by Merry Brown
Hannah was spending Thanksgiving with Michael too, and she took over Lizzy as soon as we arrived. My first glimpse of Lizzy since we first entered the Richardsons’ home wasn’t until an hour later when I took a trip to the kitchen for something to drink. Hannah, Lizzy, and Michael’s sister, Mary Kate, were setting the table; all of them simultaneously broke out in giggles when they saw me. I raised my glass to them and quickly returned to the cave.
The meal was great. George, ever the culinary experimenter, deep-fried a turkey this year. Mrs. Richardson was not so sure this would turn out, so she baked a turkey in the traditional style. All the fixings were present – sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, fresh cranberry sauce, hand-made rolls- some with raisins and nuts, some plain- green salad, fruit salad, cornbread and sausage stuffing, and the all-important gravy.
Lizzy tried everything, a spoonful of whatever passed in front of her. When I could finally eat no more, I halfheartedly pushed myself away from the table. We were given a brief reprieve between dinner and dessert. I tried to coax Lizzy into the man cave, but instead she convinced me to stay and help with the dishes.
Not surprisingly, Mrs. Richardson had taken an immediate liking to Lizzy. They chatted away about family, love, and the meaning of life as I silently cleared the table and put leftovers in Tupperware.
I was zoned out, not really paying attention to their conversation as I heard Michael’s mom half whisper to Lizzy, “You’re right, dear, I am lucky to have a man like George. Sure I wish he was more open with me and spent more time with me, but I know he loves me. And if I want to be with him, I should descend into his cave more often. I could read there instead of in the bedroom. At least we’d be together.”
Mrs. Richardson, hands wet and dripping with suds, hugged Lizzy and looked up at me with a wink. Of course she approved of Lizzy. To meet Lizzy was to know she was exceptional.
Mary Kate came into the kitchen, eyes red and face puffy, and led Lizzy by the hand up stairs.
Mrs. Richardson turned to me, “It’s a girl thing.”
“Yeah,” I nodded back. I knew all too well what was going on. Mary Kate was spilling her guts to Lizzy about something, and I wouldn’t see them again for a long time.
“Dear, how are you doing? How’s school?” Mrs. Richardson asked as she went about her business of cleaning the kitchen.
“Fine, I guess.”
“Just fine? You seem pretty happy to me. No doubt that’s in part to Lizzy. I really like her, William. She’s a keeper!” she exclaimed.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Do you really? I wish you could see yourself now. You know I love you like one of my own children. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you actually happy.”
And she meant it. She really was my mom now, or the closest thing I’d ever have.
“I know how things are with you and your dad. He’s gone, right?”
I nodded, looking down at my feet.
“Well, I hate the thought of you living all alone in that mansion of yours, so, won’t you please stay with us until he gets back? Mary Kate is about to finish her first semester of college, and she’s going on a travel study over the Christmas break. Her room will be free. What do you think?”
I hated to impose, but for some reason unbeknownst to me I increasingly loathed my house. Even with my father and company gone, it was as if his presence lingered. It was getting harder to breathe there, harder to be there at all.
“Thanks a lot Mrs. Richardson. I really appreciate the offer. You sure Mary Kate won’t mind?”
“She’ll be fine. It’s settled then!” She gave me a long motherly hug.
Hugging Mrs. Richardson was like being hugged by a soft, warm pillow. She was a tall, plump woman who usually smelled like cinnamon. The only functional parental contact I had now was with the Richardsons, so when she patted me on the back or hugged me goodbye, I felt . . . accepted.
I decided to take this favor. I’d pay them back somehow. Mary Kate, however, was not thrilled to loan her room out to me. Certainly I could think of something I could do for her. Since Lizzy met her today – which translated to the fact she now knew Mary Kate better than I did, and I’ve known Mary Kate my whole life! – she’d have some idea for me.
Though Lizzy didn’t want to spend time at my place, she had no qualms about hanging out at Michael’s. When I asked why, she said her house was getting quite crowded.
“Are they here for the holidays?” I didn’t know, maybe they all congregated for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
“Not really,” she said, the cheer slowly draining from her face, her voice turning grave. “This is not a conversation to have here,” she whispered.
After too much pie, we all gathered in the Richardsons’ living room for their yearly Thanksgiving tradition. Mrs. Richardson had the book out and passed it around. In this book, journal really, was written what the Richardsons were thankful for, year by year, since their first Thanksgiving as a married couple.
I’d been a part of the book since I was 12. Once everyone recorded what they were thankful for, Mr. Richardson would go back and read aloud what we wrote in the previous year before reading this year’s entries.
I was thankful Lizzy was now a part of this book too. It made her presence in my life more tangible somehow - permanent.
Mr. Richardson began: Mrs. Richardson was thankful for the continued good health of her family, the new additions to the house, the family vacation to Mexico. Mary Kate was thankful for the new friends she’d met at Cal State Bakersfield. . . .
He continued to go down the list, and I kind-of tuned out, must’ve been the turkey and extra piece of pie.
I snapped out of it when he read mine because I knew Lizzy’s would be next. She was thankful for being in this new town, her family, being in love, and Beauty. When Mr. Richardson read her motto as written on the page, “Beauty will redeem us all,” she said amen under her breath.
