by Dianne Drake
“He’s all I think about. Which is why I’m back in Marrell. He needs to be here.”
“And you don’t?” his mother asked, raising skeptical eyebrows.
“Other than making the best life possible for Matthew, I have no idea what else I need. Guess I’ll find out, though, if I stay here.” It had been a long time since he’d put his own needs first, and trying to figure out what they were wasn’t easy.
“Well, whatever you do, don’t let yourself down. I’ve always felt bad about what happened to you, felt like your father and I let you down in some way. You deserved better than you got, but I’m not sure you ever thought that then. Not sure you do now.”
“What I got was the proper punishment for the crime I committed. I vandalized pretty much every building on Main Street and I’m not bitter about being punished, because I did deserve it. I was headed down a bad path, and that year in juvenile detention is probably what saved me.” He reached across the table and squeezed his mother’s hand. “It wasn’t your fault, or Dad’s. Probably not even Leanne’s, when you get down to it, since I’m the one who made the choices.”
“But she hurt you, Caleb. She ridiculed you. And that business in the cave...”
“She did. But I should have been smarter.” He chuckled bitterly. “For a genius, I was pretty stupid.” Funny how hindsight made things clear in a way he could have never understood when he’d been a teen. It didn’t erase the memories; didn’t cure the pain he’d suffered. But it did make it easier to get on with it now.
“But I think you hurt more than you ever let on. I mean, I’ve always regretted we couldn’t give you all the things your friends had. That you didn’t have the nicest clothes, or the money to just go out with your friends when they wanted to buy a pizza. That’s always bothered me, Caleb. But we were so poor back then...” Her voice strangled on a soft sob.
“You gave me the important things, Mom. When I was young, I couldn’t see that, but the truth is, it wasn’t just about the way I dressed. It was about the way I was, and there was nothing you could do about that. And now, for me, it’s all about Matthew, and making his childhood easier than mine was. If Schilling accepts him he’ll be in a peer group of kids like he is, and that’s what he needs.”
“But what about you? Are you going to be able to work with Leanne, considering the way things were between you? Because you had no common sense when it came to that girl. Always let her walk all over you, then turned around and went back for more. I don’t want to see that happen again.”
“Well, to begin with, I’m a few years older, a whole lot wiser, and I have other more important things to do in my life. So, there’s no need to worry about me reverting back to my teen years.” He shook his head. “Something about getting married, getting wounded and raising a kid changes things.” Popping a bit of muffin into his mouth, he chewed, swallowed, then continued. “And Leanne isn’t on my radar now. She’s just...well, I was going to say a colleague, but she’s really my new boss.”
“Can you deal with that, Caleb? Be honest with yourself. Can you deal with having her in your life again?”
“If I stay here, I’ll have to.” Pragmatic thinking. But could it really work out? Honestly, he didn’t know. “Anyway, don’t worry about me. I’ve faced worse than Leanne and come out OK.”
“You always come out OK.” She took another sip of coffee. “But, whatever the case, I think you need more adult companionship. You’re a great doctor, a devoted dad, but where, in there, is something for you? I think you’ve gotten into such a habit of putting everything and everyone ahead of you, I’m not sure you could find yourself in that mess. It worries me, Caleb. You concern me.”
“I’m doing fine, Mom. Glad to be here...with an adult perspective this time. And I hope it works out that we can stay.” He did, because he wanted stability. Not only for Matthew, but for himself. He’d been too long without it, and the older he got, the more he craved it.
“I do, too,” she said, taking hold of the coffeepot and refreshing his cup. “Because where better than home?”
Where better, indeed.
“And in the meantime, you know that trip up to Eagle Pointe with Leanne that you turned down...”
“How did you know about that?” Stupid question. This was a small town. People knew everything about everybody. Always had, always would.
“Henry mentioned it when I saw him at the grocery this morning. He said Leanne’s going up there anyway, and that I should try to convince you to go with her because you’re really very rigid and the hike might do you some good.”
“I’d thought about taking Matthew up there, sooner or later. Just hadn’t planned on it being with Leanne.”
“Well, if she’s really going to be your boss, then I suppose you’ve got to put it behind you at some point. Just sayin’...” She gave her son a wink. “Anyway, you used to hate Marrell. Are you liking it any better now that you’re back?”
He tapped his temple. “Different perspective this time. You know, the whole older and wiser thing.”
“Being a parent does that to you. Makes you look at the world in a totally different way. Including moving back to a place you swore you’d never move back to.”
“Well, apart from just working at the hospital, Leanne did ask me to run it once Henry retires. I guess if I take the job, that’s looking at the world in a totally different way.”
“Henry did mention she wants to get back to her life in Seattle. I think there may be a fiancé, or something. So, are you going to take it?”
Leanne engaged? She’d hinted at it, but hearing it said aloud...he wasn’t quite able to wrap his head around it. Didn’t want to know why. Didn’t want to think about why he didn’t want to know. But, one way or another, whatever Leanne did wasn’t going to change his plans, and he wasn’t going to let it bother him. But it did, over the next few hours. Took up more space in his mind than it should. And he had no idea why.
