“See? Just like Iowa,” I say, patting her hand.
“Thank you,” she says, shifting her gaze from the stars to me.
“It was Harold. I didn’t do anything.”
“No, I mean it. Thank you.” She sits up and looks down on me. “You’ve done so much for me these last two weeks. I know you feel like you have to, but you don’t. If you had anything to make up for, you’ve done it in spades, Caden. Thanks to you, I start my new job soon. I’m going to be fine. I appreciate everything you’ve done, but you can stop the meals on wheels and everything.”
I laugh. “Meals on wheels?”
“You know what I mean.”
“What did your roommates think about all of it?” I ask cautiously.
She lies back down and sighs. “Um … I didn’t exactly tell my roommates who sent them.”
I look at her, surprised. “Really?”
“Well, there were no cards, no evidence of who had done all those things for me, so I figured you didn’t want them to know it was you.”
I smile. She’s right, I didn’t. But I guessed she’d tell them anyway. “Who do they think sent everything?”
“My mom.”
“A missed opportunity,” I say, shaking my head.
“Opportunity for what?”
“To get back at the lying, cheating bastard. You could have said they were from a secret admirer. Someone you met at the hospital perhaps. A hot doctor maybe.”
She laughs and proceeds to tell me how she managed to make her roommate jealous tonight.
This girl. This woman. She’s different from anyone I’ve ever met. I’m her only friend in New York and she chooses to keep that fact to herself. Most girls would have shouted to everyone who would listen that I was sending them food and flowers. Not her. Not Murphy.
Tony is a stupid motherfucker. Does he even know what he lost?
We lie in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the stars and the comfortable quietness between us. When she breaks the silence, her insightful words surprise me.
“Are you scared of anything, Caden? I mean, not like getting mugged or having your identity stolen, but are you really and truly afraid of something?”
I turn on my side and rise up on an elbow. I don’t know why I’m inclined to tell this girl all my secrets, all my deepest thoughts and fears, but I am. “I’m afraid I’m living on borrowed time.”
She puts a gentle hand on my arm. “Please don’t tell me you’re sick, Caden.”
“No. It’s nothing like that.” I look around the dark stadium with a longing that has lived inside me for as far back as I can remember. “The average career of an MLB player is about five years. This is my third season. That means I could be more than halfway done. Sometimes I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? What if this is it? What if this is as far as I go? Who will I be if I’m not on this field, wearing this uniform, doing this job? It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of. I never thought about what would come next. But next isn’t going to be too far off. And it scares the hell out of me.” I try to laugh away the thoughts. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all existential on you.”
“I was the one who asked the existential question,” she says.
“What about you, Murph? What are you afraid of?” I poke her in the ribs. “Except for fly balls.”
“There’s really only one thing,” she says.
In my mind, I try to guess what she’s going to say. Not making it as a model? Not putting her mark on the world? Not getting her big break? “Well, don’t keep the crowd guessing,” I prod.
“I’m afraid of not being happy,” she says with a sigh.
Wow. Okay, I was not expecting that. “You’re not happy?” I ask.
“I’m not unhappy,” she says. “And on a day-to-day basis, I do think I’m enjoying life. But I see so many people who get up every day and just go through the motions. They complain about burning their toast at breakfast. Then they whine about traffic, after which they get to work and grumble about their terrible bosses. Then they come home and complain there is nothing for dinner, but when they go out, they roll their eyes at the bad service. Nobody takes the time to appreciate things and be truly happy. It’s a disease that has afflicted our generation. So, yeah, I’m afraid of growing old and not being able to look back on my happy life.”
“So, Murphy Brown, what would make you happy? Another modeling contract?”
“You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about that over the past few weeks. Yes, it would make me happy, but only for a short while. Only until I have to go to work with narcissistic models, bitchy agents and pushy photographers. And being a model is so disingenuous. You have to be someone you’re not. I really don’t think any job would make a huge difference in my happiness. It’s more about my life as a whole. The people in it, the places I go, the experiences I have.”
I sniff and pretend to wipe tears under my eyes. She sees my gesture in the moonlight and swats my chest. I have the urge to trap her hand and keep it there. Then I remember this isn’t a date. Nor do I want it to be. Murphy isn’t the woman I want to date. She’s more like the person I want to be best friends with.
“Tell me about ‘never mind’,” I say.
“What do you mean?” she asks with a wrinkle of her nose.
“When I texted you from San Diego, you said something about your ex and about me not knowing the half of it. What happened?”
“Oh, that.” She huffs in frustration. “It seems Tony was fucking all of my roommates, well except the gay one.”
I break out in laughter.
“You find that funny, do you?” she asks.
“Sorry,” I say. “It’s just that you’re so cute when you curse.”
She rolls her eyes at me.
“We’ve already determined the guy is a prick, Murph. Try not to let what he did bother you. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know, but it hurts to find out I was being used. Jamie told me he wanted to ride to the top alongside an up-and-coming model. She said he would pick anyone. It wasn’t me he wanted. Guys are dicks.”
