by Karina Bliss
Elizabeth’s gaze was searching. “Are we still friends?”
Dimity managed a smile. “Of course we are.” Which is why I’m going to save you both from making the worst mistake of your lives.
Working with Zee had taught her that failure didn’t count unless you quit trying to achieve your goal—however impossible that goal seemed to other people. Every success they’d had together had been built on that philosophy.
“For the record,” Elizabeth said as they approached the house. “History has shown Yoko was grossly misjudged.”
Dimity laughed. “I got you with that one, huh?”
Inside, she was satisfied. She’d sown seeds of disquiet and truth would make them grow. However calm Elizabeth appeared, she would think about Dimity’s arguments—she was too smart a woman not to. Zee only needed to sense that Elizabeth had doubts about his actions to start questioning the rightness of his decision—the biographer was that important to him.
The man they’d been discussing sat on the deck. He must have finished his errands early and forgotten his key. Catching sight of them, he stood and walked out from the shadow of the porch, where sunlight sparked red in his hair. Not Zander.
Dimity’s heart skipped a beat, and she told herself it was annoyance. She wasn’t in the mood for playing, not when she was trying to save their world.
“Seth,” Elizabeth called delightedly “We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow.”
“I hope you don’t mind me showing up early. I needed time out from family obligations.”
“Of course not.” She hugged him. “It’s wonderful to see you. Stay as long as you like.”
“Let me get back to you on that.” He turned to Dimity and she braced herself, but above his easy smile, his blue eyes were bleak.
He wasn’t here to pick up where they’d left off——he was seeking refuge. “Honey B, I almost didn’t recognize you in those sensible hiking boots.”
What happened? She bit back the question because if he’d wanted to tell them, he would have done it already.
“Even more amazing, I’ve been bird-watching,” she said, recalling the bird feigning a broken wing. This man was broken and pretending to be fine.
And even though she still had at least half a dozen Herculean tasks ahead of her, she couldn’t stop herself touching him, taking his arm. “Come inside and tell us what you’ve been up to.”
Chapter Fifteen
Five hours later, despite her best efforts, Dimity still had no idea what the hell had happened to Seth.
The atmosphere around the green baize card table where the four of them sat playing the Kiwi version of 500 and drinking whiskey reminded her of a circus performance she’d seen as a child.
Her father had paid top dollar for their seats, positioning them so close to the action—beaming clowns on a tricycle on a high-wire—she could see the sweat and grimace of effort under the grease-paint. Her eleven-year-old self had become uneasy. Something about them reminded her of her parents. Two days later, her father left them.
She had the same sense of impending doom watching her card partner, who was laughing, joking and betting recklessly. And could not seem to sit still.
Between hands, Seth kept getting up—to refill his whiskey glass, pace the room, or walk to the French doors to stare out at the night sky, as he was doing now.
“Deal ten cards,” Zander reminded her. Returning her attention to the table, she saw she’d stopped after five. “Sorry.”
These apologies had to stop. Now Zee was looking at her as she dealt out the extra cards.
Picking up his hand, he bid. “Eight diamonds…Seth, you want to join us?”
The drummer returned to the table and downed the contents of his whiskey glass. “This one, I’m going to win.”
As he sorted his cards, she, Elizabeth, and Zee exchanged glances. “So I’m guessing the helping-Seth-get-his-girlfriend-back thing isn’t going well,” Zander had said when Seth was unpacking. The others were in the kitchen preparing dinner, and Dimity was setting the table.
“We dropped the idea.” She sifted through the cutlery drawer, grateful that the task meant she didn’t have to meet his eyes. “He decided they’re better off as friends.”
“Zander said Seth’s having a terrible time with his father,” Elizabeth commented as she stuck a knife into the roast potatoes in the oven, checking if they were cooked.
Dimity dropped the napkins. “Can we keep that between us?” Kicking herself for saying anything, she retrieved them from the floor. “Seth is a private person.”
