by K. C. Harper
“Are you alright? What are you doing out of bed?” TJ whispered
I felt instant relief at the sight of him and took small gasps of air , allowing the air to get into my lungs now. “I was thirsty.” I could feel my entire body shaking from fear and the adrenaline as he walked into the room, closing the door.
“I’m sorry, Danielle. I scared you , didn’t I?” He put his hand on my shoulder just next to the strap of my tank top rubbing the skin underneath it. “You’re shaking, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you were asleep and then I heard you moving around and I wanted to check on you,” He pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me trying to calm my shaking.
“TJ, you’re hurting me.” His arms were tight around my waist holding me close.
“Shit. I’m sorry.” He pushed back, and I could see the this look in his eyes, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. I just knew I didn’t like it.
“I really am sorry, Danielle, I scared you, and now I hurt you.”
I walked back to the bed and got back in making sure to lay down slowly. He stood in the middle of the room with an utter look of sadness. “TJ, if this is too much, you don’t have to be here. I can manage on my own.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s not too much and I’m not leaving you alone again.”
I sat up slowly, looking at him. “You think this happened to me because you left me alone? Because you went to Georgia?”
He turned away from me, his head hanging down.
“TJ, this was not your fault, this would have happened if you were in Georgia or not.” He wasn’t turning around. “TJ, look at me.”
Standing with his head down and his hands on his hips, he looked defeated . I tried to get off the bed to go over to him, but with each movement, the pain would radiate throughout my body.
“I have to go get some stuff from my dad’s house, I’ll be back in a little while.”
He walked out of the room without even glancing at me and I heard him shut the front door.
I sat in bed, shocked that he just left without even looking at me, and I couldn’t understand what was going on. I tried to wait up to talk to him, but fell asleep after what felt like hours of crying. Unfortuanley, I kept falling right back into the same dream. The noise of footsteps, the pain in my body. I woke again, grasping the covers and slowing my breathing. It was still dark outside and I turned to look at the clock to see what time it was. One forty-five and I felt like I had been asleep for two days. I remembered TJ leaving, I sat up slowly, looking around the room for him but he wasn’t there. I rubbed my hand on my forehead grateful that the headache was gone. All I could think of was the way TJ left and the pain it caused in my chest. The rumbling and hunger pains were enough to get me out of bed. I made it to my bedroom door and felt the fear coming back again. Resting my head on the door, I let out a long breath. “You can do this Danni, they arrested the man. He isn’t coming back, you are home. You can do this.” I repeated this to myself a few times until the fear subsided. I pushed open the door, and made my way to the kitchen. It was dark and cold. I switched on the kitchen light, squinting, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the light. Opening the refrigerator, I looked inside and found it empty. Great! Of course it was empty, I never got a chance to put the stuff away that I bought at the store. I wondered what happened to it, my mom probably cleaned up and threw it all away. I stood in front of the refrigerator, leaning my head back wondering what I was going to eat now.
“Danielle...”
I screamed, turning around and slammed into the refrigerator door. “Dammit TJ! You scared the shit out of me.” I was holding my side, trying to hide the pain I felt after slamming into the door. “Where did you come from? What are you doing here?” I was surprised to see him. I thought he wasn’t coming back after he left.
“I was asleep on the couch, the light woke me up. Are you hurt? I’m sorry I scared you.”
I was holding myself up now with my hands on the counter of the kitchen island, letting the pain pass. “What are you doing here? I thought you had to go?” I was hungry and now I’m in pain again.
“I had to get some clothes from my dad’s house but I came back around eleven, I saw your door closed and figured you were asleep. I didn’t want to bother you.”
A part of me was glad he came back. I looked up at him. He was standing in the middle of the kitchen in nothing but a pair of blue boxers. His hair was messed up in a sexy bedhead kind of way, and he had a sleepy look on his face. “Why are you so upset with me?” I said feeling defeated.
He looked confused. “What? I’m not upset with you.” he crossed the kitchen coming to stand in front of me , slowlyturning me to face him. “Why would I be upset with you, Danielle?”
That’s what I wanted to know. “You seemed upset before in my room, you wouldn’t look at me and then you just left. I guess I just thought when you left that you weren’t coming back.”
He was searching for the words to say as he stood in front of me. “It wasn’t your fault.” What happened, you know that right?” he said, as he looked into my eyes.
I knew it wasn’t my fault. “Yeah, I know that. But it doesn’t change the way you look at me now, and the way you left.”
He looked down, knowing the way he left didn’t help anything.
“I left because I was angry. I was so mad I wanted to punch something. I didn’t want you to see me that way.”
My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. “I made you so mad that you wanted to punch something?” I whispered. The hunger feeling was gone now, but the pain was still there and growing stronger.
“No, no. I wasn’t angry with you, I was angry with myself. I was even angrier at the asshole that hurt you. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, Danielle.”
