“It’s Penny, and there’s nothing to apologize for.” She reached for a mug on the nightstand. “Here. I made you some chamomile tea. Why don’t you sit in this rocker and just relax?”
Disoriented, all fight gone, she accepted the mug first. “Thank you, Penny.” She felt strange calling her by her first name. Seemed disrespectful. But Mrs. Denton seemed too formal. “I’m sorry I—oh, no!” She turned her gaze to Lucas. “Is O’Keeffe all right?”
“Happy as a clam that I’m not training her to the saddle right now.” Lucas smiled. He was not upset with her for disrupting the session.
She thought back to the last thing she remembered. She had been there to keep O’Keeffe calm and read her thoughts, and then—
“Ready to break her, son?”
The mug began to shake in Cassie’s hand, sloshing its hot contents onto the floor. Penny reached out. “Here, you sit down first, and then I’ll hand it to you.”
Before she could sit, Lucas stood and came toward her. He wrapped her in his arms. She began to struggle to escape his arms, instinct telling her to run to the bathroom or anywhere else to hide. But instead of revulsion at his touch, for some odd reason, being in his arms helped stop her shaking.
Safe.
She held on tightly, afraid of falling into the abyss again, and wrapped her arms around the middle of his back. Tears spilled onto his shirt.
“Did you remember something?” The deep timbre of Lucas’s voice reverberated through her chest.
Penny stroked her arm. “I’ll give you two some privacy. Just call if you need anything.”
Cassie pulled away. “No, Penny. I do not wish to hide from this anymore. Telling Lucas, even though I had not wanted to tell him either, released some of the shame and guilt I had buried inside all these years.”
Having Penny reach out to her like a mother to a daughter made Cassie miss her own mamá’s touch intensely. She motioned for his mother to sit in the rocker and Lucas, on the bed. He indicated his lap was available, but she shook her head.
“I need to stand on my own two feet, especially after that meltdown.”
“Friends lean on each other in tough times, darlin’.”
She had done that for Kitty—and Goddess knew Kitty had done the same for her many, many times. But it was different being friends with a man. Even a man she thought she could trust, like Lucas.
“Thank you, Lucas, for being there. Your support means more to me than you can ever know.” Knowing she had someone like Lucas by her side gave her a sense of peace and strength.
Before discussing what had happened in the corral, she filled Penny in on what Lucas already knew about the gang rape five years ago. Rather than become emotional, Cassie stated the facts the cold, hard facts. She had already poured out her heart to Kitty, to Lucas, to Savannah, and to her new therapist. The more she talked about it, the easier it became.
“Oh, you poor child. How awful for you to have to face that at such a young age.”
Not having a response to that, and in an effort to calm herself, Cassie went to the nightstand and picked up the mug again, drinking half of the lukewarm tea in several gulps. Then she turned to the man who always seemed to be there for her when the monsters came back to haunt her.
Demon was too pleasant a word for Pedro and his friends.
“A few days ago, I went back into therapy again. I want to reclaim my life. I have seen improvement already.” She focused on Lucas. “But out in the round pen earlier, your father said something about breaking O’Keeffe. I think that is what triggered my panic attack. One of the rapists used similar words during the attack. Right now, to be honest, I do not know which man.”
“You screamed Pedro’s name when you were fighting me outside.”
Then it probably had been Pedro. She thought it sounded like his voice in her head, but had spent five years trying to banish those voices from her memory. She doubted she remembered the exact words any of them had used during the attack at the bar.
“I’ll talk to Bill before we go to work again with O’Keeffe. He didn’t mean anything—”
“Oh, no! Do not say anything. It was not his fault.”
“Still, I want to make sure he doesn’t use those same words that are so painful to you.”
Cassie hated having them make concessions on her behalf, but the thought of another meltdown held no appeal either. “Thanks, Penny.”
“Dad’s old-school about working with horses.”
Lucas never talked about breaking O’Keeffe, only training her. Calming her. Working with her to overcome her past. Being around horses was new to her, but the similarities in his approach to his battered horses reminded her of the way he treated her.
Now something that had been nagging at her since the vision with the deer yesterday needed to be brought up. “Lucas, I have a favor to ask.”
“You know I’ll do anything I can.”
“I need to go home.”
He cocked his head. “I’ll take you up the mountain anytime. We can go through the buildings to see if anything’s salvageable.”
She shook her head. “Not that home.” Although she needed to do that, too. Her landlady said she could wait and demolish the buildings after Cassie sifted through the rubble for whatever had survived. But that place could never be her home again. She took a deep breath. “I am talking about Peru. I need to see my parents. Their thirty-fifth wedding anniversary is next week. I want to be there when they unveil the portrait I painted. I want to celebrate with them as they renew their vows. I want to be with my family again.”
I miss them.
Fear had kept her away from her family too long, but her stomach knotted at the thought of coming face to face with Pedro. Surely he would not be so brazen as to come near her again. Eduardo would kill him if he knew what he had done—and Cassie found that telling her story became easier each time she shared it. The time was right to explain to her family what had sent her away from them.
