by Linda Bleser
He almost turned around and went back inside, but Bobby knew it was no use arguing with his mother when she had her mad face on. He tried to think of another way to find out about Miz Lilly.
Maybe Uncle Max could help.
Bobby headed toward the barn. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be back there alone. But he wouldn’t really be alone…that’s where Uncle Max was.
He made his way slowly, leaning on his forearm crutches and swinging his legs back and forth with each step. The full-leg braces were more cumbersome than heavy, but Bobby would rather struggle with the crutches than have to depend on a wheelchair.
He was sweating from exertion by the time he reached the barn. Inside, he was out of the sun, but the air was still heavy and warm with the thick aroma of hay and horse. His mother always crinkled her nose when she came into the barn, but Bobby loved the smell, and he loved the horses.
Outlaw wasn’t in the barn, though. And neither was Uncle Max. Bobby heard Venus whinny from her stall. He knew she was too skittish to put out with the other horses, but Uncle Max thought that with a little time Venus might be as good with the kids as Outlaw someday. Bobby inched closer to Venus’ stall. She eyed him warily, snorting and jerking her head.
The horse stepped back as Bobby advanced. Bobby knew not to make any sudden moves. He’d watched his uncle try to coax the frightened animal.
“Easy girl,” Bobby crooned softly, just like he’d heard Uncle Max talk to the horse. He unlatched the stall door and stepped inside. “That’s it, nice and easy. Not gonna hurt you.”
Bobby swung forward, planted his feet then pulled the crutches around. His left crutch swung wide, hitting the bucket of oats someone had left alongside the stall.
Metal clanged against metal, the sound echoing in the closed barn. Venus spooked and reared. Bobby, already unbalanced on one crutch, jerked back and tumbled to the dirt floor as the animal’s hooves thrashed the air over his head.
*
Max had been on his way into the barn when he heard Venus’ frightened whinny. He ran inside and took in the scene at a glance, the horse rearing, hooves flailing. Bobby was sprawled on the ground, helpless to get out of the way. Without thinking, Max ran and dove, covering Bobby’s body with his own before rolling both of them out of the way.
The sound of hooves hitting the packed dirt was close. Too close. Max felt the ground shudder beneath them, heard the horse’s terrified snorts, felt the spray of dirt against his cheek.
He clutched Bobby tight, adrenaline pumping, heart pounding. What if he hadn’t gotten there in time? Max couldn’t even think about it. Slowly he stood, pulling Bobby to his feet. He checked the boy from head to toe, relieved to see that he was a little frightened but otherwise fine.
“You scared the hell out of me,” he said, pulling his nephew close and holding him tight against his chest. Max noticed a nasty cut on the back of his own hand where he’d scraped the edge of the muck rake, but that was a small price to pay. It could have been worse. Much, much worse.
“I’m sorry, Uncle Max.” Bobby rubbed his eyes, tears leaving smudged streaks on his dirty face.
“Let’s go get you cleaned up,” Max said.
Behind them, Venus had already stopped rearing. She cowered in the back of her stall, haunches quivering, nostrils flaring. Max talked softly to the horse, trying to soothe her as he retrieved Bobby’s crutches. He saw Venus’ bucket lying on its side next to one of the crutches and shot Bobby a stern glance. “What were you doing? You know you’re not supposed to be in the barn alone.”
Bobby sniffled. “I was looking for you.”
“Yeah?” Max closed the stall door then handed Bobby his crutches, not wanting to compound the boy’s embarrassment by carrying him back to the house. It was getting harder to strike a perfect balance between his sense of protectiveness and the knowledge that Bobby needed to live like other boys. He was reaching an age when he resented being coddled and treated differently.
Bobby nodded. “I wanted you to talk to that pretty lady in the house with Mom. Wanted you to ask her about Miz Lilly for me.”
