a nice touch if she did say so herself, even if most of this crowd would go for the beer or the bubbly.
“Do you know if the pinot is young or aged?”
“I’m sorry,” the bartender repeated. “I can look at the bottle if you want.”
“Oh, for crying out loud,” Lisa mumbled. Even if her official responsibilities had been filled, apparently she’d have to take on a couple of unofficial ones if she ever wanted to get a drink around here. “The cab is full-bodied with hints of black cherry and oak. The pinot is a 2008 award winner with an undercurrent of wild berries.”
The woman turned and smiled, causing all Lisa’s frustration to melt as tendrils of memory got lost in the deep pools of
her beautiful brown eyes. “Would you say the pinot is full-bodied?”
“I could say that. I think the winemaker calls it succulent.”
“Succulent,” the woman repeated, and Lisa couldn’t drag her eyes off her full lips. “That does sound like something a winemaker would say to make a sale.”
“And did the pitch work?” Lisa asked.
“I think it did,” she said before turning back toward the bar. “I’ll take a glass of the pinot noir.”
“Yes ma’am.” The bartender grabbed the bottle and poured with about as much grace as one could expect from a college-age male.
“Thank you for your help,” the woman said, extending her hand to Lisa. “I’m Marty.”
“Marty,” she repeated the name. It didn’t seem to suit the woman. She looked classy in her little black dress and translucent gray wrap. Marty sounded playful, not elegant like the subtle curve of her neck or the upsweep of her long dark hair against her olive skin.
“It’s nice to meet you, Marty. I’m Lisa.”
“Yes. Lisa, the maid of ill repute. I caught that. You’re dishonest, meddling, and a little loose in your morals.”
The temperature in her cheeks rose drastically. She’d thought that speech would help her chances with the ladies tonight, but apparently she’d left a few things open to interpretation. So much for putting her best foot forward. “That’s me.”
“Apparently, you’re also a very good friend.” Marty paused to sip the glass of wine the bartender passed her way. She closed her eyes and inhaled through her nose before finishing. “And you’re also quite the wine connoisseur. What else did you leave out of your speech?”
“You mean aside from being devilishly good looking?”
“Obviously.”
“I’m also shockingly athletic and embarrassingly rich.”
“And modest, don’t forget modest,” Marty added.
“Well, I didn’t see the need to pile on everything at once. I thought I might let you figure that one out for yourself.”
“And I did. My powers of observation are quite keen. Occupational hazard.”
Lisa scanned the woman up and down once more. She was undoubtedly beautiful from the tips of her high heels all the way up to the almond-shaped eyes that had first caught her attention. She also seemed vaguely familiar, but surely she’d remember if they’d met. Gorgeous, funny, quick-witted women didn’t exactly cross her path on a regular basis. “I’m sorry, what occupation is that?”
“I thought you knew,” Marty said lightly. “I’m Elaine’s life coach.”
Lisa’s mouth opened, but no words came out, so she closed it again. Then she took a swig of her beer and felt it go down in one hard swallow. Elaine’s life coach. The life coach’s life coach. Did that make her like the grand pooh-bah of the touchy-feely society?
“Lisa?” Marty finally asked. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” she finally managed, “everything’s great. As expected, actually.”
Marty raised her eyebrow.
Of course she’d meet the first woman who’d sparked a genuine interest in her in a long time, and the first woman who seemed at least mildly interested in return in even longer, only to find out she was the epitome of off-limits and incompatible. How did someone tell a beautiful woman her job made her undesirable on the personal, professional, and emotional levels simultaneously?
“Ladies and gentlemen.” The DJ interrupted her thoughts. “The floor is open for business, and instead of going the first dance alone, the happy couple has asked that their families join them for the first song.”
“Of course they did,” Lisa muttered.
“Neither of them are big on being the center of attention, are they?” Marty asked.
“No, but I guess you already knew that, didn’t you?”
Marty smiled over the rim of her wineglass.
“You probably know a lot about a lot of relationships in this room, don’t you?”
“I can’t talk about any conversations I’ve had within the confidentiality of the coaching relationship.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“I think you were summoned to the dance floor,” Marty said gently.
“The DJ said family.”
Marty didn’t reply. She just waited, her deep brown eyes never leaving Lisa’s.
“Joey and I aren’t technically related.”
Marty nodded wordlessly, and Lisa twisted in the silence. She took another heavy swig of her beer and turned toward the dance floor as a slow song started to play. Instead of dancing, Joey and Elaine seemed to be searching the crowd, and she didn’t even try to pretend she didn’t know who they were looking for. She sighed heavily.