Infuriatingly so. She hadn’t managed to get a damn thing out of him as to what was wrong. “If you keep trying to be alone with me, Honey B,” he’d told her on their third ‘unplanned’ encounter, “I’ll think you want me.”
The only good thing about his shutdown was that he hadn’t asked for an update on Zee’s voice. And she hadn’t had to lie to him.
Now, as Elizabeth considered her bid, he tapped out a nervous staccato beat on his thighs. “I need another whiskey.” Abruptly he stood up again. “Anyone else want one?”
“I’d love a cup of tea,” Dimity said, hoping to slow his drinking down. Alcohol was only making him more restless. She felt like a doctor waiting for her patient’s fever to break.
“Coming right up.” He disappeared down the hall leading to the kitchen.
Elizabeth was still considering her cards. “You haven’t taken your eyes off Seth since he got here. What’s going on between you two?”
“Nothing. He’s my card partner and I’m reading his signals.” Nonchalantly, Dimity pushed back her chair, seeking an escape route. “I’ll see if he needs a hand.”
“It’ll be the only decent one he’s had from you since we started playing,” Zander commented dryly. “And since when do you drink hot tea?”
Since Elizabeth started noticing my interest in Seth.
Her cell rang, enabling her to ignore his question. Caller ID showed Janey’s number. Maybe Seth’s sister could fill in the gaps.
Excusing herself, she started walking away for privacy. “Hi, Janey. Nice to hear from you.”
Behind her, Zee said to Elizabeth, “And why have you been staring at me all night, and not in your usual, ‘I can’t wait to rip your clothes off’ kind of way, more like a ‘Let me imprint your adorable little face in my memory’ kind of way?”
Dimity’s steps faltered. She knew why. The seeds were starting to germinate.
“Is my brother with you?” Janey recalled Dimity to her surroundings.
“Yes, he is.” She walked on.
“He’s not answering my calls and I really need to talk to him. Would you get him for me?”
“Of course.” Dimity headed toward the kitchen. “What’s going on?” It wasn’t like Seth to ignore Janey.
“He found out we kept something from him.” As she listened to Janey’s explanation—and excuses—Dimity came to a dead halt.
“Dimity, are you still there?”
“Yes.” She tried to keep her voice neutral.
“I know we stuffed up.” The defensiveness in Janey’s voice suggested Dimity hadn’t succeeded in corralling her disgust. “Please help me.”
“I’ll try.”
Seth wasn’t in the kitchen. The kettle was boiling, steam billowing from its spout in a small cloud. As she entered, the auto switch clicked off. The back door was open. She found Seth standing on the porch, forearms resting on the rail and head bowed. He straightened as he heard her footsteps.
“Just checking the view.”
It was cloudy, but she didn’t challenge him, only said, “Phone for you.” Then she passed over her cell and returned inside, pausing on the doorstep.
“Janey…yeah, I got your messages.” His tone was impossibly weary. “Uh-huh. Sure, I’ll listen.”
Dimity continued inside to finish making the tea. As she picked up the kettle she noticed her hands were trembling. Which was crazy, this wasn’t her cr
isis. God knows she had her own to— “He put you in a difficult position. You made the best decision at the time, I get that.” The low rumble of Seth’s voice grew clearer. He must be pacing outside the kitchen window, left partially ajar. “But you and Mum could have told me later, when he stabilized. You could have told me any time these past six months and you didn’t. You treated me like an outsider. You let the bully win.”
She put the kettle down and reached across the sink to close the window, but the catch was too high. Seth’s voice grew indistinct as he moved away. Needing a task, she looked for teabags, lifting the lids of two pottery jars before finding them in a third.
“I can’t even talk about how betrayed I feel. I’m absolutely gutted that you and Mum kept the truth from me.”
Okay, he needs privacy. Abandoning the tea-making, Dimity hurried toward the living room.
“Are you sure about leaving Rage?” Elizabeth said. “Really sure?”