Kate? Max’s heart gave a quick jolt. Kate was here? He wondered if she’d come to ream him out again. The thought actually brought a smile to his face. He loved it when fire lit up her eyes. That was the Kitty he remembered, not the hollow-eyed woman who acted as if nothing mattered. When he’d first seen her, he’d been afraid she’d turned as cold and gray as that city she couldn’t wait to get back to. He was afraid she’d lost the passion he’d loved so much.
“I thought maybe she heard from Miz Lilly in heaven.” Bobby’s feet kicked up petulant puffs of dust as they left the barn. “Mom kicked me out, though. Said I should come find you.”
Max couldn’t resist the tear-smudged face. “Okay,” he said. “But next time don’t try to go near Venus without me. She needs more time to learn how to trust people again. We’ll work with her together, okay?”
“Really?” Bobby’s face lit up. “I been watching you,” he said. “I know how to talk to her real gentle-like. She only got scared because my crutch hit the bucket and spooked her.”
Max smiled. The kid had horses in his blood. He’d make a good rancher someday. But there was more to it than just loving horses. When Bobby was on horseback, he wasn’t just a boy on crutches. In his mind he was a real cowboy, riding with the wind in his hair and the freedom of movement he could only experience on horseback. For that reason alone, Max would do whatever was needed to keep the ranch running.
Max ran his fingers through Bobby’s hair. He stopped and frowned, pressing the palm of his hand to Bobby’s forehead. “You feeling all right, Champ?”
Bobby nodded, but Max wasn’t convinced. The boy’s forehead felt warm to the touch. “Why don’t we get you inside out of the sun?”
Bobby shook off Max’s hand and pointed toward the house. “There she is,” he said.
Max followed his gaze and saw Kate walking with Cheryl Anderson. Oh no, he thought. You’re not getting away from me again, little darlin’. Not this time.
“Go inside and get cleaned up,” he told Bobby, giving him a gentle nudge toward the house. Then he took off at a lope to catch up with Kate before she could leave.
“Don’t forget to ask her about Miz Lilly,” Bobby called out to him.
Max reached the car just as the two women did. Kate spun around, her eyes wide with surprise when she saw him. He gripped her elbow, keeping her from getting into the car. “We need to talk,” he said, not giving her a chance to argue. “Privately.”
Kate glanced from Max to Cheryl and back again.
“Please?” Max knew if she walked away this time, he might never have the chance to confront her. Before he knew it, she’d be gone again, back to a life he had no part of.
He watched Kate’s features soften into a smile. “My car is at Cheryl’s,” she said.
“I’ll drop you off there when we’re done.” He wasn’t giving her any excuse to slip away. It was now or never.
He glanced at Cheryl, who nodded and climbed into her car. She waved to Kate. “I’ll see you…whenever.”
The women shared a secretive smile, and Max thought that maybe, just maybe, his luck was finally about to change.
Chapter Ten
From the passenger seat of the pick-up, Kate watched Max. He stared straight ahead at the road, his brow furrowed in concentration. Now that she was actually here with him, she felt suddenly shy. There was so much she wanted to say but she didn’t know where to start.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“You’ll see.”
His voice was gruff, thick with emotion. She noticed a streak of dirt on his jeans, and a bright red cut crossing diagonally along the back of his hand. He glanced over and caught her staring. “Bobby took a little tumble,” he explained, wiping the blood on his jeans. “He’s okay.”
Kate didn’t want to think of how many germs he’d just thrust into the open wound. He was a cowboy,
a rough-and-tumble man’s man who had little or no use for Band-Aids.
“Max?”
“Hm?”
“I…I’m sorry for the things I said the other day. I was out of line.” Now that she’d started, Kate couldn’t stop and the words came tumbling out. “I had no idea what you were doing out at the ranch, or my mother’s involvement. I think it’s wonderful…what you’re doing. And I…I was wrong. I’m sorry. Sorry for accusing you of taking advantage of her, sorry for thinking…”
He glanced over at her, one eyebrow raised.
“…you know,” she finished feebly.
