It's love

by K. C. Harper

  “What does it say?” His voice was anxious, nervous almost.

  “It’s not ready yet, the directions say it takes about five minutes.

  Those were the longest five minutes of both of our lives. He held my hand and pulled me into him, looking in my eyes.

  “Whatever it says doesn’t change how I feel about you, I just want you to know that. If you are pregnant, we are doing this together. I love you, Danielle.” He kissed me, it was a sweet slow kiss that made my chest tighten. “I think it’s been five minutes. Look at it,” he said.

  This was it, the moment of truth.

  My hands were shaking. I looked up at TJ one more time before looking at the test. I looked at the little screen and saw the words. My heart was racing, and a million thoughts were racing through my head.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  I gave the test stick to TJ so he could see for himself. He looked down at the test in his hand.

  “Yeah, I guess this means you are pregnant.” I thought he would really freak out now since it was real, but instead he surprised me and kissed me.

  “I love you so much, Danielle. I know this is sudden and fast, but I don’t care. I want you, and I want our baby.” I wasn’t sure if it was hearing TJ tell me he wanted our baby or the pregnancy hormones. It was like someone turned on the water valve because I was crying uncontrollably.

  “I love you too, TJ, and I want our baby too.” He was wiping away my tears with his thumbs as he kissed me. “My mom is going to be so excited when she finds out. Her house is going to look like a Babies R Us, I just know it.” At that moment I realized TJ didn’t have anyone to share the news with, his mom had passed away when he was only eighteen and his father had just recently died. “Are you going to be ok with all of this, I mean neither of your parents are here to share this with you.”

  “Danielle, I don’t need anyone else but you. You and the baby, that’s my family. Sure, if my mom was still alive, it would be nice, but I’ve come to terms with that a long time ago. And you know I never got along with my dad, so it’s not really an issue. I’ve been alone for a long time with no one. When I came back to North Carolina I was alone, I had nothing, no one. I never told you this because I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me, but I’ll tell you now because I love you and trust you. When I moved back I had nothing. When my mom died, she left me with a pile of debt. I had about two thousand dollars in the bank. It was enough to rent an apartment and get me through the month. I didn’t bother calling my father because he wouldn’t have cared. I never heard from him after I left with my mom. I got a job working as a bus boy in a Chinese restaurant and survived off of that. I took out student loans to pay for college and after a year of that, I got an internship at an engineering company. I worked my way up from there. Things turned around for me a little over two years ago. . I’m here now, with you and I couldn’t be happier.”

  This was a whole new side of TJ that I never knew about. “I had no idea, TJ, I am sorry you had to go through all of that.”

  “I’m not sorry, Danielle, it taught me to appreciate the things I have and I am grateful every day to have you. I spent so many years thinking about you, wondering if you were with Jackson or someone else and married with kids. I hated the idea of it because I knew I was in love with you when my mom told me we were leaving. I didn’t come back to Mooresville until my father passed away. Then when I saw your mom at the store it was like my whole world was turned upside down. It brought back all of those feelings I had for you and made them real again. I asked her about you and she told me you were just back home from college and you were single. She told me you were happy, but she knew you were lonely and it made my heart hurt, like someone reached in and squeezed it until I couldn’t breathe anymore.

  When I saw you that first time when you came back from running, my entire world stopped. I wanted to run across the driveway and drag you back home and tell you how much I loved you and missed you, but I couldn’t move.”

  TJ just stopped my entire world. I had no idea how much he loved me until right now. A part of me always knew he had feelings for me, but I never once imagined it was this kind of love. It made me fall in love with him all over again. I knew if I didn’t have him forever my heart would never beat again and my world would have no meaning. TJ was my soul mate, my best friend, my everything.