“Don’t you start. I finally got Dimity to accept it, and—wait…has she said something?”
Dimity retreated into the hall, but Elizabeth didn’t betray her. “You know I don’t kiss and tell…except for a vast amount of money. Answer the question. Would you be choosing differently if I wasn’t in your life?”
Dimity held her breath.
“I’d already realized that being an asshole egotist wasn’t making me happy.” Zee’s tone held a touch of impatience—suggesting he’d tired of the subject? “You were the intervention, the divine intervention, but if you hadn’t come into my life some kind of intervention was still necessary. Would I have known what changes to make? No.”
Yes!
“As long as you’re making the right changes.”
“I need you to trust me.” No question that he was impatient now. “Why are you having second thoughts about my ability to make this work?”
“I want you to be happy. I want to protect you—”
“I don’t need you to protect me. I have this under control.”
“Well, at least your yelling voice has come back,” Elizabeth said mildly.
Dimity’s own feelings were anything but mild. Triumphant. Uneasy. Ever so slightly nauseous. This was the first real breakthrough she’d had. Was it wrong to feel such relief? She didn’t wait for Zander’s response, quietly retracing her steps. Seth’s voice stopped her.
“I can’t talk to you about this right now, I’m too angry.” He must have walked into the kitchen.
With crises happening on both sides she had no choice but to press against the wall and stay hidden.
“I love you and I’ll see you in a couple of days,” Seth said curtly. “No, not Dad. I bent over backward to make peace with him over this and frankly I’m all out of giving a damn. If he wants me in his life, he’s going to have to make the first move… Yeah, I don’t see that happening, either. I have to go.”
She had to move before he caught her skulking. She escaped into the living room. “Elizabeth, I didn’t ask if you wanted tea?”
Her friend turned her head. Her color was high, her eyes bright with anger, but she answered calmly enough. “Love one, thanks. Milk, no sugar.”
Zee didn’t turn around. “Mind giving us a couple of minutes?”
Okay you two, have an epiphany that I’m right and I’ll ease up on the pressure. “Of course.”
Reluctantly, she returned to the kitchen and collided with Seth coming the other way. “Have you finished making the tea? Elizabeth would like one, too. I’ll help if you like.”
He looked at her blankly for a moment. “Right. Tea. Do you take milk?”
“No, and make it weak.” It was the only way she’d be able to drink the stuff. She added casually, “Want one, too, or are you still on the whiskey?”
“No, why risk a hangover?” He looked like he already had one. “I’ll have tea, too.”
He grabbed another couple of mugs while she re-boiled the kettle and tried not to stare at him anxiously. “Are you finished with my cell?”
“What? Oh yeah, sure.” He dug in his pocket. “How does Janey have your number?”
“I texted her a link to an online fashion store I use. She said she couldn’t get hold of you—your cell must need charging. Is everything okay?”
She caught his sharp look in her peripheral vision and kept her expression impassive as she added the teabags.
“Do you know what happened today?” he said quietly.
She broke into a sweat. She was tempted to lie, but enough people had betrayed his trust. “Yes.” Finally, she could look at him directly. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
Okay, not ready to be looked at. “It doesn’t have to be me.” She poured the water into the mugs. “What about Mel? She could have some advice.”
Seth’s laugh was bitter. “Mel isn’t interested in being my friend anymore. She thinks I cheated on her while we were still dating.”
“With who?”
“You.” He gave her the details, and she was outraged.
“How could she not believe you?” Honesty, loyalty, and fidelity were the bedrock of Seth’s character. If Mel truly loved him, she’d know he could never lie about something so important.
He opened the fridge and got out the milk carton. “I don’t care anymore. Who takes milk?”
His defeatist attitude frightened her. Seth was the optimist, the guy who said, “We’ll find a way.”
“Everyone but me,” she said. “I really think we should talk this through.”
He added milk to two mugs. “Not even you could come up with an excuse for Mum and Janey that I haven’t already dredged up myself.”