“Lucas, I need you…” She wished she could ask him to join her but could not pull him away from his horses and responsibilities. “I need you to watch after my alpacas.”
“You aren’t going down there alone the first time. I’m going with you.”
“I will be fine.”
“Luke, you need to go with her. Bill and I can stay here and watch after the horses and alpacas.”
“No, Penny, I do not want to disrupt your plans.” Then why did the thought of having Lucas beside her when she went back to Peru ease the knot in her stomach?
“No disruption at all, sweetie. It will give Bill and me a chance to extend our visit up here without the expense of a hotel. You just teach us the routine to follow with your alpacas. Horses we know, but we haven’t had a lot of experience with those sweet critters.”
“See? That settles it. I’m going with you, Sweet Pea.”
Cassie felt as if she had lost control of this conversation and her life just when she had begun to feel in control again.
“Let me think about it.”
First, she needed to face something here. And for that, she did want Lucas beside her.
* * *
Cassie expected tears when she exited the truck and surveyed the place where her cabin had once stood. Surprisingly, she felt no reason to cry. While she had lost some treasures from her past, like her grandmother’s shoulder cloth, this fire had been cathartic for her. Ironically, many times she had attempted to destroy her monsters in a fire ceremony, only to have a wildfire sweep through her life and wipe the slate clean. If not for that, she might still be hiding away up here.
“You okay?”
She turned to Lucas and nodded. “Actually, better than okay.”
He quirked a brow in disbelief, but she turned back to survey the charred landscape and remains of her cabin. “I wonder how long before it will be green here again.”
“You’d be amazed how fast it happens. You’ll come out here next spring and find a tiny seedling st
ruggling to poke its vibrant little head out of the blackened earth. A sign of rebirth and renewal.”
Now the tears did flow. Lucas wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “Don’t cry, Sweet Pea. The important thing to remember is that you and the alpacas escaped. Things can be replaced. People and animals can’t.”
She couldn’t explain to Lucas her gratitude to him for helping to plant that seedling of hope for rebirth inside her, but held on to him as the tears streamed down her cheeks and onto his shirt. When she no longer felt the need to cry, she pulled away.
She glanced down the path to the studio. “Funny how the studio survived while everything around it was destroyed.”
“Rafe said the fire crews arrived in time to save it by dousing it with water. At least you can salvage everything from inside there.”
Cassie nodded and dashed the wetness from her cheeks. “I guess we should start sifting through the rest of the place while we have daylight.”
“Why don’t we clean out the studio first. I think you’ll feel better seeing what survived.”
She nodded and they spent the next hour loading up her altar area first. She was not sure where she would set it up at Lucas’s, but would be happy to be able to meditate at it once more.
Abuela’s blanket smelled of smoke, but she would have it cleaned and smudged to replace the smell with something more pleasant. At least the last blanket her grandmother had woven had survived.
After packing up the last of the items from the studio, the sound of the ptarmigan’s “sweet, sweet” call captured her attention. She glanced around until she located them, three birds pecking at the grass and rocks in search of food.
“What are they?”
“Ptarmigans. They live at high altitudes. I suppose they are resilient creatures.”
“Not unlike you, darlin’.” He watched a moment longer. “Be right back.”
Lucas returned from the truck a few minutes later with two pairs of work gloves, and they set about the task of sifting through the charred remains of the cabin. Anything that she might clean up and take with her, she placed in a cardboard box they had brought with them. The bulldozer crew would be here next week to scrape away and remove everything else.
As she entered what had once been her bedroom, the scent of angel’s trumpet threatened to overwhelm her senses. Abuela. Her grandmother’s cottage once had an enormous angel’s trumpet bush. Cassie had played under its branches many summers. Abuela had used the narcotic parts of the plant in her ceremonial concoctions. Of course, the plant would never grow in these high climes, so her grandmother must be letting her know she was near.
Cassie smiled. A splash of red and green caught her eye and she went to the corner where the nearly charred logs of the cabin walls had toppled over during the fire. Pulling on the remnant of what she hoped would be the blanket her abuela had woven and worn on her wedding day, only a tiny fabric perhaps two by six inches pulled loose.
Gone.
No more tears, child. You have been granted the gift of new life.
Cassie nodded as though her grandmother was speaking directly to her. Abuela had never been one to wallow in self-pity. Nor to hang on to the material things of this world.
She tucked the scrap of fabric into her pocket, not wanting it to get any dirtier from the things in the box. Already her mind pictured it in a place of reverence on her altar. She would retrieve her altar before they went back to Lucas’s.
“Hey, Cassie, come see this!”
Cassie stood and turned around to try and locate the direction Lucas’s voice was coming from. Sounded as if he was near the burned-out alpaca shed. She hated the thought of going inside that blackened shell where so many wonderful memories had been made with her babies.
Walking in the direction of his voice, dread mounted with each step. What on earth could have survived the fire? As she drew nearer, she heard him speaking softly as he might have spoken to one of her alpacas.
She stepped over the charred foundation of the building and found Lucas hunched down looking at something in the corner. Even more slowly, she approached, half excited and half dreading what she would find.
