Kissing Fire

by A. M. Hargrove

  “I think a little of both.”

  “Well, one thing’s for sure. I’ll have to get a new job.”

  He laughed.

  “I didn’t mean that as a joke.”

  “I’m sorry Avery. I laughed because I wish I could tell you how many times I prayed for the DEA to fire me. I can’t get a new job and I really want one!”

  I sat up and looked at him. “I don’t understand. Why don’t you just walk away?”

  He scraped his lower lip between his teeth. “I wish it were that simple. It’s so difficult to explain and I’m not even sure I can.”

  I felt like I was being dismissed. I leaned back in my seat and pretended to sleep. It was a long flight because I pretended the whole way.

  We finally we reached our destination and got off that plane. If I never saw another plane, it would be too soon for me. I happened to look up at Preston and he had this look of solitude on his face.

  “You really like it here, don’t you?”

  “You have no idea. This place puts me in the most relaxed frame of mind...away from all the ugliness in my day to day world. Yes, I love it here. I can’t wait for you to see the cabin.”

  We walked around to the side where there was a parking lot and I wondered about how we would be getting to his place when he unlocked a Jeep Wrangler.

  “Do you keep this thing here?”

  “Yeah. She’s always waiting on me,” he answered with a smile.

  We left the airport and stopped at the grocery store to stock up on everything. Preston bought tons of everything and I was glad because I was not one of those girls who lived on a lettuce leaf and a celery stalk every day. Then we drove for about an hour. The views were something out of a picture book...snow capped majestic mountains rising before us with an azure sky as a backdrop. We passed the Missouri Headwaters State Park and kept going for about another half hour and then he turned off on a one lane road. After about five miles we came to a locked gate. He entered the code and the gate slid open. We went through two more of those and then we came to a ten foot gate that was a part of a ten foot wall. It seemed to surround the place. The others had only been the short three foot kind.

  I commented on this. “Have you set up a fortress here or something?”

  “Yeah, something like that,” he answered.

  Interesting. I wondered about this as we drove through that final gate and then we had another half mile to travel until we came to his ‘cabin.’ His version of a cabin and my version of a cabin were two different things. His was awesome.

  “Oh Preston. This is beautiful.”

  “You think so?”

  “Oh yeah!”

  Timbers and huge rocks combined with stacked stone made this place look amazing. I looked around at the views and it was something you’d dream about. I had once been to the Snake River Lodge in Jackson Hole, Wyoming as a young adult and that’s what this reminded me of, but on a much smaller scale. It was totally breathtaking.

  The afternoon air was crisp and sweetly scented with the hints of wildflowers that were in bloom everywhere the eye could see. I spied a narrow trail right off the gravel driveway, and without even thinking, my feet carried me toward it. I soon found myself surrounded by those very flowers I had noticed earlier and as I walked along, the resplendent mountains rose before me, reclaiming their place in my heart. I had always been a mountain girl, ever since the first time my family went to Vail, Colorado on a ski trip. I must’ve been five years old and I asked my mom if we could take one of the mountains home with us because Charleston would look so much better if it had one of its very own. I would beg my parents to take me there every year. Everyone else in the family wanted a beach vacation, but not me. I wanted the clean air and knock your socks off views of the mountains.

  There was a large rock next to that trail so I plopped my bottom on it and sat there and gazed at all the glory surrounding me. A sense of peace seeped into my bones, soothing my ragged emotions. As I took it all in, I rested my hand on my heart, feeling my pulse calming as the beauty of everything before me settled into me.

  The air began to turn chilly when I realized that I must’ve been out there a while. The sky was beginning to turn bright orange as the sun made its way toward the horizon. Not really wanting to face reality, but knowing I must, I unwillingly rose and slowly walked toward the house. Most of the lights were lit, giving it a warm and inviting feel. I looked in the Jeep and everything had been unloaded.

