“Okay.”
Their voices were calm and poised. Ironically, this was the most civil conversation they’d shared in months.
Sam opened the second drawer to get his socks and placed them in the duffel bag with care. “Would it be okay if I took him this weekend?”
She wasn’t working this weekend. Her chest filled with panic at the idea of being alone in the house, without her son, but she didn’t let it show. “Sure. Could you take him to his swimming lesson on Saturday? It’s his last one until fall.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.” The corner of his mouth came up in a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Maybe we could sit and talk to him when I come to pick him up?”
Marielle finally sat up in bed as Sam was closing the zipper on the duffel bag. “Sure. We can do that.”
He swung the bag over his shoulder and attempted another half smile before turning toward the door.
“Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“Is this really what you want?”
Without turning back to her, he took a deep breath. “No,” he answered with the deepest sincerity. “But I think it’s what you want.”
He left before she had a chance to agree or disagree, and she remained alone in bed, dumbfounded. Tears started falling down to her cheeks, and she felt powerless to stop them. Soon she let herself fall back onto her pillow, sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn’t explain what had just happened, and she couldn’t imagine what it would mean for her family. All she knew was that these few minutes in the middle of the night, these few words spoken in low voices, had changed everything. She closed her eyes when the sobbing subsided, but she knew she wouldn’t sleep again tonight.
Chapter Three
On Wednesday morning, Audrey started working at seven a.m. as she always did after walking with Ralph. She began her day as she usually did by cleaning up her inbox. Not that it had been full when she’d stopped working the day before, but she had clients across all time zones of the United States and Canada, so emails kept coming in well beyond her working hours.
The difference between this morning and most others was that Audrey kept looking at the clock on the lower right corner of her computer screen, impatiently waiting for the numbers to read nine a.m. so she could call Dale. She hadn’t slept well at all, infuriated at the fact she’d been assigned to train new account managers without anyone bothering to tell her or see if she was up to the task. She would have said yes because she knew she didn’t really have a choice in the matter, but they should have at least consulted her. She might not have been this angry if she’d been given more time to prepare.
Oh who was she kidding? She would have been pissed off as hell anyway.
After five years of her routine of working from home, she didn’t feel like going back to an office environment whatsoever. Not even temporarily. She would have to mingle with people and make polite conversation with co-workers, even those with whom she’d barely exchanged a handful of emails until now. After assessing her wardrobe last night, she’d concluded she would have to purchase new clothes, yoga pants most likely not being suitable for the office. She would be forced to wear makeup and do her hair five days a week. She would have to trade her quiet loft for a tiny cubicle where she would be invaded by an army of noisy phones, printers and most annoying of all, chitchat and gossip about which she couldn’t care less. This was a complete tragedy.
When nine a.m. finally rolled around, she thought she would wait a few more minutes, imagining Dale getting his coffee from the small kitchen and dragging his feet to his desk, the same way he had when she worked in the New York office. A long, long time ago. She turned in her comfortable leather chair, surveying her working space with premature and overly dramatic nostalgia. The loft was quite large, but the steep roofline made most of it uninhabitable because one couldn’t comfortably stand up on either side of the room. Audrey had made great use of the space by tucking custom shelving units under the lower parts of the roof, transforming the wasted area into much-needed storage for her impressive book collection. Her desk was set up against the railing of the loft so she could face the large front windows looking over the park across the street. On the back wall sat a daybed covered with several large pillows, which served as an oversized couch when she wanted to disappear into a good book or as a bed for overnight guests, aka her brother.
She sighed heavily and turned back to her desk, glancing down at Ralph, who was curled up in a ball in a small, round dog bed at her feet. “This sucks, doesn’t it?”
The dog’s ears perked up, and he opened one eye to regard her for a moment. Dog and woman stared at each other in silence and finally sighed in unison. He went back to sleep.
Ten after nine. She grabbed the handset and dialed the number. Dale answered after the usual two rings. “Audrey! How are you doing? Still have snow up there?”
The joke was so old. “Yeah, I’m calling you from my igloo, actually,” she said in a humorless tone. He laughed anyway and she cringed. She wasn’t in the mood for superficial banter. “When were you going to tell me about this training, Dale?”
“Right to the point, I see. Today, Audrey. As a matter of fact, I was just about to call you.”
Yeah, right. Obviously Dale and Michel had talked last night. She wanted to argue, but what would it change? She preferred keeping this brief. “Okay, what’s the plan so I can catch up?”
The plan, Dale explained, was for her to train three new account managers. She was to spend one month teaching them the rudiments of the industry, the mission, core values and history of the organization, and most importantly the responsibilities and duties of their position. After this first month they would start taking their own clients, and Audrey would keep working next to them for another month, making herself available to answer inevitable questions and help with problematic orders or situations. Two whole months of going to the office five days a week. Eight long weeks. She soon realized the plan didn’t go much further than a timeline and a few corporate documents. The exact manner in which she would teach these people was left to her. She was both peeved and relieved by that knowledge. Peeved because an organization of this size should have a specific training manual for each position, and relieved because she was free to teach what her own experience had taught her were the important details about the job and to use whatever materials she saw fit.
