by Z. Allora
The waitress seated them at a table in the middle of the dining room and asked questions in Japanese. Tian Di translated, “Do you want your sake warmed?”
“Um, I don’t know. You choose. I’m not much of a drinker.” Jordon glanced over at Tian Di.
He replied to the waitress, and after she left, he told Jordon, “Usually if the sake is a very high quality, you’d want the sake chilled. But tonight, warmed will be nice.”
Jordon nodded. What did he know?
The waitress returned, carrying two wooden trays, and set one in front of each of them.
Jordon stared down at the food. Raw fish over rice, a pile of Zack’s worst food nightmare—straw mushrooms—a couple of carrots, three asparagus stalks, and a dead bug. Say what now?
A quick check on Tian Di’s tray said the corpses were laid to rest on their dinner trays on purpose. Out of the corner of his eye, Jordon saw a woman pick up her own bug with chopsticks and take a bite.
Jordon gagged into his napkin and tried to pass it off as a cough. “Sorry.”
“Pickled crickets aren’t for everyone.” Tian Di turned his chopsticks around and removed the dead bug from Jordon’s tray with the backs.
“You eat them?” Trying not to be horrified, and wondering what a cricket-flavored kiss would taste like, Jordon gagged again.
“I don’t like the taste.” Tian Di set Jordon’s bug next to his own and covered them with a large carrot circle, creating a bizarre orange cricket grave marker for the cemetery on his plate.
The artist in Jordon wanted to take a picture, but the six-year-old inside him kept chanting that bugs didn’t belong on dinner trays.
Their waitress returned and poured sake into brown earthen cups with artfully uneven glaze. Jordon searched for the imperfection with which Japanese artists intentionally mar their creations. He found the small nick on the base of the cup.
He copied Tian Di, holding the filled cup in his open palm.
“It’s tradition not to set the ochoko—or cup—down until you finish the drink.”
“Kanpai,” Jordon toasted.
“Kanpai.” Tian Di drank the sake like a shot.
Jordon had never had sake, but when in a ryokan…. He pounded the liquid in one go and swallowed. “Tastes like warm, sweet rice juice with a kick.”
The waitress rushed over and refilled their cups. She said something to Tian Di and took their sake carafe away.
Tian Di shook his head. “I was scolded for not refilling your cup immediately.”
Jordon recalled that was how some of his characters would get very drunk at work events—the social grace of refilling the cup again and again and again. The heat of the sake spread from his mouth and throat outward.
“Kanpai.”
Tian Di arched an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.
After a couple of minutes, Jordon proclaimed, “I feel loose in my shoulders.”
“Onsen or sake?”
“Both….” Maybe getting a little tipsy would help. Still holding his cup, Jordon whispered, “I love you. Thank you for being in my life. Kanpai.”
Tian Di’s smile ignited him more than alcohol. He raised his cup but didn’t down the drink.
The waitress returned with more sake and filled Jordon’s cup.
Not wanting to be rude, he held the cup properly and drank.
After refilling his cup once more, she clapped him on the back and said something sounding like praise.
Jordon drank. His worries became further away and not nearly as important as before the sake.
She poured again, and he drank what she poured him.
Wait, weren’t the sake cups supposed to be placed in wooden boxes or something? Jordon wanted to ask, but he’d have to use a lot of words and his mouth felt lazy.
Tian Di said something to the waitress, and she took her hand off Jordon’s back by way of running her fingers through his hair.
Jordon ducked away from her and swayed. How many cups had he drunk? Four or five, and did it matter? He giggled, covering his mouth.
The waitress reappeared with two large bottles of cold water.
Tian Di opened one and poured a large glass for Jordon.
“Thank you, kind and gentle sir.” Jordon smiled and then attempted to eat some fish, but the chopsticks made the task difficult. His coordination might be off. Besides, Jordon didn’t want raw fish.
“I have a few protein bars in my bag you can have later.” Tian Di finished the last of his fish.
Jordon stared down at his tray of raw fish and the disks of future bug burials. Were carrots now forever ruined? “I don’t want to eat this.”
