He tipped the glass back, downing half the drink in one swallow. She could feel her smile falter. “You okay, Ted?”
“Hot in here,” he said with a laugh, looking away. “They’ve got the balcony opened up though. You want to head out with me? Cool off some. Talk a little?”
“It’s almost midnight. Shouldn’t you be finding some pretty girl to kiss when the clock strikes twelve?”
Ted stepped closer. “What if I’ve already found a pretty girl? The prettiest girl here.”
Gwen looked up at him, praying she wasn’t reading this right. But the look in his eyes said she was. “Ted, don’t.”
“Why not? Because of Brody?” he sneered, his good humor gone in a blink. “You’ve been with that guy for what, a minute? And I’m pretty sure half of that time, you were broken up.”
She shook her head. “It wasn’t the way you think, Ted. He’s a really good guy. And I like him a lot. Maybe more than I’ve liked anyone before.”
Ted’s shoulders slumped, and he started shaking his head. “Gwennie, please come with me. We need to talk.”
They did need to, but not until he’d sobered up. Not tonight. “How about we get together for lunch on Monday? We can talk then.”
Maybe it was time to tell Ted the truth about the feelings she’d had for him over the years. Why things were different now. Why when he got a little drunk or lonely or just plain sentimental, he shouldn’t think about her anymore.
“No.” He looked over her shoulder and swallowed before meeting her eyes again. He looked desperate. “Monday’s too late. Gwen, this is important. This is about you and me. It’s about twenty-six years of us. It’s about more than a couple weeks with some guy you’re not even going remember next year.”
She started backing away from him. “You’re not yourself tonight, Ted. Why don’t you put the drink down and go back to your room?”
Giving her that crooked smile that used to set butterflies loose in her belly, he said, “Come with me, and I will.”
“Excuse me?”
Not a chance.
“You remember what it’s like with us. What it’s always been like.” He bit his lip. “I can see it in your eyes. You’re thinking about it.”
“No.” She took another step back but came up short, bumping into a solid wall of Brody.
His arm wrapped in a possessive hold around her waist. “Everything okay, Gwen?”
“He’s drunk again,” she said, worried about what Brody might have heard. Not because it was true, but because she knew hearing it would upset him almost as much as it upset her.
“Doesn’t make it any less true,” Ted countered, stumbling to the side. Then getting bolder, he stepped toward them.
She heard or maybe felt the low rumble coming up from Brody’s chest as he pulled her further into his hold. “Watch it, man. You’re getting a little close.”
Ted blanched, but Gwen could see in his eyes he wasn’t giving up.
“She tell you about us?” Ted demanded, looking back and forth between them as if he wasn’t sure who he was angrier at.
“Ted, stop,” Gwen pleaded, painfully aware of the eyes that were already on them. Ted was making a scene.
“Some,” Brody acknowledged with barely a shrug, turning with Gwen to walk away. “But I guess I was more interested in where we were going than where you two had been. Something you ought to give some thought to.”
She closed her eyes, letting Brody guide her, praying that Ted would let it drop. But that was too much to hope for.
“You don’t care where we’ve been, huh?” Ted taunted, yelling over the DJ who’d started counting down to midnight. “You don’t care that I had her first…that I had all her firsts! She gave them to me. One after another.”
Brody froze beside her, and her heart sank.
Slowly, he turned to her. She thought she would see shock in his eyes. Hurt or accusation, maybe. But what she saw was apology.
Wrapping his hand around the back of her neck, he shook his head. “Baby, I’m so fucking sorry this happened tonight.”
“Three…two…one…” The DJ bellowed, “Happy New Year,” and Brody pulled her into a kiss so tender and sweet that it nearly erased the last fifteen minutes. And when they broke away, with eyes only for each other, he smiled down at her. “That’s how we’re starting off the new year.”
Chapter 16
Gwen came to slowly. Her body was warm, her consciousness caught somewhere between dreamland and reality. Still drifting, she shifted against the sheets, only to be reminded she wasn’t alone when the arm she hadn’t realized was around her waist tightened, pulling her back into Brody’s warm embrace. A low, satisfied rumble sounded from deep in his chest as one soft kiss touched her shoulder and then another.
She smiled, but her contentment was short-lived as the events of the night before bombarded her.
“Don’t think about it,” Brody murmured against her neck.
“Mind reader now?”
“Don’t have to be when you go from all lax and cuddly in my arms to stiff inside a heartbeat.”
As if by unspoken mutual agreement, they hadn’t discussed what happened with Ted the night before. Brody had given her the perfect start to the new year with that kiss, and she’d taken hold of it with both hands.
They’d ridden up in the elevator together with their backs to the wall, their fingers caught together in a lazy hold they’d maintained until they were back in the room. They’d showered together, Brody washing her hair and body with such tender care that she’d felt a little guilty when it was her turn and things had taken a turn for the dirty. She’d laughed when Brody opened his overnight bag and dumped out what had to be thirty condoms and a couple of sports drinks. And hours later, when she lay with her head on his shoulder, their legs tangled together, and Brody’s hand coasting softly over her back, she found sleep beneath a blanket of peace and contentment so right, she wondered how she’d ever managed a night without it.
