by Tasha Blue
“Ooh,” Sophie said mischievously, pulling her feet up onto the couch and curling into position that said she was ready for a good, long session of girl chat. She sat holding her coffee and looking at Laura over the rim of the cup with an expectant grin. “Does it have anything to do with that fireman? What is it? Has he asked you to do something kinky?”
“What? Sophie, no!” Laura exclaimed, rolling her eyes. “Why do you always think it's something like that?”
Sophie shrugged. “Well, it sounded like you had a pretty wild night with him not so long ago and you haven't been yourself since then. It's always the handsome ones that get weird in the bedroom.”
“Please Sophie, stop,” Laura pleaded, setting her coffee down on the table. “This is serious.”
Her best friend set down her own cup and dropped the joking. She could tell now that something was wrong and her intuitiveness for drama sensed what it was.
“Don't tell me that you're pregnant!” she gasped.
Laura nodded slowly. “I forgot I'd stopped taking the pill after Ray,” she confessed. “I thought I was going to be single for a while, remember? I was so caught up in the moment with Daniel that I just didn't think about it. I mean, it was just one night, Sophie. How could I get pregnant after just one night?”
“It's not about the number of times, Laura, it's about the quality of the stuff,” Sophie told her matter-of-factly. “God, so what are you going to do now?”
“I don't know,” Laura said, feeling sick at the thought.
“Have you spoken to him about it? What did he say?”
“That's the problem,” Laura told her. “I went to find him today and it turns out that he's gone off to Colorado for the summer and there's no way to get a hold of him, which means that I have to make a pretty huge decision on my own right now. Sophie, what do I do?”
“I can't answer that for you,” Sophie said gently. “What do you want to do?”
“I don't know,” Laura sighed. “Part of me thinks that I can't do this on my own. I mean, it's not part of the plan, but the other part of me knows how I'd feel if I didn't keep the baby.”
“The infamous plan...” Sophie repeated. “The plan doesn't matter now, Laura. The plan's out the window. It's time for a new plan. I mean, can you afford a baby?”
“Not really, but that's not the point,” Laura told her. “I've gotten pregnant and I need to take responsibility for that. I mean, we're not kids anymore, Sophie. I'm not a teenager or college student now. I'm a grown woman and if I've gotten pregnant, maybe that's a sign that it's time for me to start taking the next steps in my life.”
“But you'd be doing it alone,” Sophie reminded her gently. “I know you're a good person and that you have this baby's interests at heart, but you've got to think about the reality. Could you realistically do this on your own? Who would look after the baby when you were at work?”
“Well, I suppose I'd just take it with me,” Laura said. “I mean, I am the boss after all. I could keep it with me behind the counter. I've got the kitchen out back to prepare formula and the shop only has manic busy spells around the holidays... I think I could manage to keep him or her with me, and I know my Mom would help out.”
“And I'd help out too, of course.” Sophie added.
“I know you would,” Laura said gratefully. “I've got good people around me, whether I see this guy again or not. I think I could do it, and I don't know that Daniel wouldn't take responsibility. Maybe he'd do the right thing.”
“He slept with you and never called again,” Sophie told her pointedly. “He doesn't exactly sound like a stand-up kind of guy.”
“Oh, you know what that night was about, Soph,” Laura reminded her. “I was hardly projecting myself as a woman who was expecting a call the next day. It was just about the sex.”
“It was just about the sex,” Sophie corrected. “Now you've got a bun in the oven and that fireman is the father, so you're going to need to expect a little more than that from him now. When does he get back?”
“They said there's no way to know. The weather this, training that...” she sighed. “The other firemen didn't seem that interested in helping me.”
“Maybe that's because they know what he's like,” Sophie predicted. “Maybe there's a different girl in there every week looking for that man and then he hops off to Colorado every summer to shake them off.”
“You're such a cynic, Sophie.”
“I'm sorry,” Sophie replied. “You just have a habit of picking them, that's all. Still, let's get back to the matter at hand. Are we just talking about this or have you already made a decision?”
“I'm not the sort of girl who runs from her mistakes,” Laura said determinedly. “I'm not getting younger, I have the right support. I know it sounds crazy because it's not part of the plan, but I think I need to keep this baby. I'm not ready now, but nine months is a long time.”
“Then I'll support you all the way,” Sophie told her, then she smiled at Laura. “Do you think it will be a girl?”
Laura smiled back and looked down at her still pretty flat stomach pensively. “I don't know,” she said. “It just feels like a girl.”
Sophie leaned back against the chair and shook her head in mild disbelief. “You know, I never thought you'd be the one to end up with an unplanned baby,” she confessed. “But I don't know anyone who would do a better job as a mom. Your little girl's going to be very lucky, Laura.”
The pregnant woman found herself growing tearful again, but this time with gratitude that she had such a good friend who was so capable of taking all of Laura's drama so easily in her stride and making her feel like everything was going to be okay. Sophie noticed her tearing up and pulled her into a sisterly hug.
“You're going to be all right, Laura,” she promised her. “We'll get through these next few months and then we'll track this guy down when he's back. Everything will work out one way or another.”
