by Ivy Jordan
That twinge of guilt returned in my gut. Maybe I was cheating on Isaac with this man, this man named Rob who was not willing to let me go, and would go to any lengths to keep me. Was I a good person?
I stared into Isaac’s beautiful green eyes and wondered if I was capable of hurting him like that. He obviously didn’t believe me or believe that I’d been hurt, so it had to be something I kept a secret. Why else would I keep the secret about a man hurting me from my fiancé?
“I need therapy,” I blurted out, figuring someone other than Isaac might be good for me to talk to. “It’s been nearly a month, and I still haven’t remembered much,” I added.
“We can ask for a sleeping aid at your next follow-up,” he offered.
“I don’t want a fucking sleeping aid. I need to talk to someone, to figure out why I can’t remember who hurt me,” I snapped.
“Maddie, why would anyone hurt you?” he asked.
I didn’t care if he believed me or not. I knew someone hurt me, and his name was Rob. I just didn’t know why he hurt me, or who he was to me. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me. I know something happened, and I need to figure this all out,” I hissed.
“I just think you should let this all happen naturally. If you push it, the doctors said you could end up with false memories, and that would set you back even further,” he insisted.
“So, you don’t think therapy is a good idea?” I questioned, confused by his lack of encouragement.
“No, I don’t,” he stated firmly.
“And, me going to Portland, is that ever going to happen?” I snarled.
“I’m working on it,” he insisted.
“You can’t just keep me here, hold me hostage from my life,” I demanded.
“Maddie, I am only trying to do what’s best for you, to protect you,” Isaac said softly.
I wanted to believe that was true, but something didn’t feel right. Why is he trying so hard to keep me all to himself?
I couldn’t have shown up here with so little belongings that they fit in one suitcase, and where was my phone, or my wallet? I knew the cops would’ve found them by now. I was growing more and more frustrated with my situation as the days flew by. My memory wasn’t where I wanted it to be, and although I was starting to feel connected to Isaac, at times he seemed like a total stranger to me.
In the gym, I felt like I belonged, but I didn’t feel that way in this house. I still didn’t feel like I’d ever stepped foot in this house before.
“Maddie, I love you. I only want what’s best for you. I’ll take you to Portland as soon as I get work caught up, and if the doctor thinks therapy is best, then I’ll agree,” he said sweetly.
It was the first time he’d told me he loved me since the accident. My heart raced in my chest as I thought about those three little words. Did I love Isaac? I mean, I must’ve if we were engaged, but I couldn’t bring myself to utter them just yet.
“Thank you,” I said softly, avoiding returning the admiration.
Chapter Eleven
Isaac
I slid out of the bed, leaving the curvy silhouette of Maddie’s body beneath the sheets. Damn, she is sexy. I loved watching her sleep so peacefully, no more bad dreams for the last couple nights, and she’d finally let up on the million questions. It was obvious she didn’t think things connected, and she wasn’t wrong. They didn’t. I just hoped that after a little more time together, things would start to feel more natural.
The mailman waved as I stepped outside to grab the newspaper. The sun was hot, making me wish I could take the day off and play on the beach with Maddie. “Hey, Tim,” I waved back to the man in the blue shorts.
Damn, why is she pushing so hard to go to Portland? I knew I was going to have to take her eventually, but acting like things were hectic at work was the only excuse I had, so no more days off.
I wondered often what would happen if she stepped foot into her own apartment. There were probably pictures of her and Rob all over the place, little reminders of their love spread everywhere to trigger her memory and send more questions towards me. What if she only remembers the good in Rob? What if she forgets that he is the bad guy, and that I am the good guy?
I pulled my mail from the basket near my door and walked back inside. The air conditioning was refreshing from the heat of the Florida winter sun. I scanned through the mail, not finding anything too interesting, and tossed it on the long table by the stairs to sort later.
The aroma of coffee filled the room as I walked into the kitchen. I grabbed my favorite mug, poured it full of coffee, and leaned against the counter to think. Was I the good guy in this? Was it my place to hide Maddie from her real life and try to create a new one, a safer one for her here?
“Good morning.” Maddie wiped her eyes gently and then yawned after mumbling her greeting.
She was wearing one of my dress shirts, three buttons undone from the top, and nothing but panties on underneath. Her hair was messy, but still sexy. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. “Good morning,” I smiled, my dick twitching in my pants as she lifted her arms to stretch. Just a glimpse of those white cotton panties and I was half-mast.
Sleeping in the same bed had been nice, but not having sex was becoming torturous. Her scent drove me wild, and the warmth of her body made my urges hard to control. But, I was a perfect gentleman, holding her against me and not asking for anything more, even though I wanted nothing more than to bury my face between her legs and taste the sweet nectar her pussy had to offer.
“You working today?” she asked, her mouth still partially open from her yawn, and her words slurring as if she were drunk.
“I am,” I regretted.
“I might go to the gym again today,” she announced. My heart raced and panic set in. I hated her going to the gym. Rob owned a gym, the gym where she used to work as a personal trainer and not a yoga teacher like I had told her she was. I knew the more time she spent there, the more likely she was to remember him.