His worry was quiet, though lurking in the background.
“Come on. Let’s get you back to the room.” Tian Di helped him stand.
“Do you think I’m drunk?” Jordon asked through snorting giggles. He allowed Tian Di to guide him down the empty hallway.
“Is that a question?” Tian Di looked around and then gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.
The hallway hadn’t been crooked on the way to the restaurant. “Tian Di, someone must have stretched the hallway.”
“I guess the walk after the sake feels longer going back to the room.” Tian Di took care of the door and steadied Jordon as he tripped up the step.
“Someone stole our table, just like the French toilet….” Jordon cracked up more at Tian Di’s confused and slightly concerned expression. The low table and cushions were gone. In their place were two futon mattresses and two snowy white quilts.
“It’s the Case of the Missing Table.” Jordon giggled. He crashed down onto the futon.
Reality. Time to do this. He gathered his focus and wrestled to balance on all fours. Pushing his robe out of the way proved impossible because the fabric kept falling back into place covering his ass. He fell face-first into the pillow.
Damn. Ha, ha, ha. “I feel like I’m a cow being tipped.”
“What? Why would you give money to a cow?”
“No, not money to a cow.” It was too much to explain, so Jordon just snorted. He struggled back onto his hands and knees. Trying and failing once again to pull his robe over his ass. Tian Di would have to take care of the robe.
“Jordon, what are you doing?”
Jordon kneeled and waited. Eventually he looked back at Tian Di. “I’m ready. Condoms are in my bag.”
“For what?”
He screwed up his face in an effort to brace himself for the onslaught. “You know. The fucking. I can do this. Go ahead. Just do it.”
Chapter 16
WHAT IN the world? How drunk was Jordon? He was on all fours in front of Tian Di, demanding to be penetrated.
Tian Di lay down next to the love of his life and stared at Jordon’s expression of fierce determination. He skimmed a hand over Jordon’s back. “You’re trembling.”
“I’m not.” Jordon swayed. “Go ahead. I can do this.”
“I have no doubt.” Tian Di had to figure this out.
“Good. Do it,” Jordon demanded, wiggling his backside.
Tian Di wasn’t sure of the answer to the question, but he had to ask, “Why do you keep insisting I do something you clearly do not wish to do?”
“Let’s get this over with,” Jordon spilled out with alcohol-lubricated honesty.
Tian Di pulled him down to the futon and swaddled Jordon in a blanket. “Ah, the slurs of sake truth. Is this why you got drunk?”
The silence went on for a long time until Jordon sagged and huffed out a defeated “I guess.”
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” Tian Di snuggled closer to a pouty drunken Jordon.
“Use condoms to fuck,” Jordon slurred.
“Always.” Tian Di’s sister had drummed that into his head.
Jordon yawned. “Good.”
Tian Di grabbed a bottle of water he’d brought back from the restaurant. “Here. Drink some, and then you can tell me why.”
“Why w
hat?” Jordon tried to push out his lower lip but failed and started giggling.
“Why did you get drunk and start insisting we do something you don’t want to do?” That might be too complex a question for Jordon to process.
Jordon drank the entire bottle—probably more to stall his answer than out of thirst. “This is what boyfriends do. They have sex.”
What? “We have sex every day. Sometimes more than once.”
Truth be told, Tian Di couldn’t believe his luck in finding such an affectionate lover. Unlike some of his past relationships, Jordon seemed fixated on Tian Di’s pleasure and always made sure he was satisfied.
Jordon’s eyes were glazed over. “Yeah, but that’s not real sex.”
Not real sex? “What does—”
A snore ripped through the room.
Tian Di stared at a sleeping Jordon. His mouth turned down in a frown.
Rearranging the blankets around Jordon, Tian Di combed his fingers through Jordon’s hair until he snuffled. Jordon’s lips turned into a small smile, and he cuddled into Tian Di’s side. That was better.
How could Jordon think they weren’t having sex? Real sex? Certainly, it felt like amazing sex to Tian Di. It was probably the most physically satisfied he’d ever been, and they hadn’t even gotten to his favorite: Mouth sex.