After many thanks and hugs, we left the Richardsons’. I was lucky to have them in my life, surrogate parents, who cared for me and looked out for me as best they could.
I was relived to be moving in with them soon. Until then I’d be stuck at the haunted mansion. I could do it, even though I didn’t want to and seriously considered renting a hotel room.
Was I turning chicken all of a sudden? No, but I was done with willingly being in an oppressive environment. I liked breathing free air and now found it difficult to physically tolerate the place. What was I going to do when he actually returned? I’d think of something, I hoped.
We said our goodbyes and I drove her home. We were silent for a while, simply enjoying this perfect day together.
She broke the silence first, “I’m glad you’ll be staying with the Richardsons. When do you move in?”
“In about a week.”
“Will, well, forget it.”
“No way, out with it. What is it?”
“I told you we’ve got a lot of family staying with us right now?” Her eyes down, staring at the floor.
“Yes, and . . .” I prodded.
She was hesitant to proceed. “Do you remember why I said we shouldn’t be together?”
Of course I remembered. Danger. Not from me, but from her?
“I’m afraid for you. My work is dangerous, or potentially dangerous, for Knowers to be involved with.” Her whole body was tense and strained.
“You know my life Lizzy, you of all people see the real danger of my world. What do you have to fear?” Then I thought of her work at the women’s shelter - the wife beater. Was he coming after her? He could be dealt with.
“I’ve only told you about the human work we do, opening Knowers to the beauty around. But there is another kind we fight. The wraiths.” Her voice was chilling. Cold and distant.
“Human?”
“Not at all!” she gasped.
Ah, not human. Her danger was of the supernatural kind. Just when I thought I had a handle on her world, I realized I still ha
dn’t a clue.
Even though I believed what she had told me and showed me of her world, whenever her reality came up, I felt like I was being told a fable.
“What’s a wraith?”
“A wraith is a being born out of hate, from the side of the Beast.”
“And they are dangerous to you?”
“Yes and no. If I were to encounter a few wraiths right now, they’d be no match for me. I could easily send them home. But, if I encountered a swarm, or walked into a nest, I’d be in trouble.”
My mind was working overtime. What do they do? Do you seek them out? Do they seek you out? How do you kill them? Can they kill you? How many of them are there? What do they look like? How many have you fought? My questions ran on and on and on.
“You want the story, don’t you?” she asked, seriously.
“You know I don’t want to push you to tell me anything you aren’t ready to, but I think I’m ready to hear this. I think I need to know.” I was sure. I was ready to know the real threat.
“Okay.” She took a deep cleansing breath, closed her eyes, and began.
“In the beginning it was my brothers and sisters, and Beauty of course. Then the Beast. When Adam and Eve left, they and their children were blinded - not totally - to the good and drawn toward the selfish. And so we saw the Knowers making poor choices more often than not. Why? Why couldn’t they see what was right before them? A few of us left The Garden to see what was going on. As they walked among the fallen, one of my brothers saw something most disturbing. He saw two Knowers locked in an intense conversation:
‘I think my neighbor is stealing from me. What do you think I should do?’
‘He must be stopped. You must fight for what is yours, no matter what the cost.’
“Now, this was not a remarkable conversation. Nothing out of the ordinary. It’s what was on the second man that sent shivers down my brother’s spine.
“This man who told the Knower to fight had a ghost-like creature attached to his heart with a clawed hand. This ghost, wraith, had two other arms that waved and hissed like serpents. As the second Knower spoke to the first, a serpent arm emitted some kind of black bile, like a smoke, that tried to encase the heart and mind of the other Knower, seeking an entrance to plant the seeds of despair, enmity, and every vile thing.
“When this report was brought to us, we left The Garden to seek out these wraiths. We knew they came from the Beast and we knew they sought to destroy. They breed fear and hatred and selfishness. They intensify what is vicious in a person. They want nothing more than to annihilate all that is true.
“And there the battle began. We found we could not only channel our knowledge of the Beautiful to heal and encourage Knowers, but we could use the good in us to send those monsters back to the Beast. We are not certain what happens to them when we banish them, but we do know they don’t walk among the living any longer.”
I was about to ask a question, but decided to let her get it all out.
“Yes there’s more. They are not human, like you and I are, but they’ve learned to use human forms. They cannot directly kill a human, but they try to drive people mad, to take their own lives or that of their neighbors. These wraiths are scavengers. Since they cannot kill humans, they seek out the newly dead to enter their bodies. While a wraith is in a body, the body doesn’t decay, or grow old.
“They are vicious creatures that care for nothing but pushing their agenda: death and destruction. And they hate us more than they hate the Knowers. They are always looking for new ways to get to us, to bring us down. But as it happens, when they make an advance, we are graced with insight to stay ahead of them.”
My blood ran cold. These heartless demons were vicious, and she fought them?
“Peace Will. They have never seriously injured one of us. And it is well worth the minimal risk. Knowers have it hard enough as it is. We want to give them all the assistance we possibly can.”
We were at her house now. I turned off the car as I absorbed her tale.
