The Sooner the Better

by Debbie Macomber

  “Why?” Her head came up and she stared at him. “You’re engaged to another woman. I won’t be your last fling. I’m not interested in an affair, Gary.”

  “An affair?” He nearly choked on the words. Not once had it entered his mind that she’d believe he was suggesting such a thing.

  “Well, what else am I supposed to think?” she asked defensively. “That’s where we were headed.”

  Gary couldn’t deny the electricity between them or the truth of what she said. They had been headed directly for the bedroom. “You’re right,” he said, hardly aware he’d spoken aloud.

  “I won’t hurt this woman who’s promised to be your wife….”

  “Lorraine.”

  “Furthermore, I won’t be part of something illicit. Some furtive noon-hour affair.”

  That felt like a slap in the face. “I didn’t, wouldn’t…” He was too flustered to continue.

  “Yes, you would. We both would.”

  “Okay,” he said, thinking fast. “But now that we’re aware of the pitfalls, we’ll be careful. Before you walk away from a good job, why don’t you take a couple of days, give this some real thought.”

  She seemed to be considering his words.

  “It’s easy to let our emotions get carried away, but you’re important to this company.” And to me. But he didn’t say it aloud.

  Frowning, Marjorie bit her lower lip. “I’ll give it a week.”

  “Good.” A load had been lifted from his shoulders. He returned her letter of resignation and hurried back to his office.

  A number of business concerns demanded his attention, but he left them, his mind awhirl. Everything Marjorie had said was true. He was engaged. The thought of kissing another woman shouldn’t have entered his mind. But he had kissed Marjorie, and he’d enjoyed it more than anything.

  Sure, he missed Lorraine. Quite a bit in the beginning, but she’d been away for such a long time he didn’t know what to think anymore. Even her father couldn’t give him a definite answer about when she’d be back.

  One thing was certain—he couldn’t marry her. Not now.

  It seemed like a simple decision, and he didn’t understand why it’d taken him so long to reach it. If he truly loved Lorraine, he wouldn’t be this attracted to Marjorie.

  He jumped up from his chair and marched down the hallway to her office. When he saw she was talking on the phone, he felt intense disappointment. As soon as he could, he’d tell her….

  Soon after that, he had a lunch meeting with a major distributor and then he spent the afternoon preparing a report for the company’s CEO. Marjorie had gone out on some local calls. Before he knew it, the day was over.

  Not until he was in his car did he think about stopping at her house. He probably shouldn’t, but the thought of seeing her again was a temptation too great to resist.

  Brice came running over the minute Gary parked in front of the house.

  “How’re you doin’, kiddo?” Gary asked, and playfully jerked the bill of the boy’s baseball cap down over his forehead.

  “Great! Are you coming to see my mom?”

  “Yeah. Is she around?”

  “Yup.”

  Worried that she might not appreciate his entering the house unannounced, Gary asked, “Would you mind telling her I’m here?”

  “Sure. She’ll be glad.” The boy dashed up the steps and through the door; half a minute later Marjorie appeared. Gary could tell by the way she hesitated when she saw him that she felt flustered.

  “Hello, Gary.”

  “Marjorie.” She remained on the top porch step, arms folded protectively.

  “I won’t take much of your time,” he said, standing a safe distance away on the lawn. “I came to a decision today, and I want you to know what it is, since it definitely concerns you.”

  “Concerns me how? What kind of decision?”

  “As you pointed out, I’m engaged. But I’ve learned something—I don’t want to be engaged anymore. Lorraine and I… I don’t know. She’s terrific. Great. We dated for quite a while, and I more or less decided it was time to get married. She felt the same way. That’s why it happened. But I’m breaking off the engagement.”

  “Is she back from Mexico or wherever she went?”

  “No.” He’d thought about that, too. If she was in Louisville, he’d talk to her that very day.

  “So she doesn’t know?” Marjorie pressed.

  “Not yet, but I don’t think she’ll be too disappointed.”