The conversation took no more than fifteen minutes. Dale ended with the promise to send her the three trainees’ résumés and was about to hang up when Audrey stopped him, irked but, again, not shocked that he hadn’t answered an obvious question. “Wait a minute, Dale, who’s going to do my job while I’m doing this training?” She closed her eyes, readying herself for the answer she knew was about to drop.
“Well, we thought the best way for them to learn would be for them to do the job with you. As you deal with your clients, you show them how it’s done, and before you know it they’re doing the job for you. Piece of cake, Audrey. I have to run now; some fires to put out. Talk to you soon.”
She knocked the handset back into place as she growled, “For fuck’s sake! This really, really, really sucks!”
Ralph woke up at the noise and jumped onto Audrey’s lap to comfort her the only way he knew how: licking her face frantically. “No, Ralph. Not in the face.” The dog kept licking, and Audrey sat lifeless in her chair, completely defeated.
* * *
Marielle stirred the chicken pot pie mix one more time as it cooled down and started filling the pie crusts she’d purchased at the store. She only felt slightly guilty about not making the dough from scratch, telling herself the time she saved was worth a lot more than the difference in the taste between the store-bought crust and her own, especially now. She’d just survived her first day without Sam. Better than survived. She’d done pretty well. Homework was done, just like the dinner dishes, and she was about to put two chicken pot pies in the oven. Felix was outside playing and waiting for Audrey to c
ome out to walk Ralph. She put another layer of prerolled and precut dough on top of the pies and used a fork to seal top and bottom crusts together on the rim of the aluminum dishes. She then took the tip of a knife to make three dents in the middle of each pie. There, they sure looked homemade. She placed both dishes in the oven and set the timer.
When she’d woken up that morning, Marielle was troubled by two realities. First, she’d gone back to sleep after Sam left. She figured she’d been simply too exhausted from crying to stay awake. Second, her first feeling when she opened her eyes in the empty bed was one of relief. She didn’t have to keep going as if nothing was wrong anymore. They had finally acknowledged the elephant in the room. It felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders.
The feeling lasted for a few seconds before panic took over and questions rushed in. Was the separation permanent? What would they tell Felix? And their parents? What would they do about the house? She took a deep breath as she got up. She had to shower, take Felix to school and go to work. Another deep breath. She would do what she always did: remain in control and deal with one problem at a time. The most immediate issue that popped into her mind: who would take Felix to school tomorrow?
She had to be at the hospital at four a.m. Now wasn’t the time to cut back on her work schedule. She would most certainly need the extra money. She had to keep her twelve-hour shifts on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Felix’s school offered daycare services for parents who had to go to work early, but the service started at six thirty. She needed to figure out what to do with Felix from four a.m. until then.
The question had occupied her mind for most of the day. First she thought of Sam’s parents. It was the most logical solution, and Robert and Anne would be pleased to have this time with their grandchild. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to ask her in-laws for help. Sam would need them now, and their loyalty would and should lie with him. She realized her reasoning was silly, and Sam would be the first to tell her so, but she still couldn’t ask his family for help. Her own parents couldn’t do anything from Sherbrooke. She considered everyone she knew, and no one stood out as a potential solution until she thought of Audrey.
Her new friend had been so kind last night. Deep within her, Marielle still felt the warmth of her hands and her eyes. She knew Audrey would help. She lived right next door. Felix could stay with her for a few hours, and Marielle could arrange for the bus to pick him up and take him to school. It could work. She was proud of herself for finding an answer to her problem but still dreaded asking for help. The poor woman barely knew her, and Marielle was already about to take advantage of her generosity. She hated it, but it was the best option.
“Mom, they’re outside!” Felix ran through the door as he made his announcement and went back outside, probably on his way to Audrey’s house. Marielle had asked him to let her know when their neighbor came out. She hadn’t told him why, and he hadn’t asked.
She took off her apron, washed her hands and ran to the bathroom mirror to check on her appearance. She fluffed up her hair with her fingers and fixed the collar of her fitted, pink, button-down shirt. Her jeans were clean.
“As good as it gets,” she muttered as she shrugged and headed outside.
Felix was already on his knees and petting Ralph when Marielle joined them. Dressed in jeans and a dark gray, fleece jacket, Audrey had watched her walk toward them with a friendly smile that gave Marielle more confidence. She returned the smile with sincerity. “Hey” was all she could get out as a greeting.
“Hey yourself,” Audrey said just as timidly.
The sensations of the hug they’d shared the previous night suddenly came back in a rush, and an unexpected shiver traveled through Marielle. She quickly shook it off. “Could we talk for a minute?” The question was soft, hesitant.
“Sure.” Audrey unclipped the lead from Ralph’s collar, and the dog took off running through the yard, followed by Felix. Marielle smiled. Audrey had naturally understood that what she needed to say was for her ears only. “What’s up? Is something wrong?”
They started walking away from the boy and the dog, side by side in synchronized strides. “Sam left last night.” She said it without emotion, simply meaning to state the fact, but it was the first time she’d said it out loud, and the tears surprised her.