Chapter Three
“I’M GLAD YOU decided to come up with me today,” Leanne told Caleb. They were approaching the trailhead, Leanne in the lead, Caleb bringing up the rear so he could keep an eye on Matthew, who was wandering from side to side on the trail, showing as little interest as possible in everything. “I think Matthew will enjoy this,” she said.
Caleb gave his son a dubious glance. “I hope so. As often as not, though, I have no idea what Matthew will enjoy until I see him enjoying something. It makes me feel like I’m not being a good dad because he keeps to his own little world so much of the time, and won’t let anybody else...me in. I hate seeing how isolated he is, but this will be good because he doesn’t ever go outside, unless he has to.”
Leanne stopped on the trail, and turned to face him. “You haven’t brought him up here yet?” The hike to the top was remote, but not too rugged. Not totally isolated from the world, the top of the point—their destination—overlooked a magnificent valley opening onto the river where she’d spent so many great days rafting, kayaking and hiking. And taking pictures. She’d loved taking pictures. All in all, Eagle Pointe was a beautiful place from her childhood, and she had many cherished memories of the great times she’d had there with her friends. “Because we used to come here all the time, and I’d just assumed this would be one of the first places you’d want to show him.”
“Eagle Pointe doesn’t really hold any great memories for me and, to be honest, I hadn’t given it a lot of thought until you mentioned it.”
“Well, I’m glad you changed your mind. Maybe you can start some new memories up there today.” She turned back around then scrambled over a jagged rock in the path, before she plopped down on a fallen pine-tree trunk to tie her boot. “Memories for you and Matthew,” she said, looking up at him.
Memories she didn’t have with her own dad because he’d always been too busy to make them with her.
“Making
memories is one of the reasons I want to get us established here. Vegas is a confining place to raise a kid, and it’s pretty confining for an adult if you’re not big into the social life. Which I’m not...anymore.”
“Anymore?” she asked, grinning.
“Let’s just say there was a time when I was a lot more social than I am now.” He shrugged. “The weight of adult responsibility slammed down hard on me.”
“It slams down on all of us, to some degree. Some more than others, it seems,” Leanne said. “I’m sorry.”
“Not complaining. Just finding it difficult to adjust my coping skills every day or so.”
Leanne laughed. “Well, if you find a solution for that, patent it, sell it and retire a rich man, because I think what you described fits all of us. As they say in today’s vernacular, adulting isn’t always easy.”
“Well, I got my crash course when I became a single dad and, so far, I’ve barely even cracked the spine on that book.”
“Yeah, but look at you. Real dad. From what I’m gathering, a very good dad, which makes you a good man. Sounds to me like you’re doing fine on your own, without the book.”
She tilted back a water flask, took a drink, and extended it to offer Caleb a drink, but he refused. So, she capped it and put it back into her backpack. “I hated this place. Absolutely hated it. Not Eagle Pointe, but Marrell. Couldn’t wait to get out of here. In fact, everything I did when I was a kid was in preparation for leaving.”
“As I seem to recall...” he said, his voice trailing off to some distant memory. “Remember when I took Mrs. Jenkins’s classic T-Bird, just so we could run away? We were, what? Thirteen? Didn’t even know how to drive but we were on our way, for about three blocks. Then I got a three-month sentence to pick up trash on the streets. Nice dream...”
She chuckled. “Yeah, well...we tried. That counts, right?”
“And here you are, back again and still looking for a way to get out.”
“But I’m here with a purpose.”
“Yeah, to convince me to run the hospital, then leave.”
She laughed, squinted up at the sun, stood up from the old log on which she’d been sitting, and dusted off the seat of her pants. “A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. Anyway, to sweeten the deal about you staying, I made you pimiento sandwiches, hoping it’s a bribe that’ll work, because your mom told me they’re your favorite.”
He chuckled. “That’s what she always thought was my favorite. Truth was, I used to take them down to the river and use the cheese as bait when I fished.”
“Well, no fishing today, so I guess you’re going to have to eat your bait. Oh, but peanut butter and grape jam for Matthew and me. Because that cheese...” She turned up her nose and shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“We could take that cheese out to the dump later, then watch and see if the bears come out and take it.”
Leanne grabbed up her backpack and slung it over her shoulder. “Not even the bears, Caleb.” Then started off toward the next level of the trail, where it went from flat walking to a more elevated hike. When she got to the trailhead, though, she paused, pulled a floppy, cloth hat from her pocket and put it on her head, ready to move. But looked long and hard at the trail up ahead of her as a peculiar jitteriness overtook her. A lump formed in the pit of her stomach and she swallowed hard, redoubled her concentration and focused on the little chickadee sitting on a maple bough just off the trail, looking at her.
Why the sudden apprehension? Or the onset of jitters? It didn’t make sense.
“You OK?” he asked, stepping up next to her.