“That I was conning your mother? Isn’t that the way you put it?”
Kate felt her cheeks burn with shame. She looked down at her hands folded in her lap. “Yes.”
“Your mother was an attractive woman,” he said.
Her head jerked up. What? She stared at him, not sure if she was hearing right.
“But I think she had better taste in men,” he added, grinning.
It took a moment to sink in. He was teasing her. She smiled and he smiled back and they seemed to slip into a familiar ease that she only now realized had been missing from her life all these years. No wonder she hadn’t felt complete.
“I really am sorry,” she said softly.
He reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. His hands were rough and strong and warm. She’d forgotten how perfectly her own hand fit in his, how safe it made her feel. But before she could get accustomed to the sensation, he withdrew and she was left feeling alone again.
Suddenly she realized where they were heading. The distant horizon was broken by a familiar outline. Max turned into the abandoned lot that served as the setting for most of her nightmares.
“The drive-in?”
Max nodded. “Until we can figure out exactly what happened, this place will always haunt us. This is where it all started, and this is where it has to end.”
Kate understood. If nothing else they’d have closure, something neither of them had had up until now.
She nodded, her heart in her throat. As hard as it would be to dredge up old memories, she knew it was for the best, like lancing a wound and allowing the poison to flow before healing could take place.
They pulled into the two-lane dirt entrance to the abandoned drive-in. Max jumped out, leaving the truck idling as he unlatched the chain blocking the entrance. He climbed back into the cab of the pick-up and grinned. “Kids hang out here sometimes. Deputy Ed chases them out and puts a new chain up, but it never stays locked for long.”
Max drove slowly over the ruts and pulled into what could have been the exact same spot they’d parked all those years ago. Kate could feel the weight of memories pressing down on her. Despite the fact that the drive-in was empty, the screen silent and the sun shining, she was struck by a strong sense of déjà vu. With vivid clarity she remembered the movie that had been showing that night, the dancing soda commercials counting down intermission, the smell of buttery popcorn and warm beer. Her throat tightened. Just like that she was propelled into the past. She felt like a teenager again—young, innocent and so vulnerable.
Max turned off the truck and swiveled to face her across the seat. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “I think there’s been a huge misunderstanding and the only way to resolve it is if we both re-create exactly what happened after you stepped out of my truck that night.”
Kate nodded, unable to speak. How often had she imagined doing just that? Getting it all out in a burst of recrimination, freeing herself once and for all. But now that the opportunity had come, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to force the words past her throat.
Max reached across for her hand again. “Do you want to go first?”
She shook her head.
“Okay,” he said. “Here’s the way we’re gonna do it. I’ll tell you exactly what happened from my point of view and how it made me feel. Then you’ll do the same. Does that sound fair?”
She nodded again.
“You are going to speak at some point, right? If not, this isn’t going to work.”
“Yes,” she said, giving him a weak smile. “And that sounds fair. Have you been taking psychology classes in your spare time?”
“Nope. Sis watches a lot of talk shows and she says this is the way to do it. And for the record,” he said, “I don’t have a whole lot of spare time these days.”
He smiled again, and as charming as his smile was, it did little to ease the tension. She looked at the cracked vinyl of the dashboard, her watch, the threadbare movie screen with its metal skeleton exposed…anywhere but at Max, because looking in his eyes would be her undoing.
He took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “Okay,” he said. “It was the week before the prom when we came here. You wore a yellow sundress the exact same color as your hair.” He smiled. “You looked prettier than a sunset.”
Her heart skipped a beat.
“You were so beautiful and I was so scared.” His voice lowered to almost a whisper. “I was going to ask you to marry me that night.”
This time she was the one to gasp. “Marry you?”