“How often do you fight?”
“It really depends. In the beginning there weren’t many wraiths, but their numbers are growing, in spite of the multitudes we banish.”
“You said you can see them, but they can’t see you?” This seemed odd to me, but I was glad for it.
“Yeah – that’s really helpful. We can feel them and see them. If I’m at school, let’s say, and I pass by a classroom with a wraith inside it, I’d know, even through a closed door.”
“Do you act immediately?”
“It depends on a lot of factors. How many there are, how strong and old they are, the location, etc.”
“How many of them are there?”
“We really don’t know, tens of thousands?”
“And your kind, your brothers and sisters? How many were there in The Garden originally?”
“One hundred and forty-four.”
“And how many are there now?”
“Now there are just one hundred and forty-two. We still mourn the loss of the two.”
I know I looked confused.
“Adam and Eve,” she said wistfully.
“No new ones? No babies?”
“When we left The Garden, we left to help the Knowers. We assumed, someday, we’d marry and have families, but our work is consuming. No one has gotten around to it yet.”
Not around to it yet? What, do they live forever?
She smiled up at me, “We are related to time in a very different way than you. We are in no hurry to found families or pursue individual interests.”
“Are you happy with your life?”
“Yes, very content. To be light to Knowers is an immense honor and very fulfilling.”
“Does it ever get tedious or boring or depressing, constantly helping others?”
She just shook her head.
We were worlds apart, she and I. What would it be like, to not be selfish, to only want the good . . . heck, to know the good!
“It’s getting pretty cold. I think I’d better get inside,” she said, playing with her wrists, something she usually did when she has something to say, but wasn’t sure if she should.
“Lizzy, tell me something.” I looked over at her to see the fire of the stars dance in her hair, just like my dream. Could it be she was growing more and more stunning? Was she changing before my eyes, or, as was more likely the case, my eyes were seeing the truth more clearly? Maybe I was the one waking from the dream.
Whatever the case, she was truly breathtaking, a marvel to behold.
“Yes?” she said leading.
Her brilliance stunned me. What was I going to ask her anyway? Oh yeah.
“I’m only beginning to understand what you do and why, but are you always ‘on mission.’” I knew she loved me, but was I just another ‘Knower’ she was trying to fix?
“Yes, and no. I seek to point out, defend, and/or reflect the Beautiful. It is out of place to ever set the Beautiful aside, always.”
“But are you always ‘on’? You know what I mean?”
“I’m not. And I know you don’t want me to be. It’s very hard, though, sitting here with you, knowing your pain and difficulties. All I’ve ever done in my relationships with Knowers is draw out the dark and magnify the good. I desire to fix you, to help you become whole, but I realize we are in a different kind of relationship. I’m not sure it’s appropriate for us to relate in that way anymore.”
“How could I let myself hurt you? You have to promise me, no matter what, to not turn your, your light on me. I cannot be the cause of what brings you harm.”
“It’s not that big of a deal Will.”
“Stop right there. It is a big deal, huge, to me. So please, for me, regardless of what you see in me or how you think you can help me, we can’t be in a relationship like that. I’ll bring you plenty of pain, unfortunately, without that piled on top of it all.”
She’d have to deal with my selfishness, there’s no way I’d le
t her draw it out of me at her own personal expense!
“I’ll do my best.” And I knew she would, but I wanted to make sure she heard me.
“Lizzy, I’m very serious. Please hear me,” I said taking her face with my hands, looking directly into the dark pools of her eyes.
“It will be hard for me, harder than you know, but I’ll respect your wishes.”
It was late. I walked her to her front door. To leave her, even for the night, felt unnatural. I’d finally found myself and knew where I wanted to be.
So full of love and thanksgiving on this Thanksgiving night, I bent down to kiss her goodnight. She reached up to me, on her toes and then . . . she was gone, vanished.
I was stunned, shocked. I was so lost in the moment I wasn’t thinking ahead, what this kiss might cost her, only that I wanted to kiss her. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
I ran in her house for help. Would they know where she was? Had I hurt her again? My fears melted away as she came walking down the hallway with a grin on her face.
“I’m so sorry! Such an idiot. Are you okay?” I didn’t know if I could hold her to console her or even if she needed consoling.
“I’m fine Will,” she said slightly trembling as she took my hand and led me to the couch. “I got caught up in the moment too. I guess so much raw emotion, joy in this case, sends me to my base, one of which happens to be here.”
“I’m sorry again, Lizzy. I don’t know what I was thinking. Well, actually I do. I wasn’t thinking at all.” I was so frustrated with myself. If we were to be together I’d need to make a more concerted effort to keep my lips in check!
“Will, I’m glad you want to be with me. I’m thankful you want to be with me in a different way from all the Knowers. That you chose me, you don’t even know how it feels.”
“Lizzy, you’ve got it all backwards! How lucky I am that you, a bearer of Beauty itself, would stoop to be with a selfish jerk like me? Are you sure you’ve got all the virtues, like wisdom?” I added jokingly.
Too much goodness. Too much love. It dawned on me why she and her siblings did what they did. They had so much and wanted to share.