I nearly bled out in front of thousands. This book is about sharing the rest of me, because I know there’s a reason why I’m still breathing. I have post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression and alcoholism. I still have meds to take and wounds to heal. I still have a long, rough ride, but I’m tightening my grip and holding on—because this life is a crazy game and I’m determined to win it.
The next morning, Joanie and I started out on the last leg of our trip home. As the truck rolled south towards the desert, through the mountains of Idaho, I thought about all the places I had been and dreamed of all the places I might still go. It was a beautiful, perfect day and the road was wide open. It stretched out in front of us, fading in the distance, reaching for an end I couldn’t see.
Acknowledgements
IT TOOK A GREAT DEAL OF LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM A LOT OF people for this book to get done. First, I’d like to thank my mother, Jean Ilene Jones, for being a constant support in my life through the good and bad. You are the strongest woman I know. I’d like to thank my three wonderful kids—Kelli, Jed and Dallyn—for bringing me so much joy, making me so proud, and giving me a reason to wake up every morning. To my siblings, Terry and Garth, thank you for being a support throughout my life. I’ll always look up to you. To my in-laws, John and Elenora Goodley—you have welcomed me into your family and stood by me through the hardest times. I’m eternally grateful for everything you’ve done for me.
This memoir wouldn’t have gotten off the ground if it weren’t for the efforts of my good friend Randy Sieminski, who spent hours recording our conversations when we first dreamed up the idea for a book. Those recordings were an essential backbone for this memoir. I can’t thank you enough. We finally got there.
Likewise, dozens of friends and teammates agreed to be interviewed, pulling the details of these stories together. I can’t thank all of you in this space, but I appreciate the time and care you put into making these stories as complete as possible. For their ongoing support in my life, I’d like to thank Chris Reichart, Mitch Korn, Gary Agnew, Barry Brennan, Steve Ludzik, Jordan Fenton, Dr. Brian Peck, Bob Strumm, Dean Kennedy and Coleman Robinson. I don’t think I would be alive if it weren’t for Rick Dudley. Rick, thank you for always answering the call.
As I continue to learn about my struggle with OCD, depression and PTSD, I need to thank Bill and Tina for helping me make sense of the debilitating diseases I’ve dealt with all my life. You were a light after years of darkness.
I’d like to thank HarperCollins Canada and Jim Gifford for believing in this book and guiding it to completion. It was always about so much more than hockey, and I thank you for recognizing that this was an important story to tell. Likewise, to my agent Rick Broadhead for his enthusiasm and support throughout this process. To my friend Dan Robson for all his support, patience and understanding when he knew this wasn’t easy for me. When I relapsed in the process of writing this book, Jim, Rick and Dan told me to just focus on getting the help I needed and not to worry about the manuscript. Just get better, they said. Thank you for that support.
Finally, to my beautiful wife, Joanie, who stood by me through it all. No man deserves the patience, love and grace you have shown me. There are no words strong enough to thank you for that. I love you, always.
I sat in my barn on a July afternoon going over the final edits of this book. I’ve done a lot of drinking in my barn, but this time it never crossed my mind. I went in the house and found Joanie in the kitchen. I started to cry. She asked, “What part?” I said, “All of it.” She gave me a hug. And that was it. I didn’t take a drink. Didn’t want to. And that’s something—that’s everything. Thank you for reading this book. And if you’re struggling, like they say in AA, “Do the next right thing.” And keep going.
—CM
www.malarchuk.com
[email protected]
I’d like to echo Clint’s gratitude to HarperCollins Canada for taking on this project with passion and enthusiasm from the start. My thanks to Jim Gifford for his encouragement and guidance as an editor and to Lloyd Davis for his thorough edits and helpful suggestions. Thanks to Noelle Zitzer for her edits and support, and to Patricia MacDonald for carefully proofing these pages.
I also thank Rick Broadhead for believing in this story and taking a chance on me.
My colleagues at Sportsnet magazine have been enormously supportive and patient throughout this process. My editors saw the value in this story when I first pitched it for our pages, and without them I would have never had a chance to be part of a project like this.
Thank you to Clint’s friends, former teammates and players who took the time to add their perspective to the story of this remarkable life. Your contributions were essential. And to my own friends and family for their endless support and for providing feedback throughout the process. To Jayme, as always—for keeping me going despite so many sleepless nights filled with bourbon and clementines.
Finally, to Clint and Joanie—for trusting me with the fragile details of your lives and for the honour of putting your story on these pages. Joanie, your strength and grace astound me. Clint, your heart is the toughest part of you. It’s the reason I know you’ll win this fight and inspire others along the way.
—DR
Photo Insert
My first haircut.
My first season as a goalie, with the Elmwood mite B team back in 1970. This picture was in the local paper. Notice my stylish sweater.
A team photo with my Elmwood mite A team. We practised and played outside most of the time. My dad was one of the coaches. He’s on the left.
My photo with the Ironco bantam AA in Edmonton in 1973. I’m second from the far right in the bottom row.
My older brother, Garth, gives me a baseball trophy. I always looked up to Garth. He was a father figure to me.
Holding a Cooper GM12 catcher, a Christmas gift from Garth. The best gift I ever received.
Making a save on Christmas morning while testing out our new hockey net. Look closely and you’ll see a string attaching the puck to the ceiling.