  “How can you say that?” Marjorie demanded with such outrage, Gary retreated a step in surprise.

  “There was no passion between us. No…sparks.” He hadn’t realized that until he’d kissed Marjorie. The sizzle between them was strong enough to shoot sparks into tomorrow.

  “Sparks.” She arched a brow.

  “I’m not a fickle man, Marjorie. I want you to know that.”

  She didn’t reveal any emotion. “Are you breaking the engagement because of me?”

  Gary wasn’t sure how to answer. The best policy was the truth, so he met her look squarely, unwilling to discount the intensity of what he felt for her. “Yes. I’ve been waiting all my life for you. I won’t let you slip through my fingers now.”

  “Oh, Gary.” She was actually crying.

  “Invite him to dinner, Mom.” Brice stood at the screen door.

  “Thanks, but I should be leaving.” Gary headed back to his car.

  “Gary.”

  He turned around.

  She was wiping her eyes with one sleeve. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”

  More than she’d ever know. “Would you like me to?”

  She smiled and nodded, then held out her hand to him.

  Gary didn’t need a second invitation.

  Jack didn’t know where he was. He opened his eyes and bright lights blinded him. He wondered if he was dead, then decided he was in too much pain for that. Pain was a good sign. It meant he was alive.

  A nurse stood at his bedside, along with an elderly physician.

  “Doctor?” Jack asked in Spanish.

  The older man turned to him and smiled when he realized Jack was conscious. “So you’ve decided to return to the land of the living, have you?”

  “How long have I been out?”

  “A week.”

  The last thing Jack remembered was the convincing knowledge that he was about to die and take Carlos with him.

  “How do you feel, Mr. Keller?”

  “Like I fell off a cliff.”

  The physician grinned.

  “How’s the other guy?” He hoped to hell Carlos was dead. “Mr. Applebee?”

  “Him, too.”

  “Unfortunately, both Mr. Applebee and Mr. Caracol were pronounced dead at the scene.”

  “Carlos Caracol?” Jack wasn’t taking any chances. Jason’s death was news to him, but there hadn’t exactly been time to ask Lorraine questions.

  “You and your wife are the only two to survive.”

  Jack didn’t correct the assumption, but turned his head away, not wanting to think about Lorraine.

  “Your wife has been at your bedside from the moment you were brought into the hospital,” the nurse told him. “She wouldn’t leave you.”

  “How is she?” Jack’s memory was foggy, but he knew Lorraine had taken one hell of a beating. “Where is she?”

  “She’s with her father having lunch,” the doctor said. “Against her wishes, I might add. As for her injuries, she’s much better. Or she will be as soon as I tell her you’re conscious.”

  Jack closed his eyes.

  “You gave us quite a scare recently.”

  “I did?” Jack’s eyes fluttered open again.

  “You went into cardiac arrest a couple of days ago. It’s been touch-and-go ever since. You have a strong will to live, Mr. Keller.”

  “It’s his wife,” the nurse corrected. “She said she refused to let you die.”

  He grinned. That sou
nded like Lorraine, all right.

  “For days she’s been sitting at your bedside, talking about your future together. She said she wants your child.”

  Jack’s grin faded. Apparently Lorraine had decided to file for divorce. She was going to do it, going to ruin her life for him. He could see it happening already. She’d return to Louisville and rip apart two lives. Jack couldn’t let her throw away her marriage because of him.

  “Doctor,” he said from between gritted teeth. He hardly had the strength to talk. He clutched the man’s coat sleeve in an effort to convey the urgency of his request.

  “Do you need something for the pain?”

  “No.”

  “I’ll get your wife,” the nurse said.

  “No!”

  “Calm down, Mr. Keller. Whatever is wrong, we can take care of it.”

  Jack doubted that. “The woman out there isn’t my wife.”

  He watched as they stared at him in stunned disbelief.

  “She’s wearing a wedding band,” the nurse said, as if to disqualify his statement.