She blew out a long breath and nodded. “Yep,” she lied, when everything inside her was screaming for her to turn around and run away. She didn’t know why, couldn’t dredge up a memory that should elicit such a response, so she chalked it up to being tired. Too much work lately. Too much Eric. Not enough time for herself. Yes, that’s what it had to be. She was simply tired, and this long hike reminded her just how much. “Anyway, are you ready to get on? We’re only about halfway to the top, and Matthew looks like he’s ready to move.”
“When can we go home so I can practice?” Matthew asked, when he noticed they were looking at him.
Leanne laughed. “No practicing for a while. Today’s your day off.”
“I don’t take days off,” he said. “My fingers don’t feel right if I don’t practice.”
“Well, could you practice on something else today?”
“They have a piano where we’re going?” he asked hopefully.
“No piano, I’m afraid, but lots of trees and flowers. And big rocks you can climb on. If we’re lucky, we’ll find an eagle’s nest, too.”
“How am I supposed to practice on all of that?” he asked, his face drawing into a definite pout, his voice taking on the sharp edge that reminded her so much of Caleb as he was now, not back then.
“With this.” She fished an old digital camera from her pocket and handed it to him. “Have you ever used a camera?” she asked, knowing that these days people were more inclined to use their phones to take photos. But Matthew didn’t have a phone. She’d asked Martha about that yesterday, after Caleb had agreed to come with her, then spent the next couple of hours trying to roust out her old camera, the one she’d used up here so many times.
“No,” he said, taking hold of the camera and looking at it curiously. “What does it do?”
“It takes pictures of the things you want to remember.”
“Like Dad’s phone,” he said, not really interested yet.
“Only better.”
That caught his attention. “Could it take pictures of my music?” he asked.
“It can. Or that tree over there.” She pointed to a massive ponderosa pine just off the trail. Standing nearly eighty feet tall, its trunk was straight, its bark a beautiful cinnamon brown, and its seven-inch green needles splayed magnificently in perfect symmetry. She recalled the tree from her childhood. Remembered picnicking and reading books under it and, yes, even smooching with her boyfriend du jour there. To her, this tree had always represented the beginning of wonderful adventures, a place where exciting things started to unfold and, for some reason, she wanted Matthew to like it every bit as much as she did. Had she and Caleb ever connected in some way under that tree...another picnic, a chat?
She didn’t remember, and she should have, because other memories were there. Just none of him, and it was beginning to make her wonder why Caleb hadn’t resonated more. He should have. She’d had such a crush at a young age, and more about him should have registered. Didn’t understand why it hadn’t. “You can take a picture of that tree, Matthew.”
He looked mildly interested. “How?” he asked.
Leanne bent down alongside him, showed him how to place the camera in its proper position, explained that what he could see in its viewer was what would be on the picture, then instructed him to click. He did, several times. Then held the camera out in front of him and looked up at Leanne. “When can I see the pictures?” he asked.
“Now, on the view screen. And when you get home, your daddy can hook it up to the computer and save them, so you can look at them anytime.” She showed him how to flip through the pictures he’d just taken, then stood back and watched his face as he did so.
“Amazing,” Caleb said quietly, as Matthew flipped through a couple times, then settled on his favorite to show his dad.
“Do you like this one?” he asked Caleb.
It was a close-up of the tree’s trunk, showing fine detailing in the bark. A very complicated composition, all things considered, and a very thoughtful one that focused on one little beetle scurrying its way up the tree, probably disturbed by all the attention Matthew was giving it. “Very much,” Caleb answered. “You did a good job.”
“Can I take more pictures on the hike, Daddy?” h
e asked, finally sounding interested in something for the first time since they’d gotten here.
“You’ll have to ask Leanne. It’s her camera.” He put on a smile for Matthew, but the instant Matthew turned away to take another picture, Caleb’s face scrunched into a scowl. Not a deep one, but one that indicated he was uncomfortable with something.
Leanne studied the scowl on Caleb’s face for a moment. Wondered if she was responsible for it. Was it about her and Matthew? Or the job she’d offered him? Marrell, in general? Perhaps something she knew nothing about? It bothered her, but she wasn’t in a place to ask. Her memory of Caleb was so scattered, so broken. Bits and pieces of a jigsaw childhood that, she was sure, no longer belonged to this man here. Well, no matter what it was, she was determined not to ruin this for Matthew. He was finally having fun, and she wanted to keep it that way. “No, it’s Matthew’s camera. And he can take as many pictures with it as he wants. It has brand-new batteries and a sizable memory card, so he should be good to go for quite a while.”
“I appreciate that,” Caleb said, again forcing a smile to his face.
“Me, too,” Matthew said, then shyly stepped up to Leanne and gave her a hug around the waist.
Even though Matthew’s intellect and talents were off the charts, for this moment right now he was an average little boy discovering new things and having fun with them. Being part of that was...different. Exciting. Surprisingly, while she’d always been indifferent to kids on a personal level, she was really liking this. “You’ve got to promise me, Matthew, that once you’ve got all of today’s photos downloaded to your computer, you’ll ask me over to see them.”