by Karen Anders
The black monster moved and his shadow enveloped Corey as the sun was blotted from the sky and an unnatural darkness covered everything.
She stood beyond the shadow in blazing white, her fiery hair loose and blowing free around her face. She reached out to him but he couldn’t seem to move and then she, too, was swallowed by the blackness, fading slowly until finally disappearing as if she had never existed.
Pain ripped into his side like a white-hot brand, piercing his body. He gasped and cried out, falling into the dirt. Blood splashed darkly against the ground and he felt the life seeping out of him...
He jerked awake, half sitting up in bed. Jennifer sighed next to him. That small sound was oddly comforting. He slipped out of bed and stood at the window, trying to get control of his breathing. His body shook. The nightmare lingered in the shadowed corners of his mind, taunting and tormenting him. He braced his hands on either side of the window and leaned forward. Cold sweat slipped from his hairline, running down his cheeks like tears.
Would he ever be free of this damn unrelenting fear? His heart felt crushed. For the first time in his adult life, he knew what it was to be close to what he had yearned for as a child. He turned and looked down at the sleeping woman he’d been snuggled up to only moments before and he marveled at her courage.
She’d been hurt before by a husband who didn’t want her. He was sure her husband had abandoned both wife and daughter. It was inconceivable to him that someone would actually leave Jennifer.
“Corey?” Her eyes opened, her voice husky with sleep. Just the sound was enough to send his heart racing.
Her arms were around him before he could move away. Immediately her body jerked and she released a heartfelt sigh. “Oh, Corey,” she said softly, pressing harder into him. “Nightmare?”
He trembled and took another shuddering breath, squeezing his eyes tightly closed. He nodded once quickly.
“About the bull?” He nodded again, not willing to burden Jennifer with his past and the horror he lived with when he closed his eyes.
She dipped down and picked up the silk robe she’d been wearing when he brought her upstairs earlier. Gently, she grasped his arm and pulled him away from the window. With tenderness she wiped his face and dragged the cloth down his chest. The soft silk flowed over his nipples and his sex responded with immediate evident need.
She dropped the robe and cupped his straining manhood, molding her fingers over the swelling flesh.
He was a fool to let her seduce him into bed. He was falling fast. He was falling hard. He felt as if he were falling without any support. The nightmare had left him feeling alone and terrified. The demon attacked his unconscious mind, but Jennifer’s hands eased away the dread.
His body bucked with each stroke of her hand. He moaned with each touch, each gentle exploration. “Jennifer, I’m hurting.” His voice was raspy with the heightening pleasure of her touch and the fading panic.
He was hurting, all right, both from her touch and from the pain in his heart. He reached for protection and reminded himself he had one night. Well, if that was all he had he was damn well going to build enough memories to last a lifetime. He grasped her upper arms and eased her against the bedroom wall. He dipped his head and clamped his mouth over one nipple. She cried out from the ardent pull each time he suckled her nipple against the roof of his mouth.
His deep masculine moans were mingled with hers as he switched to her other breast. “Corey.” His name was only a whisper of sound, a wisp of breath, but he heard her.
He responded by crushing her against the wall, drawing her leg up his scarred hip. He probed her expertly, knowing just how much of him to insert into her to make her frantic for more. His body was tense with need, and slowly he slipped inside her.
Stardust gathered around them like glittering pieces of white fire as frantically they both moved in perfect harmony, reaching not for the bright, swirling bits, but for the very white-hot stars themselves, to then clasp the heat and invite it inside where it burned and broke into quivering fiery supernovas.
Minutes later he unbuckled his knees and picked her up in his arms, holding her tight and close. He moved to the bed, gently laying her down. He knelt on the floor and leaned against the bed. He knew if he got in bed with her, he would never want to get out.
“Corey, tell me about the nightmares.”