  It was my favorite time of year, Thanksgiving was a week away and I was excited for the Christmas season to start. I was a little over three months pregnant now. My mom was so excited to be a grandma, she even took up knitting. I never thought my mom would be one of those grandmas to knit, but she was, and she was getting really good at it. Living with TJ was better than I thought it would be, and he got more excited for the baby as the weeks passed. I loved his apartment. It was open, always bright. But TJ wanted to move before the baby was born; he suggested we start looking for a house to buy outside of the city.

  “Have you started house hunting yet? There are some cute homes where I live,” Stephanie asked, as we ate lunch.

  “TJ wants to start looking, but I am not sure where to start. I hate the commute every morning, so, closer would be better.”

  ”Huntersville is perfect for you two, it’s quiet but not out in the country quiet. It only takes me about twenty minutes on a bad day of traffic to get here.”

  “We’re going to have to look into that. It would be meeting half way because TJ works in the city.”

  “Moving too far from that doesn’t work for him. I want us both to be happy with where we live.” It was perfect. I couldn’t wait to tell TJ about it and start looking for homes.

  “Are you going to get married before the baby gets here?” TJ hadn’t asked me to marry him, and I didn’t want to bring it up to make him feel pressured, but I did think getting married before the baby was born would be a good idea. “He hasn’t asked me yet. I don’t want to be one of those girlfriends who brings it up and he asks just because I brought it up.”

  Stephanie was nodding, agreeing with me that it would be better that way. “He loves you, Danni, I can tell. It will probably be any day now before he asks you to marry him. Hey, if all else fails, spring it on him in the middle of sex, maybe he won’t feel pressured after he has… you know.”

  I almost spit my soda out. I couldn’t even imagine telling TJ in the middle of sex. What are you supposed to say? “Hey, thanks for the great orgasm. Will you marry me?” If I was Stephanie, I’m sure I could make it work, but with my luck, I would screw it up and ruin my chances of him ever asking me.

  “Are you alright? Geez girl, it was just a joke. I would never break such important news to a man that way. Goodness, I should really stop giving advice before I get someone killed. Do you know just last week I told my sister she should tell her boss, he should get laid more often, that maybe it would put him in a better mood? I never thought she would actually do it, and now she is out of a job. Tyler says my mouth is going to get me in trouble one day, but I can’t help it. Things just come out before I have a chance to even think about it.”

  Oh, how I loved Stephanie but her husband was right. She needed a filter on her mouth.

  “You know what? You and TJ should come over for Thanksgiving! It will be fun, and it would be nice to cook for someone else other than Tyler and his three stomachs. That man eats until he passes out. It’s kind of disgusting. I told him if he fell asleep on me again this year before desert that I was making a tofu turkey next year.”

  Tofu on thanksgiving? Just that thought made me cringe. I actually hoped Tyler didn’t fall asleep. It would be a shame to not have real turkey on Thanksgiving. It’s an all-American tradition and my favorite part. Now that I was pregnant and eating for two, well, most days it felt like I was eating for six, I was always hungry, and with Thanksgiving coming up I was looking forward to stuffing my face.

  “I’ll ask TJ, since it’s just going to be the two of us. My mom is going on a cruise with some of her friends from work. She says
she is going to use this time to relax and enjoy herself. It was something she hadn’t done since my dad passed away.”

  I was looking forward to this little break from work. A week off was much needed after all the work I had, plus helping plan the Christmas festival dinner and dance. I was ready to sleep in, catch up on TV shows and shop. I think I was really looking forward to the shopping, the sales, and the Christmas spirit in the air. I was like a kid in a candy store. Only now I wanted to eat all the candy. Oh the joys of being pregnant. I could eat like a linebacker and not worry about my figure.

  “Do you know what you want to do for Thanksgiving, TJ? Stephanie invited us over for dinner and I think we should go. She also said there are some great houses in her neighborhood that we should look at.” I was hoping he would say yes, because then I could get out of having to cook a Thanksgiving dinner. It would be my first, and I was kind of nervous since my mom wouldn’t be around to help if I burned the turkey.