  “She loves you,” the physician said, frowning. “She’s been unwilling to leave you this entire time. The only way we were able to get her out of the room now was because of her—”

  “That ring was given to her by another man.”

  Both the nurse and the doctor continued to stare at him.

  “If you go out there and tell Lorraine I’m alive, you’ll be responsible for breaking up a marriage, for destroying a family.” His hand tightened on the physician’s sleeve. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  The doctor’s gaze connected with his.

  “I love her, too,” Jack whispered. He could feel the darkness closing in.

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Tell her I died.”

  “No, Mr. Keller, that isn’t possible.”

  “Tell her I died or…or I’ll ruin her life.” He had trouble saying the words. They stumbled off the end of his tongue.

  “You love her that much?”

  “Yes.”

  “Mr. Keller—”

  “Do it…please.” He wasn’t a man who begged or pleaded, but he was reduced to it now. “She has a husband. A good man who loves her…who knows nothing about me.”

  The physician took a long time deciding, then, as if he found it acutely difficult, finally agreed with a nod.

  “Thank you,” Jack whispered. He could rest now. Could shut his eyes and sink into the beckoning oblivion.

  He heard the soft crush of footsteps as the physician walked out of the room.

  Jack lost track of time. It could have been five minutes, possibly ten; he didn’t know. The next thing he heard was Lorraine’s agonized scream.

  “No, no! Please, no!”

  Hearing her wrenched his heart. The sound of her sobs followed. Plaintive, pitiful, filled with an agony that touched all who heard them.

  Jack closed his eyes and wished he could close off his hearing, as well.

  From this point forward, he was dead to Lorraine and she was dead to him.

  Seventeen

  Six months passed before Lorraine was able to sleep through the night. Each time she awoke, an intense sadness settled over her—worse even than the harsh grief she’d felt at the unexpectedness of her mother’s death. Often she lay in bed, grateful for the darkness, for the silence, and clutched the memories of Jack to her heart.

  Finally she understood the poet’s claim that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. In years past she’d scoffed at those very words, considered them foolish. No more. Even though she would have escaped this pain if she’d never met Jack, she knew she’d gladly go through it all again. Those weeks with him were the most precious of her life. She treasured each and every day.

  It hurt, this pain that was sharper than anything she’d ever known, and still she was grateful.

  “You’ve changed,” Gary told her when they met for lunch early in the month of November.

  She could only agree.

  “You seem more…resilient.”

  “Talking about people who’ve changed,” she said, turning the tables on him, “I hardly recognize you anymore.” They sat in a Thai restaurant, one they’d frequented while dating.

  Gary had the good grace to blush. “I credit it all to love.”

  Had she never known Jack, Gary’s words would have offended her, but oddly enough she understood. Jack’s love had changed her, too.

  Her former fiancé had married Marjorie Ellis within a month of Lorraine’s return. At the time she’d been in too much pain to really care. Only later did she experience a bitterness mingled with regret and relief. She was happy for Gary and Marjorie, but it hurt that she’d tried to be thoughtful of him and he hadn’t afforded her the same consideration.

  In time she got over those feelings and found herself pleased that her friend had fallen in love. She’d always enjoyed Gary’s company. But she knew she’d never truly loved him. Not the way she’d loved Jack. Her fondness for Gary couldn’t compare to the intensity of what she felt for the man who’d given his life to save hers.

  Gary set aside his menu. Lorraine wondered why he bothered to look. For as long as she could remember, he’d ordered the same dish every time they ate at the Thai Garden.

  “Marjorie should be here any minute,” he said. His eyes brightened as he said his wife’s name.

  Lorraine had met Marjorie on a number of occasions and liked her a great deal. She approved of the changes that loving Marjorie had brought about in Gary. He was more relaxed and spontaneous, more sensitive to others. It was obvious that they were meant to be a couple.