  Realizing how rude I had been, I marched up to the house with the purpose of fixing dinner. That was the least I could do, I thought. When I walked inside, I gasped. Preston’s cabin was rustically elegant. Warm wood, stacked stone, soft area rugs and beautiful paintings welcomed the visitor as they entered his home. I briefly wondered how he could stand to be away from this place. My nose also clued me into the fact that he had beat me to the punch on the dinner thing. I nosed my way around, checking things out as I went. Preston certainly had good taste.

  Music was playing in the background and I heard pans clanging in the distance. I followed the sounds and found my way to the kitchen. He was standing over the stove cooking something. I watched him for a few moments and admired the view. Then I cleared my throat.

  Without turning, he asked, “Did you enjoy yourself?”

  “I did. This place is...” my voice caught and I found I couldn’t go on. I cleared my throat again and asked, “How do you ever leave here?”

  He stopped and turned. His eyes sought out mine and held my gaze but he didn’t utter a word. Then he finally said, “It’s with great difficulty.” He turned back to whatever he was cooking and added, “Feel free to explore. I’ve set your things upstairs. If you’d like, you can take a shower or a bath. There’s a large tub in the master and you’re welcome to use it.”

  That sounded heavenly. “Thank you. I think I will. How long before dinner?”

  “Oh whenever. I’m making chicken chili. It can simmer for a long time. The longer the better so take your time.”

  “Thank you.”

  I headed up the steps and grabbed my things out of my room. It was easy to figure out which room was his; it was the largest of course. The bath was awesome. It had an enormous glass window right in front of the jetted tub so I could sit there and watch the sun set over the mountains. I filled the tub and added some bubble bath, giggling as I did so. Preston and bubbles just didn’t go together in my book.

  When the tub was filled, I got in and sighed. How wonderful it felt. The water was getting cold by the time I got out, and my fingertips looked like dried plums. I stood up and then I realized I hadn’t thought to bring in any towels. My eyes scanned the room, looking for some, but I was out of luck.

  “Damn,” I muttered out loud. I was getting chilly now so I stepped out of the tub and went in search of some towels. When I opened the bathroom door, I walked right into a very surprised Preston. I screamed and then he yelled. Realizing I was butt ass naked, my eyes darted around the room looking for a towel.

  “Shit! You don’t have any towels up here,” I yelled.

  “Yes, I do. They’re in the next room, on the towel warmer. I was coming up to tell you because I forgot.”

  My face was flaming hot and the rest of my body was quickly following. I stopped and stared at him because he was staring at my body.

  “Please don’t look at me. I know I’m repulsive to you. I’m embarrassed enough as it is.”

  “Repulsive? Whatever gave you that idea?”

  “You’re joking, right?”

  “No! Why would I joke about that?” His voice was low and raspy.

  “Because I practically mauled you and did everything but give you a bl...well, you know. And you turned me down. That was the most embarrassing thing ever. I know I’m fat and I’m sure you don’t want to look at a fat girl so please...?” I couldn’t look at him so I bent my head and stared at my lavender colored toe nails.

  “Avery, you may be a lot of things, but
fat isn’t one of them. I think you’re perfect.”

  “Perfect? Me?” My head jerked up to look at him, checking to see if he was making fun of me.

  He nodded as he stared at me. “Yes, you,” he said seriously.

  “But then why did you...?”

  “Oh God, it’s a long story, but it has nothing to do with you. You’re so damn perfect I can hardly stand it.”

  I’m not sure who moved first but it didn’t really matter. We landed in each other’s arms and then he was kissing me. Yes, Preston, hot DEA agent was kissing Extra Large Avery and he thought she was perfect.

  Did you all hear me? I said he thought Avery was perfect.

  His breath mingled with mine as he kissed me and he pulled me tightly against him. I felt the heat pouring off of him as I put my hands on his sides, grabbing onto his shirt and hanging on to him as firmly as I could. His touch was tentative at first, almost as if he were afraid of hurting me, like I was a fragile little thing. But then, when he felt my response, things began to shift. He pulled back and ran his fingers softly over my cheeks, sliding his thumbs across my lips.