I didn’t know what to do or say, this was all so overwhelming. “I don’t know where to go from here, TJ. Maybe this is all just moving too fast.”
He stepped back, looking up at me. “What? No. Why? I still feel the same way, nothing has changed.” He went to reach for me and I shifted, moving away from in front of him, and he dropped his hand to his side.
“Danielle, please… I still want to be with you, I still feel the same way, if not stronger now.” His voice seemed a little off now, almost as if he was in panic mode.
“Really? It sure changes the way you look at me TJ. I can see it, even feel it when you look at me and it’s not like this weekend, it’s more of a look of pity now and I can’t stand it.” I was going to cry, I could feel the tears coming.
He rubbed his hands down his face trying to find the words to say, but nothing was coming out. I could tell by the look on his face that he was struggling with his thoughts.
“You should just go back home TJ, get back to your work, the meetings that you left unfinished in Georgia.”
He looked hurt now, as if my words had broken his heart. “No. I’m not leaving you here alone,” he said, in a hoarse voice as if he was fighting back the urge to cry.
I wanted to go back to my bed, all of this was giving me another headache. “Just go back to your life, TJ. I don’t want to be a problem. I have managed on my own throughout college, and I’ll be fine now.” I turned my back on him and walked away.
He stood in the kitchen, speechless, as I turned away from him. I walked back to my room and closed the door. It was the worst pain ever, even worse than the pain from a broken rib. My heart was hurting and I could literally feel it breaking piece by piece.
Fourteen
I sat on the bed trying to hear if TJ decided to leave. The only noise was my breathing and the beating of my heart in my ears. I was still hungry. The dull ache of my ribs was returning. My pain medicine must have been wearing off. I had to take it with food, so I made my way back to the kitchen. I walked to the kitchen, rubbing my hand up my side trying to ease the pain and as I looked up… I saw TJ lying on the sofa.
“What are you doing, TJ?” He
didn’t even look up or move. I thought for sure he would have left for good after the words I said to him.
“I think it’s called sleeping.” Now he was being sarcastic.
“Ok, so why are you not sleeping in your house?”
He turned his head and looked at me. “Because I already told you, I’m not leaving you alone. I told your mom I would stay with you, so here I am.”
My mom was the least of my worries. “I can deal with my mom, I don’t need you to babysit me, thank you.” Now I was the one who was mad.
He turned his head and closed his eyes going back to sleep again. “You’re welcome,” he said.
He was being an ass now, I thought, as I walked into the kitchen.
“You don’t have to be a smart ass about it.”
He wasn’t sleeping anymore. He pulled the covers over his head and I heard him make a grunting noise in frustration as he turned over. I ate some yogurt and two crackers and swallowed my pain medicine, hoping it would take away the stabbing pain. I washed my cup and put the spoon in the dishwasher before going back to my room.
“Shut the light off when you’re done.”
I was pissed now, how dare he tell me to turn off my own kitchen light? I walked over to the sofa, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Ok, what is your freaking problem?” I asked.
He threw the covers off, stood up and gave me a look that made me take to steps back. That look made me regret asking him what his problem was.
Oh shit, he is mad.
“You want to know what my freaking problem is?” he said, pointing a finger at me. “You are my problem!”
“Me?” I stood there with my mouth open. “What the hell did I do!?”
He was tired, and looked like he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a while. He hadn’t shaved for what looked like a couple of days and it made him look even sexier, which only made it even harder to stay mad at him. “You think that I look at you differently now or that for some fucked up odd reason that I’m mad at you!” he shouted.
“You don’t have to shout at me!” I shouted back at him.
He stood with his hands on his hips, trying to calm down. “Well, I’m not mad at you, I never was.” He wasn’t shouting anymore, but I could see he was frustrated.
“Then what are you so pissed off about? You sure make it seem like it’s me.”
He stepped back a little, trying to calm his anger. “Danielle…” His voice was calm and lower now. “I was on the phone with you that night, I heard everything. I heard him walking up behind you and I heard you fall to the floor and the phone hit the floor.”
If I was going to speak now, it would have been impossible, it was as if someone had taken my ability to speak or even process a thought, and I just stood there staring at him.
“I heard everything, and couldn’t do anything to help you.” He took a step closer. “Do you know how hard it was for me to sit there in that stupid hotel room, hearing you beg him not to hurt you, and know I was a thousand miles away and couldn’t do a damn thing but call nine–one–one? I don’t look at you differently, Danielle, and I sure as hell don’t pity you either. I am angry at myself, for being so damn helpless. In the room tonight, when I scared you, I could see your fear. Your entire body was shaking, and it made me think of how afraid you must have been that night, thinking no one was going to help you. I heard him telling you how sweet and hot your body was, and I wanted to kill him. Just the thought of him touching you makes me want to kill him!”
