by Dianne Drake
Leanne blew out a frustrated breath and rubbed at the dull throb setting in between her eyes. She couldn’t even fathom this, yet it was as obvious as the coyote howling in the distance. The sound pierced her ears just as the images of Eric and this other woman pierced her thoughts. She’d been cheated on. And lied to. But how had she been so gullible? How could she have not seen it? Or sensed it? Or suspected it?
He’d said that once she got the situation with Sinclair Hospital straightened out, they had some serious talking to do, and she’d assumed that meant marriage, which, before now, had only been a hint. Did he really intend asking her to marry him when he couldn’t even be faithful to her during their courtship? And was it true what they said: once a cheater, always a cheater? Had they gone any further, which they would not do now, would he have cheated all through it? “Seriously, Eric, you lying—”
Why wasn’t she crying about this? Or, not even close to it? So far, only anger. White-hot, searing anger that made her want to scream. She should have wanted tears, but they weren’t in her. She should have wanted to call him to see if this had been a mistake, but she didn’t want to hear his voice, didn’t want to waste her time. Eric was her past now. Put there much more easily than she’d thought she could. Which meant, well...she wasn’t sure what it meant. Especially since there was anger where there should have been pain.
After the initial shock of how she’d been so stupid had worn off, she felt like talking to someone. Caleb. No particular reason why him. And not that anything he could say would make much of a difference now. But she just needed...interaction. Another person there simply to reassure her that she wasn’t overreacting. Or stupid. Someone to help her figure out what to do, what not to do. How to get over it, or deal with it in its initial stages. But it was going on to ten now, and while she wasn’t sleeping, she was sure everybody else in Marrell was getting ready to, except for the few people who manned the hospital at night, and old man Clarence at the gas station, who stayed awake all night, waiting for pretty much nobody to stop in and fill up.
Well, she wasn’t going to disturb Caleb now, since that might also disturb Matthew. And she doubted that old man Clarence would want to hear about her messed-up love life. So, the only other option... Leanne trudged up to her room, changed her clothes, and went to the hospital. Work always had a curative effect on her. It’s what she knew better than anything. What she trusted more than anything.
“We weren’t expecting you this time of the night, Dr. Sinclair,” Marjorie Lawson said, as Leanne entered the central nursing hub. “Dr. Baily is in on call, sleeping, Dr. Mortenson is in Emergency, working on that novel of his, Dr. Carsten is with a patient, and we certainly didn’t anticipate having a fourth doctor on. Especially since weekends are always slow around here.”
Marjorie Lawson, like so many of the other hospital workers, was a transplant who’d come to Marrell looking for a quieter way of life. She was charge nurse on nights, and her husband Ben was chief physical therapist. Both were valued employees at Sinclair Hospital. “Dr. Carsten is here right now?” she asked Marjorie, suddenly taking up the thought again that she wanted to talk to him.
“He came in about an hour ago. Mr. Allerd started having chest pains, and Dr. Baily was tied up delivering Ellie Harmon’s baby at the time, so we called Dr. Carsten, since he was first on the list.”
The hospital was eerily quiet at a time when Leanne wanted to be surrounded by noise, and activity, and anything else that would distract her. “Well, I just decided to get a jump on tomorrow,” Leanne explained. “So, what room is Dr. Carsten in?”
“Two ten. Unless he’s finished. If you can’t find him there, you might try his office, because he said he wasn’t going to go back home tonight.”
Leanne nodded, debating whether she really wanted to chase down Caleb or simply leave it alone. What would she say to him anyway? And why Caleb? Why was he the one who first popped into her mind and not...well, she really didn’t have any friends here anymore. So, there was no one else to talk to except her dad, who didn’t listen, and Dora. And she didn’t want to disturb their night. For the first time, it dawned on her how utterly alone she was in Marrell. Totally, completely alone...except for Caleb. The way it had been once, a very long time ago.