She bled for him. “They didn’t know how much it would hurt you?”
“Well, they should have known.” He slammed the milk carton on the counter. “I know what hurts them. I’m making peace with Dad mostly for Mum’s sake. I’ve kept Janey from taking sides because I don’t want her suffering the fallout. All my life I’ve been the buffer because I can handle disappointment and pain better than the people I love. Well, not this time. I’m hurt and bitter and rising above it is beyond me.”
Dimity couldn’t bear it. She made a move toward him. “Seth—”
Zander walked in. “I’m here for Doc’s tea,” he said. “I need to grovel.”
“What did you do?” Seth passed him a mug.
“Overreacted,” he said. “Hard to believe, I know.” His volatility was infamous in the industry, but Dimity hadn’t seen it since she’d arrived on the island and put doubts into Elizabeth’s head. She felt like a snake in the Garden of Eden. Events were spiraling beyond her control. Short-term pain for long-term gain, she told herself. Hold your nerve. It’s working.
In the living room, Zander gave Elizabeth her tea and she raised her face for a kiss. It was tentative, tender, missing their usual passion. Their commitment was still so new, Dimity had to be careful not to do real damage. Could she be going too far? She glanced at Seth, lost and lonely, to strengthen her resolve.
No. She had to keep trying to save Rage, for all their sakes, even if it meant shaking foundations. For some of them, the band was all they had.
Seth looked at the card table and remained standing. “I hate to be the buzzkill but I need an early night. Mind if we finish the game another time?”
“That suits me,” Elizabeth said, standing. “I want to print my manuscript. Dimity’s agreed to read it,” she told Zander.
“That’s great.” Zander looked at Dimity. “I guess we could put in a couple of hours, too.” Because that’s what they did. Worked.
“Not tonight,” she said. Conscious that she could be setting herself up for a mighty fall, she walked over to Seth and held out her hand. “Bed?”
He looked at her. “Is this a pity fuck?” His voice was low, low enough so only she could hear it.
“You expect me to distinguish between empathy and sympathy?”
His mouth twitched. “Good enough.”
He took her hand. “We’re dating,” he said, leading her toward the sleep-out.
“It’s not serious,” Dimity clarified over her shoulder. “Don’t make a big deal of it.”
There was absolute silence in their wake.
Outside, he stopped on the path that led to the sleep-out’s second bedroom. Squeezing her hand, he released it. “I love sex with you, Honey B, but I’m not on my game tonight. Can we take a rain check?”
He’d said yes, so he could say no in private. Even at his lowest ebb, he’d considered her pride.
Maybe she could find the guts to forget hers for him. Because she wasn’t leaving him while he felt so alone.
“Or I could take a turn at guessing your sexual fantasy.”
“My sexual fantasy, Honey B, was to make you scream, and—”
“If you say mission accomplished, I’ll make you scream…and it won’t be pleasurable.”
“For future reference, S and M is not my thing. You might have picked that up from my wimpy reaction to the hurty hand I got hitting Luther.”
“And then some.”
“So if you were planning on tying me up…?”
“Stop fishing.” Every quip he made reflected his courage. Did he have any idea how that unraveled her? “Wait, do you want to be tied up?” she added.
“Hell, yeah. But not tonight. Tonight?” He sighed. “I need to be alone.” Leaning forward, he kissed her lightly. “I hope you understand.”
“Totally.” She recaptured his hand, tangling her fingers through his. “You want to hole up and brood. Pull all the hurt and the pain and the loneliness inside until you’ve made it your ally. Something that reminds you why it’s easier not to give a fuck every time you’re tempted to give anyone the benefit of the doubt.” Tightening her hold, she started tugging him toward her room. “I’m not letting you do that. There are too many of us in the world already.”
“Yeah?” He dug in his heels, forcing a standoff. “How are you going to stop me?”
“I’m going to do something for you tonight that I’ve never done for any guy.”
He stopped trying to loosen her grip. “Okay, I’m intrigued. What’s that?”