He had always believed that he would never be able to tell anyone his innermost feelings. He had always believed that he could never trust anyone or feel close to anyone. Never feel close enough to let someone touch him. Yet he had already told Jennifer more than he’d ever told anyone in his life. It gave him a warm, soft feeling inside, one he had never experienced before and suddenly leaving became much more difficult. He could see in her eyes that she genuinely wanted to know and he again lost the battle against his own inner will. The one that always told him never to tell because of the shame.
“The bull doesn’t gore me in the hip in my dreams. Sometimes it’s my groin, sometimes my chest, my stomach.” He swallowed the bile in his throat as he remembered other terror-filled nightmares where his battered body lay in the dusty ring and his father stood over him, laughing.
She reached for him and wrapped her arms around him. “There are people who can help you with this. I know...”
He jerked away. “No. No shrinks. I don’t need anyone telling me how I feel.” He pulled away and began to dress.
“Jennifer, the sun is beginning to rise. I should go before Ellie wakes. It wouldn’t do for her to find me in here with you.”
“You’re right.” Gently she touched his face, caressing his cheek with her questing fingers. Then abruptly she pulled her hand away and let him go.
He closed his eyes because no matter how much she tried to cover it up, he heard the slight tremor in her voice. He was so attuned to her he could hear her need, could feel it prickle where she’d touched him, sinking bone-deep into his body with aching clarity.
He wished this had been simple sex. It would have been so much easier. He jerked on his jeans and threw on his shirt, not even bothering to button it. He gathered up his boots and stopped briefly at the door. “Let me know when you’re ready to take me into town.”
Chapter 7
Jennifer forced back the surging pain in her heart. All the way to town she denied what she already knew to be true. She couldn’t love him. She just couldn’t. She’d only known him for three days. Then why did it hurt so much that he was leaving, she asked herself. Why?
Last night was a wonderful dream that had to end. She had to accept that.
“One ticket to—” She turned to Corey who stood with his saddlebags hanging over his shoulder. He looked strained and tired. She wondered if his head was hurting. Damn, why should she care? Why should she care for a man who had protected her, kissed her with so much emotion and need, touched her with such tenderness that it brought tears to her eyes? A man who looked as if he didn’t have a friend in the world.
“Where do you want to go?” she asked.
He shrugged and her chest ached with that little gesture. It said he had nowhere to go and that he didn’t care.
“What’s the end of the line?” Jennifer asked, turning back to the teller.
The woman glared at Corey and said in a waspish voice, “San Antonio, mister. You want to go?”
Jennifer saw Corey’s jaw clench as he struggled for control. “Yeah, that’s fine. As long as it’s far away from here.”
Her heart twisted with fresh pain and she turned away. Ellie stood next to her, solemnly waiting for her mother to buy the ticket. At Corey’s words, she saw Ellie flinch and swallow convulsively.
“San Antonio. One ticket, please,” Jennifer asked.
The woman quoted her the price and Jennifer paid for the ticket. She turned from the counter and walked the few paces to where Corey stood.
“I’ll send you the money for the ticket when I get where I’m going and get a job, okay?”
“Jennifer, I’m not going to argue with you about this again.”
“Then don’t. Just take it and go. You don’t owe me a thing.”
He was about to protest again, but she pleaded, “Please, Corey, let me do this. I owe you. This doesn’t even cover the cost of the motorcycle. Take it!”
“All right, Jennifer,” he said with resignation. His intention was to send her the money, anyway. She could do whatever she wanted with it.
He refused to look directly at her. It was too painful. She needed him. Her eyes spoke it in volumes. The need for a foreman, the need for him to stay, the need for him.
Apprehension was growing inside of him at the thought of leaving Jennifer and Ellie here with those vicious cowboys. There was the bargain with Jay, yet how could he trust the man? How could he leave her? God, what kind of a man was he?
A coward.
Maybe that was what he was running from. He didn’t like feeling this way. His whole world had been shattered. The goring, the deaths and for the first time he was feeling... what? Whole? As if for just a little while he was getting some of himself back. Or was he losing himself to her. Her and Ellie.