“Look, if you happen to see Dr. Carsten, would you—No, never mind. I’ll take care of it myself.” No, she wasn’t going to do it. Wasn’t going to bother him with this latest glitch in her life. She’d chosen her mess when she’d accepted her first date with Eric, thinking his reputation with the ladies was exaggerated, which, apparently, it hadn’t been. And now it was hers to get over. On her own. Even though she was still very tempted to talk to Caleb.
Leanne hated being so wishy-washy. Hated that she was trying to avoid something she really should face head-on. “I’ll be in my office, Marjorie. Call me if you need me.” Hated her indecisiveness. But it was there, smeared all over her like a child smeared peanut butter and grape jam all over himself when he ate a PB and J sandwich.
And right now, her hospital wasn’t curing a blessed thing. If anything, it was making matters worse. Because Eric worked in a hospital, and hospital equated to trust, and Eric had betrayed their trust. “Shoot,” she said, slogging her way down to her office. What was she going to do?
* * *
“Leanne seemed a little off,” Marjorie told Caleb, as he typed patient notes into the computer at the nursing hub. “I think she wanted to see you, but she changed her mind.”
“And she didn’t come in to see a patient?” he asked, wondering what Leanne was up to.
“Not that I know of. She just seemed...lost. Like she was here, but wasn’t sure why.”
“Well, she’s got a lot on her mind.” Her future, her hospital—two very big things. Who could blame her if she was distracted? “Anyway, I’ll be in my office if you need me. Mr. Allerd is resting comfortably now and I’d like his vital signs checked every two hours. I’d also like someone to look in on him about every thirty minutes until I write new orders in the morning. Don’t want him disturbed, though. Let him sleep through those checks, if possible.”
Like any patient in any hospital ever got the opportunity to sleep through anything. Being in the hospital was the worst for someone who needed rest. Housekeeping trooping in and out, medicines distributed, vital signs checked, routine check-ins just to make sure the patient was still there, blood draws, food trays, therapists, visiting clergy, bed baths, linen changes...any number of things conspired against bed rest, all of which he’d come to know very personally when he’d been recuperating from his war wounds. All kinds of visitors, all kinds of interruptions, but never his wife. Not once.
Nancy’s image popped into his mind for a second, and he blinked it away. There was nothing about her he wanted to remember. Nothing at all. But Leanne...he remembered so much. The good, especially the bad. So, what had Leanne wanted? Why was she here tonight? He wondered about it on his way down to his office. Wondered about it so much he turned right at the junction where he should have gone left to get to his office and headed toward hers. Actually, it was her dad’s. They were sharing, for the time being.
“Leanne?” he whispered, poking his head through the door of the dark outer office. “You in here? It’s Caleb.”
No one answered, but he saw the light coming from under the door into the main office, and as he walked toward it he picked up the hum of a faint conversation coming from inside. It was Leanne. Even though her voice was soft, almost blending with the night, he recognized it. He started to step forward to knock on the door, but something stopped him as his fist was raised in midair, ready to strike the frame.
“No, Eric. I’m done,” she said. “You’re pathetic, a total loser, and I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Her words stopped him cold. What he was hearing now were almost the very same words she’d used on him that night. She’d called h
im pathetic. Loser. Then abandoned him to the most humiliating fate a boy his age could face.
Suddenly, the thoughts of that night stabbed him almost as sharply as the words had. He’d gone up to Eagle Pointe with a bunch of the kids, only because she’d asked him to come along. She’d never done that before. At least, not since they’d been very young. And, of course, he’d accepted. Blind faith. True love. Stupidity.
His mother had warned him but, of course, he hadn’t listened. “Don’t do it, Caleb. You know how she treats you every single time.”
He had. But that time, like every other time she’d crooked her little finger at him, he’d hoped it was going to be different. A poor, foolish, sixteen-year-old’s delusion, as it had turned out. Since Leanne’s only intention had been to humiliate him.
No, I don’t want things to work, Eric.
