Alfred flushed a little, it was obvious that his employer had some suspicions about his relationship with Laura. “I am sorry too.” he responded gruffly, shaking the hand offered.
“I wish you all the very best,” Mr Frost said. “I shall let you know when we have charged Corless, don’t doubt that he will receive justice for what he has done. Gentlemen,” he finished with a bow and left the room.
*
Alfred had kept away from Frederica’s room. He could not bear to look at the child in the first few days after Laura had died, in case she reminded him of her mother. He did not think that his mind could cope with seeing Laura’s likeness without being able to reach her.
A wet nurse had been employed to feed the child, once her mother was no longer alive and between the maid, the wet nurse, Martha and Charlotte, the baby suffered no neglect.
The evening after Lord and Lady Halkyn had left Home Farm, Alfred restlessly walked the hallways of the house. He could not settle and did not know why. Time and again, he found himself outside the nursery, but unable to open the door and walk in.
As he stood once more on the threshold, he was startled when the young maid opened the door on him. She was as equally surprised. “Oh sir, I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting you,” she apologised moving out of Alfred’s way. “I’m just going to the kitchen, do you need me sir?”
“No,” Alfred responded. “I was about to visit the child.” he said, a little unsure of what to say.
“Oh good, I hope you don’t mind, but I have a few things I’d like to do, but I don’t like leaving her for too long. Would you be happy to stay until I returned? The wet nurse has left a list of things for me to arrange before she returns.” the young maid explained.
Alfred felt a little panicked about being asked to stay on his own in the room with a baby and some of his fear must have shown on his face as the maid smiled in reassurance. “Oh don’t worry sir, she’s a good little thing, doesn’t wake until she needs feeding, not a spot of bother at all.”
“Fine.” Alfred said gruffly and moved into the room.
The maid left the door a little ajar and Alfred was alone. He approached the cradle slowly, not wanting to be the cause of waking the baby after such praise from the maid.
The child was fast asleep, one hand scrunched into a fist near her face, as if she was in the process of shaking it at someone. Alfred smiled a little, just like her fiery mother then.
Her hair was dark, not red as he had expected, so he was not struck by Laura’s likeness. It still did not ease the tightness in his chest that increased as he continued to stand over her, his mind racing at the ‘what ifs’ that would now never be answered.
A sound at the door, disturbed him and he looked up, expecting to see the maid returning, but was surprised to see Martha coming quietly into the room. She smiled slightly at him and moved to the opposite side of the cradle.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Martha asked, knowing that this was the first time that Alfred had seen the child since Laura’s death.
“Yes.” he responded quietly.
“Alfred, I am so sorry that I couldn’t do more to save Laura.” Martha said, quiet enough not to wake the child, but Alfred heard the sob in her voice.
He looked at the woman who had become a friend over the weeks that they had lived together. “We are all sorry that we could not do more Martha.” he responded.
“She was so happy about having her own home.” Martha said, wiping her eyes.
“Yes, I know.” Alfred said. A home that he knew she wanted to share with him, he thought bitterly at his stupidity.
“She would have spoiled Frederica,” Martha smiled at the child. “She told me that having her was everything she had ever wanted.”
“I suppose it came of having no family of her own.” Alfred responded.
“That and who the father was.” Martha said tentatively. It was not her place to interfere, but she thought that she owed it to Laura to make sure that Alfred was under no doubt about his relationship with the baby. It was too important after everything that had happened.
Alfred glanced sharply at Martha. He wanted to walk out of the room, his heart was pounding so much, but he stayed rooted to the spot. “How do you know that she told you the truth?” He asked.
“Laura didn’t lie,” Martha said, in her quiet, but firm way. “She had no reason to. Frederica was the only child she ever had, you know.”
Alfred nodded his head. Laura had never said as much, but he knew from her behaviour that she had never had another child. If she had, he was sure that she would have found a way to keep it.
Martha flushed a little at what she was going to say, she was not used to being so bold, let alone so bold in front of a gentleman. “She once told me that there were ways that the women in her profession could prevent babies. I don’t know the details, but it must be true, or they would be constantly with child.”
“I suppose so.” Alfred responded, but he had winced at the thought of Laura with other men.
“The Baron had moved her into looking after the younger girls long before she made the decision to have the baby,” Martha continued, telling Alfred something that he already knew. “But when she had the opportunity of the one chance of being with the man she cared about, she took the opportunity that would give her the thing she wanted from the man she loved.”
“Martha, stop.” Alfred said, his voice cracking.
“You do know that Frederica is your child, don’t you?” Martha persisted.
“She shouted it at me once,” Alfred admitted, “but I didn’t believe her. Well that’s not exactly true,” Alfred acknowledged. “After she gave birth, she said that we would talk about it, but it is too late now.” he said.
“She told me,” Martha admitted. “Well, I guessed and she confirmed it. She said that she’d told you and you didn’t believe her, but please believe what she told you.” she insisted.