  “Don’t ever, for one second, doubt how absolutely beautiful you are,” he whispered.

  His lips were on mine again as his hands twisted my wet and tangled hair in his fingers. His tongue was wreaking havoc inside of my mouth, and I moaned as he licked my lower lip and then pulled it in his mouth and sucked on it. My hands wandered up and rested on his chest for a moment, feeling his heart slamming beneath my palm as I pressed it firmly against him. I placed my other hand on his cheek and slid my fingers into the hair around his temples. I opened my eyes because I wanted to see how his face looked as we kissed each other. I wasn’t prepared to see him looking at me. There was no stopping the sound that escaped from my lips. You would’ve thought I’d just had the big O, and my body felt pretty darn close to it too. His eyes were all soft and warm, making my belly tighten with need and feel all fluttery inside, so I pressed my body even closer to his. There was something about this man that made me want to rub myself all over him. And then there it was...I started that purring thing again. I’m not sure why being around Preston brought out the kitty cat in me, but it did, and there was no stopping me now.

  Pulling my mouth away from his, I rubbed my cheek against his and my hands started to move too. But I soon found them captured in his.

  “Avery, as much as I would like this to go on, I think we need to slow down a bit.” He was sincere; it was all over those lovely golden brown eyes of his.

  He was right. I didn’t need to be sinking these kitty claws into him so quickly, but damn, he was hot. And I was bothered.

  “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I’m sorry. I guess I got a little carried away.”

  “Avery.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’ve wanted to touch you since the first day I saw you.”

  I swallowed, hard. His voice, husky and deep, took my breath away. The sun had set and the room was dimly lit, but his eyes sparkled like gold. It really should be against to law for someone to look this appealing.

  When I regained my ability to speak, I said, “I guess the same could be said for me.” I smiled and he inched his fingers across my cheeks. I wanted to tear his shirt off of him and do all sorts of things to him, but now wasn’t the time.

  “Um Preston?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “I’m feeling a little awkward here. Being naked and all.”

  “Don’t. I love you naked.”

  “Well, that’s nice and all, but I’d feel better if you were naked too.”

  He laughed.

  “What I meant was, I would feel like we’d be on more even playing field, so to speak. Not that we’re playing or anything.”

  Jeez Ava, just shut up already.

  He chuckled again. “I guess I can understand that. Does this mean you’re not going to walk around naked all night?”

  I scrunched up my face and said, “Yeah, probably.” I was still hugging him tightly. “In fact, I don’t really even want to let you go because then you’ll get the full frontal view.” I made one of my funny faces then.

  He tilted my head back then and asked me, “You really do have a body image problem, don’t you?”

  “Um, yeah. I have gained a bunch of weight.”

  “Avery, I don’t know what you looked like before, but to me you couldn’t look any better now. You look exactly like what a woman should look like. Curvy and soft. Not straight and hard. I don’t know why women think they need to look like men nowadays. It’s not attractive at all. Now you...you’re absolutely gorgeous.”

  He started walking then, tugging me along with him, still holding me against him. We went to the next room and there, standing right next to the wall, was that infamous towel warmer. He pulled one off and wrapped it around me. But before I could step away, he said something to me.

  “Avery, there’s a lot of stuff about me...” he looked off to the other side of the room for a second or two, “bad stuff. Things you need to know. Things I...” he bit his lip, fighting to say the words.

  “Preston, you can tell me. What is it?”

  “Look, why don’t you get dressed and join me downstairs? Then we’ll talk.”

  I nodded. It sounded much better than trying to have a conversation in this state of undress.

  It didn’t take me long to pull on some yoga pants and a sweatshirt. I slipped on some flip flops and met him in the den.

  He had poured us some wine and handed me a glass when I entered the room. We took a seat on one of the couches. The room was perfect. The focal point was a huge stone fireplace, but it had a vaulted beamed ceiling and was filled with soft cozy furnishings.