Her words broke back into his thoughts, and he couldn’t help but wonder if she was stringing this Eric along, only to snap him in two, like a brittle twig, the way she’d done to him? Had she really changed, the way he’d been convincing himself she had? Or was this the real Leanne now, and the nice one he was growing fond of was only being nice because she wanted something from him?
Caleb shuddered. He didn’t want to hear any more. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t stomach it. So, he spun around and left the office. But tonight, he wasn’t running. Wasn’t crying. No, Leanne would never get him to do that again. He might remember those days, but he wasn’t doomed to repeat them. Not anymore. And especially not anywhere near her.
* * *
“You’re looking...somber,” Leanne told Caleb while she slid down into the seat across from him in the cafeteria. He was having coffee, and the scowl on his face was so off-putting she’d debated whether she even wanted his company. But that’s all she’d thought about since the whole Eric debacle—how she simply wanted to be around Caleb. Not to confide in, not to drag into the middle of her problems. Just to be around, because he had such a calming effect, the way he always had when they’d been little.
Except there was nothing calming about him now. He was like a storm cloud, getting ready to open up. The Caleb who seemed to always be lurking just behind his attempts to be nice.
She wanted the old one back. The one who, when they’d been six and she’d fallen off the swing and broken her arm, had tried to get her to stop crying by telling her that she was special because she was the only one in kindergarten who had a cast. He’d even drawn flowers on it to make her more special. And when they’d been seven and her puppy had wandered off, he’d been the one who’d searched for that puppy for hours, who’d refused to give up and go home until he’d found it. Then when they’d been eight and her grandma had died, it had been his hand she held on to throughout the entire funeral. Caleb—always Caleb. Not her dad. Not anybody else. Just Caleb Carsten, always comforting when they’d been kids yet, there was nothing comforting about him now, and that stirred something upsetting in her.
Yet still, Caleb’s who she wanted tonight. But he wasn’t there. He wasn’t calming, wasn’t even cordial, and it concerned her that this might be the real Caleb now. Someone who would definitely not draw flowers on her cast. “Are you OK, Caleb?” she asked, taking the plastic sippy lid off her coffee. “You seem...angry.”
“I’m fine,” he said, his voice brusque, his eyes unemotional.
“After we had such a nice day—I’m worried about you.”
“Why? We’re just associates. Not close enough to be drawn into each other’s worries.”
That stung. It shouldn’t have, because he was right. Still, it did. “Is that how it is?”
“How’s it supposed to be, Leanne? You tell me.”
“Tell you what, Caleb? Tell me what to say, because I don’t understand what’s going on with you right now.”
“Are you planning on staying here? Asking me to take over the hospital one minute, then yanking it away from me the next? Is that how this is going to work?”
“What?” She had no idea what this was about. “I asked you to take over, and that’s what I want. Nothing’s changed.” Or, had it? As, it seemed like it might have. At least, for Caleb. “And I don’t understand why you’re even asking.”
“Because you change, Leanne. You always have. Say one thing, do another.”
“Look, it’s obvious you’re angry with me, but I don’t know what I’ve done. Don’t know why I’ve given you the impression that I’m going back on my offer. You’re the only one I want to head my hospital, and I haven’t even considered another possibility.”
“Not even yourself?”
“I told you Caleb, I don’t want it.” Now she was getting angry. “I don’t want to step into admin work, don’t want to stay in Marrell. So why are you doubting me? Why are we always doing this dance routine where I get backed into the corner? I’m trying really hard to be your friend, and Matthew’s friend, yet...” She tossed her hands in the air in exasperation. “Why are you acting like this?”
“Because you made another one of your changes, and I thought you might change your mind about the hospital, as well.”
She shut her eyes and rubbed her forehead. “What change?” Not only did she not understand, this conversation was so bizarre it bothered her. And she really wasn’t in the mood to deal with it, considering what she’d just gone through with Eric.
“Lifestyle status.”