“What difference does it make now?” Alfred responded dejectedly.
“It makes a huge difference to Frederica,” Martha said. “Alfred, she is your child, there is no doubt that Laura was telling the truth. You need to accept that you are the father of this little girl and tell the world that she is yours. She needs to feel secure as she grows, believe me. I have seen the damage that can be done when a child feels as if the parent is disappointed in her.” Martha said, referring to the hurt that she had seen in her employer, Lady Dunham, due to the fact that her father had wanted a boy.
“She is more likely to be disappointed in me,” Alfred said. “I have no idea what to do with a child, Martha.”
Martha sensed the panic in his voice and reached over to squeeze his arm. “No parent knows what to do when it is their first child. You will have the support around you which you require, all you need to do is to love her and accept her, and the rest you will work out together.”
Martha reached over and scooped up the baby into her arms and walked around the cradle. Alfred looked alarmed, but did not pull away when she handed him the child. “Frederica, it’s time to meet your Papa.” Martha said softly, letting go of the baby when she was sure Alfred held her securely.
Alfred stood stiffly, almost afraid to breathe, as the child snuggled to get comfortable once more. He seemed to relax slightly when he rocked her gently and she settled into sleep once more.
“See, you are an expert already,” Martha reassured him. “I shall leave you two together, you have a lot of catching up to do.”
Alfred was left alone in the room once more, staring down at the bundle in his arms. He continued to rock her gently, afraid that if he stopped, she would wake once more. As he gained a little more confidence, his hand stroked the side of her face, feeling the softness and marvelling at her tiny hand.
“Hello Frederica, my little girl.” he said quietly, as the tears rolled unchecked down his face.
Chapter 22
Charles handed Martha the letter. He recognised the hand
writing of her brother and wanted to force her to open it in front of him, but she had learned from the last time, and saved the letter until she was alone. With everything that had been happening, Martha had not written as much as she normally did, since she did not want to burden Thomas with a letter that would make him worry about her, and he already had enough to deal with. So she waited until she was seated on her window seat in her bed chamber and read the letter.
Later Martha would reflect that it was a wise decision to read the letter away from Charles Anderton, for it would surely have convinced him that she was a selfish woman who he should avoid. Thomas had written that Susan was to be married. She had met a gentleman related to the family whom she was employed by, and he had asked her to marry him. Thomas wrote that the couple seemed very well suited and were very much in love, and that they wanted Martha to attend the wedding if possible.
Martha was delighted for her sister, she truly was, but she could not prevent the pang of envy that shot through her the first time she read the letter. Susan was to be married, she would leave the life of an employee behind her and no doubt soon have a family of her own, to have everything that Martha had hoped for. Martha was envious of the situation, not of her sister, who she loved dearly.
She looked out of the window and smiled slightly to herself. If she had truly wanted a marriage, she had received the proposal from Charles, she should have accepted it and be done. Charles, bless him! She had accused him of offering for her out of pity, and although she had ranted at him for doing so, it was a gallant gesture. She sighed, she had been foolish with Charles, her first impressions had been wrong and she had acted in a way that had probably cost her the only chance of happiness that she would ever have.
Martha stood and smoothed down her dress, there was no point in crying over what could have been. She had acted in a way which would keep her on the path she had chosen. That would not prevent her from trying to join her family, or enjoying her sister’s happiness. She left her room to seek out Charles.
He was working in the study as usual when Martha entered. She explained what the letter contained.
“I need to write to Lady Dunham, to ask if she can spare me for a little while longer. I don’t suppose there would be much of a problem, they seem settled in London.” Martha said.
“Yes, for the first time, they seem to be enjoying their visit,” Charles agreed, surprised that his employers had remained in London for so long when they usually avoided the place. “When is the wedding?”
“They are getting a special licence, so it is in less than a week,” Martha explained. “At least the journey from here to Cheshire won’t be too tedious.”
“Why don’t I accompany you?” Charles offered. He did not want Martha to travel alone, but it was for selfish reasons that he spoke up.
“What about finding a steward?” Martha asked understandably, as nothing had been achieved in replacing Mr Lawson.
“I have a solution to that,” Charles explained. “All I need to do is to speak to Alfred.”
“Alfred?” Martha asked, before realising the plan behind the words. “Oh, what an excellent idea.” she said with a beaming smile.
Charles’s chest squeezed with pleasure at being the cause of such a positive response from Martha, and smiled in return. “If Alfred agrees, we could set off in the morning, since there would be nothing further holding us here.”
Martha was a little torn, her family would wonder at her travelling with Charles, although if their visit was on the way back to Dunham House, it would not be considered all that unusual. She would like his company, if she was honest with herself, because his teasing manner would stop her from falling into the doldrums. Those were the reasons she told herself anyway. If there was any other motivation behind her feelings, she was not ready to acknowledge them.
“If Alfred agreed, we could stay for two days with my family, before returning to Dunham House,” she mused. “It would be nice to see everyone.”
