by Cube Kid
(I guess your plans can’t all be brilliant, eh, Max?)
Okay.
Run for now.
I climbed out of the hole and took off to the square.
Urkk ran, too—and let me tell you, I’d never really thought about just how fast a giant pigman can run, but believe me, it’s fast.
He had nearly caught up to me by the time I reached the square. I looked behind me, saw him sending out his chain . . .
. . . and dashed to the right just before it caught me.
The chain made a high-pitched whine as it cut through the air inches from my left ear. Urkk roared. His voice was so loud and deep.
“You quick one! Like big rabbit! Me love rabbit stew! Hur, hur, hur.”
I couldn’t run from him, so I had to hide.
If I can hide, and survive long enough, maybe someone will come over and help me out.
Actually, on that note, where is everyone else?! Preoccupied, I guess. There are still more iron golems, though.
Step 1: Dig a hole.
Step 2: Hide from Urkk.
Step 3: Wait until iron golems save me.
Impressed? Neither am I. Neither am I. But it was all I had. Yet . . . if I tried digging out in the open, the pigman would hook me, and that would be that.
I had to find cover. The closest thing was . . . the mushroom stew stand. Today was definitely not my day. It had a low roof, though, so I knew it would be hard for Urkk to see me. The huge pigman sent out his hook, and I dodged again. Then I dove into the stand.
A brown mushroom was growing on the grass floor. Still holding my shovel, I dug down into the grass.
From there, I could only see Urkk’s legs. The ground shook as the pigman took a step forward.
Then the second creeper caught up to him,
and Urkk grabbed it . . .
A second later, I heard a thud. Above me. And a hiss. Yes, Urkk had tossed the creeper onto the roof of the mushroom stew stand.
(Can these mobs get any more annoying?)
The scientific and technical term used to describe the roof would be splinters. Splinters everywhere. The smoke cleared, exposing Urkk’s huge face, staring down at me. He raised his huge fist back to send out his chained hook.
It was over. He was going to eat me. At least Max and Stump aren’t here to see this, I thought. I hope Breeze is okay . . .
Then something amazing happened . . .
Jello appeared.
He bounced over the counter of the mushroom stand and hopped up and down in front of me. The giant pigman scowled and shook with rage.
“Move!!”
Jello hopped again and made some weird noises.
He’s . . . protecting me?!
“I said scram, slime!! This one’s mine!!”
More hopping. More squeaking. Well, it was nice that my pet slime had come to my rescue, but even I knew there was nothing Jello could do except buy me some time.
Then the following words echoed in my mind:
“. . . height of five blocks . . .”
An idea began forming. There was a way to defeat Urkk. It was complicated, I realized, but maybe . . .
I looked at the oak planks scattered around me. At the brown mushroom growing on the ground. Then I glanced at the bone, the flint and steel, and the TNT in my inventory. Yes, piece by piece, I was formulating a ridiculous plan . . . I had no idea if it would work, honestly.
“Distract him, Jello! Okay?!”
“Squerk!” (Maybe that’s how slimes say "okay"?)
With shaking hands, I grabbed four oak planks and crafted a crafting table. Urkk kept yelling at my pet.
“Just a few more seconds, Jello!”
Squerk!! Squerk!!
Finally, I turned the bone into a few handfuls of bone meal. Of course, the whole time, Urkk was shouting.
“So you’ve sided with them?! Traitor!! Time to join your friend!!”
The pigman raised his weapon again.
“Jello!! Run!!”
I pushed the baby slime out of the way, then dove backward over the counter, away from Urkk.
There was a crackling sound as the hook drove into the oak wood between us. Another roar, followed by his footsteps.
Boom, boom.
He was standing on top of the mushroom stand’s front counter, now. He looked down at me, his face visible again, and licked his lips . . .
I ran away, knowing that hook would be coming for me. It cut through the air. A horrifying sound. Yet I turned around and let it hook me. . .
* * *
Ooof. Urkk pulled that chain with all his might. Even though it was just a special type of fishing rod, it dealt a huge amount of damage when it reeled me in. Still, I grasped the end and unhooked myself before his massive fist grabbed me.
I dropped to the ground, taking slight falling damage. But the brown mushroom now sat before me. More important, the mushroom sat under Urkk’s legs. As Urkk raised a foot to stomp me into villager stew, another arrow whistled through the air, striking Urkk in the face.
Breeze?
She’s alive!
The arrow didn’t do much to the pigman, but he put his foot down and looked up for a second. Another distraction. It bought just enough time for me to dump a handful of bone meal onto the mushroom. Green motes of light flew forth . . . and the mushroom instantly grew . . . . . . pushing Urkk up high into the air.
It was amazing.
The giant brown mushroom not only forced Urkk upward, but also somehow supported his weight. Up that high, with Urkk’s fear of heights, he must have felt like a skeleton surrounded by fifty dogs, or an enderman on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean . . .
You get the idea.
“You will pay for this!! Herobrine is coming!!”
I ignored his cries, grabbing all the TNT from my inventory. There was only one thing left to do.
Once I lit a TNT block, I grabbed Jello and ran. I guess Urkk was too scared to even try to do anything to me. He just cowered up there on top of the giant mushroom, as I sprinted to safety.