“OK, at least now I know it’s something personal. That’s a start. But right now, I just don’t have time to do this. It’s been a rough day. I’m tired. And I’m about to become just as cranky as you are. So, how about I just get up and leave before one of us says something we can’t take back? Maybe tomorrow night, when you’ve had a chance to lighten up, and I’ve had a chance to deal with some choices I’m making, we can take Matthew and go grab a pizza. Take this problem between us out of the workplace and see where we stand—on everything. Because I like you, or, I’m trying to, and I still want us to be friends again.” More than she’d realized until just a little while ago. Despite his moods, Caleb was steady, and she needed that. And direction. And someone who didn’t have to be on all the time, the way Eric had. All that was Caleb.
“Do you even remember when we used to be friends, Leanne?” he asked, finally looking at her, even though his eyes were as unrelenting as they had been ever since she’d sat down with him.
“Yes,” she said tentatively, wondering where this was leading. “Why?” She had strong memories of their early childhood, but vague memories from when they were older. For some reason, Caleb didn’t register with her the way she thought he should have during that time, and she didn’t want to admit that to him. Didn’t want him to know that, for her, part of their history had been so forgettable. Because that would only make him angrier, and she didn’t think she could handle any more. Not now. Maybe not ever, if this was the real Caleb Carsten coming at her.
“I was just curious. That’s all.”
That’s all? He was curious? Leanne let out a heavy sigh. It shouldn’t take this much effort to be somebody’s friend, but right now he was wearing her down. Making her wonder if he, or their friendship, was worth the effort she was trying to put into it. “Look, do you want to have pizza tomorrow, or not?” she finally asked, not even caring that she sounded irritated.
“Maybe.” Said with no emotion, no real interest, like he was listening to a telephone solicitor just to be polite but not really hearing a word being said. “We do pizza night once a week. So maybe we’ll run into you at Marco’s. Or not.”
“Fine,” she said, spinning around and heading for the door. She’d had her full load of frustration for the day and she was done. “I hope you and Matthew have a good time,” she said on her retreat. This was insanity. Pure insanity.
“We’ll be there at six thirty,” he finally called after her. No inflection in his voice whatsoever. And that’s all he
said.
Talk about a churlish invitation. If that was an invitation, it was so ungracious it sent shivers up her arms. Left her wondering why she’d ever suggested it in the first place. She turned back to face him. “Tell me now, Caleb. What did I do that’s making you so angry with me? I’d like to get it resolved before Matthew gets dragged into it.”
“I’m not dragging my son into anything between us, Leanne,” he said.
“So, there is something between us?” Now she was more curious than ever. “What, Caleb?”
Rather than answering right away, though, he shut his eyes for a moment and shook his head. Then slowly he opened his eyes again and stared across the table at her. “I overheard some of your phone conversation earlier.”
“Which one?”
“The one where you dumped your boyfriend.”
“You mean the one where I was responding to the fact that he’s cheating on me? That phone conversation? So, what’s that got to do with you? Or us?”
Caleb’s face went red, and he brushed an anxious hand through his hair. “He was cheating on you?”
“Apparently, since I wasn’t the object of the last text he sent me. But what I don’t understand, Caleb, is your attitude. What would my breakup with Eric have to do with you?”
“It just sounded like a conversation I’d heard before. You called me pathetic once, you know? Told me you never wanted to see me again.”
“When?” She didn’t remember that, but if she’d said that to him, why had he hung on to it for so long? It didn’t make sense, especially since they’d only been kids back then, and kids did stupid things.
“One night, up at Eagle Pointe.”
Where was this going? It was making her head spin, and she simply wasn’t in the mood to cope. Not with anything or anyone. Whatever the misunderstanding had been, she’d straighten it out later. Or never, depending on Caleb. Right now, though, all she wanted to do was go home, shut the bedroom door behind her, pull the covers up over her head and pray for sleep. Which, she was sure, wouldn’t show up. “Look, if we had a fight up at Eagle Pointe once, I don’t remember it. Sorry. But right now...” She took in a deep breath and walked away. Didn’t look back, even though she was sure he was staring at her. How did she know? The goose bumps. Always the goose bumps with Caleb. Then, and now.