“That’s settled then.” Charles agreed, moving from behind the desk. There was a lot to arrange before they left, starting with convincing Alfred of his plan.
*
Charles found Alfred in the nursery. It was the place he now spent more of his time. Having accepted that he was Frederica’s father, he was determined to be the best father he could, which started with learning all there was to know about caring for a child. Charles waited until Alfred gave the baby to the nurse and followed Charles out of the room.
“I wanted to put a proposal to you, which I think you would be interested in.” Charles explained as they descended the staircase.
“Go on.” Alfred said.
Charles did not continue until they were both in the study and he could close the door, it was not appropriate for the other staff to hear anything at this stage. “I would like to offer you the position of steward at Home Farm.” he explained.
“Steward?” Alfred said in surprise. “I don’t know the first thing about running an estate.”
“No, but Mr Lawson does,” Charles responded, amused at Alfred’s shocked expression. “I’ve already taken the liberty of speaking to him about my proposal. He is more than happy to spend the time that you need in order to learn the job. This is a small estate, so the pay is not high, but it does come with accommodation and food, and you can obviously live here with Frederica. Lady Dunham wants someone who will stay and care for the estate, you have already proved yourself to be able and loyal, and I don’t think you will have any trouble in learning the role.”
Alfred had sat down, leaning forward. He blew air through his teeth, as thoughts raced around his head. “I admit that I was worried about what job I would be able to take with a baby and no mother.” he acknowledged.
“The job is only part-time, when you know the ropes,” Charles explained. “The staff here are already caring for the baby, there is no reason why that needs to be altered. As she grows you will have more time to spend with her. The only difficulty I can see is the financial side.”
Alfred sat straight. “That isn’t too much of a concern. I have savings, and Lord Halkyn has provided for Frederica’s future, so that is not the worry it might have been. I do not need much to live on.”
“Well, it is settled then. I shall write to inform Lord and Lady Dunham.” Charles said, happy that his scheme had been so easily accepted.
“Do you not need references? After all, you may know me, but Lord Dunham does not.” Alfred said, everything moving a little fast for him.
“He is quick to assess someone, he would not have helped you already if he did not feel that you were worthy. That, along with my recommendation will be enough,” Charles assured him. “You will have a lot of hard work over the coming months, it won’t be easy initially, especially as Martha and I will be leaving tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Alfred asked, surprised for the second time in almost as many minutes. “That’s a little sudden isn’t it?”
“Yes, but Martha has been notified of a family event that she wishes to attend on the return journey to Dunham House. We have been gone for some time, longer than I think we all had anticipated when we started this journey.” Charles acknowledged.
“Yes, you have been very accommodating, I never expected so much when I approached Lord Dunham.” Alfred said humbly. He knew the Lord and his staff had gone above and beyond anything he had hoped for when he initially approached him. It had been an act of desperation on his part when needing to get Laura to safety.
“Laura did something that deserved help, it was unfair that it ended the way it did. At least this way, there is a small bit of satisfaction at the way events have turned out.” Charles said.
“Thank you on behalf of myself and my daughter.” Alfred responded with feeling.
*
Martha and Charles left early the following morning. Martha was eager to see her family, as it had been a few years since she had visited and she was keen for the journey to be over. She had b
een sad to leave Alfred and Frederica, but she knew that they had a life that was now secure.
She lay her head on the padded coach wall of the coach as it left Home Farm behind. “I feel many years older than when I arrived here.” she said with a sigh.
“Yes, it hasn’t been an easy time for you.” Charles responded.
“I think the appropriate response should be ‘you don’t look a day older, Martha’, rather than agreeing with me.” Martha could not resist teasing with a smile.
Charles laughed, “You know that I am useless at the flowery language that our betters use.”
“Thank goodness,” Martha said with feeling. “Some of the nonsense I heard spouted to Lady Dunham before she was married, made my toes curl with embarrassment that the gentleman uttering the words thought it was acceptable to voice such nonsense.”
Charles smiled, “My ever practical Martha,” he said with affection. “No inane flattery for you.”
Martha looked out of the window. She was not the type of woman that wanted false words, but once upon a time she had hoped to meet the man of her dreams, who would sweep her off her feet and look after her, cherish her and love her. How differently life turned out sometimes, and how foolish and naïve were those dreams.
She was roused from her thoughts by Charles, moving his hand and covering hers. “You are not the only one to feel older than when they first came,” Charles said quietly, his eyes looking seriously into Martha’s. “I still have nightmares about you being hurt, and if I should forget for a few moments, I only need to see your neck to be reminded of how close you were to being lost.”
Martha touched the scar on her neck which was disappearing, but had not yet completely vanished. She was a little unsure of what to say to Charles, so just squeezed his hand in return and smiled at him. The Charles she had used to argue with, was far easier to deal with than the Charles that made her insides burn and her mouth dry, robbing her of the use of her brain and ability to form words. That Charles was a far more difficult concept to deal with.
An Inconvenient Companion Page 16