  “If that’s what you want to do, Danielle, that’s fine with me. I can watch football with Tyler while you two do whatever it is women do. But don’t make plans for Friday or the weekend because I have a surprise for you.”

  “So I take it this means my Black Friday shopping is out of the question?”

  He shook his head, laughing at the thought. “Danielle, I think skipping Black Friday shopping this year would be expected since you are well… expecting.”

  Oh, right, I never really thought of that, although I am sure many pregnant women shop on Black Friday. I guess skipping it this year would be a good idea. Oh, well, that means I get to make up for lost shopping next year. Grinning at the idea of double the shopping I sat on the couch to watch some TV.

  Twenty

  “I am so glad you guys could make it, I have cooked the best Thanksgiving dinner ever. Tyler is in the other room watching football, if you want to grab a beer and join him, TJ.”

  It smelled divine in Stephanie’s house. Almost like Heaven, I thought, and when we walked into the kitchen it looked like Rachel Ray had been there. Ham, Turkey, two different kinds of casseroles, mac and cheese, collard greens, corn, all the trimmings! I was in a pregnant girl’s dream come true.

  ”Wow, you really went all out Steph, this all looks amazing.” She was in her ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron, and still looking great after spending all day cooking. But that was Stephanie, she always made sure she looked like a ten. She said it was the southern belle side of her, although I wasn’t sure if southern bells talked about sex so much and how great a guy’s ass looked in tight jeans.

  “Danni, you just sit there and be pregnant, and feel free to attack the chocolate tray over there. I told Tyler it was off limits to him, that it was meant for us girls only.”

  A chocolate tray? I have died and gone to Heaven. There was no holding back. It was to die for, cookies, brownies, and chocolate covered fruit. “This might be better than sex.” I said, stuffing a brownie in my mouth.

  “You’re preaching to the choir, sister. Hand me one of those brownies. I could use a pick me up since Tyler was too tired for sex this morning.” She stuffed the whole square of brownie her mouth and licked her fingers clean. “Almost as good as sex Danni, almost,” she said. I couldn’t complain, sex with TJ was amazing and he never said no, not even this morning, but I didn’t want to bring that up and burst her brownie sex bubble.

  “Hey, you said I couldn’t have any of those until after dinner, and here you are stuffing your face.” Stephanie gave Tyler an evil glance while swallowing the last piece of brownie.

  “Oh no… I said you couldn’t have any before dinner, I never said anything about me having any.” Stephanie grabbed another brownie and shoved it in her mouth, giving Tyler a ‘bite me’ grin.

  “Well, then. I guess I’ll just grab me another beer and take my hungry ass back to the football game, At least leave me a crumb, woman.”

  “This is what ten years of marriage looks like, Danni. I love Tyler, but the man can really push my buttons sometimes. He is really good in bed, so I guess that’s why I keep him around.”

  She winked back at me as she finished carving the Turkey. Ten years is a long time and they seemed to have a great marriage. I wanted a marriage like that with TJ, playful, yet loving, supportive and understanding. Stephanie always complained about Tyler but she also told me what a great husband he was and that she couldn’t ask for a better one. Every marriage comes with ups and downs, but she said, finding the right one who you can stick it out with until your final days, who will love you even when your boobs are saggy and wrinkly, is true love. The thought of my boobs being saggy and wrinkly wasn’t a pleasant thought. I quietly pushed it to the back of my mind as we made our way to the dining room table.

  “Thank you so much for dinner, Stephanie. It was great. You really do make a wonderful hostess.”

  Between hugs and making plans to go see a house that was for sale down the street it took us about twenty minutes to get out of the door.

  “Are you alright over there?”

  I was half asleep, in a turkey coma from eating until I couldn’t breathe, when TJ spoke. I was grateful for maternity jeans, because if I had a button it would have popped.

  “Mmm… hmm… I’m just tired.”