An unfamiliar sound reached her ears—a high-pitched whining that sounded like nothing she’d ever heard. Lucas looked up and smiled at her, making her less fearful of what she’d find. As she drew nearer, she saw a dog staring up at her.
“What on earth?” Cassie came closer and knelt beside Lucas. The dog was nursing five puppies! Her calm demeanor around two human strangers surprised her until Cassie saw the weariness in her unique eyes. One was a pale blue while the other a mix of blue and brown.
“I’d say she’s malnourished judging by the way these puppies are jockeying for milk. We need to get her to the vet and get them all checked out.”
Cassie pulled out her phone and placed the call to her vet’s office. “She said to come in any time.”
All thoughts of what she had lost here went out of her mind as Lucas placed the babies in her poncho for her and then scooped up the mamá dog and carried her to the truck. The poor thing was too weak to struggle. Or perhaps she understood they were only there to help.
On the drive to the vet’s, Cassie held the babies close to her body, hoping to keep them warm and give them a sense of security. Lucas reached over to pet the dog lying between them on the bench seat. She kept an eye on Cassie, but did not have the strength to raise her head. Poor thing.
“How’re you doin’, darlin’?” Lucas reached up to stroke her arm.
It took her a moment to understand why he was concerned about her. He was asking not because they had found the poor dogs but because she had just been to her burned-out home. “Better than I thought I would be. Thanks for coming up here with me, Lucas. And thank you for rescuing these precious dogs. I had not intended to even go inside the shed.”
“No way would I let you face this alone. But when I heard the sound of those hungry babies, I knew there was a dog in there. When I was a teenager, someone dumped a pregnant dog near our place and I can remember the sound of nursing puppies well.”
“I hope we are not too late.”
“The pups only look like they’re a week or so old. I think the vet might be able to save them with formula. The little momma needs to build up her strength before she can give any more to them. I think they’ve just about nursed her dry.”
Tears stung Cassie’s eyes. The mother had nearly sacrificed her own life so that her puppies could live. The power of a mother was a strong one. She hoped something could be done so that they all could survive.
Mama Quilla, please watch over this new mother and her puppies.
After seeing Lucas with his mother and this dog caring for her babies, Cassie missed her mother more than ever. “Lucas?”
“Yeah, Sweet Pea?” He turned off the state highway and headed toward the vet’s office.
“I want you to come to Peru with me next week.” Somehow having him there to face whatever awaited her gave her a sense of confidence.
He smiled in her direction. “You know I’ll be there with you, darlin’. I didn’t like the idea of you going alone.” A weight lifted off her chest as he pulled into the parking lot. “Let’s get you and the puppies inside first, then I’ll bring in their momma.”
The receptionist must have seen them pull in and was holding the door open for Cassie, allowing Lucas to return to fetch their mamá. A quick evaluation and the veterinarian said she thought all would be fine with a little tender loving care.
“I don’t know who she belongs to, but she must have been in good condition when she gave birth in order to have nursed them this long. I’d say these pups are about five or six days old now.”
“What kind of dog is she? Her coloring is so unusual.”
“Blue merle Australian shepherd and border collie mix, I’d say.”
“Is there a network or something you can check to see who might have lost her?”
“Sure. I
scanned for a chip but didn’t see one. I’ll post her photo on Facebook and share it with other animal clinics in the area.”
“You might check Breckenridge, too.”
“Will do.”
When the time came to say goodbye to the animals, Cassie could not hold back her tears. “I do not know what is the matter with me. I only met them a couple of hours ago.”
Lucas rubbed her back to comfort her. “You care. Nothing to be ashamed of. You have a big heart.”
“As do you.”
Lucas turned toward the vet. “Doctor Lewis, if you can’t find her owner over the next couple weeks, we’ll adopt all of them. And please send me the bill for whatever they need.”
Cassie smiled through her tears and pressed a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, Lucas. You are such a good man.”
He grinned. “We’d better head home and see to the rest of our babies.”
Our babies.
Cassie’s maternal instincts had gone haywire today, seeing this devoted mother with her babies. Kitty and her babies also were fresh in her mind. She had never thought about how difficult it was to be a mother—but knew her fate was to mother animals, not humans.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The plane landed hard on the runway, and the jet engine’s roar slammed against his chest as the brakes and flaps slowed down the plane. Luke breathed a sigh of relief as they taxied to the terminal. Never liked flying. But he wouldn’t let Cassie come down here alone.
Their fellow passengers soon hurried to gather their belongings and exit the plane. Cassie preceded him down the narrow aisle and gangway. Before they reached the baggage claim area, he spotted Eduardo and let Cassie go ahead so they could have some time alone.
The two embraced and exchanged greetings. As Luke drew closer, she pulled away and gazed up at Eduardo, saying something in Spanish to the effect that she would only be here a few days. As if noticing Luke standing there for the first this time, Eduardo turned and extended his hand. “Welcome to Peru.”
This was going to be an interesting visit. He should at least get points for still being with Cassie. Somehow he didn’t think his brother-in-law thought he was serious about his vows given the suddenness of the ceremony.
Nobody's Dream (Rescue Me Saga #6) Page 48