I was barely breathing now. I stood frozen in front of him. “I’m sorry, TJ. I didn’t realize...” I couldn’t even think of what to say to him.
“Don’t apologize, Danielle. If anyone should be apologizing, it’s me.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. This was not your fault, you were in Georgia. There was nothing you could have done. You called nine–one–one TJ, if you hadn’t been on the phone with me no one would have known to call for help, things would have ended up worse.”
He closed his eyes. “I don’t even want to think about that, Danielle.”
We stood by the couch, waiting for the other one to say something.
“I don’t want to go, and I don’t want to take things slow with you either, please don’t push me away.”
He took a step towards me, pulling me closer to him and kissed me and it was like someone lifted a thousand weights off my body. I could feel all the tension leaving my body, being replaced with warmth and comfort.
“Please don’t push me away. Let me be here with you and take care of you.” It was almost a plea. He was holding my face in his hands now, kissing me again. I tried to move closer to his body and winced from the pain again.
He pulled back. “You’re in pain, you need to go back to bed, come on.” He took my hand, leading me back to my room.
I got in bed feeling my world shift slowly back in to place again. He turned to walk out the door when I stopped him. “TJ, you don’t have to sleep on the couch.”
He looked around the room. “Well, the floor is probably too hard, so I’ll settle for the couch.”
“I want you to sleep in my bed with me.”
He looked at me thinking of the idea, but unsure of it. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. What if I hurt you?”
“You won’t hurt me. Please, I’ll sleep better with you next to me.”
“Ok. If it will help you sleep better.” He climbed in bed next to me, pulling me up against him, resting his arm on my hip.
***
It was a little after eight when I woke up and the sun was shining in the room. My side wasn’t hurting as bad as the night before. TJ was asleep, his arm resting on my pillow next to my face. He took such good care of me the past two days that I felt horrible waking him up. I let him sleep while I took a shower and got dressed. I wanted to go to the store to buy food and stop by to see my mom. I went back into my room to get my phone and found TJ awake.
“What time is it?” he said. The man was even sexy first thing in the morning. I looked over at the clock next to the bed. ”It’s almost ten.”
He sat up, looking around. “What? It’s almost ten. I never sleep in this late. Where are you going?” he asked, looking confused.
“I wanted to go grocery shopping, and see my mom at work.”
“I’ll get up and take a shower. The doctor said you shouldn’t be driving. I want to go with you” he said, and walked into the bathroom.
“Ok, I’ll wait in the kitchen. I am going to call my mom and see if she is busy today.”
TJ showered and dressed quickly. He walked into the kitchen as I hung up with my mom. “My mom said she is busy most of the day so I told her I would see her later at home.”
He nodded. “I’m ready if you are.”
The sun was so bright I had to put my sunglasses on, it gave me a chance to stare at him without being caught. He had on faded blue jeans that fit just right across his butt nicely, a dark blue polo shirt and a pair of blue and gray Nike sneakers. His hair was still a little wet from his shower and he obviously used his fingers to comb it.
“What are you smiling at?” He asked.
“Nothing.”“Hmm… it’s something because you had a look on your face like you just found the secret stash of candy.”
I got caught even with sunglasses! I couldn’t believe it. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Of course he didn’t believe me.
Fifteen
TJ worried about my ribs and the pain. He asked if it was a good idea to be out and I kept telling him to stop worrying so much that it was alright. We were walking back to the car after stopping at his dad’s house so he could pick up some more clothes since he insisting on staying over again tonight. “Have you thought about if you’re going to stay in that apartment or move?” he asked, as he got into the car.
“I’ve only lived there for about a month and a half, I can’t just break my lease.” Now that he brought it up, moving might not
be a bad idea. It was a little after five when we got back to my apartment. In the daylight things seemed different. I didn’t feel any of the fear or panic like I did coming home from the hospital as I walked to my door.
“You should really get this fixed soon.”
I looked at what he was talking about and saw the broken glass on the floor from the porch light. It occurred to me that on the night of the attack, as I walked to my door it seemed a little darker than usual.
“This needs to be changed also,” he said.
I looked down. It looked as if someone tried to get in with a screw driver, the scrape marks on the door made my stomach twist.
“He tried to get in here when no one was home. Look at the door, he tried breaking the lock,” he ran his hand over the marks on the door.
I took a closer look at the doorknob. I could see where it was dented and the lock’s face was all scratched.
“He broke the light too, so no one would see him, he probably heard you coming and hid, and saw his opportunity when you were trying to get inside.”
I felt a twinge of panic again and TJ noticed, pulling me to him, holding my arms and looked down at me. “Don’t let this get to you now, it’s over, he is in jail.”
“What if this happens again?”
He looked around. “It’s very unlikely Danielle, the police said he was a crack head looking for a way to score his next hit and needed the money.”