But she couldn’t forget about what had happened any longer.
“Does it bother you? What he said?” she asked quietly, listening to Brody’s slow, even breaths.
“Yes.” Another kiss at her shoulder, and then he was rolling her to her back so she was looking up at him. “He hurt you, and…fuck, it made me want to hurt him for it.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
He nodded. “I don’t lose control like that, Gwen. I’m a big guy, and I understand the responsibility that goes along with that. But every now and then, someone makes it hard to remember. And hell, last night… I know how you felt about him. And that giving those firsts to him meant something to you. It pisses me off to know that you trusted him with those gifts—memories that should be special—and he didn’t respect them or you.”
Her heart hurt just thinking about the way Ted had thrown her secrets out there for everyone to hear.
“I don’t understand what happened. I know he was drunk, but I’ve known him his whole life, Brody. I’ve seen him drunk before. I’ve seen him mad. I’ve seen him hurt and scared. I’ve seen all the different ways that Ted can be, and I’ve never seen him behave like that before this last month.” She’d never seen him try to hurt her. “He’s my best friend.”
“Gwen, I know you think this guy walks on water. But—” Whatever he’d been about to say, Brody stopped. After another breath, he shook his head and offered her a sympathetic smile. “Maybe it’s not you. Maybe there’s something going on at work or home, and that coupled with not getting what he wanted from you pushed him to a place he wouldn’t normally go.” He stroked the hair from her face and so very gently tucked it behind her ear. “It doesn’t make it okay. It doesn’t make it any easier.”
“Maybe.” But she knew it wasn’t either of the things Brody suggested. If there was something wrong at home, she’d probab
ly know about it before Ted did. His mother would call her so Gwen could break the news to him, or at least make sure she was there when he heard it. And work? He’d spent half the ride up to the rehearsal the other night telling her about the promotion he’d gotten. He loved his job.
She pushed up on her elbows, looking out through the sheers to the late-morning sky beyond. “The thing is, even if there’s no other excuse, how am I supposed to handle this with him? I can be mad at him. I can be furious. But no matter how shitty he’s been, it’s not like I can just write him off. Say ‘That’s it, we’re done.’”
Brody sat up, resting his back against the headboard, and then pulled Gwen into his lap where he started playing with her fingers. “He’s family to you. I get it. But, Gwen, being family doesn’t mean you have to pretend nothing happened. That’s not what forgiveness is. If he’s really family, he won’t stop being a part of your life if you call him on his bullshit.”
“Pretty wise, O’Donnel,” she said, relaxing into his hold.
“Yeah,” he acknowledged with a cocky smirk. “You gotta be when you run a bar.”
It was after five when Brody walked her back up to her apartment. He’d secured a late checkout, and putting the subject of Ted aside, they’d spent the day in bed watching movies, ordering room service, and making no small dent in that stock of condoms.
“I shouldn’t be more than an hour at Belfast, faster if I can swing it, and then I’ll be back to pick you up,” Brody said, sliding a hand around the nape of her neck and drawing her in for a lingering kiss.
He was so good at that.
Leaning against the doorframe, she watched him go. “See you soon.”
She stood there a moment after he’d disappeared down the stairs, her gaze shifting toward the next flight. Was Ted up there? Was he all right?
Shaking her head, she walked back into the apartment and closed her eyes. She could wait until tomorrow to find out. Heck, it might not be a bad idea to give it a few days before she faced him. Give him some time to think and her some time to cool down.
Sadie and Gail were out, so Gwen went straight to her room and started emptying her overnight bag, exchanging her clothes from the weekend for clothes for the next day. Panties, socks, pajamas, jeans, and a sweater for the next day, and her skirt and Belfast T-shirt for work the next night.
She had barely stepped out of the shower, her second of the day, when she heard knocking at the front door. Pulling on a robe, she practically skipped down the hall.
“That was fast,” she said with a laugh, throwing the door open. But then she wasn’t laughing at all, because it wasn’t Brody standing there, fatigue etched through every line in his face. “Ted.”
She crossed her arms, frustrated not to have a single day’s reprieve, but even as she thought it, she doubted she would have been able to wait if the tables were turned.
He looked like hell, with dark circles beneath his eyes and his skin an off hue.
“How are you feeling?” she asked quietly.
He shook his head, not quite meeting her eyes. “Like an asshole.”
“If the shoe fits.”
Eye contact.
“I deserve that. I know I do. And I probably don’t deserve this—hell, I know I don’t—but I’m asking if I can come in anyway.”
Letting out a slow breath, she nodded. “Let me get dressed. I’ll be right back.” She got as far as the hall before she cracked. “Get yourself a glass of water and some ibuprofen from the kitchen. You know where it is.”
She threw on a pair of yoga pants, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and an oversize wrap sweater. Then standing in her doorway, she stared down at her phone. She could text Brody, let him know Ted was there. But then he’d probably come straight back, and he didn’t need to. This was Ted. Sober Ted. Her oldest friend, Ted. And whatever was going on with him, she could handle it on her own.
