“Mommy, don’t leave me,” David howled and threw himself at my legs.
I disentangled him momentarily, and we half-walked, half-wrestled down the hallway. “I won’t be gone for long. Just a couple of hours and I’ll be right back.” He’d never had this kind of separation anxiety when I’d left him with my neighbor, Stacy.
“Take me with you.”
“I can’t, David. This is a grown-up party. You want Mommy to have fun with her grown-up friends, right?”
“No.” His face turned tomato-red, and he threw himself on the living room carpet. “No no no no no!”
Duffy poked her head out from the kitchen. “All set to go, Anna? Davey, darling, I have a very important job for you in the kitchen. See, I just made some chocolate pudding, and I really need someone to lick off the beaters and let me know if it’s any good.”
David stopped squirming on the floor and looked suspiciously from me to Duffy. It was clear he knew it was a trap but didn’t have the willpower to resist.
“Enjoy your pudding! And be good!” I called after him as he followed Duffy into the kitchen. “Thanks, Duffy! I won’t be out too late.”
I scowled at the rusty minivan parked in the driveway; it didn’t fit my image, but it was all I had. I figured I could park a block away so no one would know I drove a clunker.
The drive to Lawrenceville took less than ten minutes, and once again, it saddened and amazed me to think that this was a trip Duffy refused to make, which was the reason why Winston had done the grocery shopping for the past ten years. I forced this thought from my mind, switched off the radio, and listened to the rhythmic thumping of the tires against the road instead. Twilight pearlized the sky. Every mile I put between myself and my grandparents’ house allowed me to breathe a little easier. I felt like I was traveling into the past, when everything had seemed so shining and full of potential.
Lawrenceville boasted four times the population of Salsburg and therefore warranted a supermarket, a multiplex movie theater, a smattering of fast food restaurants, a couple of apartment complexes, and William Payne High School, the modest school I had attended my sophomore year. The slightly larger town had been and continued to be the hang-out place for bored teens who had cars, since Salsburg had so little to offer.
I didn’t have any trouble finding Carly’s condo. It was on the edge of town, which was quickly getting built-up. The condo was clearly new construction—a long building that alternated exteriors between red brick and gray siding to give the impression of separate townhouses—with brand new shoots of grass, baby shrubs, and freshly paved gleaming white sidewalks. It was the type of place Patrick would’ve written off as “soulless.” Parking a block away became a true necessity because there were so many cars crowded together on the street.
Their front door was ajar, so I let myself in. The interior smelled like new carpet and fresh paint and looked like one of those model apartments featured in upscale rental magazines. Gas fireplace. Faux granite countertops and matching tile floors. An oval coffee table with candles and various knickknacks artfully arranged on top of it. Even more disconcerting were the people. Young twenty-somethings like myself, yet dressed like forty-somethings at a family backyard barbecue. To say I was overdressed would be putting it mildly. But the worst thing of all was the stack of cards and presents on the wrought iron and glass table against one wall. Was this some kind of engagement or housewarming party?
Carly spotted me before I could slowly back out the front door.
“Anna! I’m so glad you could make it!” At least she was wearing a brown slip-dress and a chunky amber necklace, and had her wild hair tied back in a cute ponytail. She linked her arm through mine and walked me toward the kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink? Where’s your little guy? I thought you might bring him.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know kids were invited. And I didn’t realize that this was a special party to celebrate…?”
“Our engagement. Oh, please don’t worry about it. We had the ‘official’ dinner with our relatives to tell them the news last month, and we just thought we’d have some friends over so they could see our new place and kill two birds with one stone. It was supposed to be very low key.” She frowned at the cheese platter and shrimp ring on the buffet-style counter and spun to open the fridge. “I said no gifts necessary on the invite, but you can see a lot of them didn’t listen. So what can I get you? Beer, wine cooler, soda, lemonade?” She handed me a berry-flavored wine cooler before I could respond. “Try this one. You’ll love it. It reminds me of those fruity schnapps drinks we used to mix in Libby O’Mallon’s basement.”