“I think it might rain,” I blurted.
“It looks beautiful outside,” she said, leaning towards the window to peek out at the ocean. It was beautiful. The sun was shining so bright it might as well be July, not December. There was only a small breeze, no clouds in the sky, and I knew the weather channel said the day was going to be perfect. “It may rain later. I just wouldn’t want you to get stuck out in it,” I said convincingly.
She shrugged her shoulders and tossed me a smile. “I’m a big girl; I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
I knew the stress I was feeling was displayed all over my face, so I walked away while she made herself a cup of coffee. I fumbled through the mail that I’d gotten earlier when she walked up behind me. I could feel the warmth of her body against my back, and as she stretched up on her tippy toes to look over my shoulder, I felt her breasts brush against me. Fuck, my dick is aching.
“Anything for me?” she asked.
“No,” I chuckled.
“Why not?” she pouted.
I turned around, noticing she was feeling upset and displaced once again. “You don’t get any mail here,” I explained.
“But, don’t I have any friends here, or home, or just people that are worried about me, looking for me?” she asked.
With a man like Rob, she had no friends at all. “Your parents have been gone since you were a girl. Your grandmother raised you, and she passed after you graduated college,” I explained.
The sadness in her eyes made my heart ache. “I know I don’t remember them right now, but for some reason the pain of knowing they’re gone is strong,” she gasped, holding onto her chest for a moment while she gathered her emotions.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I offered, and wrapped my arms around her for a tight squeeze.
My hands rested on her ass cheeks, loving the soft but tight flesh beneath my fingertips. Baseball, Roseanne Barr, dill pickles, aahhh, my dick obeyed my words by slowly deflating before it pressed hard into Maddie and scared
her away.
“What’s this,” she asked, snatching a square envelope from my hand. Her body pulled away as she read the label that simply said, Mr. Isaac Lewis. “Is this an invitation?” she probed, staring up at me with bright blue eyes.
I took it from her hand, shrugged, and opened it to reveal an elaborately decorated invitation for an upcoming charity event.
“Why wasn’t it addressed to both of us,” she questioned, obviously in another one of her moods where she doubted everything about our relationship.
“I’m not going anyways,” I shrugged, tossing the invite back onto the table.
Maddie’s eyes widened, and her lips tightened as she stared at the invite with contempt.
“I feel like a prisoner here. I need friends; I must’ve had some, if not back home, then here,” she hissed.
“You had clients back home, and here, you had me,” I said, knowing I was running out of excuses. This was becoming harder and harder, and I knew the more I lied that this was not the best way to handle this situation. It was too late now though; I was unable to go back in time and fix this, so now, I had to ride it out and pray for the best.
I watched her stomp off, heading to the guest room like an angry teenager. I was treating her like a child, or something so fragile it couldn’t leave its bubble, but I had to, at least for now.
At the office, Beth immediately cornered me with questions about Maddie. “Have you told her yet?” she pushed.
“No,” I replied, walking fast to get away from her and into my office.
“Isaac, you’re really fucking up,” she insisted.
I reached my office, turne, and smiled before shutting my door on her. Once inside, I opened the safe, pulled out Maddie’s phone, and checked for more messages, more texts. There wasn’t anything new, not for days. That lil’ fucker gave up, thank God!
It felt as though an elephant just got up from sitting on my chest. I could breathe again, finally.
Beth tapped on the door as she opened it. “What are you so giddy about?” she asked.
My smile was wide, I could feel it stretching my cheeks, but I couldn’t stop it. I was on cloud nine. “He gave up,” I smirked, holding the phone in the air.
Beth smiled. “Good, then you have no reason not to tell her,” she insisted.
I didn’t, except for the fact she may hate me, leave me, and I’d never see her again.
“I’m in pretty deep,” I admitted, knowing Beth was right.
“Yes, but you can still explain,” she urged.
I wasn’t sure that was possible. “What if she never remembers? If I hurt her, she has nowhere to go, and she doesn’t know anyone; she could end up in a real dilemma,” I explained.
Beth sat in the chair across from my desk. Her face was pale and lacking expression as she stared into my eyes. “She has no one else?” she asked.
I shook my head.
“She can’t be alone, that’s true, not like this anyway. If she went back home now, her ex would surely work his way back into her life,” Beth rationalized my thinking out loud. “How do you know this guy is bad?” she asked.
“Maddie told me,” I explained.
“Did she call you, text you, e-mail you?” she queried.
“She sent a couple e-mails over a week and then a few texts before making the phone call to tell me she’d made arrangements to head this way.
“Can I see those?” Beth asked.
I leaned back in my chair and exhaled loudly. I showed her the messages.
“What’s the ex’s name?” Beth asked.
“Rob Fallon,” I replied.
“I take it you’ve looked him up, ran a background on him?” she questioned.
“Of course, and he’s squeaky clean, not even so much as a parking ticket,” I growled. Her lips tightened again. “Look, I know what she told me, and I don’t want her anywhere near that bastard,” I spat.
“You need to show her the evidence and maybe that would help her understand your motives,” she sighed.