“Oh my God, Marielle. What the hell? Are you okay?”
She felt Audrey’s hand on her back and let out a breath she wasn’t aware she’d been holding. She blinked the tears away, turning to Audrey with a smile she hoped was convincing. “Yeah, I’m okay. I will be, anyway. It’s one of the things I was referring to last night when I told you I had a lot to say. So here it is, new friend. My marriage is a failure.” She laughed awkwardly, and Audrey caressed her back in a soothing circular motion.
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. I’m here for you, you know. If there’s anything you need, I’m here.”
Tears came back to Marielle’s eyes, this time from gratitude. How did Audrey seem to know exactly what she needed? “Funny you should mention that,” she started, “because I do need a huge favor from you.”
“Name it.” There was no reluctance in Audrey’s voice or in her eyes, which gave Marielle the courage to take the plunge. She explained her work situation, and when she finally asked Audrey if Felix could stay with her for a few hours three days a week, she knew her answer would be yes, but she didn’t expect what came out of Audrey’s mouth.
“What does he like for breakfast?”
Marielle burst out in laughter and leaned against Audrey, whose arm was now resting on her shoulder. Audrey laughed with her and pulled Marielle closer to comfort her.
“Cereal, but I’ll bring it over, Audrey. You don’t have to worry about that. You’re doing enough as it is.”
“No, no, no. Don’t be silly. I’m going to the store after my walk with Ralph anyway, so I can get cereal. I’m perfectly capable of feeding a child, you know. And you know what else? It doesn’t make much sense to move him from your house to mine in the middle of the night. Why doesn’t he just stay over? I have a daybed in the loft, and I’m sure Ralph will be happy to keep him company. Like a live teddy bear, if you will.”
Marielle laughed again and turned to face Audrey, her heart filled with gratitude she didn’t know how to express. “I’m sure Felix would love that, but are you sure?”
Audrey placed her hands on her shoulders. “Absolutely. One hundred percent sure. I’ll help in any way I can, Marielle.” Her voice was assertive yet tender.
Audrey dropped her hands to her sides and was about to start walking again when Marielle stopped her by throwing her arms around her neck and pulling her into a hug. “Thank you so much. You’re a savior.” She felt Audrey’s arms around her waist and prolonged the hug, safe in her friend’s embrace. She was smiling when she pulled away, then snapped back to reality. “Oh my God, I have pies in the oven. I have to go. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Felix, let’s go. Audrey and Ralph have stuff to do now. Talk to you later!” She started running toward her house, feeling lighter than she had in as long as she could remember, and Felix followed.
Audrey chuckled at the scene. “Okay, talk to you later!”
* * *
When Audrey woke up the next morning, she made every effort to be as quiet as possible. Marielle had read Felix a bedtime story after tucking him into the daybed in the loft around eight p.m. and had left his lunch in Audrey’s fridge, asking her not to forget to send it with him on the bus. His lunch and his Spiderman book bag were sitting by the front door. The instructions to care for him were minimal and given by a woman who seemed so grateful, that Audrey couldn’t help but feel pride in her decision to keep Felix at the cabin three nights a week and send him to school the next morning. Of course, pride or not, she was fully aware she could never refuse Marielle anything. That didn’t keep her from worrying, though. She knew nothing about children. Taking care of a six-year-old for a few hours a week didn�
��t seem like much to manage, but she didn’t know exactly what to expect. The unexpected definitely was taking root in her life lately, and she didn’t care much for the intruder. Unexpected neighbors, unexpected feelings for a straight, unattainable woman, unexpected developments at work and now an unexpected guest in her home.
She listened to the brewing coffee as it dripped slowly into the glass pot and noticed for the first time how noisy it truly was. She looked up to the loft nervously. It was only six o’clock and the bus was scheduled to arrive at seven, so there was plenty of time, and she didn’t want Felix to wake up too early. At least Ralph had played his part perfectly. He’d curled up at Felix’s feet on the daybed, and she hadn’t heard a peep out of either of them since they went to sleep together.
Poor little guy, she thought, wondering if the boy had any idea what was really happening to his family. Marielle hadn’t gone into details, so Audrey didn’t really know herself, but she knew it couldn’t be good. She wondered how long Marielle’s marriage had been crumbling and how much the beautiful brunette had been suffering in silence. She didn’t plan on asking questions though. Marielle would open up when she was ready. Audrey realized that given how her own feelings for Marielle were threatening to deepen, she was putting her own well-being in danger by offering her friendship. She was risking her own heart, and if it broke, she would only have herself to blame. Yet something inside told her she had no other choice. She had to be there for Marielle, period.
She heard movement in the loft as she poured herself a cup of coffee and added cream to the hot, black liquid. A couple minutes later, Ralph was the first one to tumble down the stairs. Felix followed, wearing jeans, a blue sweatshirt and even socks.
“Wow. You’re dressed,” she declared with a relief that must have seemed absurd to the child. For some reason she thought she would have to dress him. Who knew kids that young could dress themselves?
First Fall Page 5