“Yum, thanks.” I used a cutesy dishtowel hanging on the oven to twist my wine cooler top off with. “So when do I get to meet the sainted Sam?”
Carly grinned the self-satisfied grin of a woman head over heels in love. “I think he’s out back playing ladder ball, but I’ll bet they’ll be in soon. Let me introduce you to some other people first.”
Ladder ball? I felt like I’d wandered into my grandparents’ neighborhood block party by mistake. This was definitely not the boisterous, broken-up-by-cops-at-two-a.m. type of party that Carly had hosted in high school. But what had I expected? We were adults now, and apparently adults stood around talking about adjustable rate mortgages and nibbling on toothpick-skewered cheese cubes. Or perhaps they were just playacting at being grown-ups, self-consciously slipping into the role because it seemed like the thing to do now, much like I had after David’s birth. But I couldn’t imagine why anyone would deliberately choose to sacrifice their freedom and their coolness at the altar of adulthood so early. Damn, what I would have given right then for a naked swim in Long Lake—the water a chilly, black void below me, the stars above me so bright they stung my eyes. To feel sixteen again with my whole life spread before me.
Carly guided me through the crowd, introducing me to several people, some of whom I vaguely remembered from high school, but most of whom were new and equally uninteresting to me: Sam’s club baseball teammates and Carly’s friends from culinary school. Dull as they were, it seemed like every single one of them belonged to a couple. Grant and Heather. Amy and Tim. Drew and Chelsea. Carly left me with one such couple, so she could see to her other hostessing duties. They were deep in discussion, speculating if a guy named A.J. hadn’t made it to the party because of his bossy, controlling girlfriend.
I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and there confirmed that my hair and makeup were still ridiculously perfect. What a waste all my primping had been! I would have fit in better if I’d simply stayed in my grape juice-spattered tank top and wrinkled shorts; the last thing I wanted was to come across like I was trying too hard. I loosened a tendril from my chignon and let it fall in front of one eye. I practiced a nonchalant face in the mirror and resolved to seek out Sam to make his acquaintance before taking off.
The yard was a square slab of concrete with a grill and lawn chairs and a narrow channel of young grass that was blessedly dinosaur-free. Tiki torches to keep away mosquitos bordered the patio. It looked like the ladder ball game had ended, and now five guys were standing around drinking beer in the waning light.
“Sam?” I called out, and one of the guys, medium height and build, wearing a Brewers baseball cap, turned to face me. Actually, all the guys turned to face me, but he was the first one. “Hey, I’m Anna, Carly’s friend from high school. I need to take off soon, but I wanted to meet the guy that managed to tame her wild ways first.”
“Anna,” Sam said, and stepped forward to shake my hand. “Carly’s told me so much about you.”
“Uh-oh,” I said, playing with one of my dangly earrings. “Only half of it’s true, I promise.”
“Do you really have to leave already?” Sam asked. “The party’s just getting started.”
I could have pulled out the mommy card, but something stopped me. Probably the fact that with the exception of maybe Sam, no one else out here knew I was a mommy
. And Sam’s friends were staring at me with the kind of male appreciation I’d been hoping to inspire when I’d chosen my outfit earlier that night. Not to mention the fact that one of them, a tall guy with chiseled features and tousled blond hair, was sending me a come-hither signal with his gray, brooding eyes.
“I guess I can stay a little longer,” I said.
“Great. What are you drinking? Colin was just heading inside for some more beer.” He pointed to the tall blond, who shot me a devilish smile. I held up my berry wine cooler, and he nodded and disappeared inside. Sam pulled up a canvas chair for me.
“So how did you guys meet?” I asked. “I didn’t get to hear the story.”