When in doubt, google it out. Why was he quoting Indigo?
Tian Di grabbed his phone, clicked around the internet, and tried not to wince. Instantly, there were too many sites depicting anal sex. Japan wasn’t censored like China, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. The video of two men sandwiched into one made his buttcheeks tighten.
Not that he wouldn’t have anal sex with Jordon, but he found the whole process could be messy, painful—though he’d do it if Jordon wanted to. Maybe with Jordon the entire experience would be better?
After a couple of minutes of determined searching and adjusting the key words, he found less porn and more how-to sites. One started off by stating not all gay men liked anal sex. The website pointed out other ways of enjoying intimacy. Manual? Ah, manual that must be with hands—and oral, of course. The site also said men enjoyed intercrural sex and frottage. What are those?
Tian Di followed the first link for intercrural sex, glad he didn’t have to try to pronounce the word. He read that intercrural was when someone wanted to thrust between their partner’s legs or thighs. They put lube on their partner’s thighs and rutted to happiness. That might be nice. No need to stretch anything out, and holding Jordon tight was always great. He started to harden over the thought of sharing that with Jordon.
Ignoring his body’s responses, he focused. Now, what in the world was frottage? Oh, yes. Dry humping and rubbing against each other. Tian Di was a definite fan. Maybe intercrural was frottage with more direct thrusting?
He clicked back to the main article, which ended with “anal sex is not mandatory to have gay sex,” and saved the link. Maybe he could show Jordon.
Tian Di curled into his lover. Horny, but mentally exhausted, he let sleep take him.
SMALL KISSES rained down on Tian Di’s neck. “Mm, this is a nice way to wake up.”
No verbal answer, just lips pressed to the pulse point on his neck.
“How’s your head?”
The kisses stopped. “It’s pretty good. I thought I’d have a headache, but I don’t.”
Tian Di had to get Jordon to talk to him. “So about last night—”
“Let me go to the bathroom first.” Jordon darted out of the room.
Nature called Tian Di, so when Jordon exited, he entered. He came back to an empty room, but the garden door was ajar.
Tian Di peeked out. Jordon was rinsing off soap. The scent of summer roses in full bloom wafted through the air. He enveloped Jordon in a fluffy towel and took a quick shower himself.
Jordon dried him.
“I’m not drunk, and we can do it right now. I’m ready.” Jordon’s voice cracked a little.
“Why do we have to do it that way?” Was that too honest of a question?
Jordon shrugged. “Um… we’re boyfriends.”
“Will you stop loving me if we don’t?” Tian Di’s heart pounded. Would Jordon turn out to be like the first man he’d been with and say yes?
“No! Course not.” Jordon crossed the room and sat on the futon. He draped the comforter around him.
Tian Di joined him. “Talk to me.”
“I’m a side.” Jordon pronounced this revelation with such misery it sounded like he was confessing to having an incurable illness.
“I’m not sure what that means.” Tian Di combed his fingers through Jordon’s wet hair.
“I’ve never fucked or been fucked, and I don’t think I would like it. The whole idea is just, like, a big no to me. But I can do it, and I can do it with you.”
“But you said you don’t want to do that. So why are you trying to force yourself to do something you’re uncomfortable with?”
“I love you, and I want to make you happy.”
“I am happy.” Wasn’t Tian Di clear enough? He took Jordon’s index finger and ran it over where his musical note ring used to be.
Jordon dropped his head onto Tian Di’s shoulder. “Long term, I mean. You’re not going to want to stay with me.”
Tian Di wanted to deny that inaccuracy, but he needed to understand why Jordon thought that. “Why not?”
“Because you must want to fuck—be with someone that way, right? And I don’t think I do.”
Odd how a piece of him wanted Jordon to keep believing that, because there were expectations around the act. “I’ve done that before….”
Jordon raised his head and stared. “And you liked it, right?”
“It was okay. I did it more for the other man than for myself.” Tian Di needed to be honest, though he left out the parts of feeling blackmailed and used.