With Bobby Orr (left) and Mike Walton at hockey camp in Ontario. It was my first trip away from home, and I was terribly homesick the entire time.
One of the many masks my mother made over the years. It was fibreglass. Every mask I wore until the mid-eighties, even as a Nordique, was made by her.
Terry, Garth and me, sitting in front of our mantel of trophies. We went through a lot together. I was lucky to have older siblings like them.
My team photo with my midget AA team, the Canadian Athletic Club from Westgate. I’m third in from the left in the bottom row.
Before I made it to Portland, I played Tier II with the Fort Saskatchewan Traders when I was sixteen. We played about an hour outside of Edmonton. It was just Mom and I living together at the time.
Wearing my cowboy hat on my first day of training camp with the Portland Winterhawks.
Corralling the puck as a junior in Portland. I played two seasons with the Winterhawks. It was a great hockey city.
Making a sliding save with the Winterhawks.
Kicking out a save with the Winterhawks. I’m wearing one of the masks my mom made for me.
A team meeting with the Winterhawks during my first season in Portland.
Welcoming my beautiful daughter Kelli into the world.
Quebec City was a great place to play hockey. The Nordiques had passionate fans, and I got to play with stars like Michel Goulet, Peter Stastny and my partner in crime, Dale Hunter.
I was selected for the 1986–87 Rendez-Vous All-Star tournament, one of the highlights of my career.
I played only a couple of seasons with the Capitals, but I had a lot of fun. We had a great team with great chemistry, but we never had luck in the playoffs.
I was at the height of my career when I joined the Sabres in 1989. But in just a couple of weeks, everything would change.
The accident on March 22, 19
89. I was rushed off the ice through the doors behind me. If I had been at the other end of the rink, I might have died.
My return to the Buffalo Aud after the jugular accident. The crowd gave me a standing ovation during a stop in play. I was still weak from losing so much blood.
During a TV interview while I was playing in Vegas, I showed the reporter how to make a horse rear up. I landed safely in a crouch.
Up in lights at a Vegas casino, where I was signing autographs after I’d joined the Thunder.
Making a speech after my last game. I was proud to retire as a member of the Las Vegas Thunder.
Hanging out with Ace, who was given to me as a retirement gift by the Las Vegas Thunder.
Taking my place behind the bench as a head coach in Vegas after my playing days were done.
All suited up on the day I married Joanie, on our ranch in Nevada.
Joanie and me on our wedding day. We were married at Lake Tahoe in front of a small group of family and friends.
Stretching before an alumni game in Vegas.
Garth, Mom and me.
Taking care of a foal on our ranch in Nevada.
A day at Lake Tahoe with my three wonderful kids, Kelli, Dallyn and Jed.
Riding a mustang on our ranch.
A little kiss for a foal on our ranch. We’re always welcoming new additions.
A checkup with one of my clients, in my second profession as an equine dentist.
Joanie and me at the Calgary Stampede.
Chasing down a steer on our ranch in Nevada.
Christmas has always been a big event for us. Even Santa gets into the cowboy spirit.
Instructing U.S. Army troops on horsemanship. These soldiers were being deployed to Afghanistan to hunt for Bin Laden in the mountains on horseback.
Working with a new generation of goalies at High Altitude Goalie Camp in South Lake Tahoe, California.
About the Authors
CLINT MALARCHUK was a goaltender with the Quebec Nordiques, Washington Capitals and Buffalo Sabres. Originally from Grande Prairie, Alberta, he now lives on his ranch in Nevada.
DAN ROBSON is a senior writer at Sportsnet Magazine. He lives in Toronto.
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.
ADVANCE PRAISE FOR THE CRAZY GAME
“This is a tough book written by a tough survivor. It will help a lot of people. A must-read.”
DON CHERRY
“A powerful, brave and brutally honest look inside the game, but more importantly inside mental illness. Every hockey fan carries the nightmare memory of Clint Malarchuk bleeding on the ice. Here, with the help of Dan Robson, he speaks about the legacy of that injury, about wounds that were far more than skin deep. It’s a haunting book that tells a story still being written.”
STEPHEN BRUNT
“This is the most harrowing story in hockey if not all of sports. It would take a brave man to endure all that Clint Malarchuk has. It would take a heroic one to take readers through his battle with mental illness. This is drama of the highest order, a white-knuckle journey into darkness, a suspenseful tale of survival.”
GARE JOYCE, hockey writer
“I’ve known Clint for 26 years, as I coached him in Washington and he was my goalie coach in Columbus. A good goalie, a great coach and a better person. A great read about his battles and how he refuses to give up.”
DOUG MACLEAN, Sportsnet
“This is one of the most powerful books ever written by an athlete. Clint will help many others by sharing his life story. I applaud Clint for being so courageous!”
KELLY HRUDEY
“This is an amazing book. An odyssey of pain, illness, determination and triumph against long, long odds. This took courage to write and requires a strong stomach to read. I treasured it, mainly because of my respect for the author. This book will save lives.”
BRIAN BURKE
Copyright
The Crazy Game
Copyright © 2014 by Clint Malarchuk.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPUB Edition September 2014 ISBN 9781443432481
Published by HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
FIRST EDITION
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.
Interior photos appear courtesy of the author, except where otherwise specified.
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