“Thanks Sophie,” Laura said meaningfully. “You're the best.”
“I know I am,” Sophie said. “You can either name your child after me or make me godmother. Your choice.”
Laura was amazed that she was able to laugh even as her perfect life plan unraveled before her eyes. She was truly blessed to have a friend such as Sophie, and, when she at last told her parents about the pregnancy, she felt doubly blessed that they were supportive and on her side.
“A captain!” her mother had said with approval. “Well thank God you didn't get pregnant with that other one. What's his name? Connor. Absolute moron.”
Chapter6
And so once more the time began to pass. The months rolled by and her body changed with them. Her belly swelled into a perfectly round ball and she began to shop in the maternity section, have an uncontrollable craving for bananas, and need to pee every thirty seconds, but she went through the pregnancy with strength and humor, as was her way.
Sophie began to get extremely excited as Laura's pregnancy went on, showing up nearly every other day with a little set of baby clothes or another soft toy. Laura almost had a zoo of Sophie's offerings now, all laid out together in a beautiful white crib that her mother had paid for, which was now standing at the end of Laura's bed in her only bedroom.
Laura's mother had suggested that she move back in with them when she found out about the baby, but Laura felt that she had worked too hard for her independence to take a step backwards into her parent's home now. She wasn't sure quite how she was going to juggle her career, her home, and a newborn all at once, but she was determined to make it happen somehow. Lots of single mothers were very successful.
When Laura was feeling daunted by the prospect of the whole thing, she liked to imagine the little girl inside of her as a child of eight or nine, telling her mother what she wanted to be when she grew up—a doctor maybe, or an astronaut. She hoped that her daughter would have high aspirations because she would have seen her mother somehow manage to do it all.
The idea of
being Supermom and raising a strong, independent daughter who wasn't reliant on men was what kept Laura going in the months that followed. She wanted to prove to the world and herself that she could do this.
As time went on, she stopped dropping by the fire station on the off-chance that Daniel would be there. She stopped making her bi-weekly calls to the Colorado stations to see if anyone had encountered an incredibly handsome captain from Albuquerque.
Instead, she concentrated on herself and her baby, working hard to keep her business thriving even as she made time for doctor's appointments and ultrasounds. She went shopping on the weekends with Sophie for baby bottles and blankets, and was even taking cooking lessons from her mother so that her child wouldn't have to live off of noodles and Reese's Pieces as she grew.
In time, she even began to look forward to the idea of having a child, as scary as it was. Yet, she already knew that she would love this child inside her. Laura's plan hadn't included children until much further down the line, and she had never been particularly broody over the thought of having kids, but then, from the moment she saw the outline of her baby on the first ultrasound, her maternal instincts kicked in and suddenly the woman from the lipstick advertisement was replaced with the Yoga for Mommies woman in her new collection of Moms-to-Be magazines, who Laura felt sympathized with her and the new cellulite on her thighs.
Although Laura hadn't been prepared for pregnancy, she was right in thinking that nine months was a long time and the wait matured her and made her ready. She was already thinking of names for her little girl—although she had to keep reminding herself it could be a boy—and she was thinking Annie, after her grandmother, for a girl or Luke, after her brother, for a boy. Sophie, of course, would be godmother.
The months passed and in the ninth month, on the 28th of February, the predicted date of birth, baby Annie came tumbling into the world, right on time; just according to the plan. She was a beautiful baby with soft, dark golden hair just like her father's, though it was curly like her mother's, and her eyes were dark like Laura's. Her skin was the color of bronzed caramel, and Laura loved everything about her. After all the waiting and worry, Laura looked down at her little girl and felt nothing but love. The first time that her little baby wrapped her tiny fingers around Laura's own was perhaps the single most magical moment of her life. She was enchanted by the beauty and perfection of her daughter.
She wasn’t the only one. Her parents came to visit her in the maternity ward on the day of Annie's birth, every bit the proud grandparents. And, of course, Sophie came with balloons and flowers and Newborn magazine. Her brother was not far behind and was a doting uncle from the start. Laura's family and best friend gathered around her and her baby that day, and although she felt a little tug of sadness and a little remnant of fear that she was doing this on her own, more than anything Laura felt glad to have her little girl out in the world and in her arms. Her heart swelled with love every time that she looked at her and she knew that she would move heaven and earth for this child.
It was difficult at first adjusting to having a newborn in the house, but Laura was blessed with loving family and friends. Sophie willingly covered for her at the shop and her mother stayed the first few nights to help with the night feeding while Laura recovered from the birth. She had to learn how to use all the new equipment that she had been collecting over the months and come to terms with bottle feeds and stroller construction and diaper changes.
Laura even surprised herself with how well she took to being a mother. Of course, she put it all down to good planning. In the eight months she'd had to prepare, everything had been put in place ready for the birth of Annie and just like her mother, Annie had kept to the schedule in arriving just when she was expected.