But if I try to tell her about her past, then all I’m doing is forcing memories on her, and the doctors made it clear they wanted them to come naturally.
“I have to start helping her to remember on her own,” I sighed, slouching into my chair.
Beth smiled sweetly. “You do,” she said softly. I knew she was aware how hard this was going to be for me to do.
I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against my chair as she walked out of the office. I heard the door close, but I didn’t open my eyes to check. I needed to sort this out if I didn’t want to lose Maddie forever.
Chapter Twelve
Maddie
Isaac sat beside me in the hospital lobby. He playfully slapped at my hands as I wrung them like wet rags in my lap. I was nervous, scared, and even a little hopeful. Things had started to surface, not much, but at least some. “You’ll be fine,” Isaac assured me. I smiled in his direction, but I knew it was weak.
“Maddie,” the doctor entered the lobby with a smile. I stood, walked towards him, and didn’t even look back to see if Isaac was coming. I was too nervous to do anything except rush to the private consult room where I could hopefully get some answers.
“How have you been feeling?” the doctor asked with a wide smile.
“Frustrated,” I admitted as Isaac took the seat beside me.
“No memories?” the doctor asked, his tone questioning.
“I’ve had some bad nightmares,” I explained.
I noticed Isaac becoming fidgety in his seat, and the doctor leaning forward in concern. “What kind of nightmares?” he probed.
I explained to him in detail about the nightmares, and how odd I thought it was that I knew the man in my dream, but I didn’t know how. The doctor asked Isaac if there was a Rob in my life, or his, and he said no just like he had when I asked. It just didn’t make sense. “Did anyone attack Maddie or hurt her that you know of?” the doctor asked directly to Isaac.
“No,” he assured him.
“It could be a good sign. Maybe this is how your mind is going to heal and unravel the secrets it's hiding,” the doctor smiled.
I told him about the song, and the music box, and then the cooking show that led to a disaster. “Maybe cooking is something you’ve always wanted to do, but didn’t,” the doctor suggested. “That would be a great hobby for you, but I suggest starting out small and working your way into the tougher recipes,” he chuckled.
His smile was warm and inviting, and his eyes honest and pure. I trusted him when he told me things would get better, and I had to just believe him.
“As for the memory triggers, you said Maddie didn’t live here, and that you would make a trip to Portland; has that happened yet?” he asked Isaac.
“I’ve been trying to get caught up on work,” he said quickly.
“Okay, well, we need to make that happen as soon as possible,” the doctor instructed.
“I offered to go alone,” I chimed in, hoping he’d give me the pass to go if Isaac never made the plans.
“I don’t think that is such a good idea. Unless you have someone that you know and trust to meet you at the airport,” the doctor said.
Ugh! I didn’t know anyone, so how would I know if they were to be trusted?
“Is there a chance that I’ll never remember?” I asked, my voice squeaking as I spoke.
I was scared to death to hear the answer. I couldn’t imagine leaving twenty-five years behind and starting fresh, no memories, nothing.
“There is always a chance, but I would say that is less than two percent,” the doctor replied.
Relief fell over me like a warm blanket. That was a very low chance, but I shuddered at the thought of there still being that chance.
“So, for now, I want you to use cooking as a hobby, stay at the gym where you said you felt the most comfortable, and plan that trip to Portland,” he smiled directly at me. His teeth were so white they nearly glowed, and his dark hair wavy a
nd long, falling onto his shoulders in a loose curl. He was a handsome man. I wondered if that was my type before. I looked at Isaac, blond, cropped hair, beautiful green eyes, muscular and serious. Was he my type?
“Well, that was all good news,” Isaac boasted as we left the office.
“I guess,” I sighed.
“Let’s get some food,” Isaac suggested.
I was hungry, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I hated not remembering what I liked until I saw it or tasted it. “I have no idea what I want,” I whined.
“I have an idea,” Isaac boasted with a wide smile smeared across his face. He gripped my hand and pulled me towards the Escalade where he helped me inside. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going, and no matter how many times I begged for a hint, he just smirked.
Finally, we pulled into a restaurant parking lot with a large sign that read “World’s Largest Buffet,” I smiled, realizing he was going to let me try everything I wanted in one sitting.
“Seriously?” I laughed.
“Yes. You can at least see everything, smell it, and just put what you think you like on your plate,” he instructed as he slid out of the truck.
He came to my side, helped me out of the truck, and then slid his hand in mine as we walked towards the front door.
The aroma of all the foods cooked inside made my mouth water. I was ready to try it all. “They have ethnic foods in each of the four corners,” he pointed out as he showed me where everything was organized.
We took a seat in a booth that was nearest to the buffet and ordered water from the waitress. Isaac smiled as he handed me a plate. “Ready to try?”
I was so ready. This would be a great chance for me to learn something about myself, even if it was something as simple as knowing my tastes.
I held my plate and walked with Isaac through the buffet tables. He reached for all the fried foods, spicy Asian dishes, and decadent desserts while I was a little choosier. By the time we made it back to the table, I’d chosen brown rice, salmon, asparagus, fresh fruit, and a fresh spinach salad. “Wow, you went right back to your roots,” Isaac teased.