He nodded. “Had the ring in my pocket and everything. And then I did probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I thought that a beer would give me the courage to propose. And one beer turned to two and still I couldn’t work up the nerve. Then three and four and by that time I’d forgotten what I was gonna say, I just knew you were so beautiful and I wanted you and…”
He shook his head then finally said the words she’d waited so long to hear. “I am so sorry. God. I was all over you and you said ‘no’ and I kept pushing you and I don’t blame you for slapping me and storming out. I was a jerk. A drunken jerk. And when I came to and you were gone, I knew I’d blown it for good.”
Kate let out a sigh.
“On top of that,” he said, “when I heard you’d gone home with Ed Tate, I felt like an even bigger jerk. I should have apologized right then and there, but Tate said…” He looked away guiltily.
“What did he say?” Kate asked, trying to coax the rest of the sentence out of him, needing to hear it.
“He said you’d slept together. That you’d chosen him over me. And that he wasn’t the only one.”
“And you believed that?”
“Not at first,” Max admitted. “But then you stood me up for the prom. And Sis said she saw you coming out of a motel later that night—with Ed Tate. And then other guys started saying you’d been with them too. I wondered why everyone else and not me? I thought we had something special, Kitty. Then I thought maybe you were punishing me or something.”
Kate crossed her arms around her stomach, hugging herself tight. She felt sick. All the old pain was still there, but this time there was the added burden of knowing that Max hadn’t started the rumors to begin with, that he wasn’t to blame as she’d thought all these years.
“I have to finish,” he said. “See, I still hadn’t given up hope. I carried that ring in my pocket everywhere I went. I figured once you were done being mad at me, we’d go back to where we’d left off. But then you just up and left. No goodbye or nothing. You just turned your back as if this town wasn’t good enough for you. Or maybe it was me that wasn’t good enough. But you never even said goodbye, and that’s what hurt most of all.”
His voice cracked and he turned away. That was the final straw that broke her heart. All these years she’d thought she was the injured one, and he’d been hurting as much as she had. She wanted to crawl into his arms and curl up and make it all go away. She wanted to cry and scream and let all the pain go.
But first she had to tell him the rest. As hard as it would be, it was her turn now.
Max felt drained. His hands were gripped into tight fists at his sides. To spare Kate’s feelings, he’d left out the worst—the vicious, hateful things Tate had spit in his face. “I had your girl and she loved it,” he’d said, laughing in Max’s face. “She couldn’t get enou
gh of it and begged me for more. So I gave her what she wanted, over and over and over.”
Max gritted his teeth, remembering those words as if he’d heard them yesterday. How many times had they played over and over in his mind since then? How many nights had he lain awake imagining the two of them naked together?
He felt the seat shift and turned to see Kate sliding closer. She rested her hand on his shoulder.
“He lied,” she said. “He lied to both of us.”
Max wanted to believe that, but the image he’d tortured himself with for so long was burned indelibly into his brain.
“Max, look at me.”
He raised his gaze, looking deep into her eyes.
“He played us both,” she said. “He told me that you were bragging to everyone that you’d already…” Kate couldn’t even repeat the crude phrase Ed Tate had used. She took a slow, trembling breath. Her voice was barely a whisper as she rephrased the words Tate had spoken. “He said you’d told everyone that you’d already taken my virginity.”
“I never said that!” Max felt anger burning deep in his belly. His fists tightened again, his body coiled for a fight. Badge or no badge, he vowed to make Tate pay for this.
“He said you’d told everyone I was easy and that now that you’d broken me in, they might as well take their turn.”
“And you believed that?”
“You believed what you were hearing, didn’t you?”
She was right, but still it hurt to realize she could so easily think the worst of him. Granted he’d acted like an immature jerk, but he wasn’t the kind of person who would spread vicious lies. She had to know that.
“So all this…” he muttered. “Ten years wasted. All because you chose to believe him over me? It was a simple misunderstanding you could have cleared up just by asking me.”
“I could say the same,” she replied. “Did you ever think to ask me if the rumors you were hearing were true? Did you trust me enough to believe in me instead of locker-room gossip?”
He started to argue but she stopped him. “It’s my turn, remember? You made the rules.”