“You . . . little . . . runt!! Uwaaaag!!”
Cloudy, with a chance of mushroom-and-pigman stew . . .
A slight wind rustled the grass nearby. Experience orbs flowed through the sky. The wind calmed down. Urkk’s fishing rod had landed five blocks away. I petted Jello, wondering how he’d gotten out of his chest.
“Good boy.”
Squeak.
Only then did I feel the pain. My vision kept flashing bright red, and my life bar was flickering the same color. I had half a heart left. I slid down against the wall, my vision growing blurry, dim.
Within moments,
everything went black.
Don’t worry. Everything’s okay.
I didn’t get much recognition for dropping Urkk, since Breeze was the only one to witness it, but hey, how can I complain? I’m alive.
By the way, one of the first things I did after waking up was ask Breeze if I could see her record book. She actually showed me.
Turns out everyone at school was wrong. Breeze has been rank one almost the entire time. Which means Pebble is rank two, Emerald rank three, and so on. Whoever was rank three a couple of weeks ago is still a mystery.
My own level is getting up there.
I’m currently rank five. Breeze, Pebble, Emerald, and Max are ahead of me. If I slip up, maybe I won’t become a warrior after all. But at this rate, the mayor’s gonna have to let everyone become warriors, so maybe it doesn’t matter. No. It will matter. I’m sure of it.
Breeze and I went to get ice cream this afternoon, and she told me more about herself.
“When I saw everyone competing and showing off,” Breeze s
aid, “I knew I shouldn’t try to draw attention to myself. That way, I wouldn’t receive any harassment from someone like Pebble.”
“Why didn’t I think of that?” I paused. “Wait a second. Remember the archery range? Your shooting wasn’t too great then.”
“I wasn’t actually trying,” she said. “After the first five shots, you noticed, so I . . .”
Right. Anyway, I think there’s even more to this weird girl than she’s letting on—she’s obviously not ordinary—but she won’t tell me anything about her family, where she comes from, or anything like that.
“I’ve been following you because my dad asked me to,” she said. “My dad has been watching you. He thinks the village needs you.”
“Needs me? Why?”
She gazed at the endless blue sky, lost in thought.
“Maybe you’re not the best student, but my dad thinks you have great potential.”
“Really . . .?”
(I think this was the first compliment I’ve ever received in my life.)
“. . . and who’s your dad?” I asked.
“ . . .”
“Well?”
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
Hurrgg.
I really wonder who her father is . . . Someone told me he was some wealthy miner type or something like that, but who knows.
I also found out she had let Jello out. After Urkk knocked her away, she ran to my house and grabbed him. She thought that maybe he could talk to the pigman, since he’s a mob and all. It was worth a shot and bought me enough time to blow up the pigman.
Of course, I was wondering how she knew about Jello, since I’d never told her about him.
“It was Stump, wasn’t it?!”
“No, no. Um, I . . . saw you playing with him once. Through your bedroom window.”
As for the village, things are getting grim. This second mob attack has sent the mayor into a panic and prompted him to rigidly enforce the building codes, among other things. The village is becoming more and more gray . . . stone and iron everywhere . . .
And the guys in black robes harass us in school every day.
“Study harder! Run faster! What do you think the mobs are
doing?! They’re training sixteen hours a day!”
“Spies and traitors will be imprisoned without question.”
If you have reason to believe someone you know is providing the mobs with information, please contact . . .”
“We are searching your inventories and school chests for the safety of the village . . . “
“Anyone who goes outside after sunset will be detained for questioning . . .”
The last thing I have to add is . . . a lot of huge building projects are underway. Deadfall fields are to be dug outside—a huge project, considering how big the wall is. Then guards will be placed on the walls at night. In addition, a new tower will be built, an extremely tall one, to detect incoming attacks.
From here on out, we can’t have any more mobs breaking any more walls. The crazier the mobs get, the crazier our defenses will get. It’s that simple.
Herobrine can eat
a fermented potato.
YOU KNOW
the drill by now.
I had to stop somewhere! The story picks right up in book 3:
Cube Kid is the pen name of Erik Gunnar Taylor, a writer who has lived in Alaska his whole life. A big fan of video games—especially Minecraft—he discovered early that he also had a passion for writing fan fiction.
Cube Kid’s unofficial Minecraft fan fiction series, Diary of a Wimpy Villager, came out as e-books in 2015 and immediately met with great success in the Minecraft community. They were published in France by 404 éditions in paperback with illustrations by Saboten and now return in this same format to Cube Kid’s native country under the title Diary of an 8-Bit Warrior.
When not writing, Cube Kid likes to travel, putter with his car, devour fan fiction, and play his favorite video game.
This edition © 2016 by Andrews McMeel Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced
in any manner whatsoever without written permission expect in the case of reprints in the context of reviews.
Published in French under the title Journal d’un Noob (Super-Guerrier) Tome II © 2016 by 404 éditions, an imprint of Édi8, Paris, France
Text © 2015 by Cube Kid, Illustration © 2016 by Saboten
Minecraft is a Notch Development AB registered trademark. This book is a work of fiction and not an official Minecraft product, nor approved by or associated with Mojang. The other names, characters, places, and plots are either imagined by the author or used fictitiously.
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ISBN: 978-1-4494-8090-5
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