Sam folded his hands across his slight paunch, clearly pleased to be asked that particular question. “Carly didn’t tell you? It was a little over a year ago. I was driving along 33 when I saw this little black poodle wandering around looking lost on the side of the road. I was worried he was going to try to cross and get hit, so I pulled over and tried to corral him. He had a collar on, so I knew he belonged to somebody, but he wouldn’t let me get close enough to see if there was an address or phone number on his tags. Another car pulled up, and it was this gorgeous girl, wanting to help. She was able to lure the poodle with some beef jerky she had in her car, and then we were able to call his owners and return him. Afterwards, we went to Ruby’s to celebrate. Even though I was incredibly late for work, I didn’t even bother calling in. She was that amazing.”
“Carly keeps beef jerky in her car?” I quipped, but my throat felt tight with emotion. Sam’s smile radiated some serious wattage when he talked about Carly, and I was happy for her—I truly was—but beneath that joy was a riptide of self-pity. Would I ever meet someone who grinned irrepressibly whenever he talked about me? Someone sweet and safe and uncomplicated? I wondered if it would be enough for me.
“I guess for just those kinds of occasions,” Sam said. “You never know when you might need some jerky.”
A cold drip of water landed on my bare leg, and I looked up to see Colin holding the wine cooler above me. The drip slid along my inner thigh toward my kneecap, and every inch of my skin tingled.
“Thanks,” I said, accepting the bottle.
Sam handed me a bottle opener. “Anna, this is Colin. We work together at the marina in Port Ambrose.”
“Oh?” I had no idea what a “marina worker” did, but I imagined Sam and Colin dressed in matching striped sailor shirts and high-waisted white pants, tying up expensive yachts in their slips, and then mopping the docks or something.
“Yeah.” Colin pulled up a chair next to me and sank into it. “Last week we had our annual sailboat race from Muskegon, Michigan, and now we’re organizing a fishing derby for next month.” He leaned forward. “What do you do, Anna?”
“I used to work for a group of dermatologists in Milwaukee,” I said. “Lakeview Dermatology. But I’m in between jobs right now.”
Colin’s storm-cloud-gray eyes gazed into mine as though saying, I knew you weren’t from around here. I knew you were far too special.
A few more people trickled out into the backyard, some of the Heathers and Chelseas and Tims I’d met earlier, but I hardly noticed them because Colin and I were now thoroughly immersed in a conversation about downtown Milwaukee’s restaurants and bars and lakefront. The tiki torches cast an exotic, sexy glow over the small backyard, and we could’ve been on a tropical island, instead of Lawrenceville, Wisconsin. Every time I finished my wine cooler, a new one magically appeared in such delicious flavors I felt like I was drinking Kool-Aid: strawberry, raspberry pomegranate, blueberry, peachy orange.
Colin was wearing a blue chambray shirt with the top three buttons undone, revealing tan, marina-worker-worthy pecs, and I couldn’t help wondering what he looked like without his shirt. Also maybe his pants. Despite the cool night breeze, I was really, really warm, so I pressed my wine cooler against my neck and cleavage.
“Gehring, man! So nice of you to finally show up!” a voice, maybe Sam’s, shouted. “I hope you didn’t bring any of that Pabst Blue Ribbon shit.”
Gehring? The name sounded familiar, but I didn’t know why. Probably because when it boiled right down to it, there were only about twenty different last names in the Salsburg area. When you walked through the cemetery, the tombstones were easily grouped into families. Gehring, Jennings, Eberhardt, Presswood…
“Now don’t you go hating on PBR,” a man, presumably Gehring, called back. “It’ll put hair on your wife-to-be’s chest.”
A round of loud guffaws. I turned in my chair to catch a glimpse of Gehring, but I didn’t recognize him at all. He was a short, slim guy with reddish spiked-up hair. But standing next to him, half-concealed in the shadows, was someone I did recognize. Black wavy hair, black scruffy beard, black T-shirt, black leather wrist cuff. Jamie Presswood. My ego was still slightly bruised from the way he’d given me the cold shoulder last week. Well, two could play at that game.
I set my bottle down in the mesh cup holder built into the arm of my chair and crossed my legs, returning my attention to Colin.
“…take you sailing sometime,” he was saying.