She reached up and lightly touched his cheek with the back of her hand. “You’re going to send me the money, anyway, aren’t you?”
He shrugged and looked away, her soft touch almost breaking him.
“Maybe,” she said, whisper soft, “you’ll deliver it in person.” Very deliberately she got up on tiptoe and kissed his mouth softly. He could taste her regret.
Then she was gone, brushing past him. Ellie turned around and smiled. He saw in her expression a child who knew about abandonment. He saw her cover up her pain and smile, once again to spare his feelings. It was as if the child recognized the lost little boy in him who didn’t know where to turn to or who to trust. The tears flooded his eyes and blurred the vision of her sweet smile.
Then she broke away from her mother and hugged him around the waist with tight affection. “Bye, Corey, and good luck. I’ll miss you.” Then she was gone out the door, clasping her mother’s hand.
Her gesture almost broke him in half. It almost sent him to his knees. But with years of hard control he fought that weakness and endured. As he did when he’d been a child. Happiness was always followed by pain. A sick feeling of apprehension stirred inside him as he watched them cross the street and go into the diner. And with the apprehension came the shame. He clenched his fist, crushing the ticket, and with a swift jab hit the wall. The pain of split knuckles barely registered.
He loved her. Loved them. But it didn’t change a damn thing. He was heartsick with the knowledge. Despair wrapped around him. To hell with it all, he silently screamed. He was leaving because he had no choice. All those years he’d avoided it, ducked it, hid and ran from it, but now, in a few short days, he’d succumbed to the delicious feel of family, home, a normal life. God, a sweet normal life.
Yet, the fear was always there. It was there now torturing him, tormenting him with the sureness of what would happen if he ever let himself take what he wanted. If the black rage lurked inside him, he didn’t want to discover it with Jennifer and make all his nightmares into reality. That fear, dark and terrifying, was what made him push the tears away—and let him turn his back on a woman who needed his help and a little girl who obviously worshiped the ground he walked on.
He went outside and sat down on the bench to wait for the bus, ignoring the ache in his heart and the clenching in his gut. The printed time on the ticket was ten forty-five and it was ten-forty now. He looked across the street and watched Jennifer and Ellie sit down in a booth near the window. Ellie waved, but Jennifer refused to look.
He was leaving.
He watched them for a while and felt the apprehension intensify. His body craved Jennifer’s touch as he watched her push Ellie’s hair out of her face. He wanted her hands on him. He tore his eyes away from them. The grief was a heavy pressure in his chest. He rocked forward, trying to ignore the force of his need to get up and cross the street. Where the hell was that damn bus!
He was leaving.
He closed his eyes to block them out, trying desperately to hold on to his composure. He was so close to breaking down right here in a bus terminal. So close to tears his throat ached with holding them back. Closing his eyes didn’t help. It intensified the feeling, bringing back the memory of her hands on him urging him faster. The feel of her spasming around him, crying out her release into his mouth. Those soft, hot, moist lips. Oh, Jennifer!
His breath caught with the agony of wanting.
He was leaving.
He knew he could help Ellie win competition after competition. He could train that mare and together the girl and that horse would make an unbeatable team. He would get such pleasure in watching her win. Watching her with that sweet determination on her young face. So fresh, so innocent, and he would fight hard to let her keep that innocence, that verve for life. He would if he had deserved the chance.
If it wasn’t for the violence he feared was hidden inside him.
He looked down the street and saw the bus making its way slowly toward him like a fat silver bug. He rose in anticipation of those doors opening. He saw himself climbing aboard, felt the soft cushion of the seat against his back....
He was leaving.
Jennifer didn’t hear the bell on the door ring. She didn’t even notice how quiet the diner had gotten. Her thoughts were in chaos. She had the urge to run out the door and beg Corey to stay. But that was foolish. He wouldn’t. He’d told her time and time again that he wouldn’t. It was for the better.