  “Sorry I’m late,” Marjorie said as she rushed toward the table. Slipping off her shoes, she stepped up to the padded cushions and lowered herself beside Gary in the private booth. “The doctor was behind schedule and—” She stopped abruptly as if she’d said something she shouldn’t have.

  It took Lorraine a moment to discern her meaning. “You’re pregnant!” she said, eyeing the two of them.

  Gary and Marjorie both seemed to freeze, awaiting her reaction.

  “That’s absolutely wonderful!” Lorraine was genuinely delighted. “I’m thrilled for you.” She reached across the table and squeezed Marjorie’s hand. “How far along?”

  “Three months,” Marjorie said. Gary, who’d never demonstrated a burning desire for parenthood, simply beamed.

  “We didn’t want to wait, seeing that Brice is already nine,” he said.

  “We didn’t want to wait, period.” Marjorie smiled as she flattened her hand over her stomach. “The baby was a surprise, but not an unwelcome one.”

  Now Lorraine understood why Gary had invited her to lunch. “You’re going to make a great father,” she said, and meant it.

  “I’m a little nervous about a baby, but Brice said if he could put up with dirty diapers and fussy infants, then so could I.”

  “Gary’s great with Brice,” Marjorie told her.

  “I think that’s because he finally has someone his own age to play with,” Lorraine teased. The two women laughed, and so did Gary. Actually, Lorraine figured, it wasn’t far from the truth. Gary was crazy about baseball, and apparently so was Brice. Lorraine had recently stopped by the house on a Sunday afternoon and discovered Gary and Brice glued to the television, watching the World Series. They’d given each other high fives and hooted noisily until Marjorie and Lorraine were forced to adjourn to the kitchen.

  “I prefer to think that Brice is mature for his age,” Gary muttered.

  The waitress came for their order. She glanced at Gary and Lorraine several times as if to say something wasn’t right. It was a look they often received when Marjorie joined them. Since they’d dated for so long, people naturally seemed to consider them a couple.

  “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Marjorie asked.

  Was it that time of year already? Lorraine could hardly believe it.
For months now she’d been dragging herself through each day, praying for the strength to endure, the courage to continue alone. That was the key word. Alone.

  She was grateful now that her mother’s house hadn’t sold. Soon after her return from Mexico, she’d moved in, needing the comfort of familiar things around her.

  “We’d like it if you could join us for dinner on Thanksgiving,” Marjorie said.

  Lorraine heard the invitation, but didn’t respond until she noticed that Marjorie and Gary were waiting for her answer. Both regarded her with concern. Suddenly she realized the invitation had been prompted by guilt as much as affection. It wasn’t necessary; neither of them needed to feel guilty on her account. If Gary hadn’t beaten her to it, she would have broken off the engagement herself.

  “I…I’m not sure,” Lorraine said.

  “Will you be visiting your father?” Gary asked.

  “No.” Her quick response concealed neither her anger nor her pain. She didn’t want to think about Thomas Dancy and in fact had refused to deal with the emotions that beset her every time his name was mentioned.

  He should have told Lorraine the truth about Azucena, but instead, had left her to discover it on her own. That was, perhaps, what hurt the most. Thomas had failed her the same way he’d failed her mother. All those years, Virginia had loved him, idolized him, been faithful to him. Not once had she looked at another man. Not once had she been disloyal to his memory.

  When Jack was first taken to the hospital, she’d turned to her father for emotional support, but she regretted that now. He’d tried to comfort her when the doctor came to tell her Jack had died, but she was beyond solace.

  As soon as it could be arranged, she’d returned to Louisville, where she belonged. Her father had written her a number of times since, but she hadn’t answered his letters. Wouldn’t have known what to say if she had. Thomas Dancy had made a new life for himself, had another wife, other children. She was part of the painful past, tied to a dead marriage and a woman he’d betrayed. It would be better for everyone if she stayed out of his world—and kept him out of hers.

  “Lorraine? We were talking about Thanksgiving?” Gary’s voice cut into her musings.