I elbow her. “Good thing I’m not a guy then,” I joke.
She has no idea how her words have affected me. Does she have any clue how similar our lives are?
“Well, you’re not a dick,” she says. “But I think you might just be the one exception.”
“Look!” I shout, pointing up. “I see one.”
“That’s an airplane, Caden.”
I know it’s an airplane. But I wanted her to see a shooting star. I hoped she’d pretend with me.
“But thanks,” she says. “I know what you were trying to do.” She sits up and crisscrosses her legs, resting her elbows on her knees. “How is it that you aren’t married? I mean, this is the most romantic non-date I’ve ever been on. I can’t imagine what your real dates must be like. And you definitely shouldn’t be wasting all this on a friend.”
“I’m not wasting anything, Murph. And don’t go getting any crazy ideas of romance.” I point my finger between us. “You might just be the best girl friend I’ve ever had. I’m not about to screw that up. And, married? No freaking way. I don’t think I could ever trust anyone enough.”
“Trust anyone?”
“Yeah, you know, to marry me for who I am. You, if anyone, should be able to understand that now.”
She nods, giving me a sad smile. “Yeah, I guess I can.”
I get my phone out and text Harold. A minute later, the lights start to come back on again. I lean over and offer Murphy my hand. She takes it, allowing me to pull her up while shielding her eyes from the bright lights.
“Come on,” I say, pulling her over to home plate. “Your first lesson is about to begin.”
Chapter Twelve
Murphy
I pull my hand out of his grip. “No way,” I tell him, backing away. “You promised we wouldn’t play baseball.”
He grabs my hand again and drags me behind him. “We’re not pl
aying baseball,” he tells me. “We’re miming it.”
“Miming it?”
“Yes. No actual bats. No cheekbone-shattering balls. Just us and the ball field.”
Caden positions me on one side of the plate, then he cocks his head. “You’re not left-handed, are you?”
“No.”
“Okay, so stand here and pretend there is a bat in your hands. Here—hold your hands like this.” He forms my hands into fists and puts one on top of the other and then puts them up near my right shoulder.
I glare at him. “It’s not like I’ve never played before, you know. We did have to play softball in gym class in middle school. I’m not completely clueless.”
He looks me over from head to toe. “Something’s missing,” he says.
“A bat maybe?” I say sarcastically.
“Funny. No, not a bat.” He takes the Nighthawks cap off his head and puts it onto mine, being careful not to disturb my stitches. “There, now you’re ready.”
He spends the next half hour teaching me about balls, strikes, line-drives, and pop-flies. My brain is on overload from all the information. But at least I feel like I might understand it a little more when I come to his game next weekend.
I follow him into the dugout and we sit on the bench. I take off his hat and hand it to him.
“Keep it,” he says, winking. “I have a few more where that came from.”
I put it back on my head, knowing I’ll add it to the collection of other Hawks stuff he’s given me. “Thanks.”
“It looks good on you,” he says. “Some girls don’t look good in hats but it suits you. The sign of a real tomboy.”
I smile when he calls me that. Then I decide to tell him why. “When I was a kid, my dad used to call me a tomboy. I was always building forts and riding skateboards with the neighborhood boys.”
“But he doesn’t anymore?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No. He died when I was twelve.” I look down at the concert t-shirt I’m wearing that reminds me of him. “This was my first concert. My dad took me. It was only weeks before he died.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, looking sad. “The shirt must mean a lot to you.”
“It’s my favorite article of clothing.”
“We have another thing in common, you know. My dad isn’t around either.”
“I’m sorry you lost him,” I say, knowing how terrible it is to lose a parent at a young age.
He shrugs. “No, he’s not dead. At least not that I know of. Who knows, maybe he is. He was a drug addict who left us just after I was born.”
“Oh, Caden, that’s awful.”
“No.” He touches the hem of my shirt. “What you went through is awful, losing a dad you grew up with. A dad you loved. I never even knew mine. Big difference.”
He stands up. “I’d better get you home before you turn into a pumpkin.”
I laugh. “I think you’re off by a few hours. But yeah, the doctor said I should get a lot of sleep the first week to help with healing.”
“You look great, you know. Much better than I thought you’d look less than a week after surgery.”
“Thanks. I’ve come to accept that my face won’t be perfect, but then again, it never was in the first place.”
“Nobody’s perfect, Murphy. And I’ll bet in a few months, no one will be able to see any of your scars. And if they do, they’re not looking hard enough.”
I absorb his meaningful words and smile.
On our way out, Caden gives me a quick tour of the clubhouse, which is just a fancy term for locker room, a place that is normally off-limits to anyone who isn’t with the organization. Then we track down Harold and thank him profusely.
We walk to the nearest intersection and I look around as Caden hails a cab. I adore New York at night. The lights, the activity, the endless stream of pedestrians. I close my eyes and inhale. I’m not sure why I do it. I think the city just has a certain smell. If busy were a scent, this would be it. And I love it.
When I open my eyes, Caden is studying me. He holds the door of the cab open for me and we scoot in. “What made you finally do it?” he asks. “Move to the city.”