“I would love that,” I said loudly, toying with the tendril I’d freed earlier from my twisted bun. My back felt especially naked knowing that Jamie Presswood was right behind me, perhaps watching me. My shoulder blades burned. I reached across the short distance between Colin and me and touched his right hand, where he wore a silver and turquoise ring on his ring finger. “Does this mean something special?”
Colin held onto my hand and laughed. His fingers were long and elegant, and his touch was soft. “I could make something up, but really, I just thought it looked cool.”
“It does.” I giggled. “Look cool.”
“Glad you like it.” He gave my arm a gentle tug. “Hey. I’m headed inside for a bit. Want to come with me?”
I let him pull me into a standing position, rising to my full height in heels. I cast a backward glance at the yard to see if Jamie had noticed. He had. He, Sam, Gehring, and another guy were standing in a half-circle holding cans of beer. The other three guys were talking intently, but Jamie was squinting straight at me, as though my mere presence miffed him. Our eyes met, and something that felt too raw, too bitter, and much too intimate passed between us. I looked away carelessly, as though I didn’t even recognize him.
“Easy, Anna,” Colin said, and he put his palm on my lower back to guide me toward the house.
The condo was quieter and nearly empty. It seemed that most of the fuddy-duddies had left, and now the real party was taking place outside. Colin led me down a hallway, applying gentle pressure to my back, and into what I guessed was the second bedroom. He shut the door and swept me into his arms.
“God, you’re sexy,” he whispered and leaned in to kiss me.
I kissed him back, gripping his muscular shoulders, pulling him closer to me. His desire intoxicated me. It felt so good to be held, kissed, wanted. He slipped his hands under the back of my shirt, caressed my sides, and slid them around to the front to cup my bare breasts. He groaned and pushed me a few feet backwards, then stopped. I opened my eyes to see what had given him pause.
There was no bed. Moonlight spilled into the little bedroom, revealing that the walls were painted a pale yellow. Carly and Sam weren’t using their spare bedroom as a guest bedroom or an office. The only furniture in the room was a small dresser and bookcase. A child-sized dresser and bookcase.
Colin drenched my neck in kisses as he pressed me up against the wall. “Let’s go to my place.”
My eyes were still open. I looked at the empty wall where I knew they would put a crib and changing table one day, and overwhelming sadness washed over me. This was how it was supposed to be. The wedding, the home, the baby. The stability. God, how I envied Carly and her boring, ordinary life at that moment.
“No,” I said, stepping away from him and smoothing my shirt back into place. “I’m sorry. I n
eed to go home.”
Colin studied me with a confused expression. “Okay. I’ll drive you.”
“No.” I stumbled toward the door and opened it. Suddenly all I wanted to do was get the hell out of their condo. I thought I heard him swear under his breath, but I was already fleeing the room. I didn’t know what had happened to my purse. Had I left it somewhere outside or had Carly taken it from me when I arrived? I didn’t remember.
I poked my head in their bedroom and discovered a small pile of sweatshirts, jackets, and purses heaped on their bed. I found mine in the jumble.
Carly and a couple of her girlfriends were still in the living room, sipping glasses of wine. When I hurried by, Carly called something after me, but I didn’t slow down. “Thanks for inviting me,” I said in passing. “We should get together again soon.”
Without the light of the tiki torches, it was incredibly dark outside. Apparently the neighborhood was so new that the streetlights weren’t even functioning yet. I wrapped my arms around myself and took a deep breath. Soft footsteps rustled the grass and bushes only a few feet away from me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“Anna.” I thought maybe it was Colin with one more attempt at seducing me, but the voice was lower. Kinder somehow. Jamie appeared in front of me. “Please tell me that you’re not about to drive drunk.”
I bristled. “I’m not drunk.” Wine coolers were notoriously low in alcohol content, and I’d had only three. Four? Maybe five? I tucked my purse under my arm and tried to step past him, but he blocked my path.
“You’re not? Well, what else would explain you hanging all over a douchebag like Colin Bentley?” He grabbed my upper arm, and unlike Colin’s soft touch, Jamie’s hand was rough and calloused.
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