“I told Elaine just a few minutes ago that Joey was my family, and now she was too.”
“And?”
“And…” She drew out the word before forcing a smile and turning back to Marty. “Would you like to dance with me?”
*
Lisa clearly had no formal training as a dancer, but she moved smoothly enough in a slow deliberate circle, one hand holding loosely to Marty’s and the other resting lightly on her hip. If only she’d stop watching her own feet, Marty might actually be able to enjoy the closeness of their bodies.
Lisa was not an unattractive woman, with her dark hair and hazel eyes behind a trendy pair of Rachel Maddow-style glasses. Her body was lanky and fit, her smile mischievous, and she’d showcased more than a hint of wittiness before she’d realized who Marty was. For some reason that changed everything about the tone of their interaction. Marty watched the connection roll over Lisa’s features like a cloud would cover the sun. Her whole open demeanor faded quickly from confident to closed off. Given what she knew about Lisa, and what she’d given away in her speech, the reaction wasn’t unexpected, but she found the shift disappointing.
“I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you at first,” Lisa finally said, as though she were pondering the same topic.
“It’s all right. We’ve never met, and I didn’t make any grand speeches to introduce myself.”
“Yeah, but I’ve heard your name before. Elaine was really excited you were coming to the wedding. I know she mentioned it, but I”—her face flushed—“I sort of glaze over when she talks about life-coaching stuff.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not that I don’t like life coaches. Obviously, I love Elaine and Joey’s back to being Joey and that’s great.”
She wondered what internal sins Lisa was trying to apologize for.
“It’s just not my thing, is all.”
“Did I give you the impression I was here to fortify my client base?”
“No,” Lisa answered quickly. “I just, I’m…”
“Nervous for no apparent reason?”
She laughed. “Maybe.”
“I have to admit I enjoyed your company more before you knew I was Elaine’s coach.”
“Me too.”
“Then how about this? I’m here tonight because I’m also Elaine’s friend. We work together, but more importantly we like each other. I’m happy to see her happy. Does that sound closer to your comfort level?”
Lisa’s brow furrowed, then smoothed. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Fine?”
“Sure. You’re a friend and colleague of the bride.”
“And you’re a long-time friend of the…other bride? The groom? The slightly butcher of the two spouses?” Marty tried in vain to find an accurate term that didn’t sound absurd.
“I’ve been having that problem for months,” Lisa admitted with a laugh. “Elaine’s definitely the bride, right?”
Marty cast another quick glance at her friend, who looked stunning as usual in a classic cream-colored V-neck dress that stopped just short of sweeping the floor as she moved. “She is.”
“But Joey,” Lisa said, turning them so she could get a better view, “looks like something out of the Men’s WearHouse catalog for prom rentals.”<
br />
“Yes, classic, but not manly. Softer, younger. I like her short-cut jacket.”
“Yeah, since she’s short, I suggested that one might make her legs look longer.”
“So in addition to a wine connoisseur, you’re also her fashion-forward friend?”
“Not really. I just have more experience with tuxes.”
“Because you’re embarrassingly rich?”
“That’s definitely the main reason, yes,” Lisa said with mock seriousness, some of her early bravado resurfacing now that they were on more comfortable topics. “But also, I wore them a lot in college.”
“Really? I seem to remember wearing pajamas and sweatpants a lot in college. Where did you go to school?”
“MIT.”
“You’re quite the slacker, aren’t you?”
“Pretty much. I’m the underachiever in my family.” Lisa’s smile seemed tighter, more strained for a second. “But I did an internship for an investment group. They had black-tie events.”
“As investment bankers are wont to do?”
“Something like that. I wasn’t ever really part of the fast crowd.”
“I’m surprised they invited the lowly interns to formal events.”
“They didn’t usually. I was special.”
Marty smiled. She had no doubt of that, but she wanted to hear more. “What made you special?”
“My good looks and abundant charm,” Lisa offered quickly enough to make her wonder how many times she’d dodged that question.
“It really is a formidable combination.”
“What is?” Elaine asked as they danced closer.
Lisa seemed startled slightly at the interjection, and Marty felt her fingers tightening briefly on the curve of her hip. The increased pressure was not unpleasant.
“Lisa’s looks and charm,” Marty replied.
“Really?” Elaine asked. “I suppose you’re right about that.”
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