  He started telling me about himself and how his role with the DEA had taken him undercover, infiltrating the biggest Mexican drug cartel that was responsible for a huge amount of the heroin being smuggled into the US. He worked in that role for over six years and even served a term in prison.

  “Oh God Preston. What was it like?”

  His eyes locked with mine, and I immediately regretted asking that question. Then I remembered that day when I caught him in his bedroom, that awful day when I nearly mauled the poor man. I recalled seeing all those scars everywhere on his torso.

  “I don’t ever talk about it Avery. It was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced and I’ll just leave it at that.”

  “Enough said. I’m sorry Preston. I would never have asked you and I shouldn’t have.”

  “It’s okay. Everyone does. Here’s the thing. Most guys my age that end up there have done some kind of time here and there...some small stuff, you know. I went straight to the big house and those guys in there made me pay my dues.”

  His whole body had tensed up and his leg was bouncing up and down. Whatever they had done to him was bad...really bad. I wasn’t stupid so I could figure out some of it, but I couldn’t make myself think about it. This man sitting before me and done all of that because of his job. What the hell kind of people did he work for?

  I put my hand on his leg and he flinched. He literally flinched when I touched him. I didn’t pull back, even though it was my first inclination. I moved my hand to his face and gently rubbed his cheek back and forth. He had to know I didn’t think less of him because of what he went through. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

  “I’m so sorry Preston,” I whispered. Then I slid my hand behind his neck and pulled him into my arms. I had this urgent need to hold him. I couldn’t explain it...I just did. His eagerness to be held surprised me. And he held on so tightly. It was as though no one had done this...had comforted him for everything he had gone through. My hands rubbed circles on his back, in his hair, everywhere they could reach. We stayed that way for some time and I didn’t release him until he eased his hold on me.

  “Avery, how is it that I barely know you, yet I find such solace in your arms?”

  I smiled and said, “I don’t know. So
metimes you just find yourself more comfortable with strangers I guess.”

  “Oh, I think you misunderstand me. I don’t look at you as a stranger at all. What I meant was I normally don’t open up to anyone about my life and yet here I sit telling you these things. Caroline knows a lot but she’s never been able to help me. You just make me feel good inside.”

  Witty Avery had to pop out and say, “Well Preston, I must admit, you make me feel good too.” And then I winked at him.

  I found out something about Preston that night. He was really strong. Solidly stacked with muscles (and I had seen them at close hand), he picked me up and threw me back on the sofa. My shirt was thrown over my head before I knew what was happening and then he was blowing raspberries all over my tummy. When he finished with those, he started tickling me and I couldn’t get him to budge off of me. I bucked my hips and tried to thrash around, but he was locked onto me, tickling me to death, and I was in fits of laughter.

  As these things often do, laughter turned into passion, and we found ourselves kissing again.

  He did this little thing with his tongue on the inside of my lips that made me moan and I grabbed onto his lower lip with my teeth and nipped at it. I took his hand in mine and put it under my shirt. I wanted him...no, I take that back. I needed him to touch me.

  He leaned back and didn’t move. “Avery, I’m not...I’m...”

  “Shut up Preston and touch me. I need you to touch me. Please,” I begged. I wasn’t beyond begging him. We could hash all this out later, but I had to feel his warm hands on my hot skin. I burned for him and someplace inside me needed to know that he did too.

  Knowing he would need a bit more convincing, I shoved him off of me. For a moment his eyes looked pained, but when I sat up and pulled my shirt off, and then took off my bra, that look was replaced with something altogether different.

  Shimmying next to him, I picked up his hand and put it on my breast. “If you won’t do it on your own, I guess I’m gonna have to do it for you.”

  “Oh God Avery.” He dragged his thumb across my stiff peak and I moaned. He pushed me back down on the couch and began to lightly explore my chest with his hands. At first, he wouldn’t look away from my face.