Then why did it hurt so bad? Why was it every time she closed her eyes she could feel his hands, see him flash that devilish teasing smile, smell the warm clean scent of him?
She had just decided to beg him to stay, when the bus pulled up and obscured him from view.
She rose in a panic, then turned and walked right into Jay Butler and his brothers.
“Where’s your pretty-boy half-breed? Don’t tell me it was wham-bam-thank-you-right-kindly-ma’am.”
“He ain’t so pretty now.” Emmett snickered.
Jennifer didn’t want to admit it, but the words stung. In the next instant she knew that wasn’t fair. Corey had warned her from the very beginning. He had never lied to her, never let her believe anything except that he was leaving. In fact, if she wanted to be completely honest, she’d thrown herself at him. She’d kissed his neck and said outrageous things to him for one purpose only. To get him into her bed. She would cherish their lovemaking for a very long time. She would not let Jay sully her precious memories.
“Jay, you must have him mixed up with yourself. I know what you’re after, and you’re not going to get it. So back off and leave me the hell alone.” Jennifer distastefully removed his hand from her arm as if it were a live snake.
“You started this the other night, you little bitch, and I’m going to finish it. You’re going to be my woman and my woman only.”
The bell rang on the door and Jay turned around, his lip curling into a sneer. Tucker Garrison stepped into the diner, his eyes narrowing on his father. “What a surprise, Dad, you bullying people again?”
Ellie felt that persistent little flutter in her heart when she looked at Tucker. Quiet and serious, the sixteen-year-old had been her friend for as long as she could remember. He didn’t smile often, but when he did it was all that more devastating in its rarity. It was only now that she seemed to be having a problem breathing whenever he was around. He kept his distance from all the other kids at school, but there had always been something about him that drew her.
“Jay, why don’t you leave her alone?” Tucker persisted, and Ellie got the impression that he was deliberately avoiding her eyes.
“Shut up, you little bastard, and don’t get in my way,” Jay snarled without taking his eyes off Jennifer. “So come on, Jennifer, give me what you owe me.”
“There�
��s only one thing larger than your overinflated ego,” she said. “The Goodyear Blimp. I have no interest in a relationship with you now or ever! Leave me alone! Ellie, let’s go.”
Jay grabbed Jennifer’s upper arms, his mean eyes narrowing in threatening malice. “You’re not going anywhere until I get the kiss you owe me.”
There were low murmurings in the diner, but no one intervened. No one wanted to draw Jay’s viciousness to them.
“Let go of my mom, you bully,” Ellie demanded, jumping out of her seat, her dark green eyes flashing.
“Ellie, go out and sit in the truck and wait for me.”.
“Yes, Mom,” Ellie said.
Ellie went to leave the booth, and Stuart, Jay’s youngest brother, blocked her way.
Ellie’s little chin lifted and her eyes narrowed. “You’re blocking my way, Mr. Butler. Would you kindly move?” There was steel in Ellie’s voice and Jennifer couldn’t keep the half smile from her lips. God, was she her mother’s child!
Stuart pulled on her braid and Ellie lifted her foot and stomped on his booted one. When he didn’t move, Ellie said, “Even a dumb animal knows to move when he’s prodded.”
Stuart stepped back in surprise. Ellie continued with acid sweetness, “Didn’t your mother ever teach you guys any manners?”
Tucker tried to muscle his uncle out of the way. “Leave her alone, Stuart. She’s just a kid.”
His voice was different, deeper, protective. Ellie had never heard him use that tone before. He’d always been so quiet, so polite.
Stuart raised his arm and backhanded Tucker across the mouth. Ellie gasped and gave Stuart a venomous look. “You mean bully,” she cried as she slipped out of the booth, squeezing by him.
Tucker lay on the floor cupping his face. She touched his shoulder gently and he flinched, but his eyes reached for hers. They were darker and deeper than she expected full of mystery and magic, and her young heart gave another little lurch. She pressed a napkin to his bleeding lip, and smiling softly, she said, “Are you okay?”