I fumble with the ring on my thumb. Kelly’s ring. The only one I never take off. “One of my friends from high school was always encouraging me to do it.”
“Sounds like a good friend,” he says. “Do you still keep in touch?”
I shake my head sadly. “She was my best friend. She died in late February,” I tell him. “We were in the middle of an Indian summer. Kelly and I were out jogging when she complained about a sharp pain in the back of her neck. Turns out she got stung by a bee. She didn’t even know she was allergic. I tried to get her back, to keep her breathing, but the doctor said there was nothing I could have done.”
“Jesus, Murph. That’s horrible. I’m sorry to hear that. You’ve experienced a lot of loss in your life. But that explains why you had the guts to follow your dream. Life’s too short not to.”
I nod. “Yeah, that’s what Kelly always said. My other friends, Tami, Megan and Hannah, they had all taken jobs in other cities or got married and moved away. Kelly and I were the only two left, and when she died, there was nothing more to keep me there.”
“No boyfriend?” he asks.
“No. I had a few on and off. Nobody I cared enough about to bring home to my mother.”
“How did your mom take your leaving?”
“She didn’t want me to go. She thought I was making a rash decision too soon after Kelly died. But she’s gone a lot. She’s a travel agent and she’s always taking trips here or there, either to scope out places or because she won them from her company because she’s so good at what she does.”
He stares me down. “You still haven’t told her what happened, have you?”
“No. She’d only worry about me more than she already does. But I’ll have to face the music soon enough, there will be no more hiding it when she starts to get insurance statements after my medical bills begin rolling in.”
“About those, I’d like to take care of them,” he says, looking guilty.
“What? No. Besides, my mom has really good insurance.”
“We’ll see,” he says, refusing to look directly at me.
“We will not see, Caden. Thanks to the job you got me, I can pay my own way. You’ve done enough. You’ve done more than enough.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “You sure do have a stubborn streak, don’t you, Danny-girl?”
“Danny-girl? What is it with you and all your nicknames?”
“You know, Daniel Murphy.”
I look at him with a blank stare.
He laughs. “Oh, I have so much to teach you. Daniel Murphy plays second base for Washington. Great player. Good guy.”
“Maybe I need to come up with a nickname for you,” I say, as the cab pulls up to my building.
A smile grows up his face. “I think I might like that,” he says. “But my name’s pretty boring.”
“Your name is anything but boring,” I say. “It’s quite original. What do your friends call you?”
“Nothing really. The guys on my team call me Kessler, or just Kess.”
“Maybe I’ll try it out sometime. Or maybe I’ll come up with another one.”
“Give it your best shot, Murphy Brown.”
I swat him as I exit the cab.
“Thank you, Caden. I had a really good time tonight.”
“Mission accomplished then,” he says, getting out behind me.
I shove Caden back into the cab, remembering how he almost got mobbed by girls when someone recognized him earlier. I was genuinely fearing for his safety. “Don’t get out. I don’t want people to swarm you.”
He sits back down but instructs the cabbie to stay put until I’m inside the building. Then he turns back to me. “I’ll see you Saturday. I gave Lexi your number and she’s going to call you this week to set things up.”
“I’m looking forward to i
t, now that I know what … wait, what is that stick you hit the ball with called again?”
His laughter trails after me as I walk away.
When I walk into my apartment, three heads turn my way. I find it hard not to roll my eyes when I see Tony sitting on the couch with Kirsten and Tori. They were probably having some kind of threesome.
I walk past them into the kitchen without saying a word. I grab a bottle of water and head to my bedroom when Tony stands up, blocking my path. “What’s with the Hawks hat?” he asks.
I reach up and take the hat off my head. I study it for a second. “Oh, I forgot I was wearing it.”
“You don’t wear ball caps,” he says. “And you don’t like baseball.”
I crinkle my nose at him in disdain. “And yet you took me to a game,” I say dryly.
“Can I have it?” he asks.
“Do I look like I was born yesterday?” I say, pushing my way past him.
I shut my door and lean against it proudly, thinking of how that was the first conversation I’d had with him since he became my ex. I can almost hear Caden’s voice in my head. Good girl.
Chapter Thirteen
Caden
As a favor to Sawyer’s cousin, Rob, Sawyer and I are on a triple date with Rob, his girlfriend, and a few of her visiting friends. As luck would have it, bad luck, the friend I got paired with is a huge baseball fan. I give Sawyer the evil eye for the second time tonight when the girl takes yet another selfie of us at the dinner table.
It’s not that I don’t like baseball fans. I do. If it weren’t for them, we wouldn’t be able to do what we do. But I like them more from a distance, not when they are draping themselves all over me.
Like the older gentleman at the bar. He’s been staring at us all night. He obviously recognizes us, but he’s nice enough not to interrupt our dinner. He’s the kind of fan I’d gladly sign an autograph for if he asked us on our way out.
The Perfect Game: A Complete Sports Romance Series (3-Book Box Set) Page 6