  He reached for my hand, moving it to his thigh locking our fingers together as he drove home. I drifted off to sleep and was woken up to TJ lifting me out of the seat and into his arms.

  “Go back to sleep, I’ve got you.” He kissed the side of my head and I rested my head on his shoulders, wrapping my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. TJ carried me all the way up the stairs and into the apartment setting me down in our bed.

  “Do you need anything? You want something to drink or eat?”

  Oh, just the thought of more food was almost enough to make me gag. I stuffed my face like it was the last meal I was going to have. There was no way I could eat another bite of food.

  “No, lie down with me. Can we watch a movie? I am too tired to move right now.” I still had to pack my bag for the surprise TJ had planned, but at the moment I just wanted to lie there in his arms. He kicked off his shoes and pulled his T-shirt off, tossing it to the chair in the corner of the room and climbed into bed pulling me next to him.

  “Oh look! The Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is on, TJ. Let’s watch it.” I was excited. I loved to watch The Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. It reminded me of when I was a little girl. I would watch it every year with my dad, it was our Thanksgiving tradition.

  “I haven’t watched this in almost fourteen years. Do you watch this every year?”

  I nodded, as I snuggled closer to his chest, resting my head on his shoulder as he put his arm around my waist. “I used to watch this with my dad when I was little, I watch it every year. It’s sort of a tradition for me.” I really missed my dad, and wished he was still around to be a part of my life and get to meet his first grandchild.

  TJ kissed the top of my head and turned the volume up a little more on the TV. “We will watch this every year then, and next year we can start this tradition with our baby. I love you, Danielle.”

  Just the thought that this time next year, I will be a mom and have a baby to celebrate all of these things with made my stomach turn. It was exciting, I couldn’t wait to meet this little person.

  ***

  “You look pretty today.” TJ was smiling as he drove. This morning I had tried to find out where we were going. I told him I had to know what to wear, I didn’t want to be cold. I thought he would have to tell me where we were going, but it didn’t work.

  All he said was dress in something to keep me warm. I decided on a pair of faded blue jeans, they had a worn look and were my most favorite maternity jeans. I put on a white cami tank top and a cream colored knit sweater, it was comfy, cozy and cute. It was one of those sweaters that fall off the shoulder a little. I didn’t know if we would be doing a lot of walking so I decided on wearing my gray Converses.

  “So, how lo
ng until we get to where we are going?” We had been in the car for two hours already, and I was starting to get anxious.

  “If I tell you, will you stop fidgeting in your seat?” he asked.

  I looked at him, twisting my mouth, he was right. I was feeling anxious and kept moving around. “I’m sorry, but you know how I get with surprises. It’s hard for me to wait. If you think this is bad, you should see me during Christmas, it’s bad. I hate having to wait until Christmas morning to open my gifts. It’s torture.”

  He shook his head looking straight ahead as he continued to drive. “Thanks for the heads up. I’ll make sure to hide your presents until Christmas Eve then. I wouldn’t want you to sneak under the tree and try to peek,” he was smiling now, and reached over the console to hold my hand. “I’m taking you back to the Biltmore. We are almost there so there is no point in trying to hide it now.”

  I remember our first trip to the Biltmore, our first time alone together, and the first time I realized I was in love with him.

  “That’s not the surprise, though. You have to wait for that, and it’s not happening until later, so try to relax.”

  Oh, great. How was I supposed to relax after hearing about another surprise? My curiosity was going to drive me crazy with a million thoughts of what it could be.

  “Not even a little hint? I love you.” I tried my best to play innocent and cute to see if I could get it out of him but he wasn’t giving in. He didn’t even crack with a hint. He just looked at me grinning and shook his head telling me no.

  “Fine. But you should know this kind of stress could not be good for the baby.”

  He was laughing now. “You call this stress? A weekend at the Biltmore, and getting a surprise later? If that’s all you got you’re never going to get it out of me.”