Although the crying and natural nerves that came with new motherhood were exhausting for Laura, she still found herself feeling the comfort of an extra presence in the house. It was only occasionally that her thoughts would turn to her daughter's absent father and she would feel a tug of longing for a man to be at her side, but she would push those thoughts away as Daniel was a lost cause and she would soldier on alone.
Annie was a very giggly baby. She learned how to laugh before anything else and it made Laura smile every time. She wondered if she gotten her exuberance from her father and was grateful that something in his genes had given her a healthy and happy little girl. Having a baby with a happy disposition made it much easier for Laura to take her into work with her. The customers adored her. Mrs. Thompson even came by with a little rattle and a congratulations card for Laura, apologizing that she had bought it elsewhere. Laura was grateful that she was her own boss and lived in a close community.
In fact, through all this, she had a lot to be thankful for. Her family, friends and customers offered her no end of support and she found it surprisingly easy to adjust to single motherhood. Annie brought her immeasurable joy and it was only Laura's occasional yearning for a partner to share it with that could spoil what had become a loving little family of two.
Time passed so quickly as a new mother. There was always something to do between running her store and looking after Annie. It helped in a way that she was so busy, as it meant that she had less time to think about the man who wasn't there. Of course, Laura didn't know Daniel well enough to miss him, but she missed the idea of him; the idea of a man to be by her side as she raised a child, a man to come home to after a long day at work and a man to make her feel complete.
Thoughts of their night together still came as frequently as they always had, and sometimes she indulged them and let the night play out again in her mind. Other times, she forced them away so that she wasn't filled with that uncomfortable longing for something that she couldn't have. Still, every time she looked at Annie, she couldn't feel regret for what had happened because her daughter was perfect in every way. Laura didn't realize that she had wanted to be a mother until motherhood had been thrust upon her and now, a couple of months after the birth of her daughter, Laura had to wonder how she had ever lived without her.
Chapter7
It was a nice change to be living for two. It somehow made every moment seem more meaningful than it had been before. Watching Annie grow gave Laura a sense of fulfillment that she didn't know had been missing. Annie was such a wonderful baby and Laura loved to dress her up in the little outfits that she carefully planned at the beginning of each week and hold her in her arms when she fed her and watch her when she slept with that adorable innocent expression on her face.
Laura found in herself depths of strength and courage that she never would have believed herself to hold before her life had taken a turn away from the plan. The determination and grit she'd always had to do things right and turn circumstances to her favor served her well now. Her natural resilience and resolve made her flourish where other women may have struggled. She enjoyed the challenge of juggling caring for Annie with working and every time that someone gave her a sympathetic smile and told her how much they admired her, she had to smile back and tell them that being Annie's mother was her greatest joy in life. Her baby's laughter got her through the tough days and that Annie's company got her through the lonely nights.
Yes, she was still lonely. The longing for the company of a man, in particular the longing for a reunion with Annie's father, was a persistent yearning that wouldn't go away no matter how determinedly Laura pushed on with her duties or how many weeks passed by. Meeting someone new now would be almost impossible with a newborn baby. The first question on everybody's lips whenever they met Annie was “Where's the father?” Laura never quite knew what to say, no matter how many times she was asked.
In truth, as much as Laura longed for a partner to complete her family, she didn't feel she had the energy to try it all again. Men were difficult creatures who were so hard to find and even harder to hold onto, and Laura had a baby to look out for now. So she went on alone and sought company among friends and family to help ease her loneliness until thoughts
of Daniel fell to the back of her mind and she found comfort in her routine and joy in her daughter.
It was on one of her Saturday afternoon trips out with Sophie, that everything was turned upside down once again. The two friends had been walking down the street, Laura pushing Annie in her stroller and Sophie cooing over her, when suddenly a familiar face in a café window caught Laura's eye and stopped her in her tracks.
“What's wrong?” Sophie asked, coming to a stop beside her friend.
“That's him!” Laura gasped.
Sophie didn't need her to explain and pressed her face against the window so obviously that Laura had to take her by the arm and pull her back.
“Don't!” Laura hissed. “You'll make him look this way!”
“Aren't you going to talk to him?” Sophie urged her.
“Of course,” Laura replied. “But he's in there with all his firemen buddies.”
“Tough luck,” Sophie retorted scornfully. “His daughter is three months old and he's never even met her. I think this is worth interrupting his buddy time for.”
Laura turned and smiled gently at Sophie. She laid a hand on her arm to calm her friend down before Sophie could be overtaken by her righteous anger, storm in, and sock Daniel in the face.
“It's all right, Soph,” she soothed. “I've got this. I think maybe you should go home. I need to do this alone.”
“Are you sure?” Sophie asked her emphatically. “This is kind of a big deal and you don't look the least bit overwhelmed.”
“I think I'm in shock,” Laura admitted. “I didn't think I'd ever see him again.”
“What are you going to say to him?”
“What can I say?” Laura asked helplessly. “I can't not tell him about Annie. I'm just going to have to come clean.”
“Well, don't let him worm his way out of it,” Sophie said sternly. “Make sure he doesn't give you a fake number and skip town again.”
“It's not like he went to Colorado to get away from me,” Laura told her. “He didn't know about the baby then.”