When she got to the living room, he was standing in front of the windows, peering down at the street. He looked miserable.
“You were lucky to catch me. I’m only here to grab some things before heading over to Brody’s for the night.”
“I was waiting for you to get home. Been sitting up on the landing so I wouldn’t miss it when you came in.” Ted turned back to her. “I waited a while after he left so I could talk to you alone.”
He’d been waiting out there for her all day? “Ted, what’s going on with you?”
“Gwen, you can’t know how sorry I am about last night. I was drunk. And I know it’s not an excuse and that the last time I was over here apologizing, it was for the same thing, but it won’t happen again.”
“What I don’t understand is why it’s happening at all. How could you tell a room full of people about those things? They were private. They were special. And you threw them in my face.”
His shoulders came up in a helpless shrug. “I’m losing you. And it’s making me nuts.”
Losing her? She didn’t know where to begin with that. Because it hurt to think of Ted the way Brody had described him. She didn’t want to have to ask him why it suddenly mattered now, when for years and years, he could have had her. She didn’t want the answer. She just wanted Ted to be her friend.
But he wasn’t acting like her friend, and Brody was right. If they were going to get past this, she was going to have to call him on his bullshit.
“Why now, Ted? Why not two months ago, or two years ago?” Why not when he could have had her whole heart, because she’d still been saving it for him.
“Two years ago?” he coughed, as if he couldn’t believe her nerve. “You tell me.”
She didn’t have time for this. “Because of Brody? Give me a break, Ted. I’ve had boyfriends before.”
Whatever indignation he’d mustered drained out of him. He looked defeated. “Not like him. It’s different this time. I can see it.”
“It is different. But what I don’t understand is why you’re acting like you have something to lose when up until a month ago, you sure didn’t. What I don’t get is why you suddenly care.”
His head snapped up. “Suddenly?”
“Yes, suddenly. Why are you saying it like that?” she demanded, at her wit’s end.
This wasn’t going anywhere. All he was doing was playing games with her.
Throwing her questions back in her face.
Apologizing while acting as though somehow he was the injured party.
Ted shoved his hands through his hair. “You fucking know, Gwen. You’ve always known.”
Only no. She hadn’t. It wasn’t until he looked up into her eyes with such longing and despair that she finally did know. That she saw what he’d been trying to tell her. That she understood what he was losing.
“No,” she whispered, taking a step back. “Ted, that doesn’t make any sense. For God’s sake, a month and a half ago, you were all over Janna while I was twenty feet away. Single, available, and—dammit, I know you know—watching.”
“Gwen.”
“Or how about last year, when I walked in on Tammy Samson on her knees in front of you in my bedroom…during my party?” Her voice was rising, her finger jabbing at the air to punctuate each word.
Ted was still shaking his head, saying her name again and again. The pleading sound of it more than she could stand.
“What was that all about, Ted?”
“A reaction. It was stupid. I was stupid. But I thought if I pushed…” Blowing out a frustrated breath, he pulled at his hair. “What about us, Gwen? What about all the times it was you and me?”
Those times had been few and far between. Always outside her control. And never something that ended in a way suggesting Ted was interested in more.
He reached for her hand, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. “What about your first kiss?”
His. They’d been talking, sitting in
the tree house between their two yards, even though they were years too old for it. Ted had asked if she’d ever been kissed, and her heart had skipped a beat. When she told him she hadn’t, he asked her what she’d been waiting for. And then she’d asked him to show her how.
“That was just two friends, Ted.”
“Yeah, I remember. That’s what you told me. And so that’s what it was.”
That’s what she told him? Was that right?
She’d always remembered it another way. That Ted was the one who’d put them back on friendly ground. Was it possible she’d been wrong?
“How about your first time, Gwennie? Down by the lake that summer?”
“I remember,” she said uncertainly.
“It was you and me. Everyone else had gone home. We were talking into the night, laughing like we always did. It’d been two years since I kissed you. And I was thinking I couldn’t go another minute without doing it again, so I did. And then you were kissing me back, telling me you’d thought about this. That you wanted me. And I was the happiest fucking guy on the planet. Until the next second, when you told me you weren’t looking for anything serious. But that I was the only one you trusted to be your first. And that when we were done, it wouldn’t change anything.”
Her heart had stopped beating, the breath stilled in her lungs. Because no, that’s not how it was. That wasn’t how it had happened. Sure, she’d tried to make sure she wasn’t risking their friendship by making him think she didn’t expect—
“I swear to God, Gwennie, I almost got up and left. But then I looked into your eyes, and what I saw there wouldn’t let me go. I could see… I could feel there was more between us. So I stayed. Because even if you weren’t ready to love me, I was the only one you trusted. I was the one you kept giving your firsts to. And I could wait.”
He could wait.
He. Could. Wait.
Her heart was breaking for the girl she’d been. She wanted to pound her fist against Ted’s chest and scream at him that she was the one who had been waiting all those years. But what good would that do, except to hurt him? Because now, as he stood in front of her, offering her everything her teenage heart had wanted, she realized the woman she was had stopped waiting. Yes, she had been in love with Ted, but she wasn’t anymore.
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