Jordon stared at Tian Di and frowned. “Yeah, but what if we never did that? Wouldn’t you miss that?”
“It wasn’t—I love being with you, and what we do means so much more than anything I’d done before.” He shoved his cell phone at Jordon. “Take a look at this article. Read how it ends.”
Jordon scrolled through the article and sighed. “Yeah, I know that, but—”
“I love you. You. And if you want to do that, we can, and if you don’t, we don’t have to….”
Jordon got quiet and stared into Tian Di’s eyes. “And I really love you.”
The connection was heart-stopping. In that moment, he had total clarity. He’d do anything for this man. “Good. We should be able to tell each other everything.”
“I’ll try. Look, there’s a piece of me that feels like I should try, you know? Like maybe I’d love anal sex.” Jordon’s voice grew softer, and he grimaced.
Tian Di nodded. He wished he could take away the sadness from Jordon’s eyes. “And maybe we will someday. Maybe we won’t. But you need to hear me, what I am saying. I am having great super satisfying sex with my boyfriend.”
Jordon sighed, reached over to his knapsack, and pulled out his iPad. He tapped on the screen, and then handed the device to Tian Di. “I always had this image of how sex was supposed to be.”
Tian Di stared at the iPad and read the picture’s title, “A Princely Deflowering.”
Jordon pointed to the drawing of a grinning man engaging in vigorous anal sex with another man. They both looked like Jordon. “This is what I always thought sex would be like for me. Every dirty magazine and porn site always has guys taking dick up the ass. I thought, I’m gay, so I’ll love it. There has always been a piece of me that wasn’t into the idea, which confused me. I even started experimenting with myself. I tried my fingers, dildos, you name it, and I searched to find the pleasure of penetration. But I just didn’t like having something inside me, so then I thought maybe I wasn’t a bottom—”
“Bottom? I’ve never heard this term.”
“Oh, sorry, right. That I didn�
�t like to receive. I might be a top. You know, the one giving.” Jordon demonstrated by poking his index finger back and forth. “I played with a Fleshlight, thinking—”
“Flashlight?” Tian Di failed to understand how a torch light would be sexy, though he was positive Jordon could make anything hot or adorable.
Not laughing at him for not knowing, Jordon found a website on his phone and handed it over to Tian Di.
The video started with a canister that looked like a flashlight. A man inserted a banana into the opening and jammed the fruit in and out. “Oh, I see. You put yourself inside and thrust.”
“You don’t think that’s weird, do you?” Jordon’s cheeks had tinted to a bright pink.
“No, I don’t. It might be interesting.” Should he tell Jordon what he liked to do? First things first—he needed to understand what Jordon meant. “Do you think you’re a top?”
“I don’t think so, ’cause while I liked—” Jordon mimicked holding the Fleshlight, and moving the imaginary device back and forth. “—I didn’t enjoy thrusting into it. When I pretended to fuck someone, the whole activity just felt wrong… like too rough or something.”
Tian Di wanted to make sure he didn’t misunderstand. “This is what you mean when you say you’re a side?”
“Yeah.” Jordon seemed to be searching Tian Di’s face for rejection.
His honesty made Tian Di tug him into a kiss. He tried to convey love, affection, and friendship with his lips.
Jordon moaned and deepened the kiss until they pulled back from each other, a little breathless.
“You like manual?” Tian Di hoped he used the word correctly.
“Yes.”
“How about the other stuff? The website said frottage, mouth, and inter… inter, you know.”
“Inter-however-you-say-it.” Jordon shrugged. “I might enjoy that, since it’s more like rubbing and not quite fucking. I don’t know. And, well, we sort of did the frottage thing on the first day we met, and yeah, I loved it.”
Tian Di tried not to sound too hopeful. “Mouth?”
“Um, well, I’ve never…. But I’ve always, always, always wanted to try. I’m pretty sure I’d love that.” Jordon’s gaze didn’t meet Tian Di’s, and the pink flush on his cheeks deepened to a shade of red. “You’ve probably—”